Bracketology, Hope Springs Eternal.

It is a bad day, here at the Life Explained Department of Bracketology.* The team we had picked to win the championship has been eliminated already. Yes, we understand that technically the tournament hasn't really started yet. But, technically the team we picked, our favorite team is not in that tournament. They are in the NIT, or they were in the NIT until last night, when they lost.

You see, we had this plan. Somewhere between The Dirty Thirty Two** and the Sweet Sixteen we were going to sneak the Nebraska Cornhuskers into the tournament using the difficult, dangerous double pincer movement made famous by the Ancient Greeks in the decisive battle of Marathon where they used it to such brutal effectiveness against the numerically superior Persian Army. Immortalized in the movie, "Wow, I Did Not See That Coming."

But, they lost to Mississippi State in Starkville. In a game that should have been in Lincoln. More accurately should have been today in the NCAA tournament, but don't get us started about that, we are still furious.



Anyway, we had them sneaking in, unnoticed and winning it all. We hadn't worked out all the details yet, but it involved kidnapping a team, swapping uniforms, and sending them to play in the other tournament. While Nebraska took their rightful place in the Championship game.

But, it didn't work out. Not this year, anyway. So, we have started bracketologing the hell out of next year already. I don't want to give too much away, but Nebraska wins the national championship. And we all go home happy. 




* Not affiliated with the NCAA, Espn, CBS, or any of those other Bracketologists.

** Not the real nickname for the round with thirty two teams, we aren't sure if it has a proper name yet. If not this one is for sale, please contact our attorneys, or just send us cash, we aren't fussy.

NCAA Championship, too bad there is not more than one.

Monday is the National Championship Game in college basketball.  Duke (the Blue Devils) will face Wisconsin (the Red Devils, just kidding, they are the Badgers, but a game between two teams called the Devils would be cool).  It should be a good game, pitting Duke's trio of Freshmen against Wisconsin's veteran squad of upperclassmen.  Two experienced coaches whose teams are fundamentally sound, disciplined, and talented.

Of course, if anybody had been paying attention, they would see neither of these teams were in my Final Four, let alone the championship game, so it would be OK with me if they both lost.

Wisconsin did beat Kentucky, and as a Louisville fan that makes me happy, so Wisconsin would be alright.  And, if Duke win, our friend stands to win some money in her office pool, so Duke would be cool, so Duke might be a good choice.

However, having been a North Carolina fan for so long it is difficult to wish anything but evil for Duke.  So, that is kind of a tough call.

Since I am a Nebraska fan, and Wisconsin beat them so soundly earlier this year, it is so hard to hope for any success for them.

Being a sports fan can be a difficult, trying, labor of decision, loss, and sacrifice.  When the tournament starts a team is chosen, and certain emotional investments are made.  It becomes a relationship, you and the team, struggling, battling other teams, corrupt, myopic, referees, and partisan announcers.

Most times the team you have chosen to win, the team you really like, does not win, and you have to choose a secondary team.  And, the cycle starts over, often that will lose.  It is a roller coaster, hope and joy, and potential followed by crushing, terrible, heart breaking sorrow, and defeat.

Laughter, tears, elation, pain, and soon there is nobody left on the initial "I could live with any of these teams winning" list.  You are forced to choose from the lesser of the evils, and sometimes the evils are almost equal.

Then, you are forced to choose between untenable choices, and when the game starts it becomes a painful, tense, torturous exercise in avoidance.  It is like watching your parents fight, if you hate both of your parents, and are secretly wishing they would rip each other to pieces, be arrested, and spend the rest of their miserable lives rotting in a gulag, shovels in hand.  Well, that might be stretching the metaphor.

So, I will watch the game with difficulty, and a troubled conscience on Monday night, and dream of both coaches digging salt in a Russian mine.  Not really, and I always wanted the fights between my parents to end amicably.  I will probably root for Duke, my friend always invites me to participate in her company's NCAA pool, and she is my friend that is some powerful magic.

