Technology, Decisions and the Government

Nothing is easy. We got a new iPad Pro for Christmas. We don’t really have computers, the iPad is enough. More than enough in many ways. I can do anything I want on my iPad, more than I want, really, sometimes not as much as I should, if you get my drift. I need a keyboard, though, and it it between the Logitech Slim Combo, and the Apple Smart Keyboard. 

I know there are people who hate Apple and I have no quarrel with that. I know there are people who hate Microsoft, and I’m ok with that, too.

In fact, I read a theory that Bill Gates is secretly funding a program (pogrom?) to reduce the population to a more sustainable level. It provided a number, though I don’t remember what it was, and I assume it provided a reason, but I didn’t read the whole thing, just the tag line. It seems a little suspect that a man who made his fortune selling software to the masses is trying to eliminate the largest majority of his market. 

I’m sure there are people who hate Google, and I can live with that. I don’t know much about Google. I do “google” things but mostly I use Safari, or Microsoft Edge. I still call it “googling.” I hope that isn’t violating some copyright law. I did see thee the big Kahuna from Google, I can’t think of his name, facing the Senate version of an inquisition. Which really turned into a partisan free for all and blame fest, which accomplished nothing but made for excellent facebook videos. It is hard for a minor associate of a small company (me) to say how much responsibility is carried on the shoulders of the CEO of Google, but he had to find the whole thing an enormous waste of time. I was impressed with the dignity and restraint he showed during the circus, though.

There are a lot of people who hate Facebook, too. My friend, who has never had a Facebook account, told me that “Facebook is for sheeple.” I’m not sure how he formed this opinion, or what the qualifications for inclusion into sheeplehood are, but I like Facebook. I think I might like it more if it was only a little better, and maybe I just don’t understand how to make it work. Sometimes I see things I don’t want to see, and sometimes I see things that make me smile. I’m just not sure there is enough balance. But, I do remember when the CEO of Facebook had to face a congressional grilling.  I thought he handled it very well. 

It wasn’t that long ago, thinking back, that congress “looked” into performance enhancing drugs being used by Major League Baseball players. Man, they gave them a good what for. Thank God our government is on the job. Think of how bad things could be if they weren’t taking care of all the important stuff. 

Anyway, I think I will go with the Logitech Slim Combo. Mostly because of the backlit keys, and I do somethings the morning or in the evening. Thanks for helping me decide.

Top Ten List for 2014, installment 1, maybe.

New Years Eve is almost here.  2014 is almost over and 2015 is coming fast.  It is always exciting to start something new, but, there is a a sense of melancholy involved in saying good bye to something that has been around for a whole year.  2014 provided a lot of entertainment, and some very notable accomplishments, and it is time we look at our top ten.*

10.  The movie "Frozen."  We didn't see it, true, but so many people enjoyed the Disney offering that it had to be good, and we hate to be left out of conversations.  Today we are going to buy the Cliff Notes "Frozen," and brush up on this enchanting movie, and all of the wonderful songs, and the gripping story, and characters.  So, if you want to talk about what a great movie it was, we are ready, or will be by this evening.

9.  Pharrell Williams, singer, song writer, and seemingly all around decent guy.  While it is true we don't actually own any of his music, that song "Happy" is delightful.  Ok, we have never heard the whole thing, but what we have heard has made us... well... Happy.  In fact one of our new years resolution is to listen to the whole song, perhaps even buying it, and we are sure it costs $1.29 and we have vowed never to spend more than $0.99, we may make an exception.  But, don't get your hopes too high, Pharrell.  Another plus during an interview we saw, he seems to possess an extraordinary temperament, and be genuinely a nice person.  Our hats are off to you, Mr. Williams, by the way, we are a little envious of your expansive assortment of hats.

8.  Apple vs. Google. vs. Microsoft.  We are not technical enough to have a favorite, but the constant need to one up each other has given us most of the cool things of the 21st century.  We love cool things.

