I am announcing my intention to announce my candidacy, at some point, anyway.

Look, there is not a lot of activity on the ol' Presidential Campaign trail.  This has really dampened spirits around Life Explained.  With both parties searching for a candidate there should be mounting tension, bitter sniping, and general blame and immature, petty finger pointing.  Enough for even the most jaded observer.  Things are sadly lacking.  Sadly.

Except for one fellow, one lone, brave Texan, the field is barren.  And, I don't want to alarm anybody here, but I read where Ted Cruz accused Ted Cruz of being a liberal, tax and spend, tree hugging, pantie waist.  Naturally, Ted Cruz fired right back, defending his record on tax cuts, and the use of government shutdown as a cost saving measure, even going so far as to challenge Ted Cruz to an a series of televised debates.  It seems politicians are born to this behavior.

Anybody who has been paying attention could tell you the American Political landscape is more divided and disastrous than ever.  There is no safe haven for candidates anymore.  Party affiliation means nothing.  Factions have become the battleground in what is rapidly becoming a guerilla war for presidency.

In many ways presidential campaigns are the ultimate explanation of the human experience.  It starts nobly enough.  A person who wants to help, and is willing to sacrifice so much in an effort to guide the country he loves.  What could be more pure?  But, as time marches on, and the atrocities of campaigning strip away the thin veneer of civilization true humanity, in its most fundamental form begins to claw and tear its way through.  Not unlike the classic scene in the thrilling expose "Heavy Metal" when Hannover Fiste recants his testimony on behalf of Captain Lincoln F. Sterne.  Beginning with a thoughtful, considered defense of the Captain's character, and eventually explaining that the captain was so reprehensible he "should be torn into little bitsy pieces and buried alive."  Ultimately, offering to do the job himself.  So goes the campaign, in the end it becomes a vicious game of last man standing.  Battle hardened, weary, and filled with rage, but standing.  Only a fool would rush into that, or a person who feels the call of destiny.    

This might explain why the field is still so bleak.  If you declare early you need to pursue the base, the extreme, and the moderate.  It requires a balancing act, a unicycle ride, across a mine field, while juggling broken bottles, filled with burning gasoline.  There are many who find this activity unappealing.  

If you are willing to wait, and jump in more toward the end of the campaign, you can be more focused, and tailor your message toward the side that seems to be winning.  Safer for your reputation, but it is calculated. You have less chance of alienating most of the voting population, but it is possible that voters will say "who is that guy?"  

It would be similar to rushing in at the last minute of a robbery, jumping on the robbers back, wrestling him to the ground, and listening to the applause.  But, in that scenario somebody who was there may have already disabled the gunman, and you will look foolish, busting down the door to save the day.  A day that has already been saved.  Plus, you will have to pay for the door.  

Obviously, politics in our world have become a matter of timing, substance means little.  Substance is probably a liability.  Anything of substance is bound to have a grating effect on somebody.  Better to be everything to everybody, at just the right time.

With that in mind, I would like to announce my exploratory, bi partisan, focus group to decide when I should announce my candidacy for the office of President.  It seems like the hope for a dramatic ground swell of dissatisfaction driving a grass roots write in victory might have been a little optimistic.  Americans love to innovate, as long as someone else does it.  We will be testing the waters, and when the wind is favorable, and the time is right, pow, we will be there.  

Until then go ahead and take a long, hard look at that Cruz guy.  Ask yourself why he has changed his name, and so drastically altered his appearance "Top Gun?"  Normally, that is not a presidential trait.  But, you can decide, we hope.

Winter, a time for real men, and first aid.

Saying farewell to summer, and welcoming winter can be bittersweet, as you put away the shorts, sleeveless shirts and sandals and break out coats, boots, and sweaters, it is easy to remember the joys of summer.  Mowing, raking, baking in the inescapable,  unforgiving sun...  Well, that doesn't sound that good.  Reaching back a little further... ah yes, the joys of summer, the carefree days of sitting in the withering heat trying to catch a fish.

Fishing is a great past time, trying to outsmart an animal, crafty, and cunning, hiding in the depths, a ruthless carnivore, a relentless, tireless predator.  Armed with nothing but a $250.00 dollar rod and reel, several hundred dollars of assorted "tackle," a cooler full of beer, and a fifteen thousand dollar boat.  Morning turns to afternoon, and slides effortlessly into evening, as you match wits with a primitive creature.  Trolling, drifting, setting anchor, nothing works, all day, and not a nibble, enough blood loss to mosquitoes that you may need a transfusion, and a sunburn so bad it might require skin grafts, and not one nibble!  Stupid fish, anyway.  Things will go so much better when you have a new pickup to haul that boat to the lake, then you would be reeling them in.

But, winter is not the time for fishing, (well, ice fishing is popular in some places, but, since that doesn't support this post, so we are going to ignore it) winter is for hunters.  Ah, hunting, there is a past time that is older than humanity.  It is just you, and a five thousand dollar shotgun loaded with shells that cost more than the first several cars you owned, and the birds, facing off in a life and death struggle, may the most evolved species win.

