And the Winner Is? Who knows?

In six days one of the biggest shows of the year is taking place in Cleveland, OH. It is the first of what appears to be eleven Republican debates. Of course the first debate in either party is always the most exciting, because of the size of the field, and the wide open nature of the forum. At this point nobody has really established a loyal following, all of the voters are just walking down the buffet line, trying a little of this, in the past it might have been a little taste of Gingrich on a Balanced Budget roll, or perhaps a little Kerry on an Increased Educational Opportunity wafer. Normally, nobody has really picked a main course yet.

"The Donald" has thrown a monkey wrench into the works. He has taken a commanding lead in the polls, mostly by not really answering questions. Always a good tactic this early, but "the Donald" has taken this to new heights. Sometimes he doesn't answer the question while it is still being asked, talking right over the top of the press person.

It is not too difficult to imagine Donald Trump talking from the beginning of the debate to the end, without stopping. Moderators fidgeting nervously with microphones, pens and note cards. Other candidates watching in helpless terror as the debate is turned into the latest installment of reality television.

How would this play in America. Probably pretty well if the current slate of programming is any
indication. It could turn into Presidential Survivor, or Presidential Professional Wrestling. A weekly display of brutality, subterfuge, and oversized egos and personalities. All vying for the love, or despisement of the American television audience. Or, if it should be a little lighter it could be more like the Harlem Globetrotters barnstorming across the country, winning game after game against a determined but over matched foe.

Of course, the politicians who are not practiced reality television stars are not in favor of the transition. Across Iowa and New Hampshire they are meeting with advisers, and coaches, and strategists about the best way to combat the Trump menace.

Rob Portman, from Ohio, who seems to be a pretty decent guy, considering he is a politician, said the best tactic in this situation would probably be "one liners, and humor." Avoid getting drawn into the rhetoric, and anger. It could draw attention to a candidate and become a clip shown again and again. He stopped short of suggesting a "Last Comic Standing" approach, but it might work.

Anyway, things are warming up. I am stocking up on snacks, something healthy, and drinks, probably carbonated water, and getting ready for the first show down of the year. It could be epic. I hope the good guy wins.

Music, the Grammys, and and Ingenuity.

According to Variety Sunday night's Grammy Award Show hit a 6 year low.  With an 8.5 rating in adults 18 to 49 and 25.3 million viewers the show was down 14% from last year.  This is significant.  With the shifting logistics of music delivery the economics of the industry are changing.  Pharrell Williams' song "Happy" (one of the most popular, catchy, cheerful songs ever written) was played 43 million times in the first quarter of 2014 on Pandora paying a tidy little sum of $2700.00.  This can not make him very happy.  Obviously, music needs to find new ways to attract an audience, and stay solvent.

Kanye West has been making repeated attempts to liven up the ceremony.  Inject a little life into the staid, lifeless proceedings only to be spurned by the very industry he is struggling to save.  However, there is some movement at the top.

There are plans to the song of the year award decided in a "Survivor" style competition.  Singers will need to crawl across a rope bridge suspended over a pit filled with ice water (filtered, carbonated mineral water, of course) while singing the nominated composition.  Competitors will try to knock them off of the bridge by hurling insults, slander, recriminations, and tennis balls.  The contestant who crosses the pit the quickest will receive immunity, and be allowed to choose the competition used to decide the Grammy for New Artist of the year.  There is even talk of having the oscar winners face the grammy winners in a paintball contest.  This is very exciting, but that is only the beginning.

Hulk Hogan is going to give out the Grammy for Artist of the Year.  When the award is handed out Nature Boy Rick Flair is going to come storming in Stage Left, and smash a chair over the head of...  Wait, I can't tell you who is going to win the Grammy, contractual obligations.  Flair will climb up on the top rope, leap down and deliver a "Devastating Flying Body Slam of Doom" just as the grammy winner rolls from the ring, and is replaced by The Rock, who smiles winningly at the audience, while delivering a "The Peoples Elbow" to the prone Rick Flair, and accepting the award on behalf of the incapacitated recipient, whose identity is secret.  You are going to want to tune in for that.

Things seem to be in good hands.  Another national industry saved from financial collapse by solid American Know How, and a can do it spirit.  It brings a tear to the eye.

Year End Performance Reviews, Winner Take All.

This year we, here at Life Explained, (#lifeexplained) have decided to forgo the normal Christmas (for those of you waging a war on Christmas*, Xmas) gifts, year end evaluations, promotions, bonuses, and raises.  Instead, taking a cue from the ultimate authority in fair play, the NCAA, and having a playoff with the biggest prizes to be awarded to the winners, though we are trying to avoid all of the corruption, greed and malfeasance associated with organized sports.  It won't be football, or basketball, probably, but it will be a competition, and people are warming up to the idea already.

Right now we are leaning toward professional wrestling, WWE style, looking into the price of a decent ring, with a cage that lowers, covering the area so contestants are forced to battle it out, with no chance of escape.  A cage would even the playing field for Mabel from accounting, as her oxygen tank, and walker would slow her down, and allow her opponent to flee with ease.  Go Mabel!

Of course, nobody really wants to see Bob, from R and D in wrestling shorts, the guy looks like he might be the missing link.  And nobody really wants to wrestle Bill from the legal department, he is such a whiner.  He had to get stitches for his last paper cut.  One good body slam would leave him in a coma, which might be ok, until he woke up.

On the plus side, people are starting to come up with some very creative ring names, like "Carl, the Crippler Custodian," and "Doctor Daryl the Destroyer," the RN, who stitched up Bill's papercut.  Daryl is so enamored with the idea she smashed a guy over the head with a folding chair.  He came in to see about something for his headache, she screamed, "I got your headache right here," and knocked him, butt over tea kettle into the hall, he had to be transported to the hospital.  (Hurry back boss, we all miss you.)

Mabel wins again.

Anyway, there is a lot on the line, and spirits are running high, Doctor Dawg started accepting bets on the outcome, making odds, and so far Mabel is doing well, 3 to 1 against.  And the addition of masks has helped, though when you are competing for promotion, or a raise I suppose anonymity is not an asset.  Well, tune in to the Life Explained network, bet a big fat wad of cash (don't worry, if you lose the Life Explained Tax Service will provide documents proving it was a charitable donation) and catch all of the action.  It will be intense, and you won't want to miss a second, except when you go grab a drink or a snack, you know, the important things in life.

* We here at Life Explained would like to take this opportunity to espouse our love of peace (A), and all things peaceful, we feel that war is bad, and have no desire to participate in wars of any kind.  We are pacifists by preference, and by profession.  Plus, we like Christmas, and wish it came more often.