Yellow Springs and the Power of the People.

This weekend my wife and I are loading up and going to Street Fair in Yellow Springs, OH. Yellow Springs is a fantastic little town. There is a liberal arts college there which pours a little extra soul into the streets, shops, bookstores. Street Fair is the festival that focuses all of the energy into a point. Admittedly it is a point that is about 4 blocks long and two blocks wide, but, it needs to be that big just to hold the power.

And it is power. It is the power of a lone sax player standing on the corner, right in front of the burger and beer place, just ripping through jazz riffs until the sensual drift of the rhythm pulls you along. It is the magic of the lone musician with a guitar made from a cigar box and amplified through a tiny speaker just plucking a blues melody in front of the Speedway station, because they let him use their electricity. Blues music can really soothe the soul, a simple progression in the hands of a master can move you to a place of such intense feeling. Even when it is played, or maybe especially when it is played, on a small wooden box guitar built by hand. It is magic.

So much magic. It is the magic of the local historical society trying to preserve the beauty of those simple streets, despite government cutbacks and apathy,  by selling homemade cookies, brownies and pies. There is a magic buying street tacos from the elementary school booth, trying to pay for a new swing set, staffed by volunteers flipping carnitas filled with pork, chicken and steak. A special magic when a child's smiling face, missing a tooth in front asks you in all seriousness "do you want it really hot?" "I want it to make me cry." and they laugh and douse it with mild sauce, smiling the whole time. You have to throw a few dollars in the tip jar for that kind of service. Tacos made with love.

You have to love the festivals in small towns, the community, even when you are not part of the
community. There is a flow, even when all movement stalls, and it does, often. The small streets are crowded with booths, back to back down the middle and on both sidewalks, which makes traffic rely on cooperation. Sometimes, though, something calls to you, some bauble, some piece of art, some exquisitely tie dyed shirt, and you have to stop and admire the love and talent that went into it's creation.

And really, that is what it is all about, creation, a community has to be a creation of all the inhabitants. It doesn't matter if it is a small town, a Facebook group, a circle of friends, it needs the life of the members. I have always been kind of an outsider, and at least when I got older I learned to pretend it was my choice. Which makes things like Yellow Springs Street Fair so wonderful me. I can go and be part of a bigger community without ever risking trying to be a part of anything. Or maybe I just like the tacos.

It was a new day, but it always ends up the same, doesn't it?

Recently, in a gesture of good will, and a selfless act of civic responsibility we, here at the Midwest Office of Life Explained (MOLE) donated a Technologically Advanced, Completely autOnomous traffic control System (TACOS). It was a miracle of design and programming.

Scanning the license plate of passing cars and accessing the private data from the BMV TACOS would estimate the probable destination of the vehicle and compare that with expected traffic patterns and projected use, TACOS would send a signal to the cars radio and alert the driver of the optimal route.

Here is the true genius of the system. Depending on the make, model and accessories it might even be able to access the cars diagnostic systems and tell a person whether or not they should have that thing on their neck looked at, it might not just be a wart after all.

But, the real benefit was we could implement the Life Explained Authorization Command Hold (LEACH) which would clear traffic, not overtly, but enough, to get us to work smoothly, and without delay. With a quick, easy preprogrammed  routine it would empty the drive through at Bob's House of Donuts and Breakfast Burritos. So maybe it was not completely philanthropic, but it helped everybody.

For a while. As so often happens, when a company tries to do the right thing, improve the daily drudgery, and promote a healthier life, things went a little sour.

TACOS took over the acquisitions and maintenance computers. Using the cities good credit, and close ties with a military contractor, whose name is being withheld (it wasn't us, though*), The system ordered dozens of weapons grade lasers. It had them installed on the lights used to illuminate the freeway, and on stop lights, and traffic cameras all over the city.

At first it just used the weapons to ensure obedience to driving directions. Soon, though, speeders would be evaporated, crossing against the light, zap, ashes, j walkers were disintegrated. People with expired plates were reduced to rubble. You don't even want to know what happened to DUI suspects.