A Sunday for the Ages

Today is huge. A day of momentous importance. Today is the first annual, Life Explained (#lifeexplained) Stupendous Bowl World Championship. We have been working, struggling, fighting, clawing, and even playing a little football, to reach this day. It was a season of ups, downs, highs, lows, even a few middle of the road, unexceptional, averages, even some completely sub mediocres. But, it was a quite a race, and we are left with two teams, each wanting to walk away with the crown. Each wanting to win the coveted title, each wanting to wear the coveted sash proclaiming them Miss Life Explained… Wait, hold on, that is not until next September. But, this is almost as vicious.

 
Since it is so cold outside, we are playing indoors, and since we don't have a covered stadium we are cleared out the break room. It is pretty big, not football field big, but pretty big. We had to let some of the air out of the footballs (a big thanks to friend of the blog Bill Belichick, who once said "winning isn't everything, if you're a loser" for that tip).

 
After installing some bleachers, benches for the teams, several concession stands, a lot of beer vendors (a lot), locker rooms, a press box, a stage for the half time show, luxury boxes, and a jumbotron for replays, and commercials we discovered the break room was not nearly as big as we thought. Painting the lines on the floor we realized we would have to play on a field the size of a table.  While that would make for a very high scoring game there might be an unacceptably high number of injuries to the spectators, cheerleaders, sideline reporters, camera crews, international celebrities granted passes, and custodians who were dead set against this right from the beginning and only acquiesced when given assistant coaching gigs, complete with headsets, and clipboards.

Since good custodians are almost impossible to find in this high-tech, namby pamby world of geeks and nerds we decided to cancel the game. Instead we were going to crown the Life Explained Stupendous Bowl World Championship on a series of board games. Unfortunately, nobody here knows how to play any board games, except for a few of the I.T. guys who are going to a comic book convention, and will be unavailable for the competition. They refused to lend us any of their board games after the Wine Tasting, Fantasy Football Draft fiasco.

If it hadn't been for police intervention somebody might have died. When Bob, from the infirmary stood up and tried to draft the 1^st Cavalry the place erupted. People were trying to draft increasingly lethal entities. Everybody was arguing about who would win between Spider Man, and Bat Man, who was tougher, Dracula, or Frankenstein's Monster. Several expensive, graphing calculators were destroyed when the I.T. guys leaped on the backs of the guys from accounting, because they were drinking Chardonnay right out of the bottle, which was more than they could take. After that it got crazy.

We decided playing real football might be safer, and started a league. It was a good season, and there was a lot of drama. We really didn't think the finals through very well. Next year we are headed for the Bahamas for the post season. We have reserved the biggest room on the island for the games. We are selling tickets already, if you are interested.  This year we are just going to flip a coin, but it will be televised, live.  And, they are taking bets in Las Vegas.

Another Saturday Night, Another Chance to Dream.

As is normally the case, last Saturday we watched college football.  It was a nice day, so my son and I took off for a kick scooter ride, and we had a lot of fun, and took a few pictures, I only mention this so I can add this picture to the post.  I like this picture.

But, when we got home we started watching Minnesota play Michigan, at Ann Arbor. It was close at half time, Minnesota was ahead 10 to 7.  In the second half Minnesota started to dominate the game, and really looked like the better team.

It is always difficult to say whether one team is so much better than the other based on one game, and it is even harder to make that comparison from the results of one half.  But, it doesn't stop the announcers, in this case ESPN analyst Ed Cunningham, who said that Minnesota would have to be considered the odds on favorite in the Big Ten Western Division.

Based on this one half of dominant football he was willing to overlook Michigan State (I don't really remember what he felt their glaring weakness was), Wisconsin  (I am not sure why he felt they were so easy to ignore), and Nebraska, who, he said, "has their problems."  Excuse me, Mr Cunningham, but so far those weaknesses have been amply compensated for by their strengths, to the tune of 7.5 yards per play, and 6.9 yards per rush.  Sure, Nebraska's defense has been a little inconsistent, but anybody who has been paying attention has to say they are improving, and are vastly superior to last year at this time.

