College Football, Post Season, the Real Season.

Since football season is almost over it is time to examine the many changes that have set the world of college football.  There are momentous changes, and long lasting implication, it is a brave new world.  "If you do not change direction you may end up where you are heading."  Lao Tzu

This is the first year of the NCAA playoffs, with coaches, players and fans openly campaigning for their team.  It is a wonderfully shameless political campaign of trumpeting achievements and shouting the relative merits of a group of young athletes from the top of every mountain, and virtual, online soapbox.  It is nothing new, it has happened since the beginning of crowning a National Champion, (it is only more pronounced by the addition of a playoff) and it will last until the end of the sport.  Which, considering the recent collision with the courts and the NCAA's decision to allow the "power conferences" to make the monetary decisions regarding the benefits allocated to athletes will probably be much sooner than later.  It has been a good run, though.  So long, Mountain West, and MAC, we hardly knew ye.

But, all of this pales when compared to the conference expansion.  It started a while ago, maybe it was the Big Ten welcoming Penn State into the Old Boys network.  Officials from around the country watched, and waited.  What would be the fallout from an eleven team Big Ten Conference, not surprisingly, when the relative importance of the decision is considered, nobody really cared too much.

And the grab was on, conferences were grabbing teams in a Black Friday style dash for that glorious twelfth team that would allow for a conference championship game, almost a license to print money. A sponsored, endorsed, advertising intensive extravaganza of indulgence, and excess, a day long celebration of capitalism disguised as sports.  Executives and officials exchanging huge sums of cash.  Sports, they may not build character, but they will build fortunes, and fame, and several new campus facilities.   At least they would if universities weren't so busy throwing money at athletics.

This weekend was "Rivalry Weekend."  Kind of a self explanatory, but, it was a feast for advertisers, and fans alike.  Rivalries wax and wane with the fortunes of the participants, but can still be compelling television.

Yesterday, during one of the rivalry games, an ancient, august, game with a revered history, some brazen, fearless soul proposed to one of the cheerleaders, a beautiful young lady, with a dazzling smile.  And the entire romantic, private, touching moment was played out in the end zone, on televisions across the nation, and probably in armed forces bases around the world.  It was fantastic television, and automobile companies, brewers, and soft drink manufacturers are scrambling to find the next potential proposer to get their cut of the action.  Please contact a talent agent, and they can negotiate the terms of your proposal.  Everybody would profit.

Year End Performance Reviews, Winner Take All.

This year we, here at Life Explained, (#lifeexplained) have decided to forgo the normal Christmas (for those of you waging a war on Christmas*, Xmas) gifts, year end evaluations, promotions, bonuses, and raises.  Instead, taking a cue from the ultimate authority in fair play, the NCAA, and having a playoff with the biggest prizes to be awarded to the winners, though we are trying to avoid all of the corruption, greed and malfeasance associated with organized sports.  It won't be football, or basketball, probably, but it will be a competition, and people are warming up to the idea already.

Right now we are leaning toward professional wrestling, WWE style, looking into the price of a decent ring, with a cage that lowers, covering the area so contestants are forced to battle it out, with no chance of escape.  A cage would even the playing field for Mabel from accounting, as her oxygen tank, and walker would slow her down, and allow her opponent to flee with ease.  Go Mabel!

Of course, nobody really wants to see Bob, from R and D in wrestling shorts, the guy looks like he might be the missing link.  And nobody really wants to wrestle Bill from the legal department, he is such a whiner.  He had to get stitches for his last paper cut.  One good body slam would leave him in a coma, which might be ok, until he woke up.

On the plus side, people are starting to come up with some very creative ring names, like "Carl, the Crippler Custodian," and "Doctor Daryl the Destroyer," the RN, who stitched up Bill's papercut.  Daryl is so enamored with the idea she smashed a guy over the head with a folding chair.  He came in to see about something for his headache, she screamed, "I got your headache right here," and knocked him, butt over tea kettle into the hall, he had to be transported to the hospital.  (Hurry back boss, we all miss you.)

Mabel wins again.

Anyway, there is a lot on the line, and spirits are running high, Doctor Dawg started accepting bets on the outcome, making odds, and so far Mabel is doing well, 3 to 1 against.  And the addition of masks has helped, though when you are competing for promotion, or a raise I suppose anonymity is not an asset.  Well, tune in to the Life Explained network, bet a big fat wad of cash (don't worry, if you lose the Life Explained Tax Service will provide documents proving it was a charitable donation) and catch all of the action.  It will be intense, and you won't want to miss a second, except when you go grab a drink or a snack, you know, the important things in life.

* We here at Life Explained would like to take this opportunity to espouse our love of peace (A), and all things peaceful, we feel that war is bad, and have no desire to participate in wars of any kind.  We are pacifists by preference, and by profession.  Plus, we like Christmas, and wish it came more often.

March Insanity.

Here at Life Explained we are big, big sports fans.  We enjoy the thrill of competition, the noble pursuit of victory, the never ending chase of perfection.  And, we enjoy it from our couches and recliners, with a big plate of nachos, and a couple of beers.  We were particularly excited for this years cold, and flu season.  It is a wide open race to the top seed in the cold and flu playoffs!

The last couple of seasons there was a clear favorite to win the cold and flu championship.  A lead pipe lock to the cold and flu title.  Not this year, it is a whole new game.  Sure, there are a couple of heavy hitters that look like they could go all the way.  But, it could be the year of the underdog.

The bird flu (H5N1, for those of you with a score card) is looking pretty tough, but what do you expect from a group of creatures that figured out how to fly thousands of years ago.  You know they are always going to come up with a contender.  It is always a safe bet.


But, the swine flu (H1N1, if you are thinking of looking at the latest line from Vegas) is making a late season run, too.  Trust me, pigs really know how to generate some germy stuff, including virus'.  Just grab yourself a BLT, and check out the nearest pig pen.  They are, at the very least, unsanitary, and probably worse, filthy, (as a side note, my mother always said my room at home was the worst looking pig sty she had ever seen, when pressed for details she assured me it was a very complicated grading process, one I would never understand).  It is obvious hygiene means little to the average swine.

Anyway, it is a very exciting season, and we have started a pool.  Anybody can play, just send your completed bracket and $5.00 to us at;

The Top Secret Life Explained Headquarters,
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(address redacted)

 If you win we will send you the money, we promise, you can trust us.