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Saturday, December 3, 2016

The Aliens are Coming

Looking around we couldn't help notice things were changing. Population explosions, climate change, political turmoil and constant unrest coupled with the alarming rate of death among aging musical superstars have made the earth a very uncomfortable place. Similar to a party when all of the good snacks are gone. People mill around. Nibbling on saltines. No one is happy, though.

It seemed like the ideal time to start our Martian Inhabitation and eXploration (MIX) program. Yes, it is a hostile, toxic environment with no ability to support life, and with temperature extremes, dust storms kicking up minute, slightly electrostatic, sand like dust motes that stick to everything, work their way into mechanical parts and cause no end of problems. Moreover, not only is there not a decent take out place the nearest grocery store is 54.6 billion kilometers away. Still, looking at the world today we decided to give it a go.

We stopped the first night on the moon. it is on the way, part of the time, and we left some stuff there last time we went camping. A portable generator, a mini fridge, and, we think, Bob, from the custodial staff, we hope anyway.

After landing, we set up camp, found Bob, who had survived quite nicely, even put on a few pounds. We started to fix a little dinner, burritos, nachos, and cold cervezas, Mexican food tastes even better in space. Nobody knows why, but ask anybody who has ever tried it, Buzz Aldrin once was quoted as saying "man, these tacos kick a$$!" You won't learn that in any of those revisionist history books in school. Our plans were interrupted by the sound of sawing, hammering and what what we interpreted as alien swearing. It was coming from the dark side of the moon.

Creeping carefully over the rise we were shocked to see the whole place lit up. Bright enough to see thousands of aliens constructing a hotel, restaurant, amusement park and fantasy mini golf course. 

We knew, despite our deepest hope of being wrong, this was the first step in the alien invasion. Soonthese monsters would descend on Earth, snapping photos, bickering over the price of cheap, souvenir trinkets, leaving insufficient tips after ordering extravagant meals. Carping, complaining, and kvetching all over the planet. 

We had to get back and warn everybody. Here you go, now you are warned. The Aliens are coming. Now you know.