Boxing, the Sport of Kings, Depending on Your King.

Yesterday we went to the County Fair. I love county  fairs. It is a celebration of community. I enjoy watching the bustle and hum, and color, and excitement. Everywhere you look there is activity, color, and excitement, everywhere you listen there is noise, music, the whir of carnival rides. The smell of  fried food, the odor of humanity, mixed with the heat and humidity, it can be intoxicating, and powerful. It must trigger something primal, from our collective past. Something from when our survival depended on numbers, cooperation, and a herd like solidarity. Or maybe I am just a little crazy.

Anyway, we went mostly for the boxing.  Growing up I watched giants, Ali, Foreman, Frazier, Norton. Giant men, with giant egos and giant personalities, using giant amounts of talent, and determination to prove who was the best. And I was in awe.

Later, when living in a small town in the Midwest, and knowing very few people I joined a boxing club, mostly to try to get in shape, and keep myself from too many really bad habits, habits that threatened to consume me. After a couple of weeks they politely refunded my money and asked me to leave. It seems my actual boxing skills were very limited, but my imaginary boxing skills were boundless. Concerned with my safety, and, probably potential insurance problems, they decided to end our association. Another dream falls dies on the vine.

But, I don't blame them, and I still love boxing. Though, I had forgotten how much until my wife asked "do you want to go to the boxing matches at the county fair?" DO I? my dreams were reborn, at work, when no one was around I was shadow boxing on the second floor. Jab, jab, jab, hook, upper cut, dance away. He never laid a glove on me!

So, we went, and loved every minute of it. We walked in right as the first match started. And it was amazingly fun. These guys were boxing, in the truest sense of the word. Honestly, I didn't expect the boxing to be that good. They would punch and move, jab, throw a flurry of combos. There was not a lot of grabbing to rest, they really put on a good show.

The rest of the bouts were good, but that first one was the best. Here is the amazing bit, (I try to save he amazing bits until the end, I've heard that is the best way) the winner of the first bout, the undefeated boxing legend Afrim Mema, (he was undefeated yesterday, anyway, and any professional boxer willing to watch the matches with us is a legend on this blog) came up to the grandstand, and asked who was winning, we told him it hadn't started. And my son said "great match." he thanked him and sat down and watched the rest of the boxing matches. Not only was he a very talented boxer he was a polite young man, with a great sense of humor, and a keen insight into the sport.

It was a great day, very warm, very humid and a lot of fun. Unfortunately, we forgot the sunscreen and are all a little too toasted this morning. That is OK, though, we had a good time, watched great boxing, and met a professional boxer, it doesn't get much better than that.

The videos I threatened all of Tech Whacko Nation are still coming. It is much more difficult transferring video from a digital camera to an iPhone than I assumed, you know what they say happens when you ASSUME things. You end up looking stupid.

Politics the American Way

Some people despise political ads, finding them too vicious, too mean, and too degrading. Politics is a dirty business, and you have to be tough to survive. At the same time, reality based television is still popular, sporting events draw large crowds, and shows using voting audiences to decide the results of competitions still have large followings of devoted fans. As an organization with a dedicated, vested interest in seeing the right people in office it is our civic duty, here at Life Explained, to devise a plan using the best of all of these, (am mash-up if you will, or a hash-up for those of you in the culinary arts) into a failsafe, foolproof system that will guarantee the continued operation of the United States© and the American Dream™.

Bil, our longtime friend, and valued coworker, participated in chess boxing for a time (he retired undefeated, by the way, having played a few games of "Chess with Friends" against him, we can say he must be a very good boxer). This is a unique blend of the mental and physical arts, wherein the competitors play a game of chess between rounds of a boxing match. One of the ways to win is checkmate, of course, but it is unclear if the boxing portion has any effect on the outcome, other than decreasing the ability of your opponent to formulate and execute a winning strategy through repeated blows to the head. It is, probably, safe to say a knockout would count as a win, but we could not ask Bil if there were any other scoring during the boxing, he was on vacation for the week. So, for five days he was not such a valued coworker after all. We will get some answers to these pressing questions on Monday.

Political debates have become, more or less, symbolic of the problems that face our democracy today. They do not really express anything, only reinforcing the beliefs of the faithful. Without fail, both candidates will walk away claiming victory, and the parties will dogmatically drive home the points they feel best represent their nominees stunning, crushing success. Any undecided voter will quickly lose sight of the things they felt were important, and be buried under the claims of the television analysts. It is safe to say that most of the people watching already know how they are going to vote, and the rest are tired of the wasted breath, and empty rhetoric.

But, we here at Life Explained have a plan to change that! "The Life Explained Boxing Debate©" brought to you by (we are still looking for corporate sponsors, here is your chance to hit it big). Candidates will debate the important issues of the day, and at the bell, they will box for two minutes. People will log on and vote for who they think is doing the best job.

 Of course, nobody wants to elect a candidate just on his ability to pummel an opponent without mercy, at the same time the country needs a father, a man who can carry his own stuff, a salt of the Earth type. A guy who has your back when things get tough. That is why people can vote on both the debate, and boxing components.

