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Thursday, August 7, 2014

Come back when you have a real list.

According to an article on the Newsweek website (Newsweek stopped publishing their printed version several years ago) now is not the correct time to worry about the Ebola virus.  There are several things much more worrisome, (What, nothing about spiders) for people living in America.

While it is very reassuring that Ebola will probably not cause my untimely demise (in my opinion it will be untimely anytime) it is nice to know someone is still thinking about other lethal problems.

Being decapitated by a roller coaster was not even on the radar, until now.  Sure, there was always the secret suspicion that a person could be launched into low Earth orbit by a faulty seat belt detection module, and a careless, bellicose ride operator.  But, if that happened I was taking the person in the car with me, sorry son, you shouldn't have made me get on that suicide machine.

Being killed by horses was always a concern, however armed with the knowledge that over 100 people in this country every year are killed in "equestrian related activities" really cements the concern in the psyche.  Occasionally, in Columbus, mounted police patrol streets when there are festivals, or events.  They might as well start riding pit bulls, or those nasty, awful wolf things from the Lord of the Rings, called Wargs, I think.  Plus, every year we have the Quarter Horse Congress, (whatever that is) we should probably make sure our wills are current, and our final arrangements... arranged(?).

Malaria, food poisoning, bee stings, self immolation from excessive drinking, all of these could kill me.  Thank you, Newsweek, for making me aware of these potentially lethal incidents, but, trust me, that is an amateurs list.  You wrote nothing about elevators, scorpions, jelly fish, sharks, tall buildings, flying, lightning strikes, falling space debris, commuting,  and on and on.

When you are ready to talk about impending doom and catastrophe you can send me an email, and we will put together a real manifest of hazard.