Oh No, Not Another Blog Post

Recently I fell into a slump. I'm not sure what happened. I didn't exercise enough, writing became a chore, life was odd. I don't really know why. Sure, I hurt my knee, technically, my knee hurt itself, the doctor said it was tendinitis, I think he just didn't want to say "you're getting old and you weigh too much."

Also, I have spent way too much time reading about the current administration, and the "reality television" approach to diplomacy. Honestly, I worry that we are only a few foolish miscalculations from the war to end all wars, the war to end all humanity. And, if anybody is liable to make a foolish miscalculation and stumble into a nuclear exchange Trump seems as likely as any, ever. I watched the way he acted with our "allies" and our "enemies" and it made me recoil in horror. Here is a man with the theatrical sense of a professional wrestler in charge of the nuclear weapons.

I'm not really sure how much control the president has over targeting decisions, very little, I hope, it is not too difficult to imagine our president wanting to bring "fire and fury" down upon Canada for their aggressive trade imbalance. After all, between my wife and I we have had at least three cars, American cars, mind you, Chevy, Chrysler, those kind of things, that were assembled in Canada. That takes a lot of damned gall. Further, on Sunday, my wife and I stopped at Tim Horton's (a notoriously Canadian company) and had breakfast, I feel like such a traitor.

Plus, one of the guys I work with quit and moved down south to start a small, organic farm, one of those field to table kind of things, and the decision was made not to replace him. Which does lead to additional work for those of us who didn't quit, the survivors. I don't blame the quitter, not too much anyway.

Here I am toiling away.

Truth be told, I have quit a lot of jobs, (I was an awful job hopper) and I would have probably quit this job a long time ago if my wife hadn't threaten to kill me in my sleep if she missed another vacation. Now, I am so old and feeble (see paragraph 1) that I am probably lucky to have a job at all. So, we are stuck with each other, me and the company for whom I work, until that golden age when my wife can retire with her civil servant pension and I become a kept man. What a lucky girl.

So, life has been hectic, and I am pretty sure the current administration is going to drive us over the edge in a foolish, suicidal act of ignorant nationalism (see WWII for example), but until then you are not going to get rid of me that easily. Yes, that's right, declining health, extra work, toil, labor and paranoia will not deter me, it will take the destruction of mankind to stop me from having my say.

A Broken Fitbit, A Broken Heart.

Last week my Fitbit died. It had been slipping for sometime now. It wasn't too surprising. First the band split, right where it connected to the watch. I emailed them and they said they were sorry, but there was nothing they could do. The warranty had expired, and the band was attached, more or less, permanently to the watch.

They were very polite and offered a 25% discount on a new device. I was tempted. But, the thought of shelling out $165.00 dollars every year and a half because of a broken watch band, and this assumes they would give me the 25% discount more than once, was a commitment too steep. I mean this is a watch for rugged exercisers and extreme conditions, and I participate in neither.

My new high tech wrist accessory. 

I decided to glue the mess back together and we were off and running, or walking, again. Then the display wouldn't light up. And finally the whole thing broke apart. It was a sad day.

Now, I am forced to find a new reason to take the stairs. No longer do I have the instant gratification of a wrist bound technological cheerleader.  I suppose a longer, happier, healthier life should be enough. Normally it is, but, boy do I miss the flashing, buzzing display signaling my 10,000th step.

Now they have a new watch, The Ionic, this thing is so advanced you get healthier just buying it. But, it costs more than a weekend at Lake Hope (only one week away for those of you who want me to stop writing about it) and I am not sure I can handle the heartbreak of losing another beloved, benighted device.

So, thanks but no thanks. They are wonderful, but find yourself another sap to disappoint. I know when I'm beat.

Exercise, and You, and Me, and a Few of Our Friends.

In December of 2014 I decided to start going to the gym and exercising. My wife had a new job, and she was taking the stairs everyday instead of the elevator and walking every night, and had become noticeably happier, and more energetic. That was all the motivation necessary. So, off I went.

