Another chance, probably wasted, to save the world. Why do we bother?

Driving to work today we were behind a car that had personalized plates, with a purchased plate holder, and a bumper sticker.  So, in a couple of miles, driving about 70 miles an hour we learned that the woman driving the car was a fan (or graduate) of the local university, who liked to have fun, and was striving to be exceptional, and drove a Honda.  It was as though we were old friends.

We felt so connected to the woman in the Honda we started calling her Janet.  Everybody was excited to get the chance to follow such a dynamic, fun loving sports fan as Janet to work.  It would be a great way to start every day.

But, Bil, from accounting asked, "what if she just bought that stuff, what if it wasn't true?"

It was an epiphany, there was no truth in advertising for the back of a car.  For all we knew the woman in the Honda was a slothful, blissfully sub average, party killing, wet blanket who despised the local university.  It might have been a sham, we felt betrayed.

But it led to a conversation at the morning new product meeting.  What if we had to advertise our true character and emotional states on the backs of our cars.  Wouldn't the world be a much saner, safer place if you knew what the other people were really feeling.

With that in mind we would like to introduce;

THE LIFE EXPLAINED HONEST END OF CAR STICKER SYSTEM.

Everyday is different, everyday you are different, one adhesive, vinyl sheet espousing some emotional cliche cannot possibly convey the evolution, and changing condition of a person as diverse and wonderful as you, trust us.

Using a hook and loop fastener this system will allow the application of almost any state of being you can imagine.  We are constantly adding new sentiments to the catalog, there is something for everyone, everyday.  In a few seconds you are on your way to work, and the world will understand you a little better.  Not a bad way to start the day, is it?

Why settle for canned, pat, trite generalizations when you can cover the range of potential possibilities.  Humanity is diverse, wonderful, and slightly (or completely) psychotic.  A car should reflect that.

Act now, and check out our complete line of "Emotional Response Stimuli Conductors" to let the world know how you are feeling, every damn day.  It is your right, it is your privilege, it is your duty.  And your friends, coworkers, and fellow commuters will thank you.

We are getting ready to introduce our Mass Transit Line soon so all of you bus, and train riders start hounding city officials to loosen up the purse strings, and shell out the small pile of cash to install the Early Warning Mood System.  It will make it so much easier to choose the correct subway car, or bus.

Oh, here we go again.

Those who read this blog know we are dedicated to bringing you news of all the invasive species that are sturming and dranging their way across the land of the free and the home of those of us who were born here. When news of the Snakehead fish invading the Harlem Meer in Central Park crossed our twitter feed, it was a slap in the face.  An invasive species of "top level predators" clawing their way through the Big Apple (hey, that might make a good movie, (mental note, call movie people)) is almost the final straw.  When an aquatic animal can move in on the City That Never Sleeps, you know there are dark days ahead.

A little back-ground on the Snakehead fish.  It is widely reported that they can travel as far as 1/4 mile on land, as long as they stay wet.  They wriggle and use their fins to move from place to place.  But, several sources have indicated that they are learning to use Mass Transit, and are working on getting their learners permit, it is reported they will feel much more comfortable driving their own car, as the subway is kind of dirty, and don't get them started on the undesirable elements, and, taxis are so expensive.  God help us if they ever discover airlines.

But, that is not what we need to address today, what we need to talk about is Canadian Geese.  Actually Canadian Geese is a misnomer, these are Greater Columbus Metropolitan Area Geese.  They have started traveling in packs, flashing gang signs, drinking cheap wine right out of the bottle, smoking cigarettes, leaving the ashes, matches and butts everywhere, whistling at and making crude comments to women.  They are not backing down from anyone.

There is a particularly ruthless pack of geese that have occupied the area around Kohl's at the corner of Hamilton and Morse.  If you are unfortunate enough to walk that way you will see them, dressed in little black leather jackets, with the slightest hint of a revolver handle sticking out from their belt.  Don't make eye contact, that is dangerous, but, don't not make eye contact either, that is suicide, and if they ask you for a little corn, or a small fish run, fast.  The minute you stop and reach for your wallet, you're finished.  

Local police have indicated an unwillingness to tackle this menace head on, as they are terrified.  When asked why, they provided this video as proof that geese are nobody to mess with.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oq0gZiJxP5Q

We might get lucky and the geese will eat the snakeheads, and the spiders will get the geese, and we can make an uneasy alliance with the wasps to kill the spiders, then... next, followed by..., Well, maybe we can get some aliens to tackle the wasps. After that somebody else will have to take over, we can't solve all your problems for free, you know.

If you have any suggestions, we would like to hear them, we are in the basement, behind the bookshelf, under a blanket, with a flashlight.