Power to the People

Today, while I was "working" the power went out. Electricity stopped flowing, all moving parts stood still. We have battery backups for our computers that give us enough time to save anything we are working on, and turn the machines off safely. Not really a problem for me, I never do anything important.

Of course, everything starts beeping, chirping, crying for attention. Everywhere in the building tiny little alarms were sounded. "power went out. help me."

And it hit me. I should have gotten some water. In the kitchen there is BenchMark 3000 XL with a UV filtration system that dispenses frosty cold, UV filtered water. I don't know how it works but ultraviolet light has no sympathy for contaminants that make water taste stale or musty. It needs electricity to work though, and that spigot had been closed.

If you think I can ever go back to tap water after tasting the nectar produced by mixing light and water you are fooling yourself, friend. It must be H3O. I was willing to just give up and turn to dust right at my desk before resorting to that humiliation.

In fact, I had started working on my last will and testament. I was using my phone since the computers were not working, and I'll be damned if I'm going to use a pen and paper. Do you take me for a fool? Besides, I am not even sure I have a pen that works at my station. I would have to get up and walk around to the desks of people who had not yet arrived, or those down enjoying a cigarette during the brief lull in modern technological productivity.

Then it hit me, I should get a cup of coffee before the delicious life giving elixir gets cold. Newton's law of cooling is quite specific, TS > TE  System S cools until it is in thermal equilibrium with E. In an isolated system TS decreases while TE increases. Obviously, I had to hurry.

 Unfortunately, many of my coworkers had performed the calculation as well. A line had formed at the coffee maker. Ten people looking lost, sad and forlorn, staring in abject misery at the little pot. There was only two and a half cups left in the carafe. The power was out, the water cooler didn't work, and the coffee was almost gone. It was looking desperate. I wondered how long we had before we had to pick the weakest associate and eat them.

Then something beautiful happened. Mitch from Customer Relations filled his mug, took a sip and handed it to Marge, from Legal Services. She took a sip and passed it along. Somebody started singing Blowing in the Wind. A chorus of off key, creaking voices joined. People were crying, holding each other.

"I am going to miss string cheese the most," a timid voice said. Sobbing people started talking about the things they would miss most from civilization. It was touching and beautiful, in an awful, and terrible way.

Man, were we embarrassed when the power came back.

Monday, It Stands Humble Before Me.

This morning I overslept, not tragically, but enough that things were in a little bit of a bind, a little stressed, there was an undercurrent of anger thrumming through our normally peaceful morning.  No worries, a cool, calm demeanor, a little charm, a couple of well timed jokes, and everything was running like a well tuned machine.  In short, I was as cool as could be, in the immortal words of Jerry Garcia, "check my pulse, it don't change, stays 72 come shine or rain."*  As usual, everyone in the family was in awe of the self assured, calm, cool father figure in the eye of the storm.

Of course, the drive to work was touch and go, there was an accident on a freeway ramp to downtown on the north side of the city.  This has the fallout effect of sending additional commuters (interlopers) on the freeway from the north east corner of town, my route.  It is a sad reality of life, when there is a multiple car accident, cars strewn across the highway, and the first thought in most cases is "Oh man, this is going to ruin my drive to work."

No problem, though, there is enough road for everybody, almost.  And things were going smoothly, in the fast lane, cruising.  A car changed lanes, right in front of me!  No worries, it is a Volkswagon, a car from the land of the lawless Autobahn, the wild west of driving experiences, you know this guy is going to keep pace, he is going to move.  Nope, he putts along in painful observance of the posted speed limit.  Oh well, I still got to work.

But, it made me think we stereotype cars, too much.  Like the American automaker whose name sounds similar to Blue Ink.  For the sake of this post let's just call the car BlueInk.  During the commercials for BlueInk, actors are confused by the fact other actors are driving a BlueInk, because the car looks nothing like a BlueInk.  "I don't see a BlueInk," they will say, with dismay.  It is in many ways a risky gambit, in essence saying "buy one of our cars, they aren't ugly anymore."  Of course, they still look like BlueInk cars to me, but I am not a car guy, and can only recognize brands by the loge, stuck right on the front.

To end this rambling, incoherent post here is a picture of delicious, wonderful, delightful coffee.  It is too bad you can't smell the aroma through your monitor, it like a gift from Heaven.  Don't forget that next Sunday is the ultimate tea vs coffee showdown.  You should post, tweet, videotape or whatever it is that you call adding things to Facebook, using the hashtag #HOTDRINKDAY.

This is too important to leave in the hands of world leaders, who are generally making a mess of things (more on this later, maybe, if I can't think of anything more pleasant to write about).  And don't forget to vote, at Choose Coffee, all of the other choices are jokes and will send a small electrical current through your keyboard, not enough to kill you, probably.   And you can thank +Mike Raven at the The Blog of the Thog for that.   It might lead to international tension, and increased hostility, and you can have a say in it, won't that be cool?



*In an effort to receive a Triple A Bond Rating from Standard and Poors (motto, we may be standard but we sure aren't poor) I am disclosing the following, "I don't know who wrote 'U.S. Blues,' but am confident, more or less that it was Jerry Garcia singing.

Wars In The Home

There comes a time when life chase you down and tackles you from behind.  Often, this happens just when you feel as though you have hit the corner, and the tight end of daily duty has held his block long enough for you to cut upfield and run down the sidelines towards the end zone of success and just as you are about ready to cross the goal line for the touchdown of easy, carefree living, and bam you are smashed down on the one yard line of pain and suffering by the free safety of responsibility...  Oops, sorry about that, football season is coming, and I am kind of excited.

But, that is not what we are here to talk about , we are here to discuss home improvement, and small repairs.  My advice is, avoid them, no matter what, don't let anybody (particularly your wife) shame you into changing the faucet, sink, light fixture, electrical outlet, anything.  It is a fools errand, and that is not the fool you want to be.  You can trust me here, I have tried all sorts of idiocy, and this one is the worst, and possibly the most dangerous.





With this advice in mind, I am going to change the light fixture in the bathroom today, a dangerous, difficult undertaking involving, at the very least, a screw driver, a wrench, probably and a lethal electrical current.  Ok, so you don't need a wrench, but you need two types of screwdrivers.


Here is the good part, because of the unique properties of electricity this light fixture, (an LED, EnergyStar model) could, at any moment, go from a rousing feat of successful home improvement, a small victory for the common man, to a sparking, sizzling, self destructing kamikaze, burning your house to ground any time, day or night.  It becomes a time bomb, just waiting on the edge of consciousness, constantly gnawing at the corners of your mind, poking you in your sleep, forcing you to rush home after work, to make sure your house has not been razed by your technical prowess.

Well, I am off, tools, tape, and confidence in hand, if you never see me again, tell Coach Riley to win a championship for me. and tell the Academy I will not be available to accept the Oscar next year, what the heck, call the Pulitzer people, the Publishers Clearing House people, the Nobel people, and the Heisman Award people, and tell them to call my wife, who shamed me into this act of self destruction, is to blame.

Hey, that is the end of today's episode, tune in tomorrow when we discuss installing a new shower head, or scalding yourself right before you drown.