OK, it is a pretty big deal to eat lettuce grown in space. No space trip would be complete without a little extraterrestrial produce. Lettuce is a good start, you know the old hauntingly appropriate, yet oddly specific, saying "you can't make a space salad without growing some lettuce." Truly, our ability to travel to other worlds, visit other planets, and force our views, and systems of beliefs on the poor, hapless inhabitants, who need us to come save them from themselves, depends on food.
But, it is probably going to require a little more substantial than some greens, or in this case "outrageous reds" if we are going to be able to really "help" these poor innocent beings see the light. Or even worse, suppose we get there and there is nobody, and we have to do all of the work ourselves. We are going to need some real food.
Where most people see a problem we, here at Life Explained, see an opportunity. A chance to serve our fellow man, to serve him cheeseburgers, fries and a shake. We are opening a string of intergalactic restaurants for the deep space astronauts sent to "explore" the various worlds. Plus, we will have some wonderful tshirts, baseball hats, and refrigerator magnets. "I went to the outer reaches of the galaxy and all I got was this lousy tshirt, and the best burger of my life, at Bob's House o' Space Burgers."
Of course we will need to get the beef to these locations. We will need some self assured soul who can move some goods to various locations around the galaxy.
Since the times are liable to be considerable, and even space travelers deserve fresh food it would probably be wise to transport the protein substance in an upright position (i.e. standing) until approach. Of course, to keep the feelings of guilt and crushing remorse to a minimum it is best not to name the freight. But, that is your choice.
So, if you are looking for a good job, are a self starter who doesn't mind terrible introspective periods of solitude, and the loneliness and despair that only a solitary trip through deep space can provide, do we have an opening for you.
And don't forget our Interplanetary Food Service Job Fair tomorrow at the Lancaster County Fairgrounds. We will have coffee, donuts, and after you fill out the application you can keep the pen.*
*Offer available to the first 15 applicants only.
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
A unique opportunity, for a unique person.
There is not much to say, but, for those who find any offense, please remember these are only stories, jokes, and have no relation to reality. Kind of like life.
I like life, and hope it lasts a long time, but it does require some explanation, that is why these blogs exist. To help people navigate times and events that make no sense.
Here are a few places you can find a few things.
The Original Life Explained. Where it all started, a little rambling and a lot of nothing important.
Life Explains The End Views on humanity's race to self extinction. I hope I am wrong.
Life Explains Smiles Because everybody likes it when you smile.
Life Explains Aging Getting older is not always easier, but it is worth the effort. And a few small things can make it much more pleasant.
Life Explains Traveling and Commuting Mostly commuting. Driving bugs me and working bugs me so driving to work is the ultimate insult of modern life, and I like to complain.
Life Explained Explores History. The real problem with history is there is so much of it. It is all over the place. But, if you take the time to look at the small pieces it is fascinating.
Life Explains Music Music is a universal language. I like guitar based rock and roll, but there is a little bit of a lot here.