Imagine our shock when we found out it was based on a true story! The proof was right there. In classified documents, that we spent a great deal of effort sneaking out of the "Classified Documents" building, sparing no risk and investing a pretty good chunk of our own change. We found out that some wacko in California (go figure) had invented a drug that would make people smarter. He was worried about the potential side affects of having a bunch of smart people around, (who wouldn't be?) and decided to test it on apes. Obviously he hadn't taken any himself, or he would have seen how dumb that idea was.
Soon, they were tying his shoelaces together, gluing his phone to the base, changing his screen saver to a picture of David Hasselhoff, ordering Chinese food, and pizza, throwing parties, and just livin' the heck out of life. But, when they changed his ring tone to Justin Bieber that was too much, and he kicked them out.
Soon, California was overrun with intelligent apes. Several of them actually ran for office, since it was politics, no one noticed. They had trouble with campaign financing, because the math makes no sense. It baffled them how people would vote for someone who was so vague, and inaccurate that it was almost indecipherable. They were pretty smart, after all. They gave up trying to take control that way, and chose a more aggressive approach.
They started to spread east. Deserts, mountains, armies, traffic jams, nothing could stop them. They were like an amoeba, everywhere. Nothing slowed their inexorable march to the east. They were like an amoeba, everywhere, all at once. And nothing could slow them.


One unnamed source (there are thousands of unnamed sources in Washington, it is the largest supplier of unnamed sources (and quotes from unnamed sources) in the world, maybe the whole universe) said he overheard "I don't care where we end up, as long as it isn't here." They are pretty smart.
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