He’s Back, oh heck no.

I have not been blogging much lately. For one thing work is crazy. Almost as if they don’t care about my blog. It is like a homicidal version of the holiday rush. But, it is good for business, and that makes it good for me. 

There is some good news, though, I am now a professional writer. I sold a story for ten dollars. Not a fortune, but they might as well have handed me the keys to the kingdom. It is not the first time someone paid me to write, though. Once, I stumbled across a site that paid $8.00 for blog posts. You had to write about products or services for companies. I wrote a post about oil changes, (I don’t know anything about oil changes, but a little research was all I needed) and after I fixed the errors POW, eight samoleans in my pay pal account. I was thrilled.

Next I chose Toyota Forklifts. I love my Toyota and I have driven a forklift before so it was a natural. I sent it off, making plans for my eight large, and they sent it back saying it was too filled with errors. I double checked it, actually bought an app to check sentence structure, spelling, grammar, verb and subject agreements. There were a few things I fixed and sent it back. And they said it was not good enough, and I could no longer write for them. I could have lived with “you just don’t know enough about forklifts,” or “you are too wordy, and self important,” but they said I just didn’t write well enough. But, I didn’t quit. I just quit getting paid.

And now I hit the big time, ten dollars. 

It was a great story, too. But, the ending stunk. I submitted it to a lot of places and almost universally they said, “good story, weak ending.” I sent it to Smarty Pants, and they said. “You should make this the ending, it is really the climax, and add a line making a refernce to the opening.” And I did, and it was great.

Editors are amazing things. This story was transformed with one edit into something worth ten big ones. I write a monthly column  

for The Wild Word, (here is a link) and they have two editors. Sometimes I will send them a draft and they will send it back with notes and suggestions about what I should add. Once in a while it is almost scary. I will think, “Oh my God, they are looking right into me, they can see what I’m thinking.” But, they are always right, and it always turns out much better. I love editors.

Part of what has kept me away from my blog is my book. Most of you know, I am working on a book. And, if you didn’t know. I am working on a book. It is not the book I was working on last year. That is next, but a different book, and it was awful. Dead, wooden words staring with cold, lifeless eyes at me. And I said, this sucks. So I went back and started breathing a little life into the people, thinking about them as people, with a past and a future, things not even mentioned in the book. And, it got better. In one point a minor character, introduced briefly to explain a quirk in the protagonist loses his wife to cancer, and it was so sad, so heart breaking (to me, anyway) I almost cried. And I thought, wow this is good.

It was a new day yesterday.

A picture of my wife, and me.

This is a celebratory post. Post #1101, and the crowd goes wild. It has been a long time.My first blog post was on 2/16/2012. If my math is correct, and it may not be, (but I can get away with a little numeric foolishness because my wife and sons are nowhere to be seen, no dramatic sighs, no looking to the heavens for strength, no disgusted corrections to a complex calculation, and let's face it, math is hard, math involving time is impossible, nothing makes sense, why divide things into 60 seconds, 60 minutes, 24 hours, 7 days, 12 months, I mean who thought up this system. My math is bad, but normally my reasoning is close to average, and I can see how ridiculous this system is... Sorry about that.

Anyway, I think I started this blog over 5 years ago, give or take, and I have published 1100 posts, with 100 drafts left unpublished. Which makes for a lot of words, a lot of words, in all fairness, though most of them have been used multiple times. If there were a way to publish this as one long document it would be fun to see how many times I have repeated words. Universe has been dozens, I know.

Sometimes I want to go back and read some of the early stuff, a time capsule of sorts, maybe I will. Mostly it is like a fire and forget missile. One and done, I might be too humiliated, and never write again. I might be too impressed, and never write again, or I might think, man this needs a little work, and never write anything new again. Someday I will.

Today, though, we are celebrating. "What a long, strange trip it's been." Over the years this blog has changed me. The act of writing has become a method of self discovery. One particularly disturbing discovery is how much I care.

You don't really understand suffering and pain until you look at it, until it looks back at you. Broken bones, stitches, are faded photographs, in the album of life, even the scars are nothing more than good stories. But, the suffering you see, the kind that sears into your soul, the kind you look at to write about, that hurts. It is the last stage of growth, though, and the empathy it provides is priceless.

The bad news for all of you, out there in the Life Explained is I have started to look at myself as a writer, blogging as writing. I have even started a Contently page. So I will be blogging for thousands of more posts. Until you are sick of it.

I would like to thank Street Speech, whose editor was the first to call me a writer, and the wonderful people at The Wild Word who made me believe it. And all of the other people who posted my stuff, and you, my blogging friends, who made me feel welcome. We are in this together, all the way to the end. In the words of Alex Harvey, "I only wish that I could see yesterday, the same way that I can see tomorrow." I don't know what that means but it is so cool.

A new expert in town.