7.  American politics.  Sure, it is an odious, despicable spectacle, and it seems to destroy any semblance of humanity in anybody foolish enough to be elected it makes for the best kind of comedy.  Tragedy.  So, thank you, please, don't give up.

6.  The European Space Agency, who landed a refrigerator sized object on a comet, or meteor, we are not sure which.  Now, if they can land a big screen television sized object, a couch sized thing, and a microwave sized apparatus we will have all the makings of a Super Bowl Party sized organism forming spontaneously.  Now, that is science.

* Some of these things may have been from before 2014.  If there are any chronological errors, please let us know in the comments section, and we will use a time machine to correct reality.  We hate being wrong.

New Computer, New Tablet, Surface Pro 3 Does It All.

We here, Life Explained, have stepped into the future.  We needed a new computer, as our youngest son is getting ready to go back to school, and our old computer was ancient, it is probably seven or eight years old.  In computer age that is too old to believe, too old to use, even too old to donate.  It was so clogged with files, music, strata, upon layer, tier, years of our family life, piled onto an spinning disk.

In a way it would be fun to look back at the things we have filled the storage with, a scrapbook of family times, and memories.  But, it takes forever to start, and loading a file is like a dental visit painful, lengthy, and remarkably unsatisfying.  

We bought the New Microsoft Surface Pro 3, it is a remarkable machine, lightning quick, with 256 GB of storage, an Intel Core i5 Processor, which means almost nothing to me, but man this thing is pretty cool, I will post pictures soon.  I will post pictures of everybody in the family holding the new computer.  But, I will wait until everybody has been awake for a while.

People might be thinking, "you are an Apple user, Tim, why Microsoft?"  Great question, people.  I am an Apple user, but there was a time I thought an Apple product would never darken the sunny day of my narrow minded life.  I even had two Zunes, and really liked them, but when they gave up the line and my son bought his first iPod it was clear Apple had taken the lead in the "small, hand held, gaming, music listening, picture taking and manipulation devices."  

And from my first iPod, to my iPad, and on to my iPhone I have been happy with each.  They have been computational troopers beyond compare, and I still have, use and love them all, well not so much the iPod, I still have and love it, but it doesn't get that much use.  I am trying to convince my wife to use it as a camera, a facebook device, and to assist in her shopping wars, it is a slow process.

When it was time to replace the computer, we needed something that ran Microsoft Office, and something that was still at least a little cool, and this baby is it.  It is a robust, full fledged computer, that acts like a robust, full fledged tablet.  With a great deal of flexibility in both.  Also, it is a good looking little machine, sleek lines, and a brushed aluminum shell, that looks great with the keyboard, sold separately, of course.  Another ingenious device, the detachable key board is powered by the computer.  One less thing to charge

The Microsoft Store is filled with intriguing apps, and it seems that app shoppers are much fussy through Microsoft, than Apple, I downloaded "Imagecut" it had an average of three stars, and it is the easiest photo cutting app I have ever used.  I see big things for my friends, trips to Europe, and possibly Europa, keep your eyes open.

Having had this wonderful device less than 24 hours I can tell you it is going to be a valuable member of the family for quite a while.  If you are thinking about getting a new PC, and want something that is fun, fast, flexible, and just cool, think about the Surface Pro, I am happy, admittedly not a power user, but an apprentice geek, and that should count for something.

new software, and ice cream.

We are in the process of upgrading our accounting software at work.  After a lot of hand wringing, turmoil, finger pointing, name calling, and a few very entertaining fist fights in the hallways, stairwells, and break rooms they have decided to go with a  Microsoft product.  It has a Windows based architecture, and most of us are familiar with that program, so it made sense.

