The Final Bracketologist Post of the Year, (maybe)

I would like to take a minute to clear the air. We, here at Life Explained Department of Bracketology, don’t want anybody to lose. We would like everyone to win, go home happy, be greeted by celebrations, parades, adoring crowds, and unbridled adulation. But, we are realistic enough to understand that is not going to happen. So, as long as someone is going to lose it might as well be the teams we had picked to lose. Only one team is going to win the championship, that is a given, but, who wins is a matter of circumstance, luck, unkind fate, uncalculable variables.  

As long as that is the case we feel we would be remiss to just let nature take it’s toll on these hardworking young men. With that in mind we have a foolproof plan for next year’s tournament. We are going to fill out our bracket and email it to every school participating in the “big dance.” It will act as a script. They will know when to lose, and avoid all the heartbreak, all of the crushing pain of loss, and the inescapable cloud of uncertainty. 

Now they can plan their spring breaks, know when to plan their homecoming parade, the coaches could schedule vacations, golf trips, and time with the family. Fans will know exactly how many tickets to buy and would be able to book rooms and arrange travel. It would be a boon for so many people. Plus, we would do so much better in the pools.

It is probably going to work so much better than our previous attempt. We asked each team how many games they intended to win. Oddly enough they all said they were going to win all the games, and intended to be champions. That plan, relying as it did on the ability to understand ego and reality was riddled with flaws. We feel this plan has some real potential, some real possibilities. We should have thought of this years ago. 

I would like to mention my friend Mike Raven, over at the Blog Of Thog, has something cooking up for next weekend. Mike may not be much of a cook, but he knows a little bit about having a drink, and writing a blog post.  Go check it out, and see if you are interested. 

Don’t forget about my coming trip to Shawnee State Park. Save some time to read all about it, and watch the blockbuster movie, made with my newest app, LumaFusion if I decide to spring for the twenty samoleons. It looks like an app I need to have. But, twenty bucks, I don’t know.  If you have a vote let me know in the comments.

Meet Our New Bracketologist,

We, here at Life Explained, have hired a new bracketologist. For the uninitiated bracketology is study of the structure of the NCAA basketball tournament, make wild, inaccurate predictions about the teams that will populate the places and, from this gooey, sloppy mess of guesswork, devine how far each team will travel along their designated path.

There are few jobs that require so little dedication to being correct and have so few repercussions for error. Maybe congress person, or television meteorologist, but nobody pays any attention to them. The bracketologist, however, is a revered, adored personality whose every word is weighed, recorded, acted upon.

Never more than in March. Printers across America and probably around the world, are whirring, spitting out Brackets. Duplicate sheets, by the dozen, as people try to predict who from the field of 68 will bring home the title.

Until this year this writer was the bracketologist in chief. But, since Nebraska got screwed by the inept, untrained, apprentice clowns on the selection committee and it was impossible to overcome the bitter resentment and boundless rage it seemed like it might be time to abdicate to a fresh new perspective.


In all fairness, it takes a lot of fun out of picking a team to win the championship and have them lose early in the tournament if it isn't a team you love.

Since our previous bracketologist (this writer) has set a new record in wrongness having picked the Cornhuskers to win the title when they are not even in the tournament, we feel he has reached the very mountain top of sports forecasting. It is now time for a fresh approach.

Ladies and gentlemen, children, pets, and visitors from other planets, dimensions, and time periods please say hello to Doctor Dawg, sports authority.

Road to the Final Four, or the Path to the Intermediate Thirty Two.

Tonight I am going to see the Dayton Flyers play the Oklahoma Sooners in an NCAA tournament game.  The NCAA tournament is my favorite sporting event.  A single elimination slugfest, providing hours of entertainment, competition, and numerous opportunities for gambling, game fixing, corruption, and intrigue.

After watching some of the officiating so far maybe that is not all a joke.  But, maybe I am just unhappy that the teams I was rooting for went down in ignominious defeat, a sobbing, bleeding pile of broken dreams laying below the naked baskets, the nets recently cut away by the winners.