Every morning, on the morning news program we watch, they interview an "expert." Sometimes a doctor, nutritionist, or other clearly defined, documentable authority.  Once in a while the expert is a little more vague, and a little less clinical, maybe a "transportation specialist," from a local school district, or a "home improvement generalist" from a hardware store. People whose credentials might not prove to be so expensive, and time consuming to attain.

It has driven me, consumed me, I need to become an expert. But, at what? That is the question that has haunted me, woke me at night, consumed me. At what task can I be considered an expert?

Parenting is something that has taken a toll on me for the last twenty years. But, my wife does most of the heavy lifting when it comes to raising our children (thank God). I have really been more of a babysitter, a really fun babysitter to be sure, but not really an expert Father. Not even an expert babysitter. More of a sub-novice, who can warm pizza rolls and macaroni and cheese all while holding an Xbox controller, and getting beaten very soundly by both sons at whatever game we were playing, which eliminates expert gamer.

Then, in a flash of brilliance, in a blinding, white hot, fireball of advanced reasoning it hit me. I am going to become an expert on aging.

Everyday, I get a little older, or less young, if you prefer. And, I do it pretty well if you ask me. I can even do it while sleeping, or watching tv. In fact, I am an authority on getting older. And when interviewed on the Morning News I will help everybody get older, too.

"So, Tim, what advice do you have for people who might be thinking about getting older?"  They will ask.

"Bob, (you don't mind if I call you Bob, do you?) what I would tell them they should go ahead and get older, it is a great decision.  In fact, four out five dentists recommend that their patients get older, regularly."

"Well, Tim, my name is Mike, so I would prefer if you call me Mike. What steps should people follow if they want to get older?"

"Oh, sorry about that, Jeff, my mistake, If people are serious about aging, as I am, they should remember to breath, all the time. Well, maybe not when they are underwater, but most of the rest of the time. Of course, if you are really keen on getting older, Bill, you will try not to be underwater anymore than absolutely essential, possibly never."

"Well, Marcia, thanks for the wonderful insight, our viewers will be dying to live longer now that you have explained how."

"You are very welcome, Jill."

There is a lot more advice, so stay tuned to my new blog, Life Explained, explains aging.

Wow, I Did It

I have just spent one and a half hours transferring the rest of the blogs I follow onto my blogger's dashboard. My chicken and fries dinner is sitting waiting for me but I was determined to get it done once and for all. Who says its all fun and games being a blogger. What's that? I know, no one. So I am impressed with myself.

So now that I'm done and I'm looking at the blogs I'm following I'm amazed in the seven short months I started blogging how many I have accumulated. So now I can unsubscribe from getting emails having the posts come in all in one spot.

I'm thinking that will help with not feeling so overwhelmed seeing all those emails, for some reason having them on my dashboard doesn't seem so intimidating. Now I know what Jeremy Crow from The Whacko Blog meant when he said in one of his tip posts that he diligently went through all his blogs as they came in. Or something to that effect.

Wanna see my list because I'm going to show it to you anyways. I always have to show off my hard work to my fellow blogger friends and readers.

• 
  
• A New Me
• A. K. Shaw
• Adele Archer Writes
• Beyond Your Blog
• Christian Touchet
• ChumpLady.com
• Good Little Indian
• Grandma Ideas
• Hyperbole and a Half
• Itching for a Coffee
• Lavender Inspiration
• Life Explained THE END
• Life Explains Smiles, A Powerful Magic
• Life, Explained
• Long Distance Grandparenting
• Margaret and Helen
• MrsMuffinTop 
• R. J. Nello
• S. Bradley Stoner, Author
• Shelly's Cabaret
• Tamzen Temple ®
• The Blog of Thog
• The Bloggess
• The Chronicles of Chaos
• The Creativity Whacko
• The Entertainment Whacko
• The Health Whacko
• The Humor Whacko
• The Life Whacko
• Crabby Old Fart
• The Spew
• The Whacko Blog
• Blogaholics Anonymous
• Road to Finding Myself
• The Magnificent Biro
• Thrifty Nifty Mommy

Do you have an impressive list of your favorite Blogs? I love stories so do tell.

A little something about me.

Recently a very wise young man wrote a post about his life. Focusing on things that made him unique, the things that set him apart and the things that let him fit in, too. It was a great post, and as with so much of his work, I enjoyed it immensely.  Plus it was such a great idea I decided to steal it. Hey, steady now, it happens all of the time.

"Les Miserables" was actually from a blog post I wrote in 1847 about a waitress working at a coffee shop in Paris Texas who got a parking ticket for leaving her VW Beetle in the middle of the intersection right when the cattle drive was coming through town. The ensuing hilarity of the police chasing a wise cracking waitress divorcee through a small Texas town inspired what many consider to be one of the greatest novels of all time. Plus, it inspired Burt Reynolds to make "Smokey and the Bandit."