Of course, next weeks game at Michigan State (is it just my imagination or did Nebraska play at East Lansing last year?) will help clear up some of the picture, and Minnesota is certainly a good football team, but it is a little early make such bold predictions.

On an unrelated note, we watched most of the Air Force game.  They were playing Boise State, and I was rooting for Air Force.  I like the service academies, possibly because they run the option so much, and so well.  The Falcons were looking very good, really dominating the Broncos.  ESPN analyst Aaron Taylor was pretty certain it was going to be short lived.  With every Air Force miscue he would comment on how it might be just what Boise State needed to mount their inevitable comeback.  It never happened.  But, he did comment on one of the receivers, and how he "used to be a former quarterback."  It might be suggested, possibly, that he is still a former quarterback, and at some point will also be a former receiver.

Analysts are a funny group of people, it would be so hard to make such bold statements so often and wipe them from memory so quickly.  In fairness, though, if you had to fill up so much time with unscripted dialog it would be easy to misspeak occasionally.  I salute the sports announcers around the world, theirs is not an easy lot, and they are only trying to make a living.

Again, the Cornhuskers tromped up and down the field, smashing their way through an Illinois team that would have loved to ruin homecoming.  Ameer Abdullah proved he is a strong contender for the Heisman Trophy, and any other award that could possibly go to such a fantastic football player, who also seems to be such a wonderful human being.  I remember an interview last spring, when Ameer Abdullah claimed to have "more bounce than Benny."  What he forgot to mention was he also had more power than Hercules, more speed than Hermes, and more personality than anybody deserves.

I am starting to fall into that old trap, dreaming of an undefeated season, championships, and glory, and you know, it is great.  No matter what happens though, this team is a lot of fun to watch.  And, I thank them for pleasure, and the dreams.

Football Analysts should remember the wisdom of Bob Dylan who said,

"Well, the moral of this story,
The Moral of this song,
Is simply, one should never be,
Where one does not belong,
So, when you see your neighbor carrying somethin',
Help him with his load,
And, don't go mistakin' Paradise,
For that house across the road."

Football, The Season of Our Discontent.

Football season kicks off soon and it is time to start preparing, time to take inventory of your favorite teams chances at winning "it all."  If they can't win it all they have had a terrible season, filled with heartache, drama, and blown calls, stupid referees, anyway.  Does your team have what it takes to be the team, bring home the title, vanquish their foes, destroy their opponents, and enjoy the confetti, and adulation that will pour down?   

Here are some things to look for.  Do they have "good moral?"  A team with bad moral might as well play on a field strewn with broken glass, and toxic waste.  It is one of the most important components of that elusive team "Chemistry."  There is no point in even trying without team "Chemistry."  Of course, some teams have taken "Chemistry" to levels that fall far outside the rules, in an effort to boost moral from mediocre, past good, and into stratospheric.  Too much moral building can be ruinous, and lead to extended "vacation days" for players. 

Another good sign would be the recognition that the team is prepared to "take it one game at a time."  This is so important, teams that try to violate this principal are doomed to lackluster performance, and a season that is remembered for insignificance, and defeat.  On rare occasion teams with many talented players, and a wealth of coaching experience can play two games at a time, provided the opponents are painfully incompetent, and helpless, but it is absolutely vital to inform the officials, so they can account for the wide variety of uniforms, and players present. 

Of course, no team can hope for even a moderate amount of success unless they have re-established their swagger.  You will know your team is headed in the proper direction as soon as a player boasts "we have our swagger back."   Unfortunately, for those freshly re-swaggered teams that normally leads to the addition of a "bulls eye on our back," which will enrage the opposing team to such an extent that your team "will get their best shot, every game."   Experts are still debating whether the bulls eye is beneficial or not. 