Speaking of which, there is a great commercial featuring one of the heroes of my youth, Dr. J, where he explains that when you are climbing the ladder to cut down the net, make sure to grip the scissors firmly, because everything about climbing a ladder with a pair of scissors screams eye injury.  You should listen, he is a doctor, after all.

Of course, that is not important, because I am GOING TO THE GAME!  Long a dream of mine, and the great thing is I like both teams, so no matter who wins, I can be happy.  More importantly, it doesn't matter which group of fans I am with, there will be no friction.  And, it is likely that it will be Dayton fans, since we are going to the game in Columbus, OH.  At the hockey arena, playing on ice will add a new dimension to the game, I hope they don't call traveling too tightly.

Plus, and here is the good part, I have a new app, "Cute Cut" for my iPhone, to document the trip.

Further, I had no choice in going to the game, as I was visited by a Killer Robot from Outer Space, who demanded we take him to the game.  Here is the video of the event.

As you can see, the options were limited.

Tune in tomorrow, or Tuesday, for the full account of my "FIRST TRIP (though, I am hoping it is not my last) TO THE NCAA TOURNAMENT!"

My Bracket, it was fun while it lasted.

As promised yesterday, here is my bracket for the NCAA tournament (2015 version).

Obviously, I am almost eliminated already.  That is really the plan, you know (not really)?  While everybody else is watching, tense, nervous, constantly checking their bracket, and their place in the bracket challenge(s). Chewing their fingernails, snapping at their families, cursing co-workers, spewing anger, disappointment, hate, and intolerance, just waiting for the hammer to drop I will be enjoying an icy cold, delicious beverage, and a tasty, warm, and with luck, healthy snack, and basketball.  This leaves me free to curse the refs, the fates, the unfortunate string of poor free throw shooting, the coriolis effect that is certainly reducing the three point shooting percentage of my team, anything that makes a convenient excuse for my team losing, almost without care.  

I know picking Kansas to win is crazy (forgive me Bill Self) they may be home before next weekend, but you have to pick somebody, and it should be somebody in the top 4 seeds.  I would have picked Louisville, except they showed Chris Jones the door, and losing your starting point guard right before the tournament is a bad omen.  And, in all fairness, I probably did pick them to win in one of the other brackets, I don't remember, and will let you know for sure, maybe.  And, as discussed yesterday, picking someone I don't want to win is impossible.  It leaves me rooting for a team I want to lose, or rooting against my bracket, and that is too much to ask. 

Here is my bracket with friendly, little cartoon people and musical accompaniment from the Spencer Davis Group.  You have to love those guys.

So, that is mine, enjoy, share yours if you want, the email address it tweettweetjohn@yahoo.com, and it will be posted here, for posterity.   And, if that makes you uncomfortable, that's cool, enjoy the tournament, I hope you win, I am pulling for you all the way.

Saint Patrick Probably would not pick the Fightin' Irish.

Yesterday was Saint Patrick's Day, a day to celebrate all things Irish.  Except for Saint Patrick, it seems, from some preliminary research, he was not born in Ireland.  He was born in Roman Britain, kidnapped and sold into slavery in Ireland, and after escaping to a Monastery in Gaul (France) he returned to Ireland.

He made the Druids stop practicing their religion, claiming it was paganistic, and not his religion.  Since this was such a bigoted, narrow minded act they made him a bishop, and then a saint.  It is unclear why Saint Patrick's Day strikes such a chord.  It seems most saints have a day, and looking into the days, it seems most of them have a saint, but, this one really gets all the press.

Green clothes, green derbies, green beer, green is everywhere.  Maybe that is why this one is so important, it has a color.  What color would you ascribe to Saint David of Wales (March 1st) or Saint Leander of Seville (March 13th)?  Nobody would know what to wear.  Saint Patrick, put on some green, find a parade, and things are rolling.

So, we move on, another Saint Patrick's Day, come and gone, the world returns to normal.  Which is no picnic, either.  Maybe nobody noticed through the green haze enveloping the world yesterday, but life still defies explanation.

