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Saturday, December 12, 2015

Christmas, Time to Celebrate the Life Explained Way.

We, here at Life Explained, Ohio Office (LE uhoh), have examined the meaning of the holiday season. It is steeped in mystery, and intrigue. Many people feel it is about finding and filling spiritual needs. Others feel it is a time to connect with family, and friends, to strengthen the ties of blood, and affection.  Others, still, feel it is a festive party season, a chance to shower people with love, and presents, and tokens of appreciation.

Turns out it isn't any of that. It was established by the printing industry, in a unique spirit of cooperation with timber harvesting companies as an excuse to generate enormous amounts of catalogs and profits printing sale flyers, toy catalogs, and shopping advertisements. It was a huge success.

Soon retailers jumped on board. It was a great opportunity. In August, at a predetermined time they quietly raised prices to an agreed upon level. Then, when Thanksgiving rolls around they have a "Black Friday Sale." Prices are reduced to, what is known in retail circles as, the "July Level."

Newspaper carriers suffer through the day with sore backs, aching feet, strained shoulders, and thinking "I have nothing to be thankful for, except non steroid anti inflammatory drugs." Kicking off the joyous season, in a realistic way.

Soon the stores are filled with people clutching sale flyers, ads, and lists. There are fights for the big screen televisions caught on security footage. "Merry Christmas, you son of a bitch. Now hand over the high tech sale item before I have to kill you, and have a nice day."

So, to combat this vicious progression, we here at Life Explained Ohio Office (LEHOHOHO) have raised the prices on all of the items on our Gift Shop Website to ridiculous levels. It is your duty to buy several over priced items, and add a nice gratuity, we are doing this for everybody.