Happy Cinco de Mayo, and take that France.

Today is Cinco De Mayo. It may not be a big deal to you, but in Mexico it is a very august occasion.  It was the day the Mexican Army defeated the French forces at the battle of Puebla.  It was an unexpected victory, at the time the French were kickin' some serious butt all over the globe.  Under the rule of Napoleon III the French territory doubled in Asia, the Pacific and Africa.  Why is it always that way?  A country has a little success, and right away they want everything.

There are countless stories of the lives destroyed by gambling, and addictive behaviors.  But, it seems like the apple does not fall far from the national government. A little success leads to the overwhelming desire for more. And even if the odds are stacked against a gambler, or a government they have to roll the dice, one last shot. Humanity may be powerless to resist the call.

Sooner or later any real power worth it's salt is going to decide that expansion is the way to go.  It might be in pursuit of "more defensible borders," it might be "natural resources," there are only so many "reasons" but they all lead to the same place. Taking somebody else's stuff, by show of strength, or brute force. Somehow the Bill Parcells quote seems ideal, "Everytime something happens you always have an excuse, and they are always good excuses.  But, some day you have to ask why do these things keep happening." There always seems to be some perfectly good reason to send an army, or navy somewhere to take something, don't worry about the costs.

So it went with the French. After a costly and terrible civil war the Mexican government found itself unable to pay the debts owed to the European nations.  Spain and Britain negotiated a deal and went on their merry national way. France decided to expand their empire, in Mexico.  Hardly surprising considering all we know about people. It makes a person wonder how Britain and Spain were able to resist the urge.

And, at Puebla 6,000 French troops (from what was considered the premier army in the world) were defeated by 2,000 poorly trained, lightly armed Mexican militia men. It was a shock to everybody, particularly France, and Mexico.

But, it is a proud moment in the history of a proud nation. And we should all toast the occasion. I am going to use a little tequila, and maybe make some Mexican food for dinner. I grew up around immigrants from Mexico, and was proud to call them friend, they worked hard and sacrificed for their families, and carved a decent life in this country. In many ways they understood the American Dream much better than I.

Super Bowl Prediction, Chips Dip Drink, repeat.

It is almost time for the annual Life Explained, Ohio Office Superbowl Party. Preparations are proceeding at a fevered pitch. We have a DJ for the pregame party, a crate of assorted chips, wheel barrows full of dip, soft drinks, drinks that are not quite so soft, two submarine sandwiches of length that is almost obscene, cakes, pies, ice cream and a fog machine. Nobody really knows why we have a fog machine or who ordered it, but fog is cool, so nobody is complaining either.

Nobody has placed any bets on the potential outcome this year. We learned our lesson last year.

It seemed like a good idea when we started (it always does). Dr. Dawg had finally calibrated the Accelerated Clock Manipulation Express time travel device (ACME). We thought it would be an easy thing (we always do) to jump forward a couple of weeks and see who won the "big game."

Bob, from Corporate Communications "volunteered" to go. Bravely, chin up, with a winning smile on his heroic face Bob climbed in the the machine, and in a flash he was gone, and with a loud crack, followed by a slight sizzling sound, a little smoke from escaping form the collar of his blazer, he was back.

"Detroit won the Super Bowl," he said, "By seventeen points. The final score was 38 to 21."

We grabbed the phone, called our bookie, and said "we would like to bet $123,017.93* on Detroit to win the Super Bowl."

A silence on the other end, followed by a laugh, followed by a muffled comment, followed by more laughter, followed by "Detroit isn't in the Super Bowl."

"Oh. OK. We will call you back."

Turns out the future is not a static event, With infinite variables, and possibilities the time stream could flow to countless possible occurrences. Bob went back, forward, again, Flash, crack, sizzle, and said "Oakland wins the Super Bowl, by 3 points, 31 to 28."  The sizzling sound was coming from Bob. This time we had to throw a bucket of Gatorade on him, it ruined his tie, and he was furious.

We checked the paper and Oakland wasn't in the Super Bowl in our "temporal stream."

There didn't seem to be any point in trying to find the right future. Bob might explode with another trip, and nobody else wanted to "volunteer," so we decided to buy scratchers instead. We won $235.00 by the way.