There will still be a moderator, but there will also be an announcer, and a commentator, and a ring girl, corner men, and fight doctors, and ring side seats filled with wealthy people dressed in clothing that adequately describes their worth. Girls in skimpy costumes parading around the ring between rounds. Concession revenues, and scalpers selling tickets outside the doors, gambling, and all of those great American symbols of freedom, and success. People will be excited to vote again.

America will be saved, the economy will be boosted, and we might start electing presidents every year.

 
We, here at Life Explained would like to add the following disclaimer, "we have nothing against girls, and sincerely believe that many girls can punch with enough force to run for political office, at any level. So please don't email your indignation, and please don't punch us. It was just a joke."

 

 

Things that are important, would we lie?

Time for a brief update.

Gale is now a happy resident of the great country of Germany.  She is studiously learning the rules of German grammar, and trying desperately to acquire a taste for Bratwurst and Beer.  Just kidding, everybody likes Bratwurst and Beer.  It is UnAmerican to dislike those things, they are like Apple Pie and Mom.  So if you see her, say hello, or possibly Hallo.  And buy her a brat, and a beer.

One more to go, and I am finished!

Susan would like everybody to know that lists are very cool.  And lists that include numbers are like manna from Heaven.  Susan is an organizational wizard, a MENSA member with a flair for, and a several degrees in, accounting.  Fortunately, Susan is also blessed with patience and a sense of humor, I have tested both over the course of our friendship.


John is still working on his first tweet.  When it was reported that John was a man of few words it seems that may have been an understatement.  His a man of no words, at least no words for Twitter.  In an effort to assist him on the road to Twitter happiness, we have set up an email account for just this occasion.  So, please, email TweetTweetJohn@yahoo.com, pleading for his first tweet.  We will make sure he gets them all.

Bil would like it known that not only did he participate in Chess Boxing he actually won the match.  We are working quickly and fervently to have Chess Boxing added to the next Olympics.  It is a young man's sport though, so we are also working on having Checkers Beer Pong added, just in case it takes too long.  Ah, Beer Pong, a real thinking mans game, so much strategy.  And, here is proof.

Re-enactment, not Really Mike's feet

My cousin Mike, who gets younger and more attractive almost every day has developed a condition that makes him walk around wearing one sock.  A tragic affliction, and we will be taking a collection to combat this curse in a future post, but we need to come up with a name sufficiently terrifying so people will rush to send in a check.  Right now we are just having a little fun, at Mike's expense, with the old nursery rhyme;



Diddle diddle dumling, my cousin John's son Mike
is walking around, one sock off one sock on,
diddle diddle dumpling  Mike, son of John.

It still needs a little work, but research continues, tirelessly.

Life continues, (bumpy, rough, and frightening) and as long as it does we will be here to keep an eye on things.

Welcome, Friend, Iss. 1, Vol. 2

My friend Bil has a new iPhone, his first.  Bil is very technically sophisticated, one time he broke the screen on his iPod Touch, and replaced it himself, and it worked!  He never needed to prove his electronic prowess to any of us ever again.  Why it took him this long to get an iPhone lies somewhere beyond the scope of reason.  He had an iPod, and an iPod Touch before any of us, and he had the first iPad in the warehouse.  Further, to make maximum use of his time, he had the device constantly at the ready.  If he was waiting for the elevator he would have iPod in hand performing some small screen gaming miracle, saving or obliterating entire communities, playing chess with people from across the world, making words where there were only tiles, or moving cargo from point A to point B in a speedy, efficient, point producing manner, all with a casual gesture of his thumb, while firmly holding a coffee cup in his other hand.  Honestly it is poetry in motion.

Bil is the person who really impressed upon me the power of the iPod.  He showed me a slide show he had assembled using pictures of his son on a carousel, deftly adding speech bubbles and musical accompaniment, taking simple pictures and turning them into a powerful, moving presentation where fantasy and reality combine to make magic.  It changed my iPod touch from a simple game playing, music listening wonder into a trans-formative electronic machine with supernatural powers of transmogrification   An act for which my wife has never forgiven him.  Since they don't often see each other it is not a big deal for either.

As is plain to see Bil and the iPhone are made to be together, it was inevitable.  In many ways it was like a heavyweight boxing match, (incidentally, Bil is the only person I know who has ever participated in chess boxing, not that it has anything to do with this, but it is another interesting fact about Bil), where Bil and the iPhone were circling, waiting, feinting, jabbing, counter jabbing, (not unlike a date, really) until they could no longer stay apart.  And in a mad rush to the center of the ring they opened on each other with a flurry of lefts, rights, hay-makers, and round houses, punch after brutal punch, locked in a death match, pounding away at each other until they were both lying, flat on their backs, unable to move in the center of the ring, as the referee counted them both out. Well, maybe not quite like that.

Let's just say it was long overdue.  So, wherever you may be reading this, whatever else you may be doing, please put that aside and join me in giving Bil a round of applause.  He may only have one L but he has an iPhone, plus, he is a pretty cool guy.