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Thursday, June 27, 2013

Behind the scenes, and the people.

Many people have expressed great interest in the working conditions at our top secret location, nestled deep in the heart of the Midwest, depending, of course on your geographic sensibilities.  To some, this would be the East, to others it would be the North, to some it would be a great place to drive through on your way to a nice vacation.  Our freeways are top notch here, and you can zoom right by, or through, in a variety of ways.  

That is not what we are going to report on today, (but, if you need directions to Louisville, let us know).  We are going to show you around our top secret facility.  Oh, don't act so surprised.  We share lots of important stuff with you guys all of the time.  

We know, unfettered access like this may expose us to our enemies, mainly spiders, but we are willing to take that risk.

We will start at the bottom and work our way up.  Since there are so many top secrets things going on around here, and we know how difficult it is for you to keep a secret, we can only show you what people would see while they were working if they had eyes in the back of their heads.

Here is a picture of what the shipping guy would see if he had eyes in the back of his head, or woke up and turned around.  As you can see, he is set if he needs an  extra box, or postal bin.  Plus, he is safe from gunfire, as long as the assailant is less than 3 feet tall.  Which is important when you consider how many short people jokes he tells.  Like the one.  "What did the short guy say to the bartender?  Who cares, he's short."
This is the view, from the back of the facility manager's head.  It is a changing tableau of tape, boxes, product, carts.  It is actually a little intimidating, good thing he hardly ever turns around.  His focus is squarely on the future, a very good trait for a facilities manager.  Plus, he is constantly scouring the online world for new things a decent facility might need, like another motorcycle.  Or a three dimensional printer, which would be cool.  Go Facilities Manager, Go!

Here we have the view behind our assistant manager in charge of assistance.  His view is clear down at the other end of the building, so we are not sure if he is still alive or not.  Maybe we should email him, or walk down there and see.  I'll just email.  Note to self, ask for a golf cart.

 If our tech guy would turn around this is what he would see, but he is kind of busy.  He has the company record at Angry Birds, Top Secret Facilities addition, and has no plans on relinquishing his title.  Even if he has to sabotage a few a network connection or two.  So if your computer quits working you will know why.

There are three people in our customer service department.  They are wonderful people, unique, delightful, and charming.  Plus, they have fantastic areas behind them.  It is a little sad to think that no one can remember their names.  In fact we just call them Tweedle One, Tweedle Two and Tweedle Three.  That is only a joke, we know and love them all.  Especially... uh... um... you know the one one, she sits kind of in the middle, you know, wears glasses, drives a car, what is her name again?  It is right there, I can almost hear it.

Behind our accounting department is this gem.  You might wander how an organization as large and important as Life Explained can get by with an accounting department of 1.  Simple, a lot of our accounting is done in off shore banks that are not as fussy about "regulations," "tax codes, "laws" and "jail time." Of course, that is only a little accounting humor.   We are law abiding, regulation loving tax payers.  At least until our 501 3c exemption comes through.

Last, and certainly not least, the back of the Big Kahuna.   Clearly, she has a huge fan club, a hard core group of fanatical enthusiasts who watch her every move, waiting with joyful anticipation of her next move.  It is easy to understand.  She is a ten fingered typist, and sometimes hits 100,000 words per minute.  Her computer has been seen begging for mercy.  And the crowd behind her will give the "thumbs up" or "thumbs down" depending on the mood.