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Wednesday, August 3, 2016

You'll thank us later, if you survive.

Life Explained recently signed a big contract to assist in the development of a space based missile defense. It set the whole building electric with excitement. Hallways resembled beehives, people scurrying about, buzzing, and often running into each other, or walls.  There were several fractures, and many people were taken to the infirmary.  Finally, an announcement came over the P.A.. "Please return to your work area, the donuts have not arrived yet."

Groans, and sobs, and dejection, an overwhelming air of defeat blanketed the building.  White coated scientists, sitting on polished white floors, their backs against sterile white walls, weeping into their hands. It was a wretched sight.

Soon, the indomitable human spirit came shining through. One by one these fragile, broken souls struggled to their feet, and went out for lunch. When they got back they rolled up their shirtsleeves and went to work.

Their first order of business was to decide what was the best weapon to stop a missile. Another missile was the first suggestion, but that seemed a little primitive, finite. You would have to hit a moving target with a moving projectile, which could spell big trouble.

They sat around and thought, and drew stuff on black boards, white boards, easels with giant note pads.  Dr. Lee pointed out the difficulties in intercepting a swarm of missiles in flight. It would be much easier to redirect them,

"We could" he said, holding a half eaten reuben sandwich, "either take over the targeting system and send them back to blow up the country that had the audacity to fire them at us. Conversely, we could speed up the rotation of the Earth, placing the aggressors country smack dab under the missiles. They would blow the bejesus out of themselves."

That might just be crazy enough to work. We ran some computer simulations, and while a few
people, mostly close to the equator will fly off the planet and hurtle into the cold, inky grave of space, most of us, here at Life Explained, would survive. As would the people who write the checks in the great defense contractor accounts payable department.

We have scheduled the first test for tomorrow at 10:00 GMT. Please make sure you hold onto something well anchored. And forgive us if time is altered in ways unimaginable. Also, we are not responsible for any rifts in the fabric of reality, and the accompanying alien or demon invasion that results.

Thank  you,

The management of Life Explained Missile Defense