It was new, and being a little (or a lot) flaky made it uncomfortable. "Sweating with the strangers." But, I didn't give up. Week after week I would drag myself, sometimes unwillingly, to the small gym, and exercise. Soon, it became a treat, recreation. With a slight change in diet (mostly just more fruit, vegetables, and water) I started making real progress. Clothes that hadn't fit for a long time were comfortable, I felt better, happier, and I was hooked.

Then, I started reading the Health Whacko, and +Jeremy Crow's advice on exercise, and +Rachel Rennie's encouraging posts on determination, and choices, and the benefits were immediate, and manifold.

Now walking into the gym is fun, and walking out brings a sense of accomplishment. Of course, there are people who will try to lessen the experience by talking about the terrible experience, or injury they had working out. Or criticize the gym (it is small) and its lack of equipment. But, I don't care. My doctor actually smiled when he heard about the new routine. And there are many people who say "I wish I had time to work out," and I just tell them "so do I" but I leave off the part about how they might not be such a jerk. That wouldn't help.

If you are even considering beginning to exercise, do it. But first subscribe to the Health Whacko, it is a constant source of technique and encouragement.

Here a brief video tour of my gym.*  I didn't snap any photo's of the weight area, as there were several girls in workout clothes, and it might have been uncomfortable for all of us. I will add those later. So thank you Jeremy, and Rachel, I am happy to say I, too, am a Health Whacko.

*Thanks to Halftone the app, "Bad Moon Rising" thanks to 16 Horsepower, a band I love, but am never really sure why. They are very intense.

A big day, a new phone, and a happy doctor.

Yesterday was a big day.  A really big day.  First, there was an appointment with the GP. He was so impressed by three trips a week to the gym, and a diet heavy on fruit and vegetables, there was no chance to explain the recent, healthy habit of passing the elevator and taking the stairs.

Thinking back, it was just a year ago he said I was being a fool for not taking my medicine, eating better, exercising, and losing weight.  He was not happy, in fact he was angry. It was disconcerting, he is normally so nice that to have him openly critical really took me by surprise.

Age has made me a little wiser, not wise, really, but able to process information, and, occasionally, follow simple instructions. When my internal threat sensor detects disaster approaching we respond with haste, sometimes, sometimes we have trouble getting out of our own way, but every once in a while we act accordingly. This was one of those times.

After a year of taking my medicine, eating healthy, and exercise he was thrilled. We were both pretty happy. In many ways that appointment last year steered me toward a more healthy life.

If anybody from OSU Family Medicine reads this email me, (tweettweetjohn@yahoo.com) and let me know how I can say wonderful things about my doctor. He is fantastic!

Then, after work we went over to Best Buy and got new phones (new iPhone 6s) that is always a good day.  For one thing it has double the storage of the old phone, so I can go a little crazy with photo's videos, apps, and music. Plus, it is just a bit bigger, which is going to make animations, and movie creation much easier. So, you all have something to joyfully anticipate, the Life Explained Movie Marathon, one sprint at a time.

Speaking of Best Buy, this is the second time we have purchased phones there, they make it easy, and the protection plan is wonderful.  This time was much easier, though. Our first trip was good, but got off to a rough start, when we said "we want to buy iPhones." They were insistent that we buy another phone. I think it was a Samsung, I don't really remember.

"Why would you pay more for a smaller phone?" He was indignant, almost offended. I tried explaining that we had been using iPods and all of our apps and knowledge were iOS centric. He was shocked that my son and I would want an iPhone when he was willing to sell us something else.

In fact he was so adamant he brought in back up. Then, there were two of them, and they were both talking, fast, about the benefits of the phone in question.  Which is a great phone, I am sure, and would have been put to very good use, but it was not what we wanted. Finally, just as we were approaching the "hey, let's go to the Verizon Store, and see if we can pick a couple of iPhones, they relented, and agreed to sell us what we wanted, and were actually quite pleasant.

