New Technology, New Cars.

Apple and Google are locked in a battle for market share.  It can be heated, at least among the users of the respective products.  It is unclear if the companies are as venomously opposed as the fans, but there is plenty of vitriol to go around.  With billions of consumer dollars at stake the gigantic, monolithic corporations are pushing the boundaries of innovation, and creating the barely believable as part of the routine.

From tablets to smart phones to "wearables" (little computers you wear, watches, and bracelets, mostly, that will alert you to incoming calls, emails, text messages and Hellfire missiles, not really, actually I don't know what they do, and I have thought about this a lot, way more than is probably healthy, what can you actually accomplish on a touch screen the size of a watch?  Type out an email, or a text message, watch a YouTube video, read an ebook?  Probably, you could do any of these things, but it would be a terribly restricted experience.

What's the point, just walking around saying "I have a smart watch"

"What time is it?"

"Time?  Oh, time of day time, here let me access that function, just a simple swipe, a little tap, Oh, dammit, maybe if I sweep, no, maybe a sweeping motion, shoot, it's about 11:00.  Want to watch this cat video?  I think it's a cat, it might be a bear, or a car."...  Oops, sorry about that, wearables are the next wave of technology, and are a viable computational device with limitless potential).

Anyway, back to the point of this, I heard that Apple was developing a "Smart Automobile Technology."  Google has been working feverishly, and noisily on their car, and the competition is fierce.  It is a mad dash to driverless cars.

Apple, and Google both imagine a day when people will be free to set behind the wheel of an automobile, and goof around with their phone, enjoy a cup of coffee, or even a donut, or breakfast sandwich on the way to work.   A day when commuters are free to cruise along the freeway with little or no concern for traffic laws, common sense, or the safety of other drivers.

Wait a minute, that already happens, all over the place.  Maybe these companies aren't so innovative after all.  Here is a a video I took while undercover for big oil, and large insurance conglomerates, who would like to keep everybody blind to the realities of monopoly, and wriggling to pay their bills, and terrified of what would happen when...  Oops sorry, that was not supposed to slip.

Don't forget to check out my new blog, as soon as it is written, that is.  It will be about history, a subject that is a lot more interesting than you might imagine.  Plus, there is so much of it, I will never run out of material.

Round 1 Goes to the Spider.

There are two or three different places I might park my car overnight.  One of them is next to a large, old, evergreen tree, which would be right next to the drivers door.  When I park there a spider (who obviously has compulsive tendencies) , almost without fail, will build a web between my car and the tree.

I never see the web as it is dark when I leave for work.  So, after walking blindly into a large web built by a maniacal spider, who doesn't know when to quit, I thrash around wildly, looking to all the world like a St. Vitus Dance victim.  Followed by the creeping suspicion, all the way to work, that I am covered with spiders.

Of course that is only a bit of paranoia, probably something primal, and ancient, dating back to when men had to fight for existence against hordes of carnivorous spiders, who waited right next to the primitive cars, in primeval parking lots, to ambush early man, and carry him off, throw him on a campfire and cook him up with a side of shallots, and a nice Lambrusco.   In those days spiders were much more civilized, and it was only an evolutionary fluke that made humans the dominant species, maybe.

I know the spider is not in the car, he is sitting in the tree, watching, a slight chuckle breaking the eerie silence of the pine tree residence, but, nobody complains, they all get a little pleasure from my embarrassing display (I hope insects and small animals don't have a user submitted video program).  Already the spider is planning for the next time my car ends up there.

But, I had a plan.  I bought a gun, and waited in my car, hiding in the back seat, tucked away under several jackets that were still in there from last winter, no point in taking them in now, it is almost winter again.  Sure, my wife is going to complain, "they need washed, bring them in."  The bright sun, magnified through the back window has killed any odor causing bacteria by now.  I can easily get one more winter out them.  It is so much more environmentally friendly that way.  Besides, what little smell is left will cover the reek of terror that comes with spider hunting.

Unfortunately, I fell asleep, and the spider built the web, complete with a little sign asking for the best place to buy shallots and Lambrusco.  Well played little spider, you win this round, but the war isn't over yet.

The Newest Thing in Transportation.

News, fast, furious, and non-stop that is the number 1 responsibility of the internet.  Finding out what is happening, why it is happening, and to whom it is happening, why else would you spend time screwing around in front of a computer, when you could be reading a book, cleaning the basement, or garage, washing the car, or eating pizza and watching TV.  But, the unquenchable desire to understand, to learn, to gather information in an effort to amass more knowledge than your neighbor, thereby affirming who is actually better, that is what keeps you glued to your monitor, or screen, or whatever you are glued to.  That is why, when Life Explained heard rumors of an exciting new technology developing in the field of transportation we had to break the news.

It seems in Germany, long known as a country that will get things done, they have developed an exciting new form of transportation.  A vehicle that requires no fossil fuel, no electrical recharge, no cells, batteries, engine of any kind.  In fact, it seems to be completely carbon neutral.  We had to find out more, so we sent our ace German reporter to test the abilities of this new device. 

Apparently, this is powered by a person, who, even though seated, uses a motion similar to walking.  For those who don't remember walking is what you do when nobody else is around to get your Cheese Doodles and beer.  Somehow, through an amazing feat of that magical German engineering, this motion is transferred to the wheels.  It seems there is a chain and some foot "pedals" involved.  According to our sources (not too mention that guy in the white coat that keeps going on and on about our blood pressure, weight and cholesterol level, I think his name is Doctor) this movement is supposed to be healthy, as well.  

Meet the new "car."

But, as with all new technology, there are some bugs to work out, here is our reporters initial filing.

"I went for a 'bike ride,' which was sort of scary at first, but little by little I got more comfortable. I was riding on 'bike' paths, but the problem is people also walk in the 'bike' paths, so you have to get good at dodging them. It always makes me nervous and my 'bike' gets a bit wobbly as a result."

If you need to travel a great distance this method would not make much sense, but, and here, according to our reporter, is another bit of German ingenuity, you ride the "bike" to a "station" where a big car, a really big car (called either a bus, or a train, we are not sure, there is some confusion in the report, and we are working to clarify), which holds a lot of people will take you and your bike, to a spot much closer to your destination, and your "bike" will do the rest.  Amazing, huh?

Anyway, it seems this new technology will improve health, reduce greenhouse gases, and dependency on fossil fuels, as well as traffic jams, and the hypertension those cause.  It cost so little there is no need to borrow, and make payments.  Maintenance is fairly simple, and can be done in apartment.  Who wouldn't be in favor of something with such promise and potential, something that makes so much sense.  Besides oil and pharmaceutical companies and car manufacturers, but they probably don't have much say in American politics.