Last night "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" was released in select cities. Since "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" was such a well liked movie here, at Life Explained, we thought we should look into the phenomenon. Kind of Life Explains, explains movies. It is a unique idea, apes with an increased intelligence, in a desperate war of extinction against the apex predator of the planet, humans. It is only more intriguing when one remembers that human experimentation provided the advanced abilities of the apes. It is such a compelling story we needed to find out more.
Imagine our shock when we found out it was based on a true story! The proof was right there. In classified documents, that we spent a great deal of effort sneaking out of the "Classified Documents" building, sparing no risk and investing a pretty good chunk of our own change. We found out that some wacko in California (go figure) had invented a drug that would make people smarter. He was worried about the potential side affects of having a bunch of smart people around, (who wouldn't be?) and decided to test it on apes. Obviously he hadn't taken any himself, or he would have seen how dumb that idea was.
Soon, they were tying his shoelaces together, gluing his phone to the base, changing his screen saver to a picture of David Hasselhoff, ordering Chinese food, and pizza, throwing parties, and just livin' the heck out of life. But, when they changed his ring tone to Justin Bieber that was too much, and he kicked them out.
They started to spread east. Deserts, mountains, armies, traffic jams, nothing could stop them. They were like an amoeba, everywhere. Nothing slowed their inexorable march to the east. They were like an amoeba, everywhere, all at once. And nothing could slow them.
Until they got to Washington. Our nations capitol is where many good plans go to die. Apes careened down Constitution Avenue Northwest, storming through Stanton Park, crashing through, Ebenezers Coffee, only stopping long enough to have a espresso and a biscotti, they had heard such good things from politicians in California, they could not resist.
Then, things came to a crashing halt. They were stuck in session, and riders were attached and voted down There was bickering, back stabbing, name calling, childish accusations, and awful, terrible behavior (maybe that guy should have tried his intelligence drug on the houses of congress). Being intelligent beings, they knew Washington was no place for them and they got on a boat, and left as quickly as they could.
One unnamed source (there are thousands of unnamed sources in Washington, it is the largest supplier of unnamed sources (and quotes from unnamed sources) in the world, maybe the whole universe) said he overheard "I don't care where we end up, as long as it isn't here." They are pretty smart.
Friday, July 11, 2014
Based On A True Story.
There is not much to say, but, for those who find any offense, please remember these are only stories, jokes, and have no relation to reality. Kind of like life.
I like life, and hope it lasts a long time, but it does require some explanation, that is why these blogs exist. To help people navigate times and events that make no sense.
Here are a few places you can find a few things.
The Original Life Explained. Where it all started, a little rambling and a lot of nothing important.
Life Explains The End Views on humanity's race to self extinction. I hope I am wrong.
Life Explains Smiles Because everybody likes it when you smile.
Life Explains Aging Getting older is not always easier, but it is worth the effort. And a few small things can make it much more pleasant.
Life Explains Traveling and Commuting Mostly commuting. Driving bugs me and working bugs me so driving to work is the ultimate insult of modern life, and I like to complain.
Life Explained Explores History. The real problem with history is there is so much of it. It is all over the place. But, if you take the time to look at the small pieces it is fascinating.
Life Explains Music Music is a universal language. I like guitar based rock and roll, but there is a little bit of a lot here.