If it weren't for the NCAA tournament I am not sure there would be any point at all.  Thank goodness for college basketball.  To make a point, I plan to post my bracket picks right here, for all the world to see. And, if you can find a way to choose teams in a pattern of diametric opposition you will probably do pretty well, kind of a public service from the good people at Life Explained.

In fact, if you send me your bracket as a JPG file I will post it here, as well.  And then complete strangers can question your sanity, loyalties and ability to pick a decent bracket.  Whoever wins, and by wins I mean has the appearance of the most correct choices, as judged by me, probably, (unless I can convince someone else to do it) will get a bit part in the movie, based on the best seller "Life Explained, a Primer in the Explanation of Life," after I figure out how to explain life, write the book, sell the movie rights, and find a way to influence the agency in charge of casting.  It should not be a problem, though.

So, email your bracket to me, at tweettweetjohn@yahoo.com.  Anytime before the end of the tournament. Submissions received after the tournament will not be accepted, unless they are accompanied by a $5.00 bill.

Thank you, and good luck,

Management,

NCAA tournament, picks, and more picks,

If you are a basketball fan this is a great time.  Tournaments, championships, the NCAA selection show, the tournament, all piled up in a wild stretch of round ball insanity.  A fan's dream.  Nonstop basketball, "bracketology," March Madness, preceded by the "the road to the Final Four," "the journey to the tourney."

Of course, not all schools follow these successful paths to the post season, some schools travel the more leisurely "avenue to mediocrity," or "boulevard to the bottom."  These roads take much less effort, and a more manageable investment of time and resources.   Many of the teams I watch, and for whom I root follow these paths almost yearly.

But, I still manage to find a team to pick to win the tournament every year.   Normally they don't.  It doesn't really matter who I think is going to win, I have to pick a team that I like.  "Don't bet with your heart, bet with your head," was the constant advice from the owner of the Hub Bar.  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here is the problem.  There are three options, I can pick a team I hate, and have to root for them to win.  No thanks.  I can not pick a team at all, and be on the outside looking in, as it were, that is not really appealing.  Or, I can pick a team that I want to win, and root for them, hoping for a miracle, pulling for the long shot underdog.

Isn't that really the America way, isn't really the American dream?  A dark horse, coming from the back of the pack, flying past the middle of the pack, driving hard down the home stretch and leaving all of the basketball aristocracy behind,  wondering who these upstarts with the fresh, pimply faces and the unfamiliar uniforms are, isn't that what the tournament is all about?  Isn't that what America is all about?

So, if you know people who ridicule your picks, if you have "experts," or "bracketologists" who question your choices, tell them, "anybody can pick the winner.  Try picking losers for a while, then come see me."

Now is the spring time of our discontent.

Made glorious summer by this sun of diamonds.  Sorry, Shakespeare was always distant, and barely accessible to my meager intellect.  To clarify, now basketball season is over, and we are in the sports void of summer.  There are plenty of people who love baseball, soccer, and golf, and I drink to their health, but I am not one of them.  I am sure they will enjoy all of the games, tournaments, and Viagra and testosterone commercials.  Come on, enough is probably too much, I am not a prude, but televised sports becomes a non-stop parade of innuendo and suggestion.  "Viagra, the official medicine of television."

To recap the season, and tournament, early in the season my favorite teams lost some games, and I was sad, then they won some games and I was happy.  Then the tournament came, and my team (the Cornhuskers) lost in the first round, so I went to my backup team (the Louisville Cardinals) and they lost in the regional quarterfinals.  Quickly, I chose a team to root for (Iowa State), and they lost.  I jumped on the Dayton Flyer bandwagon right before it crashed, and burned, and left me in the lurch.  Go Badgers, Wisconsin was an easy choice, they are red and white, and I have a lot of red shirts, so here we go, all the way to the promise land.  But, they got beat.

Since, I am a long time Louisville fan I could not root for Kentucky, it is anathema to us Cardinals, so I chose U Conn (even though they don't wear red), and they won, and we celebrated, and it was great.  What a great season, my team (sort of) won it all.

