Common Sense Application to Enormous Problems.

Today's traffic in the nation's capital calls for ego fueled, shortsighted, narrow minded, self-serving gridlock. This is liable to be a long term situation with little hope for resolution. Meanwhile the nation languishes and the problems grow, and compound. There is little hope for resolution. Elected officials threaten bicker, squabble, and insult, and perform far below expectations. 

 It is obvious our form of democracy is in desperate straits, and at least part of the problem can be attributed to the liberal infusion of cash, and the obligation that follows, an inescapable shadow, strangling cooperation, and bipartisanship. Infrastructure fails, while elected officials stand in the hallowed aisles of the houses of congress swinging their purses at each other, purses swollen with corporate cash. But, it is this cash, and greed, and need for control that could save us from some of our problems.

Large companies line up to throw money at arenas and stadiums, they can't wait to plaster their name on auditoriums, anything that will provide a tax shelter, and a little glad handing advertisement. We are constantly bombarded by product placement, and naming rights, everywhere we look. Why not use to this to our advantage.

Every civic reconstruction project should begin with two bids. The first is for the naming rights, and the second is for the actual construction, demolition, or both. Even in a relatively small city many people will never enter the basketball, or hockey arena, or the baseball, or football stadium. Sure, everybody will hear the name, repeated by the corporate shills manning the local press outlets, but with time it will cease to be a proper noun, Lucas Oil Stadium, Nationwide Arena, soon become, "lucasoilstadium." It is not intentional, it is human nature. But, imagine the impact of The Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Water Main. Something people use every day, something that gives life, and provides comfort.

What about the Waste Management Swamp Reclamation Project? Or the Pfizer Solid Waste Authority Land Fill, garbage trucks could be festooned with images of people whose lives have been made more complete through the use of applied chemistry.

If your municipality can not afford new police cruisers, sell advertising rights. Not only could the winning company place their logo on the side of the car, the siren could be programmed to play the commercial jingle. Imagine your delight at being pulled over by "My bologna has a first name it's O S C A R." Even hardened criminals will surrender gladly to the pleasant, happy child's voice singing joyfully about lunch.

Of course it won't solve all of our problems, but it will give us the foundation for reconstruction, a chance to claw our way out of the morass, find our way out of the darkness. Maybe we can auction off some of our elected officials to raise enough money for a pizza party. Actually, it will be more like a second mortgage.

Thank You,

It is time for a nation to breathe a collective sigh of relief.  Time to mop its collective brow, of the collective fear induced perspiration that has gathered during the collective trauma.  Time to raise a collective voice and say "Thank You, So Much, Elected Officials."

In what can only be considered a selfless act of compassion the houses of congress have decided to shut down the Federal Government.  What daring, what courage, what sacrifice.

"Yes, we shut down the government, it was the only decent thing to do."  They said.

To protect their constituents, and serve the needs of the country they have decided it was time to "pull the plug on the old girl.  In so many ways it is too bad Dr. Kevorkian has given up the ghost.  We could really use his services."  One insider was quoted as saying.

Really, it was the only humane thing to do, the government was suffering, and there really seemed no hope for any significant improvement.  Yes, they may have been able to make it comfortable for a short time, but the result was inevitable.  Systems were failing and the painful, pitiable, battle was drawing to an end.  There were just too many illnesses for one government to overcome.

In related news, Jane Goodall, who was considering studying the primitive life forms inhabiting the houses of congress, recently declared, "I will have to decline, they are too barbaric, and I would fear for my life."  Too bad, it would be nice if there were some explanation for their behavior.