Our old software was based on the Abacus, not the operating system, the wooden frame with the little beads that run up and down little dowels.  Every time we hired someone new we would need to bring in a consultant to show how to use the Abacus.  And that was starting to run into some money since hardly any one, anywhere in the world knows how to add anything on one of those things, and if you start going too fast not only will your calculations suffer you could easily lose a finger nail, and with the cost of a decent manicure hovering right around, well I don't really know how much it costs, but my friend Brian said it is probably around $40.00, and maybe more, depending on the additional items chosen, and I trust Brian, he used to work in the "beauty field."

But, it was kind of fun on busy days watching our customer service people whipping those little beads up and down, while they were talking on the phone, and the noise was incredible, voices and singing beads raising a chorus of sales success to the heavens, the memory still brings a smile.  And it was one of the main reasons we never upgraded to the "slide rule" version, it was just not the same.

With any beginning there are skeptics, and this is no different, a faction of our accounting department (the ne'er-do-wells in accounts receivable) has revolted, taking over the 6th floor break room, the one with the soft serve machine.  We are mobilizing the custodial staff with a contingent from the legal department and several units from R and D to form into a double pincer movement to restore order and recapture the ice cream.

All in all, though, we feel we should be able to have this change completely implemented by the end of the month, with minimal loss of life, and little damage to the espresso machine, man, we love that machine.

Somber, sort of, happy, kind of, news.

Today we will take a more serious look at life.  Maudlin, melancholy introspection, and self doubt are the words for Monday, particularly this Monday. 

To preface, several years ago I got a phone, but not just a phone, an MP3 player, phone combination, that had a camera, and  a wifi receiver.  It was a joy, and we shared many happy memories.  Microsoft and Sharp collaborated to bring me this little marvel, the Microsoft, Kin 2M.  Oh, sure it was almost impossible to find one, three stores, an Internet search and several phone calls, and all they had to say was, "we are out, and you are out of luck."  But, a sales rep from Verizon stopped into where I work and through the black arts of electronic manipulation found one in a warehouse in Tennessee (a lovely state, by the way).  There was much celebrating.

But, a storm was brewing on the Horizon.  My youngest son got an iPod Touch, and would torment me with the it's enormous potential and ability.  "Hey, Dad, look at this, look what this 'app' will do."  I tried to be strong, but eventually my will power crumbled, and I convinced my lovely, and talented wife, (who has learned to suffer foolishness more or less gladly) that I NEEDED one.  It was great, I started making dog cartoons, and posting to blogs and facebook, and became an image addicted addict. 

But, my phone and I still shared many traits, we were both fussy, cranky, more or less working devices.  And, we still had fun, listening to music, making phone calls, sending text messages, and taking pictures.  It was still a mutual admiration and love relationship.

Darkness began to descend on our happy relationship.  We got an iPad, and things started changing, my pictures from my iPod would automatically show up on my iPad, and they shared so many apps, and it was so easy to go from one to the other.  But, the Kin was still my first love.

Tragedy struck, my oldest son got an iPhone.  Curse you!!!  The taunts were constant and merciless "Hey, dad, watch this, it is great."  Then it was all over.  What could I do, except convince my wife, the little less tolerant now, love of my life, that my life was not complete without one. 

Now, my phone is the sleek iPhone you see pictured above, and my Kin is no more, I traded it in for a $25.00 gift card, and it will never brighten my spirits again.  Damn you, frugality.  I love my new phone, but, it will never be my Kin. 

Looking back, I should have named it Richard so I could now loosely quote Steely Dan,

"We've seen the last of Good Kin Richard,
ring out the past, his name lives on."

But, I didn't, what a wasted opportunity, so I will quote Uncle Tupelo, instead, who sang,

"I'm going where there's no depression
To a better land that's free from care
I'll leave this world of toil and trouble
My home's in heaven
I'm going there"

Good bye, old Kin.  

Please, everybody, around the world, join me in a moment of silence.
PS. If you run across me on Twitter, or Instagram, or Tumblr, or, anywhere else in the virtual universe of social networking, stop by and say hello.  And, tell my wife how much my iPhone helps me make your life better, it will make her happy.