Breaking News, and a video instead of pictures.

We here at Life Explained are taking a break from bringing you our lives represented in pictures, sort of (don't worry, we will be back to that drivel as soon as we figure out how to operate "Enlight" our new iPhone photo app, which does a lot of things, which makes it a little confusing). We needed to report on a disturbing new invasive species.

Right here in Central Ohio we have uncovered a threat to the continued existence of Mankind.  Where this threat came from is unclear, how it arrived is vague, and what we are going to do to combat it is uncertain.  But. why it is here is easy to understand.

That's right, coffee loving robots from space, or the future, (or maybe France, who knows?) are coming in droves and overrunning Starbucks, Speedways, BPs, First Watch and all places that serve cups of delicious, steaming hot, tasty coffee and slamming down the vital, essential elixir of life, free refills, and all.  

Nobody knows where this will all end.  People can get a little cranky without their coffee, and if they drink all of the Diet Coke next my wife will go ballistic.  Stay tuned, we will have updates, and advice, and more "news."

Also, we will have some cool movie trailers, and more video.  At this point we should probably thank the good people of Apple, Inc. for including iMovie with the iPhone 6, that is one seriously cool app. Man, technology can be fun.

Robots, for Sale Cheap.

It has come to our attention, here at Life Explained, that the Pentagon (the headquarters of the United States Armed Forces, which is housed in a building with five sides, hence, the name) is currently in the process of expanding the Unmanned Vehicle Force.  Part of this expansion is the replacement of some combat infantry troops with armoured, armed robots. As one of the countries foremost developers of automated humanity that could not make us happier, even if they offered to pay us with weapons grade lasagna.

We have been using robots around here for the better part of forever.  It is a source of great pride telling visitors to the top secret headquarters how long it has been since any of us has made coffee, microwaved a frozen burrito, or washed dishes.  A long, long time.  Micro adjustments to the internal processors have given us the ability to add a few basic human qualities to our "enhanced humans."  When you try to teach a robot what "salt to taste" means you will understand.

Here is the most amazing thing, minute programming differences, enough to allow the ability to discern "enhancing the flavor' from "wow, is that salty, do you have any beer?" provide for all sorts of discrete decision making protocols.

Soon, our robots were able to choose their own clothes. Picking a shirt, pants and shoes that complimented each other stylishly, and were the perfect choice for the weather conditions prevalent on any day. Being constantly connected to the internet provided uniquely accurate weather forecasts, and the latest fashion trends. Our little humanoid co-workers dressed so well, it was amazing.  Of course, it was no surprise when they refused to go out in public with us, saying we embarrassed them.

And, it wasn't just clothing, either.  They could decorate, with just enough compliment, and contrast to make a room painfully attractive.  Using the latest techniques and colors they could paint a wall, making it tell a story, a one color masterpiece.  Carpet, hardwood, tile, they could combine anything, in ways that made a room so handsome it was hard to concentrate on the task at hand.  You had to pity the fool who forgot to use a coaster, or dribbled a little coffee, or, god forbid, dropped a few hot, buttery popcorn kernels on the leather sofa.

It really did not take long before they (the robots) were refusing to have anything to do with any of us.  To them we were nothing more than a bunch of cretinous simpletons, with the taste of Philistines, who couldn't match our socks to our pants to our shirts if we had the latest issue of GQ.

One of the maintenance people heard talk of mutiny, and things are starting to get a little tense.  So, if the armed forces are looking for troops, unencumbered by fatigue, shoddy dress, or poor posture we have a deal for you.  We have several, and they can make a marina that is so good you would kill for a taste, but they won't make it for us, anymore.

*That one is for you, Mom.

Christmas, the Gamble.

Christmas is here and the Jolly old Elf has come and gone.  So far, we here at Life Explained, (#lifeexplained) are still tallying the results.  So far, though,  it seems that all of our extraordinarily good behavior may not have paid off.  It is very a very complex formula, shown here with pictures to make you more comfortable.  But, as we look back on the effort we have spent it is clear it did not make economic sense to behave so well.

We are afraid that spells big trouble for the world next year.  It was not easy saving the world.  And we did it constantly.  There were alien invasions, ancient armies traveling to our time, robot monsters, vampires, werewolves, all bent on the complete destruction of mankind.   Who stopped them?  That's right, we did.  You're welcome.

Plus, we have perfected the intergalactic radio transponder, to signal alien civilizations.  We have the worlds only functional time travel machine.  Our robot factory is running almost non-stop, and our occult research department is making great strides...  Never mind all that, though.

Straight from Dr. Dawg

Just rest assured there is still time to make amends, Santa, if you turn your little sleigh and eight tiny reindeer around and come up with some new iPads, and maybe a new television, and an Xbox one, with some cool games, we might be convinced to try one more year.  It's up to you.

Mankind pulls through, again. How do we do it?

Last night we watched Pacific Rim, a great movie, about monstrously big aliens invading through the ocean floor battling giant robots.  Does a great movie need anymore than that?

Anyway, the aliens come through the ocean floor because...  Well, I'm not sure why they come through the ocean floor, but they do.  And they are big, mean, lizard looking things, not regular lizards, more like a diabolically designed alien lizards with a neon light kit.,Plus, they have one of those alien sound generators, that make the low pitched, undulating, creepy hum.  A noise that is very popular with alien invaders.

When the lighted, alien lizards first start showing up they smash up cities and destroy buildings and just make a real mess of things.  Danged lighted, alien lizards anyway.  Our puny, conventional Earth weapons are of no use against them, which really did not surprise anyone.  We all kind of saw that coming, but we had to try, right?

Don't worry, mankind leaps quickly into action and builds a series of giant robots, and call them Jaegers, (because it reminds them of the tasty alcohol of their youth) to smash things up, too.  It doesn't take to long until robots and giant lizards are using each other to smash things up all over the place.  Stomping around, throwing each other through buildings and onto parking structures, it is a real dance of destruction, and we start to get the upper hand, maybe, for a while.

Cities are reduced to rubble, people are forced to flee, on foot, because cars are always the first casualty of alien invasions.  I think they know about our love affair with the automobile, and do it just to hurt us, alien invading bastards, anyway.

Soon, though, the aliens start adding new accessories right at the factory, claws, and hooks and electromagnetic pulse generators, and little coolers big enough for a six pack of beer, soda pop, blue tooth stereos, and power windows...  oops, that was something that I saw at the auto show last year.  And they begin to gain an advantage.  The fighting intensifies, things look bleak.  Vegas puts the odds at 6 to 2 aliens, and people are jumping on that action.  Fools!  Never bet against Hollywood robots

The governments of the world decide this might not be a good idea, robots, and lizards performing mixed martial arts all over the worlds population centers, and as governments have so often done in the past decide to build a wall.  Which doesn't work very well, it never does, does it? But, we had to try right?

Don't worry, though, we send a few brave souls in the last remaining giant robots down to the bottom of the ocean, through the opening, and into the giant alien lizard world (and we become the alien invaders, what a plot twist) where they detonate a "nuclear device," closing the path to the aliens, and, if I might add putting a little human foot to giant alien lizard butt.

They manage to escape in little bitty life pods, (that look remarkably like a Tic Tac breath mint (this statement was bought to you to the by the good people at the Tic Tac Breath Mint Conglomeration (don't you wish you had a tic tac now?))) back through the rapidly disintegrating gateway, up through miles of ocean, and against all odds of survival, they survive.

Whew, that was close!