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Showing posts with label retirement. Show all posts
Showing posts with label retirement. Show all posts

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Auctions, an Exercise in Living

Saturday we went to an auction. An older couple had moved into a retirement home and had to scale back on their possessions. One of my wife's coworkers, her friend at work, told her about it. Since we had never been to an auction we thought it sounded like fun. Everything is an adventure if you do it properly. 

We got up early, not too early, not early at all, really. Stopped at Panera for a cheese pastry, for me, a pecan braid, for her, but she let me have part of it, she is pretty good to me, and a medium coffee, for me. And we were on the road, pastries and drinks in hand. In what has to be considered an auspicious start we didn't get lost. In fact, we only had to turn around twice, and only for a block both times.

It was a pleasant drive. Rain had turned everything a healthy, vibrant green. Corn stood tall, cows chased their calfs playfully across idealic pastures, playing in ways that I never imagined cows playing. Crops, barns, country churches, old graveyards filled with stories, stories lost forever. 

Before we left rain barreled through, lightning, thunder, wind, wet, ominous, and loud, soaking everything. Then it was mostly done. The clouds hung around sprinkling and threatening, but behaving. There was enough early rain that almost everything was wet. Boxes of soggy books, albums, towels, linens, Christmas decorations, lined up from front to back. Two lines of failing cardboard waiting to be snapped up, loaded in cars or trucks. There were even a few people who towed flat cargo trailers. Serious about auctions.

We ran into my wife’s freind, and my wife’s friend’s wife, if you see what I mean. Wonderful people, kind, charming. People who make you feel welcome.  In a way, even though I hardly know them, this is the first time I had met his wife, it seems as though they are my friends, too.

There is a magic in the sound of an auctioneers call. The cadence, the rhythm, the intonation, it is mesmerizing. When you mix it with a sense of humor it is a show worth seeing. This auctioneer was exceptional, and it was fun watching him, working the crowd, singing the numbers, bouncing the bids backs and forth, art, for arts sake, or for the sake of the sale. I bid on a few things just for the fun of being involved.

In the air a hint of celebration mixed with the thick humidity. Laughter and conversation competeing with low, distant rumbling thunder. People clustered in little clots, smiling, sharing a memory. A concession stand had been set up in the garage, and business was brisk. It had an amazing variety of food, none of it healthy, but all of it looked good. It seemed everywhere you looked people were finishing a sandwich, or piece of pie. It could have been a county fair on a reduced scale, county fair light. 

Not all the conversations were pleasant, some were darker, rumors of anger, mistrust, potentially shady practices. Many of these people traveled the same auction circuit. They knew each other, and as is so often the case familiarity breeds contempt. Nothing can sour a relationship like a little healthy competition, and an auction is fast, furious competition. Serious business for many, perhaps stocking a thrift store, a casual sideline for some, stocking up on goods for a yard sale, a chance to make a little money for most. Not for me, though, I was only a tourist, a voyeur. 

And, here is what I saw, years of hard work, a couple's life, at least a good portion of it, was laid out, on plastic tables, under tarps, exposed to a bizarre, violent mid summer thunder storm. Examined, picked over, rifled through, judged for resale value, and finally bid on. Some lucky enterprising soul would take home a box or two of carefully accumulated memories.

These two people had raised a family, lived a life, traveled, read, listened to music, sought spiritual fulfillment, and now their life was boxed up, or laid out on tables, marginally protected against the sudden, unforgiving rain. Tools, household goods, utensils, bedding accumulated over years gone in a day. Carried off, a modern day tempest scattering a life time to the far reaches of the county. 

I didn't buy anything, nor did my wife. Well, I bought a coney dog, my wife bought a piece of apple crumb pie, and we split a bottle of water. Actually we split the pie, too. My wife is nice that way. We didn't stay for the whole thing, but we were there long enough to understand the finality of the occasion. Possessions sold, house sold, truck, off road vehicle, golf cart all sold, a life lived and the remnants off to start over with a different family.

Redistribution at the micro economic level. Who knows where the tools, trinkets, comforters, video tapes will end up. One box of memories could be split into a fifty pieces, sold to forty different people and end up in another state. Maybe traveling to another country. It is Newton's law of motion. And object at rest tends to stay at rest an object in motion ends up almost anywhere. 

It was fun, and it was a little melancholy. And it offered some reassurance, things come and things go, life goes on. All sales are final, and there is no warranty, life comes as is, as do we.  

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Retirement, LIghts, Camera, Action.

Work has been going well, it has been busy, and occasionally a little hectic, but we have been keeping up quite well.  In fact, most days we manage to get ahead, and perform some of the work scheduled for the next day.  It is like altering time, where Tuesday (at least a part of Tuesday) happens on Monday.

With a little help from Customer Service we can actually, on occasion, do some of Wednesday, or even Thursday on Monday.  This frees up Tuesday to finish the rest of Thursday, and Friday.  On Wednesday we have Saturday, which has really started to irritate the owners of the company who don't like it when we fire up the grill, throw some bratwurst and burgers over the smoldering, red hot briquets, and pop open a few frosty ones.  Also, this makes Friday a real drag, because we are having Monday, or Tuesday, and wondering what to do on Saturday.  Time travel is tricky stuff.

But, that is not the point of this story.  This story is about the kind, gentle spirit of the older generation.

We have been doing so well at work I thought bringing in a dozen donuts for the people at work would be a kind gesture.  So, I did.  Tim Hortons is right on the way to work, so I just stopped there.  In the parking lot was a big passenger van with "St. John's Church of the Holy Eucharist" emblazoned on the side. I parked a couple of spaces away, I hate parking next to other cars.