No, that never really happened. I just made that up.

But, last weekend I went to pickup some arugula, endives, and scallops at the local market. I was going to make one of my signature dishes, delicious, fat free, no sodium, absolutely irresistible. It is so good people have actually committed felonies for a small dab on a rice cracker. Who was there, having a coke? You guessed it, Former Buckeye Legend, ESPN college football analyst, and Coca Cola heartthrob Kirk Herbstreit. He would not let me shop until he got a picture with me.

That didn't really happen, I don't even know what arugula, endives or scallops are. If I wanted a signature dish I would need to sign it, and my wife would be fighting mad.

You know, this whole autobiographical blog thing is a lot harder than originally thought. Maybe I should start small, and work my way up to the truth.

I am a serial dreamer whose life is a maze of confusing facts, and sometimes I pay attention to them. Blogging has given me the ability to act, kind of, on the what Dylan called "a head full of ideas that are drivin' me insane." And everyday is a new day, and an old day, but always a great day, at least part of the time.

Hey, what about you? Tell me a little about yourself, it doesn't have to be true, you know.

The Awards Just Keep Piling Up, This Makes One!

Recently this blog was, and it's humble proprietor were nominated for an Award, the Book Fangirling Award. I am going to assume this is a compliment, and that the delightful, talented +Adele Archer  is not the type to toss trans Atlantic insults at an innocent, unassuming blogger.

The rules seem simple, which is good, because we be nothing but humble bloggers,

First. Thank the nominator, Thank you, Adele Archer, I am grateful you thought of me.

Second. Answer their book related questions. (see below)

Third. Nominate five bloggers, attempt to coerce them into answering the five book related questions you have created in the Fourth Rule. Further, try to convince them to nominate 5 bloggers (step 5) and asking each five book related questions they have developed in Step 6.

1: My least favourite book is ‘Snow Falling on Cedars’. If my bed was a little wonky, I would probably prop it up with that. Which book would you prop your bed up with?

'Plague Dogs" or "Watership Down" by Richard Adams. They were fantastic books, and I loved them completely. But, they were so depressing, so dark and terrible, they tore me to pieces, one wonderfully descriptive, beautifully written chapter at a time. And I probably wouldn't use them to prop up my bed, because of all the anguish they contain. I know this is not the type of least favorite book, but I am too flaky to finish a book I am not enjoying.

2: You’re only allowed eBooks OR real books for the rest of your life (now, don’t be pretentious), which would you choose?

I would take real books. I have never developed the ability to read on a screen. I haven't given up, but there is probably not much hope. I can't watch television shows on a smart phone or computer screen.

3: ‘Hunger Games’ or ‘Quiddich’, which is the suckiest sport?

I didn't read either book, but I don't think there is much wholesale death in Quiddich, so I would pick "Hunger Games."

4: If your life story was made into a biography, what chapter would you ask them to leave out?

The eighties, and the later parts of the seventies, which is ok, because I don't remember all that much about them.  But, if they would allow a little fiction it might be acceptable.

5: Bloggers are renowned for being a peaceful peoples, but which character from which book (other than Bella Swan from Twilight) would you most like to slap?

Fiction, I would choose Scheisskopf from "Catch 22" what a putz!  Non fiction it would be the Khwarazm Shah from any book about the conquests of Genghis Khan. Depending on the writer he may have almost single-handedly brought about the destruction of the Persian Empire. Though slapping him would have been suicide. So I choose fiction.

My choices are +Mike Raven  from the Blog of Thog, a blogger without equal, +Joy Fanning from Aspiring Joy,I know she loves books, and has a fantastic blog, and is one of my first blogging friends, and +Rachel Rennie  from Rachel's Blog, another book lover, and a blogger who can really write. While that is not the full contingent of nominees, it ain't bad. And, it is one more than +Adele Archer .

I wish you all luck, and offer my apologies.

My book related questions.

1. I have reread several books, just because I love them. Do you do that, if so which book have your read the most?

2. Is there a time you think Fiction, no Non-Fiction? Sometimes I have to read something real.

3. I love certain authors for the way they write, they way they can craft a sentence, a good sentence is wonderful. Do you have any books that you feel are just beautifully written, works of art?

4.  When I was young I bought a used book at a second hand store called "The Beast Regiment." it was great, and I haven't been able to find a copy since then. Do you have any ideas for me?

5. Writing is personal, reading is solitary. But sharing a great book is such a joy. Do you think books are the beauty that can save the world?

An award, wow that's big time.

Many people may not realize this, and it may come as a shock to people who know me, but I have friends.  At least a few friends, online, but, and I have checked the rules, they do count.  One of my friends nominated me for an award, “the Beautiful Blogger Award.” and I have been working out, so it is not surprising.

The rules are simple;

Thank the person who nominated you.

