The Secret History Of Labor Day, at least it was a secret.

With the approach of the three day weekend we, here at Life Explained, would like to wish you a happy Labor Day. It was not that long ago that we, here at Life Explained, invented Labor Day.

It had been a long, hot summer, and we had been killing ourselves to catch up. We had a pocketful of change, a powerful thirst, and a strong desire for grilled food. But, things were so busy, and we were so far behind.

Then it hit us, why not initiate a three day weekend. No matter how far behind you are, how busy things have gotten, no matter how overwhelmed, nobody expects anybody to work on a three day weekend. It's in the constitution somewhere. Right between bearing arms and equality. Look it up.

So, we started calling and emailing everybody we knew, "hey, what do you have planned for Labor Day?" People will never admit ignorance, and soon all of the people we had emailed and called were calling and emailing, texting and facebook messaging everybody they knew.

"Hey, what do you have planned for Labor Day?"

And nobody would say, "nothing, I've never heard of that."


Our government will never admit ignorance either. So they backdated a bunch of official documents, and memorandum giving credit to some long past official, who knows who.


Now, thanks to our culture of delusion everybody "remembers" ancient Labor Days with their families from years ago. But, really it only started in 1998, because we wanted beer and bratwurst, thank goodness we only use our power for good.   You can thank us later.

Wearable Tech, and the Future.

Working, as we have with, so many diverse technologies, we here, at Life Explained, are in a perfect position to evaluate the potential benefits of the new wearable technology.  We have even launched a line of Life Explained, headgear.  It will be true a multitasking, multimedia mega useful hat.

We introduce, with great pride, the Life Explained, Propeller Beanie, Urban Assault Hat. The ultimate wearable tech available today.

Hooking up to a 5 horsepower, two cycle engine carried in an insulated, sound muffling, asbestos lined back pack, this baby will whip you through the air at an altitude of 150 feet, at a speed of 45 miles an hour.

Equipped with two AGM-65 Maverick Missiles you will be more than prepared to handle pushy, aggressive jay walkers . Pesky door to door salesman a problem?  Neighbors will applaud as you blast their car into pieces too small to sweep up and carry away.

If that were not incentive enough, the twin GAU-8 Avenger 30 MM canister fed machine guns that will help clear the air at the next company picnic.  You won't be waiting in line for the bratwurst, or beer ever again.

Future upgrades will include a radar dish, radio, and a beverage cart.

Buy one for yourself, give one as a gift, heck give one to every member of your family.  You will be a hero, a well armed, lethal, hero, whizzing through the air, dispensing justice, fairness, and, in the near future, a small cup of ginger ale, or cranberry juice.

Things that are important, would we lie?

Time for a brief update.

Gale is now a happy resident of the great country of Germany.  She is studiously learning the rules of German grammar, and trying desperately to acquire a taste for Bratwurst and Beer.  Just kidding, everybody likes Bratwurst and Beer.  It is UnAmerican to dislike those things, they are like Apple Pie and Mom.  So if you see her, say hello, or possibly Hallo.  And buy her a brat, and a beer.

One more to go, and I am finished!

Susan would like everybody to know that lists are very cool.  And lists that include numbers are like manna from Heaven.  Susan is an organizational wizard, a MENSA member with a flair for, and a several degrees in, accounting.  Fortunately, Susan is also blessed with patience and a sense of humor, I have tested both over the course of our friendship.


John is still working on his first tweet.  When it was reported that John was a man of few words it seems that may have been an understatement.  His a man of no words, at least no words for Twitter.  In an effort to assist him on the road to Twitter happiness, we have set up an email account for just this occasion.  So, please, email TweetTweetJohn@yahoo.com, pleading for his first tweet.  We will make sure he gets them all.

Bil would like it known that not only did he participate in Chess Boxing he actually won the match.  We are working quickly and fervently to have Chess Boxing added to the next Olympics.  It is a young man's sport though, so we are also working on having Checkers Beer Pong added, just in case it takes too long.  Ah, Beer Pong, a real thinking mans game, so much strategy.  And, here is proof.

Re-enactment, not Really Mike's feet

My cousin Mike, who gets younger and more attractive almost every day has developed a condition that makes him walk around wearing one sock.  A tragic affliction, and we will be taking a collection to combat this curse in a future post, but we need to come up with a name sufficiently terrifying so people will rush to send in a check.  Right now we are just having a little fun, at Mike's expense, with the old nursery rhyme;



Diddle diddle dumling, my cousin John's son Mike
is walking around, one sock off one sock on,
diddle diddle dumpling  Mike, son of John.

It still needs a little work, but research continues, tirelessly.

Life continues, (bumpy, rough, and frightening) and as long as it does we will be here to keep an eye on things.