Another crisis, another quick response. You're welcome.

 
It was a beautiful evening, Dr. Dawg and I were sitting on the patio of an exclusive club, in a fashionable, trendy neighborhood, sipping smooth Kentucky bourbon, and expensive, imported beer. Life had rarely looked so promising. It was so wonderful we were both wearing sunglasses despite the gathering dusk.

"We should have some grilled shrimp with picante, and chili peppers." Dr. Dawg said, as a pretty girl walked by, smiled, and patted him on the head. I swear, the ladies love that Dawg. Looking around and trying to get the attention of our waitperson, I heard the unmistakable sound of Elvis singing "Hound Dog" echoing off the glass table top and the half full pint glasses. Showing that Dawg how to change his ring tone was a big mistake. Who knew there were so many songs about dogs? It will be awful when he discovers the Baha Men.

He answered it quickly, "Dr. Dawg, talk to me." He nodded his head several times, saying "I see," and "yes, yes." After several minutes he ended the call with, "don't worry, I will handle this."
Looking me in the eye, he drank down the last bit of his delicious, golden, European draft, rushed inside to the restroom, and reappeared as Candidate Dawg, jumping onto a table top, and began to speak in a clear, promising, compassionate voice.

Reenactment 

Just as quickly, he hurried off,  and came back, sunglasses, and flowered shirt, ready for a relaxing evening as a private citizen.  Campaign contributions deposited, email addresses secured, and another victory for democracy, free enterprise, and capitalism, all in all a pretty good evening, for our hero.

Come back when you have a real list.

According to an article on the Newsweek website (Newsweek stopped publishing their printed version several years ago) now is not the correct time to worry about the Ebola virus.  There are several things much more worrisome, (What, nothing about spiders) for people living in America.

While it is very reassuring that Ebola will probably not cause my untimely demise (in my opinion it will be untimely anytime) it is nice to know someone is still thinking about other lethal problems.

Being decapitated by a roller coaster was not even on the radar, until now.  Sure, there was always the secret suspicion that a person could be launched into low Earth orbit by a faulty seat belt detection module, and a careless, bellicose ride operator.  But, if that happened I was taking the person in the car with me, sorry son, you shouldn't have made me get on that suicide machine.

Being killed by horses was always a concern, however armed with the knowledge that over 100 people in this country every year are killed in "equestrian related activities" really cements the concern in the psyche.  Occasionally, in Columbus, mounted police patrol streets when there are festivals, or events.  They might as well start riding pit bulls, or those nasty, awful wolf things from the Lord of the Rings, called Wargs, I think.  Plus, every year we have the Quarter Horse Congress, (whatever that is) we should probably make sure our wills are current, and our final arrangements... arranged(?).

Malaria, food poisoning, bee stings, self immolation from excessive drinking, all of these could kill me.  Thank you, Newsweek, for making me aware of these potentially lethal incidents, but, trust me, that is an amateurs list.  You wrote nothing about elevators, scorpions, jelly fish, sharks, tall buildings, flying, lightning strikes, falling space debris, commuting,  and on and on.

When you are ready to talk about impending doom and catastrophe you can send me an email, and we will put together a real manifest of hazard.