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Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Math, the Devil's Subject.

I am not good at math, want to add two numbers together, no problem, subtract one number from another, heck yeah, give me some paper, a pencil, with a good eraser and I can even lay some multiplication on you, daddio, not much, but some.  Of course, division is a problem, fractions are tough, and any math that uses letters is just ridiculous.  Unfortunately, I am the only one in the family who has not succumbed to the dark magic of math.

My wife has a photographic memory for numbers, she can tell you how much the payment was on our first car.  She figures percentages in her head, and knows how much the bill should be at the checkout when we are shopping, so if the price on the avocados was wrong, she can make them fix it, right then and there.

My sons both take such advanced math classes in school that I can not even operate the calculators they use.  I tell them both "yeah, if you are so good at math why do you need a calculator?"  They roll their eyes to the heavens, asking the Lord for strength, and sigh, kind of like their Mother, it is something I see often.  Then all three of them walk away discussing exponents, and other words I think they may be fabricating as they talk.

It makes for some difficult times watching basketball.  If our team is doing well I will say something like "wow, a 12 point lead with 4 minutes left, that's great."

And, without fail, "No, dad," they can make the word 'dad' sound like an insult, "it is a 14 point lead."

"Oh, right, well it was a 12 point lead."

"No, dad, it was an 11 point lead and they made a three point shot."

"Oh, yeah, right, right,  I was thinking of another game, it might not have been this team, maybe a different sport, where some team had a 12 point lead, it was great."

Three sets of eyes roll upward, and the sighs are almost in harmony.  It is kind of intimidating to have the power to trigger such a choreographed response.  I try to use it only for good.

But, I have the answer, a Casio Calculator Watch.  Then I can say, "look a 14 point lead, at 7:46 in the evening."  And if I get the right watch, I will be able to tell them, "look, a 14 point lead at 7:46, which, is 9:46 AM in Tokyo."  They will be so impressed, and I will look pretty darned cool, too.  So, if you need some numbers crunched, send them my way, I will be happy to help.