Problem solved, sort of.

Many cities and states are still struggling with enormous debt. Budgets are being cut, and often vital services are sacrificed to maintain a balanced budget. When the federal government runs into this problem they have the enviable option of printing more money. And as appealing as that is it would only work if each entity (states, counties, cities, and villages) had its own unique currency. When we ran this by the Office of the Comptroller of Currency (OCC) the Fed (Federal Reserve System), the DoJ (Department of Justice) and the IRS (Department of Insufferable Persecution) we were told that this was a very bad idea and one of us was actually taken outside and shot. Seems they take the exclusive right to print money pretty seriously.

We agreed to drop that idea, and they let the rest of us leave, alive. After a few threats, and promises of terrible retribution.

We still wanted to help the cities and states of this fine country. Years of mismanagement, neglect, and governmental supervision have left them drained, bankrupt and hopeless. Yet, they still have citizens to protect, serve and clean up after. There are parades, fireworks, celebrations all requiring capitol. And people are not keen to give up these ostentatious displays of societal unity, despite the crippling effect on the budget. We are sticking together if it kills us.

We need look no further than the highly profitable world of professional sports for the solution to this crippling problem. Corporate sponsorship. Start small. Auction the naming rights to streets. Imagine the ease with which "Bob's House of Paints Third Avenue" rolls off the tongue.

"Where do you live?"

"At the intersection of Biff's Tattoos Main Street and Sid's Pawn Shop Atlantic Avenue. It is the green house with the brown yard, you can't miss it."

So, we are selling the naming rights to Life Explained. Think of the potential, The Kraft Macaroni and Cheese blog Explaining Life.

You don't want to miss out on this exciting, ground floor opportunity. Break out the check book now, while there is still time. Or, we might just start printing our own money, we do make a striking monetary unit, though.

Common Sense Application to Enormous Problems.

Today's traffic in the nation's capital calls for ego fueled, shortsighted, narrow minded, self-serving gridlock. This is liable to be a long term situation with little hope for resolution. Meanwhile the nation languishes and the problems grow, and compound. There is little hope for resolution. Elected officials threaten bicker, squabble, and insult, and perform far below expectations. 

 It is obvious our form of democracy is in desperate straits, and at least part of the problem can be attributed to the liberal infusion of cash, and the obligation that follows, an inescapable shadow, strangling cooperation, and bipartisanship. Infrastructure fails, while elected officials stand in the hallowed aisles of the houses of congress swinging their purses at each other, purses swollen with corporate cash. But, it is this cash, and greed, and need for control that could save us from some of our problems.

Large companies line up to throw money at arenas and stadiums, they can't wait to plaster their name on auditoriums, anything that will provide a tax shelter, and a little glad handing advertisement. We are constantly bombarded by product placement, and naming rights, everywhere we look. Why not use to this to our advantage.

Every civic reconstruction project should begin with two bids. The first is for the naming rights, and the second is for the actual construction, demolition, or both. Even in a relatively small city many people will never enter the basketball, or hockey arena, or the baseball, or football stadium. Sure, everybody will hear the name, repeated by the corporate shills manning the local press outlets, but with time it will cease to be a proper noun, Lucas Oil Stadium, Nationwide Arena, soon become, "lucasoilstadium." It is not intentional, it is human nature. But, imagine the impact of The Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Water Main. Something people use every day, something that gives life, and provides comfort.

What about the Waste Management Swamp Reclamation Project? Or the Pfizer Solid Waste Authority Land Fill, garbage trucks could be festooned with images of people whose lives have been made more complete through the use of applied chemistry.

If your municipality can not afford new police cruisers, sell advertising rights. Not only could the winning company place their logo on the side of the car, the siren could be programmed to play the commercial jingle. Imagine your delight at being pulled over by "My bologna has a first name it's O S C A R." Even hardened criminals will surrender gladly to the pleasant, happy child's voice singing joyfully about lunch.

Of course it won't solve all of our problems, but it will give us the foundation for reconstruction, a chance to claw our way out of the morass, find our way out of the darkness. Maybe we can auction off some of our elected officials to raise enough money for a pizza party. Actually, it will be more like a second mortgage.