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Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Vote your conscience, as long as it isn't dumb.

There are only 12 days until the election. Less than 2 weeks, more than 10 days sure, but fewer than 14. In fact for the moment it is nestled safely between 11 and 13, right at 12. Both of the major party candidates have said a lot, a disturbing amount. All of it probably nothing more than "elect me hyperbole." Zahart and Clark have a plan, though.

We are going to create jobs. We are going to balance the budget. We are going to set things right. How, you ask, or would had you not been sickened by the gaseous emissions of the campaign so far. We are glad you asked, or would have asked if you had any strength left.

Our plan is simple, if you vote for us you will receive a secret code, come back here, enter the code, and we hire you as an investigator. Your job will be to investigate all of the people who don't have a code.

Of course, if enough people have the good sense to vote for us and there are not enough "investigatees" to go around we will appoint you as legal counsel for one of the foolish. Not that we are saying being foolish is a crime, and not that we are in any way implying that not voting for us is indictable, we are just only going to make everybody happy.

Honestly, lets say you were silly enough to vote for someone else wouldn't it make you feel good to have someone smart enough to vote for us defend you? Of course you would.

That sort of generosity, in the face of the bitter election cycle is what makes this country great. So get off your lazy bottom and vote. Also, if you take your secret code to Dunkin Donuts they will give you a cream filled donut with colorful sprinkles. Where else but America?