I knew they could do it!

And with that, we end this years edition of Basketball Explained, and we move onto mowing and raking and gardening and working long hours for free explained.

Back to work, no chance for escape.

Well, I had my shot, took my chances, tried to grab the brass ring.  A billion dollars, and they were just waiting to hand it over, to me.  "Here you go, Tim, a billion dollars, and man, are we glad you won."  I was ready.  All I had to do was pick all of the winners in the NCAA tournament.  How hard could that be?  Let's face it, there are two teams in each game, and one of them is going to win, and one will lose, so that makes it one in two, or 50 % of getting it right, and some games are just obvious, right?  So, all of the sudden I am at like 60 % - 40 %, maybe 70 - 30.  It was almost a sure thing.

To increase my odds even further I decided to use the power of the internet, and research each game carefully.  By using a formula that gives extra weight to road wins and wins against "quality opponents, further I planned to research common opponents, and maybe even move out two or three degrees, and compare point spreads, rebounds, and assists, figuring that was the key factor in deciding most games.  I was so excited.

But, when I went to the first game, Florida, vs Albany, they didn't have any common opponents, and none of the teams either of them had played ever faced an opponent from the other team, and this was out to the third place, dang this was going to take a while.  But, Florida was going to win, so I chose them.  On to Pitt vs. Colorado.  Again, no common opponents, and maybe they only had one cycle to get to someone but, I didn't have forever, you know.  And I just don't much care for Pitt, so I chose Colorado.  And people say VCU is good, and their coach is actually named Smart, so that is good, I choose VCU.

Soon, I was just flying through the sheet, a guiding light showing me the way, almost casting a glow on the winning team!  Man, this was too easy.  Some higher power, some unseen force wanted me to win a billion dollars, and do good things with it.  It was almost like cheating!

Wednesday night I could hardly sleep.  Three weeks, and I would be rollin' in the samoleans, saying sayonara to the good folks at work, and setting sail for prosperity, wealth and casual indulgence, with a polite nod to charity of course, no point is being greedy, right?

Then, the unthinkable happened.  I was knocked out before the first day was really even started.  How could this happen?  Harvard, Mercer and North Dakota State all won in the first round!  What?  Well, fate had a nice laugh, at my expense, but, we are friends again.  It was a silly indulgence, anyway, and who really needs a billion dollars.  I can live without it, until next year.

Just wait until next year.

Ok, so I had the Cornhuskers winning the tournament, unapologetically, unabashedly, and with a great amount of pride.  I am a fan, and they are my team, it is a symbiotic relationship, but I probably get more benefit.  But, if the Cornhuskers read blogs it would be more equitable, so it is not all my fault.

But, they got beat today, it was an unfortunate game that took some unexpected twists, and a few tragic turns.  Coach Tim Miles was ejected for the first time in his coaching career, but, I won't blame the official, there will be not finger pointing on my blog, a loss is a loss, and you move on.

The referee who called the technical to eject Coach Miles was just a guy doing a job, and is only human, so we are not going to indulge in any childish name calling.

It does bring to mind an old saying from my time in India when I was working for...  well I am not really authorized to discuss who I was working for.   Anyway, there was an old Punjab saying, "Trust a cobra before you trust a Sikh, trust a Sikh before you trust a Pathan, and trust anybody, anywhere in the world before you trust a truly loathsome bastard like that."  My multi-lingual Punjabi is not that good anymore but, it was something like that.    Not that I think the official in question is loathsome, or detestable, this was just a coincidence, sometimes thoughts show up, a lot of old people have that problem.

Sorry, I slip into memories, occasionally.

In the wonderful words of the fantastic Bob Dylan;

"I'm not sorry for nothing I've done,
I'm glad I fought I only wish we won."

Anyway, this was a special season to be Cornhusker basketball fan, and next year will be even better. With that in mind I have started filling out my bracket for next seasons tournament already.  I am picking Nebraska to win it all.  But, I am not too sure who to pick from the south division, any suggestions?