People get out of their car as if it were on fire, particularly when there are donuts involved, throwing open the doors, leaping out to rush into whatever building they happen to be visiting.  My poor, innocent car will be sitting there, minding its own business, peacefully waiting for me, when one of these half crazed shop-a-holics, with the appearance of  a monstrous, post apocalyptic, lunatic from Mad Max will slam their door into my car, like a caveman, leaving a big gouge, some awful, gaudy paint, and an emotional scar that will never heal, right there on the side of my car, it is the act of a criminally insane, heartless...  Oops.  Sorry, that is not what this story is about, either.

Anyway, I went in to the donut shop, and was waiting in line, trying to decide what donuts would make the people at work the happiest.  Donuts are such an individual, thing.  Some like Boston cream, some go for the the white cream, some like cake, others glazed, others still, crullers, chocolate dip, honey dip, vanilla dip, maple frosting or apple fritters, sprinkles, or plain, these are the decisions that accompany a good deed. These are the trials of the kind.

Fortunately, there were several people ahead of me in line, giving me considerable time to decide.  While thinking I looked around the dining area.  In the center, having pushed several tables together were a group of elderly people.  Wearing dresses and suits, looking neat and proper, and talking quietly amongst themselves, it was almost certain they were the occupants of the church van.  A younger man was sitting with them, reading a pamphlet for the Columbus Museum of History."  It was a field trip, and it made me smile, and feel a little better about things.

Looking back to study the menu, it seemed like nothing could go wrong, this had been the right decision, and any donuts picked would be appreciated, and enjoyed in the spirit with which they were given.  It was going to be a good day.

"That was my sour cream plain donut, you tramp."  I heard, a shrill, grating shriek,  it was the voice of uncontrollable rage.

Turning to look, just in time to see a woman on the right hand side, stand up, slowly, grabbing a cup of coffee, she tried to throw the hot liquid in the face of the woman on the other side of the table.  Fortunately, she was old, and moving slow, and the lid was secure, and most of the coffee landed, harmlessly on the table, and dripped to the floor.

The tramp who had taken the plain donut was not waiting to see what happened next, she reached
into her purse, moving aside several bottles of medicine, an address book, and a mini purse sachet, lavender, I think, and grabbed a letter opener that gleamed with a wicked reflection in the fluorescent light.  Being a little older, she dropped it on the floor, and had to pick it up.  As we age, it becomes increasingly difficult to get all the way to the floor, and back upright again, trust me on this, sometimes I take a nap between tying my shoes.  But, this gave the coffee thrower the opportunity to make her move, she climbed up on the table, I think she was coming over to deliver a little justice to the donut thief in the form of a good beating.

Soon, the whole table was up and swinging, coffee, tea, donuts going everywhere.  The air echoed with curses and swearing, grunts, groans, and insults.

It took about 5 minutes, but the younger man, with the pamphlet, finally got them settled down, back into their chairs.  Wiping up the table, bandaging cuts, and tending to fallen walkers, and oxygen tanks, with a quiet, calm efficiency that suggested experience.

As I was leaving, donuts in hand, I heard the lady who threw the first coffee, ask "we should stop at the Cracker Barrel for lunch."

"Oh, that is such a good idea," the other lady replied as she put away the letter opener.

I smiled, and thought "I can't wait to retire."




Saturday, July 19, 2014

Today, It sure ain't yesterday,

Today we are starting a movement to hire the Polar Vortex as a salaried, seasonal employee.  Beginning in June each year we would like him\her (for the sake of this post we will call the Polar
Vortex Her) to move to the Midwest, and manage our weather for us.   

She has proven herself to be a powerful, effective supervisory asset, and we think that kind of authority should be rewarded.  We are willing to offer you a generous salary, we will discuss the final numbers with your agent, but, rest assured it will be much more than any weather pattern has ever been offered.

There is a gernorous retirement plan, fully funded, stock options and medical insurance.  Also, we will throw in a health club membership, not that she needs that, she looks very fit, and healthy, but just in case she wants to work out. 

Also, and this is important, we are willing to give her the winter off, and she is  free to spend it anywhere you want.  We do ask that it not be Central Ohio, though.

Polar Vortex, if you are reading this, please let us know, and we will process the paper work, quickly, efficiently, and in speedy denial of all reality.


Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Help Wanted.

We, here at Life Explained, are hiring a tertiary dog.  Yesterday our Fail Safe Redundant Dog retired, and moved to Washington.  She plans on opening a small bakery, specializing in animal crackers, and dog biscuits.  Bella performed the role of Fail Safe Dog admirably for her entire career, keeping us safe from our coworkers, tradesmen, delivery people, and anybody who happened to walk across our parking lot as she climbed out of the car.
So Long, Bella, it was nice
to work with you,

There was always a feeling of safety, and security when you heard Bella barking at one of the office workers on their way to get a cup of coffee.  You could almost hear "if you take the last cup and are too lazy to make another pot at least shut the darned thing off so it doesn't burn and stink up the whole stupid office, why I ought to," in her eloquent, refined yapping.

It will be hard to replace Bella, she was perfectly suited for the position, and performed at a remarkable level.  Her grace, charm, and wit will be sorely missed.

But, if you think you have what it takes to be the Redundant, Tertiary Dog, here at Life Explained, please send your resume to tweettweetjohn@yahoo.com.  Your main responsibilities will be; Barking randomly at people you know, getting scratched behind the ears, leaving about a half a dogs worth of hair everywhere you go, snacking and napping.  Pays based on experience, two weeks vacation, medical, dental, and time travel insurance included.

An equal opportunity employer.