Not Every Idea is Great, But We Know How to Dine.

Life is a journey, starts here, ends there, and in between forward movement.  That is the biggest problem, only one direction, no options, no choices, no chance to correct mistakes.  Invariably, when traveling people, even the most thorough, and cautious, are going to get lost occasionally. Everybody needs to take a few steps backwards, and choose a different path once in awhile.  Life doesn't give you that chance, mistakes attach themselves, and stay to the end, a tattoo, a battle scar, screaming, "hey look, this guy had a lapse in judgement, go ahead and stare."

For a limited time we, here at Life Explained, are offering select people with the proper credentials (Visa, or Mastercard will work) a chance to go back in time and fix certain mistakes.  Using our soon to be patented, awe inspiring, Time Machine, we can help you go back and "erase" those annoying little errors that are like a blot on your life, "undo" those silly, youthful acts that make you wince while traveling down memory lane.

Do you wish you had never grown those sideburns?  Well, it is too late to do anything about that.  The pictures are all over and if you change something like that it will set off cataclysmic shock waves through time that will destroy the entire planet.

Regret that failed marriage?  You should have thought of that earlier, or listened to your friends.  Even they were smart enough to see how wrong you two were for each other.  How could you miss it?  Not that any of that matters, there is so much time, effort, so many paper products involved in a marriage that if anything like that were changed it would create a "discordance effect" that would destroy the whole galaxy.

Would you like to choose a different major in college?  Sorry, those things are so ingrained into the fabric of of time and space any attempt to alter them would create such a shock the universe would collapse in on itself, crushing everything.

Hate your job, too bad, car run out of gas, sorry about your luck, choose the wrong entree at lunch, well, that is just your problem.  After careful consideration, this is probably not the greatest idea we have ever had.  There are a lot of things that could go wrong, and not an awful lot to gain, that whole risk, return tradeoff blowing up in our face.

Hey, anybody want to grab some lunch, we heard they are opening a new restaurant in the Omega Centauri galaxy, and the happy hours in that part of the universe can't be beat, and Dr. Dawg is buying, unless you have an intergalactic Discover Card.

Another step toward tomorrow.

Last week the company decided to begin using the new accounting software.  As explained in a previous post the former accounting system was actually used by one of the early Chinese Dynasties, I believe it was the Song Dynasty and at the time they felt it "cumbersome, antiquated, with an unfriendly, difficult interface."  They hired a consultant from the Mongol Steppes, named Genghis Khan to help them learn the architecture and abilities of the system.  He became so frustrated he conquered all of the world, or at least the parts he could reach on horse back.

Anyway, it was clearly time for a change, and our software, and accounting people researched many different systems, exploring all of the possibilities, and carefully comparing the benefits, and features, and then decided to purchase the least expensive package, the "1,2,C Platform" from Bob's House o' Good Accounting Software.  Motto, "If price is your only concern, buy from Bob."

They spent weeks installing the new software on the computers, and training the staff in the use of the many features, and functions.  Finally it was time.  Last week "the balloon went up." 

It is an inspirational sight to see a group of people facing a difficult situation, struggling against common odds, and a mutual enemy, and turning on each other like a pack of rabid wolverines.  

There is no mistake so bad that it cannot be ameliorated, somewhat, by blaming someone else, venomously, hatefully, with threats of violence.

"Hey, Jill, I think you entered that product code incorrectly.  The name should always have a space before the lot number, and the edition size should go in user definable field 3."

Grasping a cheap retractable pen in a "modified saber, knife fighting grip" Jill steps closer, while rasping "that's the way Geoff told me to enter all of the products that are being made available in the fall line, that rat ba$tard, @!#$$ of a @$#@#@$, he can ki$$ my a$$, and so can you!"  

"OK, that's good." you scream, while moving quickly to the men's room, hoping she is not angry enough to follow you in there.

Shortly after any change as difficult and important as a major software update waves of nostalgia will sweep through the office.  People will begin to dress in black, and wipe away tears while discussing the many, almost uncountable, advantages of the old way, while leaving hateful, anonymous post it notes everywhere.  "Next time you fall asleep at your desk I will cut your throat." or "Do you know where your cat is?" maybe "I ate your lunch, sorry about that, but it was delicious."  Ok, that last one happens all the time around here, and has forced many of us to bring crappy lunches.

It is the Life Explained Office Update 2 Part grieving process, untrammeled anger, grief and untrammeled anger.

Soon this will pass, and everybody will be back to their normal, lunch stealing selves.  Progress, in all of its jackbooted glory, marches on, and if you are lucky it will not trample you.