This time our sales person, who happened to be the cell phone department manager, was more than willing to sell us any phone we chose, and some new cases too, and the protection plan, and we were all happy. Even my wife who bought her first smart phone.

Best Buy has really become our favorite electronic store, they are so polite and helpful, if anybody from Best Buy would like to hear more about our experiences email me  (tweettweetjohn@yahoo.com).

So, healthy, happy, and ready to start the Life Explained Studio Experience we move on to Wednesday, a new day, a new phone, and dreams of creativity, and the thrill of experimentation.

Raising healthy kids, a guide.

According to a study, published in the journal "Pediatrics" and reported on by Time.com dishes washed by hand could help prevent the development of allergies in children.

It seems the introduction of microbes early in life stimulates the immune system, making it more "tolerant," according to the author of the study, Dr. Bill Hesslemar of  Queen Silvia Children's Hospital in Gothenburg, Sweden.

Figuring that hand washing dishes might be an important aspect of developing a healthy immune system the team asked the parents and guardians of 1,029 children.  Only 23% of children from families who hand washed the dishes were afflicted by eczema, while 38% of children whose parents used dishwashers were afflicted.

Of course, this study is only the beginning, it does raise significant opportunities.  If eating from hand washed dishes proves healthier for children, what if the children washed the dishes themselves?  It would teach them the value of hard work, discipline and bolster their health.

If washing dishes is healthy, how about scrubbing the floor, washing and waxing my car?  Mowing the lawn?  It is crazy the things we are willing to give up for our children.

Think of the potential health benefits if children cooked the meals, raw meat, after all is filled with foul stuff, sure to add years to a childs life.  Then served the food to parents whose only care is the health of their babies, and cleaned up afterward.

Dirty clothes, are filled with bacteria, which turns out to be the staff of life, imagine how healthy America's youth will be if they start washing clothes.  Just think of the benefits made possible by taking in the laundry of single people who don't have to worry about the continuation of their blood line.  Plus, you might make a little cash, too.  Which is good for kids, they can make much better meals, giving them a higher sense of self esteem.  These kids might live forever.

Raising children is difficult, and perilous, filled with pitfalls, heartache, and sacrifice, but in the grand picture of life it will be worth all of the heartburn from rich, fatty foods, and the soft, supple hands from avoiding dish water.  You owe it to the next generation, after all.

The more things change.

This is the third month of "the new tim" regimen.  In many ways it is going so much better than I had hoped, in others not so brightly.

Physically, I am thrilled with my progress, and effort.  This is the start of my third month of exercise.  And each week I push myself a little harder, and I feel so much better.  Part of it is, probably, the healthier diet, vegetables and fruit with almost every meal, and the addition of a multi-vitamin as part of my evening pill popping adventure, which has now reached 4, and sometimes 5, if I take Ibuprofen (only sometimes).

I need that discipline in other areas of my life, I am still not dedicated enough to writing, and researching.  Research is almost lackadaisical, ad-hoc, inconsistent, built around the things I want to study.  To expedite this, and build good habits, I have started a new blog, located here,

It will be a jumping off point for all of my research into the past to support a novel I have decided to write, about a scientist, time travel, ancient, and future armies, the potential destruction of a treasured national landmark, and several small towns in Nebraska, Illinois, Iowa, and South Dakota.

My cousin Mike has a Facebook page about a book he is writing, and I may try that, I don't know.  I have enough trouble with focus, and one more thing to update would probably be too distracting.

Sitting here, thinking about this, the question that keeps hammering away, pounding, and burning "why?"  Who knows, maybe it is the new Urban Armor case for the Surface Pro 3 (a wonderful computer, and a fantastic cover) it makes sense, trying to justify that purchase, almost $70.00 ($69.99).  Maybe it is the new iPhone app, TextExtractor, which is fantastic, and free, it can scan text and save it as text, which seems like it should be easy, apparently it is not, though.