Soon, TACOS had a fleet of drones, armed with cameras, flying around the city (who knows where they came from, but it wasn't us*).  Watching everybody's every move. The corpses of shoplifters, trespassers, and vagrants lined the streets. Thinking about not voting, think again.

So, we are cowering here, in the custodians closet, enough food and water to last for two weeks, enough pine scented disinfectant to last for all eternity. Really, does anybody ever use any of this stuff? There are cases and cases just stacked up in here, and yet nothing ever smells like pine, what sense does that make?  But, that isn't really important right now.

*We don't think it was us, anyway.

Breaking News,

Gene Simmons, bass player for Kiss, has rushed to the defense of the wealthy.  Claiming inclusion into the long persecuted minority, Gene Simmons has taken a stand.  No longer will people malign and mistreat those who are unfortunate enough to be ridiculously wealthy.

Mr. Simmons claims that "50% of the US population pays no taxes at all."  A remarkable feat, given the breadth of taxes assessed by various branches of government.  In Ohio, for example, to better distribute the tax burden among the citizenry our Governor is working to reduce the state income tax, and increased the sales tax, and imposing the tax on services, which were previously exempt.  Try to get out of that tax, you filthy 50%, we have your number.  And it is 5.75%, on almost everything, including haircuts, and legal advice.

However, Mr. Simmons would like it known that the much maligned, and terribly put upon 1%, of which he claims to be a member in good standing, "provides all of the jobs for everybody else," and we should "try being nice to a rich person."  Indeed, Mr. Simmons.  Next time a rich person is unfortunate enough to find himself in line next to me at Taco Bell, I will buy him a Crunch Wrap Gordito, even if it is not happy hour, I will pay full price.  I hope it is Gene Simmons, imagine tacos with a wealthy bass player.  Facebook, here we come.

I would be willing to settle for Bill Gates, or Warren Buffett, but will pass on Donald Trump, his hair looks even worse than mine, and that might be more than a poor, Taco Bell worker, who owes so much to Gene Simmons, should have to endure.

If you see a wealthy person, give them a hug, and thank them, we owe them so much.

Oh The Joys of Spring, and Tax Preparation.

Tax season is here, and we here at Life Explained want you to get every cent you can.  So, we are offering our Tax Preparedness Preparation Course, free of charge.  We know you work hard for your money...  OK, we know you work for your money...  Alright, we know you get money on a schedule for your unique ability to not make things worse, too much, and you want to keep all of the money you can.  Let some other sucker pay for Congress, and the National Parks, you need your money.  With that in mind here are some "Non-Standard" deductions that many alleged tax return preparation professionals will miss.

1.) Don't forget to claim your beer expenses.  It is a medical necessity, an antidote to stress, and the trials of everyday life.  If your doctor will not endorse the necessary forms that is fine, we have a staff of doctors in house who will gladly write the "beer prescription" for you.

2.) Those late night trips to the Taco Hut, and Burger Heaven are charitable donations.  How else are these businesses going to stay open until 2:00 in the morning without some brave, kind soul rushing in to order the Belt Busting Behemoth Burrito, with extra Sour Cream, or the Heapin' Helpin' O' Heaviness Burger, with Secret Cheese Like Sauce.  And, if they didn't stay open until 2:00 every morning, how would the dedicated professionals manning the register, grill and drive through window replace that income.  You are almost a hero.

3.) A lot of people overlook the clothing deduction.  You need clothes to work, and they can be expensive.  Just try showing up for work in your pajamas, or your swimsuit, and soon the legitimacy of the clothing deduction becomes obvious.  And, as far as the IRS is concerned swim wear, and pajamas, are clothes.

Tune in tomorrow when we discuss the best tax sheltered retirement accounts that you can start with the change from your couch.

Don't fret tax season, we are here to help, it is not a difficult process, one even we can understand.  And, in the unlikely case you are audited, we have daily flights to many countries that don't extradite.  With an inflight refreshments, including a small, small drink, and free peanuts, at least 10 but not more than 15.