The Aliens are Coming

Looking around we couldn't help notice things were changing. Population explosions, climate change, political turmoil and constant unrest coupled with the alarming rate of death among aging musical superstars have made the earth a very uncomfortable place. Similar to a party when all of the good snacks are gone. People mill around. Nibbling on saltines. No one is happy, though.

It seemed like the ideal time to start our Martian Inhabitation and eXploration (MIX) program. Yes, it is a hostile, toxic environment with no ability to support life, and with temperature extremes, dust storms kicking up minute, slightly electrostatic, sand like dust motes that stick to everything, work their way into mechanical parts and cause no end of problems. Moreover, not only is there not a decent take out place the nearest grocery store is 54.6 billion kilometers away. Still, looking at the world today we decided to give it a go.

We stopped the first night on the moon. it is on the way, part of the time, and we left some stuff there last time we went camping. A portable generator, a mini fridge, and, we think, Bob, from the custodial staff, we hope anyway.

After landing, we set up camp, found Bob, who had survived quite nicely, even put on a few pounds. We started to fix a little dinner, burritos, nachos, and cold cervezas, Mexican food tastes even better in space. Nobody knows why, but ask anybody who has ever tried it, Buzz Aldrin once was quoted as saying "man, these tacos kick a$$!" You won't learn that in any of those revisionist history books in school. Our plans were interrupted by the sound of sawing, hammering and what what we interpreted as alien swearing. It was coming from the dark side of the moon.

Creeping carefully over the rise we were shocked to see the whole place lit up. Bright enough to see thousands of aliens constructing a hotel, restaurant, amusement park and fantasy mini golf course. 

We knew, despite our deepest hope of being wrong, this was the first step in the alien invasion. Soonthese monsters would descend on Earth, snapping photos, bickering over the price of cheap, souvenir trinkets, leaving insufficient tips after ordering extravagant meals. Carping, complaining, and kvetching all over the planet. 

We had to get back and warn everybody. Here you go, now you are warned. The Aliens are coming. Now you know.

The Sky's the Limit

Jester's Log. Mission #5: The Sky's the Limit

Our fearless leader Tim Clark took a brief vacation last week which gave us the opportunity to make a few changes around the office. As with most companies, when the boss is away - the kids will play. The only difference at the Life Explained Deep Space Colonization Department is that we don't let the sky be our limit. 

Due to the fact that we have not made as much progress as hoped with our teleportation project, we were forced to utilize more remedial technology in the interim. We did not take this unplanned expenditure lightly though. In fact, we found a way to stretch our dollar by making a purchase that will benefit other departments at Life Explained. 

The recent growth in staff and the increased number of company meetings and outings has created a need for a new company vehicle. The VW beetle no longer accommodates everyone. Fortunately for us, NASA was having a killer sale on space shuttles. Apparently NASA couldn't justify having a $450 million dollar spacecraft sitting around doing nothing. Since they aren't allowed to do their job anymore, they had a rather large rummage sale. 

Life Explained is now the proud owner of a space shuttle. Although it's pretty much worthless for local trips within our atmosphere, it does look pretty cool sitting out in front of the building. I hope Tim doesn't mind that he now has to park across the street though. The shuttle takes up a lot of parking spots...

On the bright side, we now have a means of getting supplies off planet to set up the remote receiving sites for our teleportation testing to begin. (We couldn't get any volunteers to test the teleportation device without having a known "landing" location.) Our progress is bound to advance at a pretty steady rate now and we are hoping to have our first remote receiving site in place by early 2018. That of course is assuming the Clark/Zahrt team wins the election so we can use government funding for the ongoing expenses. We kind of blew our budget with the space shuttle purchase. It was on sale, but still not cheap. 

I better get back at it. I see Susan is playing around with the controls in the cockpit again. Last time she did that, the engine blast took out the Taco Bell next door. We can't afford any more losses like that. Pretty soon we'll be back to eating gas station burritos. Until next time....