Thank you, +Mike Raven  (a delightful blogger, and a good person).

Add the award logo to your blog.  I will do that, as soon as I figure out how.  I am lucky if I can add a post, but if I have to hire a consultant, or a programmer, to help me it will be on there.

 

Answer the questions, kindly see below.

Nominate three bloggers for the award.

I would like to nominate +Cynthia Breneman, from My Diary, her education is obvious, as is her love for numbers, but, I enjoy the insights and the keen intellect.  

Also, I would like to nominate Patrick Weseman from Adventures In Weseland.  A visual journal that always seems like a friendly trip to a different place, plus it makes me want to be a better photographer.

And, my last nominee is +Dog Brindle of Dog Brindle Barks. a man who tackles aging with the same vigor as ghosts, aliens and all things supernatural, his blog covers a lot of territory, very well, and is a lot of fun to read.

Ask ten questions that each of the recipients are obligated to answer.  Again, please see below.

1. What is your favourite time of year?

Vacation, of course.

2. What is your favourite place in the world?

Right now it is Estes Park, CO. But, it has been a long time since I have been there, so that may change after my next visit, I am a real flake.  A lot of people think it is a tourist town, but I love it.

3. What is your best memory?

When my children were born.

4. What are you wearing?

Gym shorts, flip flops and an Adidas t-shirt, my evening uniform.

5. When do you like to blog?

Morning, but I am trying to add other times of the day.  I am writing this at 10:00 at night, and it seems to be going well, no worse than normal, anyway.

6. What (if you have one) is your middle name - and do you like it?

Allen, and it was my dad’s name so I do like it.

7. What's your least favourite animal?

Spiders, snakes, bats, slugs, skunks, giant snakehead fish, tapeworms, leeches, ticks, anything venomous, or invasive, or carnivorous, I am not overly fond of cows, or horses, and one time while I was driving a turkey flew into my side mirror, knocking it off the car, so I am not crazy about them… the list is pretty long.

8. What REALLY annoys you?

Sometimes almost everything, sometimes almost nothing,

9. Favourite hot drink?

Coffee, it may be my favorite drink, except for beer, and bourbon, and sometimes wine.

10. Tell me one interesting fact about you that people might not know.

I am terrified of boats, at least when they are on the water, in a showroom they hold no power over me.

Here are the questions for my victims.

1. What songs makes you smile, and starts your foot tapping?

2. What book had the most profound effect on your life?

3. Do you enjoy Star Wars, Star Trek or The Lord of the Rings more?

4. What is your favorite card game?

5. If money was no object where would you go on vacation?

6. What sport did you play as a child?

7. Did you think the last episode of Lost was disappointing?

8. Are you left handed or right handed?

9. If you could travel in time only once and were guaranteed a safe return which way would you travel.

10. Preparing a meal can be rewarding, do you have one that makes you feel like a real chef?

Please accept my apologies.

Success, different things to different people.

It is amazing how far we have come since starting this little blog, about 2 years ago.  We have branched out into another, mores serious blog, seen here.  And Doctor Dawg has developed quite a following.  

People pay good money to watch him work.  Even when he is deep in thought, so deep that sometimes we think he has given up the ghost.  Such is the price of fame.

The Second "New" Beginning of the Week.

As reported earlier I recently added a Microsoft Surface Pro 3 to the assortment of tools used in daily life, and the manufacture and distribution of this and several other blogs, social media accounts, and idea creation and storage enterprises.  It takes a lot of hardware, an iPhone, and iPad, a desktop computer, and a new tablet, laptop combination called the Surface Pro 3.  But, all of this circuitry, plastic, aluminum, glass, and all of the alchemy involved in turning electronic impulses into profound, unique ideas requires an enormous amount of software to support the magic.

However, these software packages do not recognize me as the owner of all these wonderful ideas stored in various "clouds" scattered around the skies and across the horizon along the information superhighway.  So, after loading all of the idea creation, sentence generating, picture distorting, and page storage programs on my new tablet / laptop wonder machine it was time to start logging in to all of the various services.  

AARRGGHHHHH!!!  Who can possibly remember which email account was used for these packages, let alone the passwords associated with each one.  Once you are logged in on your iPhone, or iPad, or computer, it is done,, you just stay logged in unless something odd happened.  Now, I had to trudge the endless, inescapable quagmire of safety, and security.  

I am all for intellectual property ownership, if you have any intellect, and anybody who has been reading my blog knows that I have no real concerns.  Even worse, though, than figuring which email was used, and resetting the password, many times, these sites would make me enter some barely discernible sequence of numbers and letters in a little box before letting me view and edit my ideas (if that is the right word).  I think it is all set now, though.

I'm afraid that spells big trouble for my foe +Mike Raven from The Blog of Thog, a Man, a Camera, a Legend.  I have storyboarded my next video in our furious battle for video production supremacy.