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Tuesday, August 11, 2015

A unique opportunity, for a unique person.

OK, it is a pretty big deal to eat lettuce grown in space.  No space trip would be complete without a little extraterrestrial produce. Lettuce is a good start, you know the old hauntingly appropriate, yet oddly specific, saying "you can't make a space salad without growing some lettuce." Truly, our ability to travel to other worlds, visit other planets, and force our views, and systems of beliefs on the poor, hapless inhabitants, who need us to come save them from themselves, depends on food.

But, it is probably going to require a little more substantial than some greens, or in this case "outrageous reds" if we are going to be able to really "help" these poor innocent beings see the light. Or even worse, suppose we get there and there is nobody, and we have to do all of the work ourselves. We are going to need some real food.

Where most people see a problem we, here at Life Explained, see an opportunity. A chance to serve our fellow man, to serve him cheeseburgers, fries and a shake. We are opening a string of intergalactic restaurants for the deep space astronauts sent to "explore" the various worlds. Plus, we will have some wonderful tshirts, baseball hats, and refrigerator magnets. "I went to the outer reaches of the galaxy and all I got was this lousy tshirt, and the best burger of my life, at Bob's House o' Space Burgers."

Of course we will need to get the beef to these locations. We will need some self assured soul who can move some goods to various locations around the galaxy.

Since the times are liable to be considerable, and even space travelers deserve fresh food it would probably be wise to transport the protein substance in an upright position (i.e. standing) until approach. Of course, to keep the feelings of guilt and crushing remorse to a minimum it is best not to name the freight. But, that is your choice.

So, if you are looking for a good job, are a self starter who doesn't mind terrible introspective periods of solitude, and the loneliness and despair that only a solitary trip through deep space can provide, do we have an opening for you.

And don't forget our Interplanetary Food Service Job Fair tomorrow at the Lancaster County Fairgrounds. We will have coffee, donuts, and after you fill out the application you can keep the pen.*

*Offer available to the first 15 applicants only.