We are working on a method to control all the variables and manipulate the future before the next Super Bowl, We just need a little more computational muscle, maybe some powered by fusion, what could go wrong.

So, if you aren't busy on Sunday, and want to stop by to catch the big game, we will be here. Chips, dips, wings, breadsticks, and buckets full of drinks. Keep an eye open for the Life Explained Super Bowl Commercial. We love it, it kills us!



*It was all we could get from the company funded retirement account.

Winter Vacations for the Cheap, and Broke.

We are proud to announce the new Travel Section of the Life Explained Blog.  With the Polar Vortex screaming across the frozen landscape of Canada it is time to escape to warmer climes, more hospitable weather, a place where frozen drinks are a welcome choice, not a bitter reality.  Unfortunately, recent events (mostly the vengeful retribution of the gods of chance, at the poker table) have left us a little short on cash.  But, there are wonderful options at hand for the more frugal among us.

"What, it's going to get worse?!??!"

Yesterday, here at the Life Explained headquarters it was twenty nine bitter, windy, icy winter degrees.  And that was pretty warm when looking at the forecast.  Turns out looking at the forecast was not such a good idea, soon the walls were closing in, the room was getting smaller, desks being crushed,computers malfunctioning, emails bouncing back, phones short circuiting, lamps flickering, faxes garbled, eyesight dimming, can't breathe, cold fingers of death tightening around ...  Maybe we need to get out and, maybe we should see the world and we should do it on a budget of $1.22.  And, so can you.

We just put on our insulated coveralls, parkas and, ski masks right over the top of our cargo shorts, flowered shirts and, sun visors, load up in the car and head to the grocery store.  If you are afraid to drive in these terrible conditions we  will pick you up at your house, drive you to the local store and, take you on a trip around the world, sort of.

Hello, Mr. Chips

Don't let gloomy, cloudy, grey, dreary days get you down.  Look at these, nothing says party in the warmth like a colorful bag of tortilla chips.  A splash of lime, and a few cacti, and all of the sudden the world is a fiesta.  Man, we feel better already.

Healthy and, multilingual pancakes.

If a bag of delicious, salty tortilla chips is not enough, take a look to the heavens, or at least the signs hanging dangerously over your head, it is conveniently translated into Spanish, the language of sunshine and parties.  Everybody repeat after me, "Fantastico, can someone get me a cerveza?"

So real it might be deported.

But, we are not done yet, why settle for phony, artificial Mexican food, on this almost real trip to the wonderful country south of the deep freeze we call home, when "authentic mexican" food is one a quick grocery cart push away?  You can almost hear hear the salsa music calling you to dance, and feel the warm breeze caressing your wind chapped, raw, red, cheek, like a Mother's kiss.

We will visit one day when we have more time.

Not in the mood for a trip south?  No problem, how about a jaunt across the pond?  Fish and chips, anyone?  A few warm beers, and some more fish and chips, (all right, we admit, we don't know much about British food, and did not pay that much attention, the store employees were getting a little suspicious by this point, and we had to hurry)  and we will all be singing "God save the queen," at least we think that is a song.  Maybe you are in the mood for something Mediterranean, nice and warm there, and very hip, for very cool people.  Here you will need to fill in your own food choices, maybe some pita chips and, humus, maybe a gyro, we are not sure and, we had no time to look around, the police were searching the store one "country" at a time and, were beginning to close on our location.

Dinner,

Then a nap.

After a hard day traveling the world, one aisle at a time, it is time to head over to the "outdoor living section," and enjoy the fruits of our labor, after a quick stop in kitchen appliances and accessories to pick up a can opener, and a dash into hardware to grab a box opener. Now, we are talking vacation!  Warmth, comfort, and convenient to the restrooms.  Pass around the chips, and salsa, and pop open a few cold ones, while I run over to the electronics department to grab a tv, and one of those of little, electric grills.  Now would be an excellent time to point out the dangers of burning charcoal indoors, it emits a lethal gas that can cause security personnel to go absolutely insane.  Trust us on this.

Don't forget to tune in next weeks episode, "Asia on the run, for the price of a postage stamp."