The Beginning of the Beginning, kind of.

Anybody who lives anywhere near a popular sports team, or home town hero understands the
enormous marketing potential of hiring a jock. Sure, sometimes you have to settle for less than stellar performance, and often you are forced to deal with uncontrollable egos, but slap a sports stars in front of a camera and you have instant brand recognition. A boost to profits, visibility and consumer loyalty.

We thought hiring +Rahul Singh would give us that sort of visibility, only on an interstellar scale.

Here was a guy who was not only making a name for himself in one of the fastest growing sports in the universe, Galactic Animal Mixed Martial Arts. Not only was he undefeated, he was young, handsome and looked good in a suit.

We didn’t care if he didn’t know beans about finance, he could help with “finance” by getting on television and smiling and waving and acting like he was a financial guy. It was like a license to print money. People would be lining up to invest. A multimillionaire retired sports guy talking eloquently on television on about how wise it was to invest in Life Explained Space Travel and Exploration. It was a golden goose, and we were ready to harvest some golden eggs.

But, here is the thing, Rahul was not happy being eye candy in front of a camera. He wanted to be a finance guy.

“We have finance guys coming out of the wazoo, Rahul. What we need is a guy to help with ‘finances.’” Dr. Dawg explained, as patiently as he could. “We need you to stand there and smile and sell us on TV. You have a reputation getting things done, in an emphatic fashion.”

But, some people don’t or can’t listen. So, we had to cut his pay.

Life Explained, the Contest, fame and fortune, and a video.

It is time for the first (possibly the last) Life Explained Contest. That's right. It is your chance to be featured in Life Explained, the Phenomenon (LEP), and have tales of your greatness spread around the world.

So, send us an account of your favorite Life Explained moment and we will feature the best ones, here on Life Explained, the Blog.

So, if you have ever gotten angry at your husband, wife, parent, child, roommate, or police officer executing a search warrant and slammed the refrigerator door so hard that it pushed the whole thing through the wall and onto the ground we want to know about it. So does everybody else.











Or, if you have ever fired a gun into the air in a celebratory fashion, maybe ringing in the new year,or proclaiming your affection for the this great nation on Independence Day,and accidentally shot a refrigerator out of the air send it in right away. We would love to hear about it, and we would love to tell the world.









If you don't want to share your name, and you might want to discuss this with your lawyer we accept aliases, and anonymous entries. We are not above exaggeration, or embellishment, and it doesn't need to be refrigerator related, but we have had a run of bad luck, refrigerationally speaking. So it is fresh on our minds.

Send your entries to tweettweetjohn@yahoo.com, look for your story here, and wait for the fame, fortune and accolades to shower down upon you.

A unique opportunity, for a unique person.

OK, it is a pretty big deal to eat lettuce grown in space.  No space trip would be complete without a little extraterrestrial produce. Lettuce is a good start, you know the old hauntingly appropriate, yet oddly specific, saying "you can't make a space salad without growing some lettuce." Truly, our ability to travel to other worlds, visit other planets, and force our views, and systems of beliefs on the poor, hapless inhabitants, who need us to come save them from themselves, depends on food.

But, it is probably going to require a little more substantial than some greens, or in this case "outrageous reds" if we are going to be able to really "help" these poor innocent beings see the light. Or even worse, suppose we get there and there is nobody, and we have to do all of the work ourselves. We are going to need some real food.

Where most people see a problem we, here at Life Explained, see an opportunity. A chance to serve our fellow man, to serve him cheeseburgers, fries and a shake. We are opening a string of intergalactic restaurants for the deep space astronauts sent to "explore" the various worlds. Plus, we will have some wonderful tshirts, baseball hats, and refrigerator magnets. "I went to the outer reaches of the galaxy and all I got was this lousy tshirt, and the best burger of my life, at Bob's House o' Space Burgers."

Of course we will need to get the beef to these locations. We will need some self assured soul who can move some goods to various locations around the galaxy.

Since the times are liable to be considerable, and even space travelers deserve fresh food it would probably be wise to transport the protein substance in an upright position (i.e. standing) until approach. Of course, to keep the feelings of guilt and crushing remorse to a minimum it is best not to name the freight. But, that is your choice.

So, if you are looking for a good job, are a self starter who doesn't mind terrible introspective periods of solitude, and the loneliness and despair that only a solitary trip through deep space can provide, do we have an opening for you.

And don't forget our Interplanetary Food Service Job Fair tomorrow at the Lancaster County Fairgrounds. We will have coffee, donuts, and after you fill out the application you can keep the pen.*


*Offer available to the first 15 applicants only.