Life, aging, and senses.

We, here at Life Explained, have made an amazing discovery. We have found the Fountain of Youth, well, it was not exactly the Fountain of Youth, it was a fountain, it was a fountain, and there was some young people milling around, so we got a little confused, and hopeful. It happens when you get older, you know. Man, did security show up fast when we jumped in and started dancing around. Particularly when Bob, from Legal started grabbing the loose change that someone had accidentally dropped in the bottom.  We haven't given up, but it might be more plausible to build it instead.

It is an engineering nightmare. How does a person get the water from the bottom of the well to cascade decoratively down from fantastic heights. No, not really, the hard part will be figuring out the "Youth" formula.

 It will take a dedicated team of brilliant scientists working around the clock. Not stopping for meals, or sleep. Tireless, and unrelenting, these geniuses will need to combat exhaustion, hunger, and unbelievable obstacles. Hey, somebody should run and get some coffees. But, we are pretty confident we can develop the serum.

Of course, we need to make sure it just stops aging. It would be foolish to start turning back the process. Imagine world leaders, corporate giants and elected officials acting like a bunch of spoiled children. Behaving petulantly, lashing out in angry tantrums, unconcerned with the good of the common man...

Maybe we will start working on that interstellar vehicle. The earth is in good hands.

Health is important, but what about free will?

It is Saturday, and rainy, and early, and I am up, heading for my second cup of coffee. There was a study that indicated five cups of coffee every day was optimal for your health.  It may have been dis-proven since then, it is hard to say, but, we here at Life Explained didn't care.  We had taken it as gospel, as incontrovertible proof of a kind, gentle higher being, a caring, loving deity concerned only with our welfare.

There was a mad dash to buy bigger "cups."  Imagine our dismay when we found out mugs, and cups could be completely different. Imagine the crushing heartache when we discovered a cup was not a generic term applied to any bucket sized jug of sweet, glorious, French Roast. Consider the despair when we learned that some of our new coffee "cups" actually held 5 1/2 cups of coffee.

A few of the more aggressive among us were approaching 19 cups of coffee a day, and some of them were fighting over almost anything. An uncontrollable white rage that would burn white hot for a few minutes and turn into weeping, apologizing and remorse. It was hard to believe this was "healthy."

We had to hire a security company to monitor our coffee, making sure everybody got 5 cups, no more, no less.

It got a little tense when we discovered some of us just don't care for coffee.  After an armed standoff in the 5th floor break room, when Bob refused to drink his 5th cup, saying he would rather "die early than drink one more cup of this swill."

After a few tense hours, some exchange of small arms fire, and reinforcements from Jet Propulsion Laboratory besieging the compound (those scientists really stick together), we decided that forcing people to drink 5 cups of coffee a day may not be that healthy after all. Maybe people would be happier and healthier if they could drink what and how much they choose.

We bought some tea, some bottled water, and people seem a lot happier. But, there is news that red wine will help people live longer.  That is a bit of health news we can really support, thank goodness for research.

Another Study Debunked, maybe

In an effort to save time and money, reduce waste, improve efficiency, and ease public concerns a group of arachnologists led by Dr. Richard Vetter, from the University of California, Riverside have embarked on a study to identify spiders that are often found in imported shipments. It is believed that this work (This Is No Time To Panic) will fill the "knowledge gap."

Citing incidents where lay people have mistakenly assumed these spiders were of "medical importance," and asked for verification before proceeding, the scientists are hoping to provide a means of identifying spiders that may be dangerous.  It is their belief that informed people will make wise decisions, people armed with knowledge will not panic.

They did not say exactly how they plan on dispersing this information.  One can only assume it will be in pamphlet form, or possibly a small booklet, or maybe even a smart phone app.  "Spiders, sometimes they won't kill you."

Workers unloading a boat filled with bananas will come across a behemoth spider, or possibly several, looking to all the world as though they might have been responsible for the extinction of the dinosaur.  Thinking quickly and rationally they will pull out their little study, comparing pictures of spiders with a similar appearance, and they will know right then and there what kind of spider they are dealing with.

And then they will flee in terror, because it is a huge spider, or several, and nobody cares what some crazy scientist (arachnologist) who was silly enough to actually decide to spend his or her life looking at these monstrous, evil, malevolent, sadistic things has to say.  It is a huge spider from the jungles of South America, and there is no way that thing is safe. "Look into me eyes (all six of them) and you will know despair."

If we are lucky they will set the boat on fire, or better still have the Air Force bomb the danged thing, we can still find a use for some of those decommissioned nuclear weapons, no point in letting them go to waste. 

And you know what else is troubling here?  Where in the heck is the border patrol in all of this mess?  And the coast guard, and the INS, shouldn't they be paying attention to the hordes of vicious, marauding, blood thirsty... 

Anyway, we, here at Life Explained, would like to thank the scientists involved in this study, they are a fearless bunch, and the world is a better place for people like that.