Maybe it is a midlife crisis, I love my wife, my car and my kids, so I need to do something to prove I am not old.

Maybe it is a natural phenomenon, a longing for recognition, seeking a small amount of immortality, some dream of not being forgotten.  Maybe this is not unique, at all, maybe everybody wants these things. Well, they can start their own blog, this one is mine.

Or better yet, they can write guest posts for my new blog, located here.  It is now accepting guest posts about historic battles, armies or conquests.  If you have a post you would like to add, email me at tc.add3@gmail.com.  It should be accurate, and focus mostly on tactics, strategy, weaponry, and leadership.  The human costs were terrible, and the suffering was immense, but I would rather not cover that part.

The Year in Review continued.

Yesterday, we left off with a reference to free breakfasts, which is really what makes life worth living.  Of course my doctor might say "sure free breakfast is good, but how about some oatmeal, or fresh fruit?"  Well, Doctor Killjoy, how about I eat that when I am not on vacation?  This guy is cooking up some omelets that would make a strong man weep, and you want me to have some cantaloupe?  I don't think so!  Lose some weight, eat more fiber, get more exercise, take your medicine, man that is all that guy does, nag, nag, nag, what the heck am I paying him for if I have to do all of the heavy lifting to stay healthy, what do I need a doctor for if I spend all of this time taking care of myself, what good is insurance, if I have to...  Anyway, on to other highlights.

Breakfast was not the only good thing that happened last year (though, it was good) there were other momentous events as well, there was a trip to a Catholic Festival, where I almost won my weight in chips playing Black Jack, almost, I actually lost twenty dollars, but it was just a few ill timed cards that kept me from winning a king's ransom.  Missed it by that much.  Fear not, I have been working on my intuition, and next year I am cleaning them out.  But, the real feat that night was the "Wild, Spinning Ride of Certain Death" that our accomplices decided we needed to ride before we could leave.  Sure, it was called the "Cyclone" but, that was only for legal reasons, and because good paint is expensive, so the fewer letters the better.

How this thing works is you stand in a little slot, much like the chambers they put cannon shells in before they send them hurtling through the atmosphere, and try to bargain with the Lord.  Reminding Him that you are still pretty young and have things to accomplish in His name, and then the snotty, tattooed, pierced teenager running the machine pushes a button and the machine spins and bounces and smashes you against the side and you think about all of the time you wasted, and how much more successful you could have been had you only paid attention once in a while and you swear if you can just get off this thing alive you will start working hard every day, and treating people with kindness, and compassion, and then you scream "I'm not ready to die!"  

Then the ride stops, and you wipe away the tears, and you ask every body who was screaming, and you say, "that poor guy, he must have been afraid.  Does anybody have a tissue, something got in my eye?"

You Are Here, Please Go Over There.

Following is an item from The Hindu, an English Language Indian Newspaper with a large circulation base in Southern India, founded in 1878.

"Apple has bought the indoor GPS mapping firm wifiSLAM for 20 million dollars, The Wall Street Journal reported on Monday, in a move seen as a challenge to Google’s dominance of mobile mapping software.

WifSLAM’s technology could allow Apple to pinpoint the location of users inside buildings to within 2.5 metres — an asset that could be valuable to advertisers wishing to target mall shoppers.

Google already has an extensive catalogue of public floor plans which it used to map the interior of public buildings for users of its Google Maps service.

Apple tried to challenge the dominance of Google Maps when it released its own mapping software with the launch of the iPhone 5 and iOS 6 last year. However the software was widely criticized for being inaccurate and confusing and Apple was forced to issue an apology to users and recommend using third-party products."

There are many who see this as a creepy, big brother style invasion of privacy, while others see it as a blatant intrusion of direct and immediate marketing. More likely, this is the final piece of the puzzle. A technological implement that will transform the iPhone from a toy with a few useful applications for real life into the all encompassing, shining beacon of hope that everyone has dreamed about for so long.