After hours of tromping through wet undergrowth, in arctic conditions you still have not seen your first bird.  Sure, you have heard plenty, as they jump up right behind you, (you must have almost stepped on the stupid things) and fly quickly away, screaming in bird language, "hey, here I am, human, right behind you."  Oh, this is too much.

You are no longer even willing to eat the evil thing, you are convinced it is the same bird, following you throughout the day, jumping up, shouting bird obscenities at you, and flying away.  Enough is too much!  You just want to blow that bird into little pieces, pieces so small it would take a vacuum cleaner to pick the thing up off the ground.  You have a plan, and you are ready.

At the first sound of a bird taking flight, you spin violently around, looking wildly for the malevolent bird, and hit your friend, who is sending a text message, right in the face, with enough force to shatter his nose.  Blood flies everywhere, and he drops his phone in a muddy puddle at his feet.  To further complicate problems, the force of the collision, gun barrel against nose, causes you to pull the trigger, and in what has become typical of the day, the pellets blow out the windshield and puncture the radiator of your wife's car.  Dammit!!!  If only you had spent the extra $3.000 to buy the really good shotgun.

You head to the road, helping your friend, who is starting to look pretty pale, just in time to see the bird wink at you and run into the bushes at the bottom of the ditch.  

High Tech Gets a Little Higher.

As many of you know we have recently added the Microsoft Surface Pro 3 to the arsenal of high tech gadgetry used in the pursuit of the explanations to life's greatest mysteries.

It requires a great deal of computational muscle to break down barriers and wrestle truth from the universe.  And the good news is we are getting closer, the bad news is we are still not exactly sure what life's greatest mysteries are (that is how mysterious they are), which has kind of hamstrung our research.

But, it does provide the time needed to integrate all of our devices, and cloud services, so the work can proceed expeditiously.  Of course, there needs to be many tests, trials, failures, hand wringing, tears of frustration and joy, hours and hours of endless attempts to make sure information passes seamlessly between the Surface Pro 3 the iPhone 5 and iPad 3 (we are thinking of adding an iPod, just because we have several not being used).  It was not in vain.  Dropbox was the last piece of the puzzle, and the most stubborn, but a quick glance at the instructions (I know, who reads directions, it was a last resort) and we were uploading photos like techie.

We have managed to produce this little gem, foil this chrome turtle "carjacking" this wooden elephant. And, we had to perform the operation without the iPad. My wife is still holding tight.  But, we are fairly certain we could have without problem.

As you can see the future of mankind is in good hands.

Note;  We are not sure turtles have paws, but we are fairly comfortable supposing that they do not have hands, or feet.  Besides, in a tense situation you can forgive the Life Explained Armed Forces for taking a few liberties with reptilian anatomical classifications.

Next step; new logo, we can't wait.

You Are Here, Please Go Over There.

Following is an item from The Hindu, an English Language Indian Newspaper with a large circulation base in Southern India, founded in 1878.

"Apple has bought the indoor GPS mapping firm wifiSLAM for 20 million dollars, The Wall Street Journal reported on Monday, in a move seen as a challenge to Google’s dominance of mobile mapping software.

WifSLAM’s technology could allow Apple to pinpoint the location of users inside buildings to within 2.5 metres — an asset that could be valuable to advertisers wishing to target mall shoppers.

Google already has an extensive catalogue of public floor plans which it used to map the interior of public buildings for users of its Google Maps service.

Apple tried to challenge the dominance of Google Maps when it released its own mapping software with the launch of the iPhone 5 and iOS 6 last year. However the software was widely criticized for being inaccurate and confusing and Apple was forced to issue an apology to users and recommend using third-party products."

There are many who see this as a creepy, big brother style invasion of privacy, while others see it as a blatant intrusion of direct and immediate marketing. More likely, this is the final piece of the puzzle. A technological implement that will transform the iPhone from a toy with a few useful applications for real life into the all encompassing, shining beacon of hope that everyone has dreamed about for so long.

Imagine, a trip to the mall, and a stop in the bathroom that lasts a little too long. A kind voice, nestled warmly in pocket or purse, says "Probiotic yogurt is on sale this week at Piggly Wiggly, five for $7.00." Thank you, Siri.

It is impossible to calculate the times a person has gone out, in public, wearing something that was not appropriate for their age, or size, or the occasion. Now, when they are shopping a stern voice will warn, "buying that shirt will be the biggest waste of money, and quite possibly cause the most embarrassment since your Junior year, maybe you should go look at the XXL Polo shirts."

Imagine the ease of saving money when one knows that Siri is going to say, sarcastically, "Are you sure you should be buying that, considering the amount you owe on your Visa Card?" the minute you get to front of the long line, filled with judgmental, smug, gainfully employed jerks.

People who are carrying around a few extra pounds will finally have the help they need to shed that extra weight, imagine the power of Siri shrieking "PUSH YOURSELF AWAY FROM THE TABLE, YOU FAT BASTARD."  Healthy, happy living through electronics.

Of course, it would be impolite to report what the iPhones say to each other, and would probably hurt a lot of people's feelings. But, this is one more step toward the complete reliance on technology and machinery for which mankind has been longing.