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Thursday, October 2, 2014

Another Study Debunked, maybe

In an effort to save time and money, reduce waste, improve efficiency, and ease public concerns a group of arachnologists led by Dr. Richard Vetter, from the University of California, Riverside have embarked on a study to identify spiders that are often found in imported shipments. It is believed that this work (This Is No Time To Panic) will fill the "knowledge gap."

Citing incidents where lay people have mistakenly assumed these spiders were of "medical importance," and asked for verification before proceeding, the scientists are hoping to provide a means of identifying spiders that may be dangerous.  It is their belief that informed people will make wise decisions, people armed with knowledge will not panic.

They did not say exactly how they plan on dispersing this information.  One can only assume it will be in pamphlet form, or possibly a small booklet, or maybe even a smart phone app.  "Spiders, sometimes they won't kill you."

Workers unloading a boat filled with bananas will come across a behemoth spider, or possibly several, looking to all the world as though they might have been responsible for the extinction of the dinosaur.  Thinking quickly and rationally they will pull out their little study, comparing pictures of spiders with a similar appearance, and they will know right then and there what kind of spider they are dealing with.

And then they will flee in terror, because it is a huge spider, or several, and nobody cares what some crazy scientist (arachnologist) who was silly enough to actually decide to spend his or her life looking at these monstrous, evil, malevolent, sadistic things has to say.  It is a huge spider from the jungles of South America, and there is no way that thing is safe. "Look into me eyes (all six of them) and you will know despair."

If we are lucky they will set the boat on fire, or better still have the Air Force bomb the danged thing, we can still find a use for some of those decommissioned nuclear weapons, no point in letting them go to waste. 

And you know what else is troubling here?  Where in the heck is the border patrol in all of this mess?  And the coast guard, and the INS, shouldn't they be paying attention to the hordes of vicious, marauding, blood thirsty... 

Anyway, we, here at Life Explained, would like to thank the scientists involved in this study, they are a fearless bunch, and the world is a better place for people like that.