Imagine, a trip to the mall, and a stop in the bathroom that lasts a little too long. A kind voice, nestled warmly in pocket or purse, says "Probiotic yogurt is on sale this week at Piggly Wiggly, five for $7.00." Thank you, Siri.

It is impossible to calculate the times a person has gone out, in public, wearing something that was not appropriate for their age, or size, or the occasion. Now, when they are shopping a stern voice will warn, "buying that shirt will be the biggest waste of money, and quite possibly cause the most embarrassment since your Junior year, maybe you should go look at the XXL Polo shirts."

Imagine the ease of saving money when one knows that Siri is going to say, sarcastically, "Are you sure you should be buying that, considering the amount you owe on your Visa Card?" the minute you get to front of the long line, filled with judgmental, smug, gainfully employed jerks.

People who are carrying around a few extra pounds will finally have the help they need to shed that extra weight, imagine the power of Siri shrieking "PUSH YOURSELF AWAY FROM THE TABLE, YOU FAT BASTARD."  Healthy, happy living through electronics.

Of course, it would be impolite to report what the iPhones say to each other, and would probably hurt a lot of people's feelings. But, this is one more step toward the complete reliance on technology and machinery for which mankind has been longing.

Putting America Back on Top.

There is a new trend among the upper middle class of America. They want to live happier, longer, more fulfilling lives.  Americans with some disposable income are outsourcing the more difficult parts of their days to cheaper third world labor.  Packing up their troubles in their old kit bag and shipping them to people who are willing to suffer the suffering gladly for a nominal fee. Which is helping some Americans live better.

“It started one morning when I had this sonofabitch of a sinus headache.  I thought to myself, man I would pay dearly if somebody else could take this and I could enjoy my latte, and digital newspaper.”  Ben Bilson tells us.  “I looked out the window and the guy was cleaning the pool, and I thought why not ask.  So, I went out and offered him a hondo (slang for $100.00) and he said ‘Que?’ so I explained it in a little more depth and showed him the hundred, and he agreed, haven’t had a headache since.  Best hundred I ever spent.”

Bilson thought about this, and came to the conclusion that “outsourcing,” long a scourge in American lexicon, could become a boon, not only to the economy, also to the quality of life in his country.

Acting quickly, he contacted some friends who ran a small company importing toys and pitched the idea to them. 

“You want us to contact our suppliers and ask them to take your headaches?!??”  They were incredulous. 

“No, no, no, not just headaches, and not just mine.  Lower back pain, hypertension, hair loss, gout, all of the modern plagues that are cursing everybody.  All of the really bothersome things that have led to such a decline in productivity, and are ruining the American Dream.”  Ben explained to his friends.  Still skeptical they agreed to approach some of their international vendors.

Not surprisingly, their suppliers were more than willing to take on the additional income.  Soon, people were exporting problems to third world hell holes in supertankers.  Huge boats filled with inconvenient maladies setting sail for India, China, Vietnam, Former Soviet countries.  Train cars filled to overflowing with minor, annoyances streamed south to Mexico.

Of course human rights organizations have been quick to take up arms against this.  Pictures of the world’s poor, walking around with migraines and impotence were running in papers and magazines around developed countries.  These were followed by huge fund raising dinners, people lined up to give money for third world Viagra, and and ointments to stop male pattern baldness from Juarez to Shanghai. 

American pharmaceutical companies were making money faster than they could carry it to the bank, and they had to lower the price of medicines, out of embarrassment.  American productivity sky rocketed, and soon Third World countries were importing American goods at record levels.  Not only had the goods become less expensive to produce, all of that money paid to "surrogate sufferers" made many former peasants very wealthy..

Inner city crime dropped in America, employment became the norm, and people were smiling so cheerfully on public transport that commuters were happy to be on the bus or train, blissfully anticipating work   .

Ben Bilson was given an honorary doctorate from Harvard, Yale, Stanford and Great Plains Community College in the Rural Midwest.  He still lives headache free.  So can you, for a price.