Help us in our efforts to save the world.

It was an ordinary day, here at the Life Explained Ohio Office (LEOhO). We had emptied the dish washer, made a fresh pot of coffee, and microwaved a breakfast burrito. Egg, jalapeno and cheese, (El Monterey, on sale at Kroger* for eighty nine cents**). When it struck us, we have expanded!

This is the big time. We have a top secret facility in the Great North East, (LENO) where they specialize in technology to enhance the performance of athletes through applied technology. Mostly, it seems like they use the time honored tradition of applying the right force, to bend the rules enough to give one team an advantage. It is next level stuff, the kind of thing you would expect from a world class facility.

Now we are introducing a Top Secret Facility in India (LEIO, or something, I don't know that we have the appropriate acronym yet). So far this office specializes in a more metaphysical examination of the expansion of self awareness. Using techniques heretofore thought impossible our officer in charge has challenged people to use time more wisely, and take each day as a unique opportunity. Perhaps the best advice you will ever get from this blog, so you should listen.

Should we rest on our laurels, and let the acclaim fall from the skies in waves of adoration, and accolades? Should we enjoy our success, and let things fall naturally into place. Probably not, not while there are problems that need solved, and assistance that needs rendered, and time that needs killed.

We are now accepting applications for the next Life Explained Office, in the Life Explained World Domination Campaign!

So, if you have an ax to grind, or a point of view to express, or some words dying to escape the prison of your mind we might have the place for you. The pay is lousy, the hours are short, and the requirements are the ability to fit in with the other Life Explained offices.

We need people who have little sense of moderation, a robust sense of the ridiculousness of life,  and don't live in the midwest, the northeast, or India. It wouldn't hurt if you had an interesting story to tell, and could tell it over and over again in different ways, with somewhat different endings, too.

Apply within.

*by the way, Kroger, and El Monterey, we are still looking for a sponsor.

**We really don't know how much they cost, we just made that up. They were in the freezer and we were hungry and they looked so good we ate them. Our apologies to whoever paid for them.

Oh No, This May be the Worst Yet.

More Disturbing News from the World of Wildlife.

We here at "Understanding Life" are dedicated to bringing you all of the important news, all of the things you need to know to survive. We brave the untamed Internet to track down the dangers that lurk around every corner.

It is with that mission in mind we bring you the following story.


Scientists have found a new species of tarantula as large as the average human face.
Ranil Nanayakkara and his colleagues discovered Poecilotheria rajaei, a new species of tiger spider, in northern Sri Lanka. It was first noticed in 2009, when villagers brought a spider they had killed to researchers.
"Days of extensive searching in every tree hole and bark peel were rewarded with a female and to our satisfaction several juveniles too," Nanayakkara and his colleagues said in a study about the spiders published in the British Tarantula Society Journal.
P. rajaei was named after a police inspector, Puraja, who helped the researchers locate the spider.

British Tarantula Society Journal study. New tiger spider found: P. rajaei is about the size of a human face. IMAGE

While examining the spider, the researchers noticed it didn't look quite like any of the other tiger spiders known to live in Sri Lanka because of its markings and "other significant differences." After further study, they were able to establish it as a new species.

Tiger spiders typically live in tree hollows, under rocks and, during monsoon season, in human dwellings that are close to forests. The Poecilotheria species exists only in India and Sri Lanka and is known for its colorful markings and remarkable speed – as well as its size.
Tiger spiders are large enough to eat birds, small snakes and mice and catch them using speed and potent venom, rather than webs.
Several species of Poecilotheria are endangered due to loss of habitat.





That's right, remarkably speedy, potently venomous, face sized spiders!  Curse you nature, and remarkably incompetent copy editor!  What an awful way to describe the size of a spider.  Who would even think of such a thing?!?!?

We would like to go on about this a little longer, but we feel something crawling up our leg.