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Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Hello, my name is Susan Leighton.  I wanted to introduce myself to all of you since Tim Clark, the CEO of Life Explained recruited me for the Deep Space Exploration project among other things. Tim, I have to hand it to you, what a sense of humor!  I really loved the fact that you had a car pick me up in the middle of the night. I thought it was kind of unusual especially when that convincing gentleman told me I needed to wear a blindfold but with the money you are paying me, who is going to complain? Or compare it to a kidnapping?  Not me!

Anyway, I am the SVP of the PRD. We here at LE love talking in acronyms.  It makes everything sound so much more important than it is, harder to decipher and mysterious!  As the SVP of the PRD, one of my tasks is to ensure that LE is adequately represented across every form of media imaginable and some that aren’t but Jesse Zahrt, our head of R&D insists he is working on. Come on, Jesse, Dr. Data cannot wait forever until you combine the algorithm from our microwave in the breakroom with the code of the Wii in our lounge.  Dr. Data assures me this will create the perfect hologram and as you know, holographic projections are on my list of new media frontiers to conquer so get to work!

I will be in charge of press releases for our upcoming deep space exploration project which means that I will be stuck explaining why things aren’t working. Oh, gosh!  I said that out loud, didn’t I? Damn! I have got to cut back on these Mimosas.  Looks like I am celebrating this new position way too much.  What I meant to say was that I will be the one who will field all the inevitable inquiries from the press, NASA, Ancient Aliens, Vladimir Putin, Hillary Clinton’s hairstylist, and the list goes on and on. Tim and Jesse are way too busy for that nonsense. Besides they need someone like me to take on those pundits so they can be free to do whatever it is they do.

One of my first orders of business will be to appoint a galactic/intergalactic ambassador. This will be very important as we set out to colonize the universe and eventually other galaxies. We will need someone who is experienced in dealing with the unknown.  Someone who is interested in seeking out strange new worlds and boldly going where no one has gone before and yada, yada, yada. Now I must mention that this position will be very prominent.  That being said our vetting process will be rather rigorous.

I have already begun taking applications. I had a very promising candidate, Jim Kirk from Iowa.  He had tons of experience but unfortunately when our sources here at LE started our confirmation investigation, there was a scandal that occurred several years ago at his last employer that involved him and a woman named Janice Rand. Unfortunately, we were not able to offer him the position.

I also received another promising resume from a D. Vader.  However, when I went to call his references, they turned out to be bogus.  I got tired of chasing down Mr. Palpatine who I am told has been retired for several years.

If you think you have the right stuff, by all means do not hesitate to send your resume to LE. We are an EOE. We also accept GED, BA, BFA, BS, MA, MFA, MS, and PhD’s.  Am I forgetting anything? Oh yes! We also abide by OSHA as well.  Like I said, don’t these acronyms sound official or officious?  I can’t decide.

Until next time, keep reaching for the stars. We will be. Sometime in the near future. Maybe 20 years from now or a century.  Who is keeping track?