"Siri, save my Monday."

Though, a proud citizen of the 21st century (that is the right century, isn't it?) it is only reluctantly that I embrace new technology.  Yes, I loved my iPod, such a wonderful, useful device, and that love led to the purchase of my beloved iPad, what a glorious, useful, and transcendent piece of electronic equipment, (kind of a big iPod) which, in time, caused the leap off the fiscal cliff into the purchase of one of the most unique, glorious tools ever, an iPhone 5 (kind of like an iPod that makes phone calls).

This morning, however, on my drive to work, (yes, it is another story about my drive to work, sorry, but it is a very important part of my day, for one thing, I love my job, and my car, and my phone, which plays music right through my car, without being attached by wires, that still kills me!) I realized a very glaring weakness in the programming of all electronic music storage devices.  The shuffle function, sometimes, goes a little "buggy" (sorry for the techie jargon, I will try to be more careful) and plays all of the wrong songs. It spits out music that is completely inappropriate for the occasion.  It should know better than melancholy, sad, depressing music on Monday morning.  It should automatically pick something with some tempo, some back beat, something to get the foot tapping, and blood circulating.

Picking up my phone and quickly realizing that the "next" (again, sorry for all this tech stuff, please forgive me) option was useless, it was just going to pick sorrow filled, tear stained music, I started looking for a song.  I had a great one in mind.  But, I was driving almost 75 miles an hour (16 kilograms in Europe) and came very close to killing myself and the person in the Ford Fiesta next to me, sorry about that, you looked like a such nice little old lady, until you gave me the middle finger salute, and I can't read lips, but, you should be ashamed of yourself.  I had it coming, though.  Deciding that picking my own song while driving was not the best idea, I am a quick learner that way, I resigned myself to listening to "This Traveling Around," by Lyle Lovett, and try to snap myself out of it with extra coffee.

Then it hit me, Siri!  She was waiting in my phone, just aching to help me.  "Siri," I said, "how about we listen to "Supernaturally," by Nick Cave?"

Siri said, "Ok, let's listen to 'Supernaturally'" and it started playing.  Technology is great.  I love it!  And I love you, Siri.  I may leave my wife for you, she never lets me pick the song.

If my wife reads this, I am only kidding, you are still the girl in all my dreams.  And your lasagna is heavenly.

Somber, sort of, happy, kind of, news.

Today we will take a more serious look at life.  Maudlin, melancholy introspection, and self doubt are the words for Monday, particularly this Monday. 

To preface, several years ago I got a phone, but not just a phone, an MP3 player, phone combination, that had a camera, and  a wifi receiver.  It was a joy, and we shared many happy memories.  Microsoft and Sharp collaborated to bring me this little marvel, the Microsoft, Kin 2M.  Oh, sure it was almost impossible to find one, three stores, an Internet search and several phone calls, and all they had to say was, "we are out, and you are out of luck."  But, a sales rep from Verizon stopped into where I work and through the black arts of electronic manipulation found one in a warehouse in Tennessee (a lovely state, by the way).  There was much celebrating.

But, a storm was brewing on the Horizon.  My youngest son got an iPod Touch, and would torment me with the it's enormous potential and ability.  "Hey, Dad, look at this, look what this 'app' will do."  I tried to be strong, but eventually my will power crumbled, and I convinced my lovely, and talented wife, (who has learned to suffer foolishness more or less gladly) that I NEEDED one.  It was great, I started making dog cartoons, and posting to blogs and facebook, and became an image addicted addict. 

But, my phone and I still shared many traits, we were both fussy, cranky, more or less working devices.  And, we still had fun, listening to music, making phone calls, sending text messages, and taking pictures.  It was still a mutual admiration and love relationship.

Darkness began to descend on our happy relationship.  We got an iPad, and things started changing, my pictures from my iPod would automatically show up on my iPad, and they shared so many apps, and it was so easy to go from one to the other.  But, the Kin was still my first love.

Tragedy struck, my oldest son got an iPhone.  Curse you!!!  The taunts were constant and merciless "Hey, dad, watch this, it is great."  Then it was all over.  What could I do, except convince my wife, the little less tolerant now, love of my life, that my life was not complete without one. 

Now, my phone is the sleek iPhone you see pictured above, and my Kin is no more, I traded it in for a $25.00 gift card, and it will never brighten my spirits again.  Damn you, frugality.  I love my new phone, but, it will never be my Kin. 

Looking back, I should have named it Richard so I could now loosely quote Steely Dan,

"We've seen the last of Good Kin Richard,
ring out the past, his name lives on."

But, I didn't, what a wasted opportunity, so I will quote Uncle Tupelo, instead, who sang,

"I'm going where there's no depression
To a better land that's free from care
I'll leave this world of toil and trouble
My home's in heaven
I'm going there"

Good bye, old Kin.  

Please, everybody, around the world, join me in a moment of silence.
PS. If you run across me on Twitter, or Instagram, or Tumblr, or, anywhere else in the virtual universe of social networking, stop by and say hello.  And, tell my wife how much my iPhone helps me make your life better, it will make her happy.