Your Winter Vacation Hot Spot

Climate change has altered things all over.  The cold has started wafting across the River Styx, reducing the ambient temperature in Hell. Cerberus is wearing a lovely argyle dog sweater to stay warm.  He does look dashing, and very stylish.  But, with the temperature so moderate, and comfortable, Hades is no longer such a forbidding, punishing place.  Since most of the income was generated by the hellish nature of the place, and the incarceration of those less than wholesome new revenue streams were required.

Tourism is very profitable for places with comfortable, temperate climates, and Hell has cooled significantly the last several years.  The Polar Vortex has a long, powerful reach.  It seemed only natural to build a few resorts, start adverting, and bring in some of those free spending visitors.

Obviously, there is plenty of plenty of cheap labor, so building new hotels and amusement parks was not a problem.  Nor was staffing them.  Plus, with the more comfortable temperatures the people who were put there to suffer, were having a pretty easy time.  Putting them to work as laborers, carrying, toting, hammering, using filthy portable toilets, it would be suitably biblical.  At least it would be better than having them laying around enjoying the unseasonably pleasant (in any season) weather.

Since labor laws, or the laws of physics, don't really apply in the pit of everlasting misery construction wrapped up quickly.  Sprawling, extravagant, sumptuous vacation resorts with indoor pools, water slides, underworld class golf courses.  It was wonderful beyond imagination.

Of course, they needed to hire a good advertising firm to overcome all of the negative press.  Years of everlasting punishment, fire and brimstone don't make for wonderful travel posters.  

Scrubbing the sulfur smell from the environment was not a simple matter, but a little ingenuity, several cans of Lysol, some scented candles and ceiling fans, and the odors of torment and despair were no worse than most places filled with tourists.

So, the new hot spot (really, nice, warm spot) during the long weeks of insufferable, terrible winter , Hades.  Your #1 golf and goofing off destination, Hades, the Underworld Paradise Destination, bring your swim trunks.  Remember, it is warm, but it is a dry heat.

The Gates to Hell

Recently the line between reality and fantasy has been moving in and out of focus.  It becomes increasingly difficult to determine what is real, and what is an illusion.  For example, this report on MSN seemed more dream like than anchored in reality. 

"Archaeologists uncover ancient 'gate to hell' in Turkey"

 An ancient cave known as the 'gate to hell' in Greco-Roman mythology has reportedly been discovered in southwestern Turkey.

The ruins of the "gate to hell," an ancient cave to the underworld in Greco-Roman mythology, have been discovered in Turkey, Italian archaeologists have announced.
The cave, also known as Pluto's Gate, was uncovered in the ancient Phrygian city of Hierapolis, now known as the city of Pamukkale, in southwestern Turkey.
The find, announced in March at a conference on Italian archaeology in Istanbul, was made by a team led by Francesco D'Andria, professor of classic archaeology at the University of Salento, according to Discovery News.
Pluto's Gate was once believed to be, quite literally, one of the gates into the depths of hell.
"This space is full of a vapor so misty and dense that one can scarcely see the ground. Any animal that passes inside meets instant death," wrote Greek philosopher, geographer and historian Strabo, who lived between about 64 B.C. and 24 A.D.
“I threw in sparrows and they immediately breathed their last and fell,” he added.
In ancient times, the cave was said to be filled with hallucinogenic, noxious fumes — a site where animals were led to sacrifice by priests of the gods, according to Science World Report.
Amid the ruins, D'Andria's team also found the remains of a temple, a pool and a series of steps placed above the cave — all matching the descriptions of the site in ancient sources, according to Discovery News.
Christians obliterated much of the site, and earthquakes may have helped complete the destruction several years later, according to Discovery News.
The city was known for its baths fed by hot springs. D'Andria said he stumbled upon the portal by reconstructing the route of a thermal spring to the cave.
The archaeologists are now working to digitally reconstruct the site.

Of course, archaeologists digitally reconstructing the gateway to hell could be a very bad idea, despite the obvious benefits for sparrow extermination personnel around the world.  But, how bad is it?  There are the obvious theological arguments against such a move, and they carry some weight, but aside from that, what are the implications.

Of course, there will be huge demand for air conditioners, and other air handling devices.  And soft drink stocks will explode, absolutely sky rocket.  Imagine the fortunate entrepreneur who gets the bottled water concession in hell, there is a guy who is going turn a tidy little profit in a hurry.

Plus, it is likely to be a very good source of cheap labor. It is hard to imagine the minimum wage in Hades is very progressive, and they are, more or less, locked into their positions for all eternity,so training is at a minimum.  Plus, management is probably somewhat demanding, there are very few labor advocates on the other side of the River Styx.  Also, there are no worries about that all of that upward mobility that ruins so many decent, menial laborers on this side.

According to a survey of people who know a lot about money, "it could be great."  One of them even provided the following evidence to prove the potential windfall that could follow the "Grand Opening."

When asked about the problems that could be associated with such a move, they replied, "why let a little unspeakable evil and eternal suffering stand in the way of makin' a few bucks"?

Several real estate developers are looking into the feasibility of opening "UnderWorld Spa & Resort" style facilities, and there are plans for several casinos and a new airport.  Starbucks, CVS and Walgreens have, reportedly already opened several stores in the area.

Several members of Congress are planning exploratory junkets to establish their states ties to the new markets.  And the stock market has started to climb, just on potential.  

Opening this new paradise for investors, manufacturers, consumers, and vacationers is such a potential boon one has to wonder what took so long.