Next Stop, (I'm still working on that.) Part 3 (tales of the resistance)

This is part three of a never ending series of posts. I have the beginning, the end and most of the middle figured out, But stringing them all together may take some time. So, read, enjoy, and click on the ads.

Part 1.
Part 2.

Billy and Kevin led us around an obtuse corner, and told us to stop. "Stand here, and don't look back around the corner, but don't get comfortable either. We are just going to be a second." Kevin said, looking us in the eye. The seriousness in his voice and the intensity of his stare made me uncomfortable, and I could tell from the way Joe fidgeted and moved he was a little intimidated as well.

From either end they grabbed a barrel, hoisting it quickly and easily up to their chest. Rushing back around the corner, we heard the barrel bouncing down the tunnel we had just run through.

"Aren't those guys from the custodial staff?" I whispered to Joe, afraid they would hear me. These were clearly men of action, men of action who had me stuck in a tunnel, and I was in no hurry to cross them.

Joe said "I knew I recognized those clothes! I couldn't place them, but..." A small pop and an unusually odd sort of whoosh sound was followed by a gust of wind that carried an odd, industrial smell. Followed quickly by our captors/saviors.

"What was that?" I asked.

"It was a barrel of spray foam insulation. The kind that expands so much. We sealed off the tunnel, temporarily. It won't take long for them to dig through so we have to hurry." Billy said, turning to run.

"You have a barrel of foam insulation? That stuff is ridiculously expensive. Who sells it by the barrel? How did you afford it?" I was shocked that the words were coming from my mouth. The only thing I wanted less than to run down this dark, musty tunnel with these guys is to have them lose their temper and leave me behind. For one thing, they had the lights, secondly, if Becky dug through that foam insulation with such an awful headache she was going to be furious, and third I would be alone, in a dark tunnel filled with God knows what. But, the absurdity of the situation was starting to press in on the sides of my head, and force the questions out.

"Look, we bought it off Amazon, they have everything. And we used the company account, because you're right, it cost a fortune." Kevin said, "now can we go?"

Joe must have felt emboldened by my ill timed questions. He blurted out, "aren't you guys custodians? Is your budget that big?"

Kevin and Billy looked at each other, then at Joe. Kevin said, "and maintenance personnel."

"Oh." Joe said. And we all started running.

Fish, Explained.

Today we are going to examine some of the unique creatures that live in the oceans, lakes, ponds, rivers and streams of our world.  There is a certain peace in watching these delightful animals sail silently, seemingly without effort.  It is a wonderful group of diverse, well adapted animals who have evolved with the singular purpose of surviving underwater.  That fact alone makes them interesting, and unique.  Beyond that, though, there are so many traits that make them noteworthy, and worthy of their own blog post.

We will start with Electric Eel.  A totally unique fish, that can produce an electrical current, that is kind of cool, a little floating battery.  NPR said "a six foot electric eel was like a 6 inch fish attached to 5 1/2 foot cattle prod."  Maybe that isn't so cool.  Some estimates claim that this apex predator can generate up to 500 volts, which is used to stun prey, for self defense, and sometimes just to be a jerk.  Obviously, this animal will not make a good pet, and if you see one while swimming across a South American river you should swim a little faster, and pretend you are not edible, or interesting.

Let's move on to Sting Rays, shall we.  They look like huge dinner plates swimming, gliding peacefully.  It is a beautiful animal, majestic, serene, and gentle.  Wait a minute, what's this about a venomous spine.  Apparently this noble creature, sailing politely through the placid waters has "an arrow like barb, that pierces the venom sac, along with the skin of the victim and introduces a venomous slime!!! into the wound."  A venomous slime, that is a truly loathsome, despicable act.  What kind of animal would do that?!?!?!  Why would anybody even consider getting in a river with an animal capable of that atrocity?

And don't even ask about jellyfish, sharks or squid.

For your own well being it would be best to stay out of any body of water bigger than a swimming pool, and look carefully in the pool before you risk that.  It seems that everything that swims is lethal, whether it involves toxins, or razor sharp teeth, or long, uncountable tentacles, and is just waiting for a shot at some poor, unsuspecting human, willing to send them into the great unknown, and maybe have a little snack as well. When Coleridge wrote;

"He prayeth best who loveth best
All things both great and small;
For the dear God who loveth us
He made and loveth all.

he was not talking about fish!
                                                                                                                                                           
That concludes today's episode, don't forget to tune in tomorrow when will discuss spiders that eat fish.  Yes, fish eating spiders, turns out you are not safe anywhere.  (Don't forget to donate generously to Life Explained colonizes Mars, for a fish, and spider free future, it is our only hope.)                

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

Special Delivery and Acquisition.

According to a press release from the Office of Contract Distribution, and Outsourcing, in the capitol building in Washington DC, the government has partnered with Amazon to further the use of UAVs in pursuit of national security.

"Amazon is truly a visionary company, with unlimited potential, and we (the US Government) have a wealth of experience in the use of drones, it is only natural that we should join forces.  It's a win win"  Said a highly placed, reluctant to be named, source in Homeland Security.

"Truly, this is the best of both worlds for the Government, and Amazon," said a marketing director from the distribution giant.  "For the price of an Amazon Prime membership our government gets almost unlimited access to our army of drones, and the footage recorded as they travel from house to house delivering packages.  Over backyard barbecues, and down busy streets, recording the lives, conversations, and machinations of people.  Plus, they get free 2nd day air shipping, unlimited streaming movies, and the ability to borrow Kindle Books, and there are a ton of those, all for the ridiculously low price of a Prime member level."

When asked if this could be viewed as an invasion of privacy a spokesperson said, "a Prime Membership does have certain privileges."  Several reporters raised their hands, but, the room went silent as a tomb when a drone whirred in menacingly, stage left,  turned to face the audience and hovered, sinister, silent, and ominous.  No one had any more questions.

Also, it should be noted, Amazon is moving into a more aggressive International posture in the near future.  This is where both parties really see the benefit of this unique pact.  Amazon will sell and deliver explosive ordinance to selected "consignees" all covered by the single Prime subscription fee.  Of course, they have yet to announce the Amazon Armed Forces division, which will cover the Air Strikes Delivery, as well as Rescue Mission Invasions.

A high ranking member of Congress is quoted as saying, "heck, if this goes well, we can look into other areas of cooperation between the Federal Government and Amazon, maybe some deep space exploitation, I mean exploration.  Hey, strike out that part, would ya, pal?"

There are many concerns about this new technology, and many questions left to be answered.  Americans are concerned that individual rights are being buried under mountains of electronic abilities and over zealous bureaucrats keen on exploiting new technology.  But, deep inside, I knew my wife was using way too much salt on the steaks.