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Friday, August 9, 2013

Apple, Apple, everywhere,

Today we are celebrating.  Our good friend has joined the happy ranks of iPhone owners.  That's right, Shirley from "upstairs" has taken the sleeping pill of modernity and is now free to experience the technological nightmare of the 21st century.  Just kidding, we here at Life Explained think our iPhone is great, and we are so happy Shirley has joined our club.

Of course, introductions are not necessary, everybody remembers Shirley from  A true classic of investigative journalism, along the lines of Woodward and Best..., Berst..., the Watergate people.  If you were absent that day we will reproduce Shirley's part of the post.

If you were very short, and, stood on top of Shirley's head, while she was working, and, if you turned around and looked behind Shirley, this is what you would see.  As you can see Shirley used to need a lot of office supplies.  Things have changed, dramatically, since she joined the iPhone revolution.  Her life is a streamlined, bustling train ride to efficiency and she has assumed the role of conductor, and you better have a ticket.

Now, Shirley spits in the eye of the old fashioned, notepads are just coasters to her.  She scoffs at post it notes, and not just the freebies given by companies desperate for a little business.  She won't even use the "store bought" real Post It Notes, (a registered trademark of 3M).  Shirley is constantly taking notes, snapping pictures, sending emails, calling suppliers, vendors, customers.   She has become a machine, tackling assignments, always on the run from coffee, to iced tea, to straight bourbon, iPhone firmly in hand.

 At first she was so cute, "look at these kitty pictures my Grand Daughter just texted me."  Now, she is complaining about the relative speed of various wifi hotspots and the need for more 3G LTE because her twitter feed is sluggish, and Facebook is "slow as spit."

We were all a little shocked when she got a new tattoo that said "If you can't take the heat stay off of the World Wide Web, Wimp!"  Funny how technology has shaped our world, isn't it?

So, if you are going for a casual cruise down the information super highway and somebody flies past, you cursing your slowness, in a spiffy new iPhone, don't be offended, and say hello, it is probably our friend, Shirley.