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Thursday, May 15, 2014

Pardon me, sir, would you have any chocolate syrup?

We managed to quell the uprising in the 6th floor break room  (Dangit, we are serious about that ice cream!) using diplomacy.  We promised there would be no retaliation if they laid down their arms and gave up the fight.  As soon as they walked out, arms raised in the air, we fired them all.

They left without much fuss, but returned later in the day armed with lawyers.  We fired them, too.  Then we offered to represent the poor, unemployed goof offs from the accounting department ourselves, and we would do it Pro Bono, unless the settlement was huge then tossing a little something our way couldn't hurt, we are one big family after all, right?

Justice is blind visually impaired
and does not hear too well, either.
Justice is just having problems.
Fortunately, for everybody, we are reasonable people and decided to settle out of court.  We hired all of the accountants back, at entry level wages, and paid them a settlement that would even out the income for the year, then we charged our insurance company for the trauma we all faced, and sued the local, state and federal governments for not interceding on our behalf, and allowing the situation to get completely out of control.

After the dust settled we turned a tidy little profit.  Plus, we get a huge tax break because of our reduced payroll in accounting.  The local government has agreed to a huge tax subsidy to keep us from leaving, despite the treacherous conditions.  Seeing how resourceful we handled this potential crisis the state and federal government are offering us huge contracts to supply goods and services, and brother, do we have some dang fine goods, and services, and we have ice cream.  Life is good, you know.