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Sunday, January 11, 2015

Your Winter Vacation Hot Spot

Climate change has altered things all over.  The cold has started wafting across the River Styx, reducing the ambient temperature in Hell. Cerberus is wearing a lovely argyle dog sweater to stay warm.  He does look dashing, and very stylish.  But, with the temperature so moderate, and comfortable, Hades is no longer such a forbidding, punishing place.  Since most of the income was generated by the hellish nature of the place, and the incarceration of those less than wholesome new revenue streams were required.

Tourism is very profitable for places with comfortable, temperate climates, and Hell has cooled significantly the last several years.  The Polar Vortex has a long, powerful reach.  It seemed only natural to build a few resorts, start adverting, and bring in some of those free spending visitors.

Obviously, there is plenty of plenty of cheap labor, so building new hotels and amusement parks was not a problem.  Nor was staffing them.  Plus, with the more comfortable temperatures the people who were put there to suffer, were having a pretty easy time.  Putting them to work as laborers, carrying, toting, hammering, using filthy portable toilets, it would be suitably biblical.  At least it would be better than having them laying around enjoying the unseasonably pleasant (in any season) weather.

Since labor laws, or the laws of physics, don't really apply in the pit of everlasting misery construction wrapped up quickly.  Sprawling, extravagant, sumptuous vacation resorts with indoor pools, water slides, underworld class golf courses.  It was wonderful beyond imagination.

Of course, they needed to hire a good advertising firm to overcome all of the negative press.  Years of everlasting punishment, fire and brimstone don't make for wonderful travel posters.  

Scrubbing the sulfur smell from the environment was not a simple matter, but a little ingenuity, several cans of Lysol, some scented candles and ceiling fans, and the odors of torment and despair were no worse than most places filled with tourists.

So, the new hot spot (really, nice, warm spot) during the long weeks of insufferable, terrible winter , Hades.  Your #1 golf and goofing off destination, Hades, the Underworld Paradise Destination, bring your swim trunks.  Remember, it is warm, but it is a dry heat.