Tuesday, December 8, 2015
Life Explained, the Christmas Party.
Six years ago, for example, we used frozen rocks from the surface of Mars for our drinks. Martian Rocks from the surface of Mars for drinks! It was great. Unfortunately all of that talk about Life on Mars turned out to be true. And it turned out to be lying dormant on the surface of the rocks. When exposed to good bourbon it was reinvigorated, grew to human sized proportions, and went on a drunken binge. It destroyed the kitchen, the lunch room, the copier, the microwave and the executive restroom before we managed containment.
We managed it to sell it to the Pentagon for a tidy profit, even after we replaced the bourbon. Last we heard the Martian life form had been promoted to Colonel, and was running a supply base in the Caribbean somewhere. He still sends us Christmas cards.
Then last year Bob, from Acquisitions had too much Pinot Noir, and started to walk around pretending he was a drunk from the past. He put a lamp shade on his head, and paraded around singing what we thought was White Christmas.
But, he forgot to take the lamp out from underneath the lamp shade. The lamp, and base, and lampshade made Bob about 9 foot tall. Our doors are 8 foot high, so when he hit the part of the wall over the door, the glass base exploded, slicing into the electric cord. Sparks were flying everywhere. It set Bob's sweater on fire, and we poured a pitcher of Sangria over the top of him to extinguish the flames. Since he wrapped up in the cord (we are adamant about teaching "stop, drop and roll" before every party) the liquid shorted out the electrical system for the whole building.
When this bought down NORAD, and grounded all of the AWAC planes all over the Northern Hemisphere (don't ask, we are not allowed to tell you) we got a pretty angry call from the Chairman of The Joint Chiefs of Staff.
"Next time you morons have a party and don't tell me you can expect a few party crashers from Seal Team Six." he said. That would be awful, those guys don't know how to mix a drink to save their lives. And forget about having any Nachos, Seals are voracious around cheese covered chips.
Anyway, the party is next week, and we are sending Bob, from HR back in time to get some French wine, and German beer. It will be great.
There is not much to say, but, for those who find any offense, please remember these are only stories, jokes, and have no relation to reality. Kind of like life.
I like life, and hope it lasts a long time, but it does require some explanation, that is why these blogs exist. To help people navigate times and events that make no sense.
Here are a few places you can find a few things.
The Original Life Explained. Where it all started, a little rambling and a lot of nothing important.
Life Explains The End Views on humanity's race to self extinction. I hope I am wrong.
Life Explains Smiles Because everybody likes it when you smile.
Life Explains Aging Getting older is not always easier, but it is worth the effort. And a few small things can make it much more pleasant.
Life Explains Traveling and Commuting Mostly commuting. Driving bugs me and working bugs me so driving to work is the ultimate insult of modern life, and I like to complain.
Life Explained Explores History. The real problem with history is there is so much of it. It is all over the place. But, if you take the time to look at the small pieces it is fascinating.
Life Explains Music Music is a universal language. I like guitar based rock and roll, but there is a little bit of a lot here.