It goes without saying that no team can hope for even the tiniest amount of success without the requisite amount of "good speed."  Slow, tiresome, and ineffective, teams without "good speed" might as well play their whole season in one game, that is how astronomical the odds that are stacked against them.  It has been that way since the dawn of time, the ancient Sumerians knew "and thus it is prophesied, any team that ploddeth onto the playing field with poor speed is doomed from the coin toss."  It was really the secret to the success of the Great Khan, and his Mongolian armies.  In fact he is quoted as saying after destroying the Western Xia Dynasty, "you know, Brent (yes, Brent Musburger has been covering sports that long) we had "good success" today, because we had all of that "good speed" and they were slow like children, carrying bricks, through mud."  Not really, Genghis Khan did not give a lot of interviews, but his teams were fast, and angry, and ruthless, and fearless...  Really all of the things you want in your modern day football team. 

Now you have enough to assess your teams chances this year.  We will update you on the visual cues to watch for as the season progresses, if for example, the coach stumbles onto the field carrying bottle of Muscatel, and spends the whole game sleeping on one of the benches, using the sports page as a blanket, you know it might be a good year to catch up on those back issues of Popular Mechanics, maybe you can finally get around to building that self sustaining eco system in the basement, in case of apocalypse.  Don't worry that your wife, neighbors, children and co-workers think you are crazy, they are probably right, but it is better than watching your favorite football team self destruct on television. 

One Last Time, Probably.

I am not a rabid sports fan, for a wide variety of reasons.  It is not dreamy idealism, not a stand against the corruption that may be rampant.  Nor is it a vengeful stand against the dangers inherent in competition, though both have merit.  It is just a view based on experience, and hey it is my blog, after all.

I can make it all the way through baseball season without ever thinking about standings, pennant races, public scratching, or spitting.  I find the average baseball game lasts too long, and most of that time has little real drama, or action.  Sometimes I like to watch a baseball game on television, just to listen to the announcers fill the time between pitches with a constant stream of statistical trivia, the colorful memories of past performances, and the hopes for potential greatness.  In many ways, to me, it has to be one of the most difficult jobs in sports broadcasting.  Being the play by play announcer for a baseball game requires more research than a law degree, and more flexible, associative reasoning than quantum physics.  It is almost like a machine, a perpetual motion construct, taking long minutes of routine and trying to make it sound noteworthy.  But, I am not even sure who won the World Series last year, and don't really care.

I used to like professional basketball, but at some point I came to the realization that they are not promoting a game, as much as a series of players.  They always need a larger than life personality, someone who can sell jerseys, shoes, cell phones, posters, and he needs to have the unique ability to polarize people.  It seems to be a lot more about the players, and less about the competition.  This is not really a criticism, they have a right to make the league as popular and profitable as it can possibly be, in fact that is their prime responsibility.  But, it does not interest me.

And the NFL has always seemed too corporate, and packaged to be a sport.  Microsoft vs Apple vs Google, and occasionally Samsung or Hewitt Packard will come through and grab that last wild card spot.  Or Coke vs Pepsi.  But, it is really hard for me to care, I find presidential debates more compelling.  The smart money is on Coke and Apple, by the way, at least my money.  Considering how well I did in every bracket I filled out this year my money, and the person carrying it, may not be all that bright.

So, I have to squeeze every last ounce of enjoyment possible (and another blog post or two) out of the Final Four, which will be a little difficult since all of the teams I really like are watching it, too.  Which, I guess, is kind of cool, I will be watching the Final Four with Tim Miles, and Rick Pitino, and Bill Self, and their teams, I better get some more chips, and drinks, and better chips, and drinks.

But, it is time to start looking forward to next season, (college football, and basketball), when once again my teams will provide fresh hope and dreams, and all will be new, and wonderful.  Of course, the new conference alignments are going to provide some intrigue.  The Big Ten is adding some new teams, and realigning the divisions, and I don't really have a handle on all of that.  So, I will have to learn to say Go Big Ten Western Division, (or whatever they call it), I hope the Cornhuskers win all of the games against all of the opponents, whoever they are.  I will elaborate on that as soon as I can figure it out.

And Louisville, which left the Big East after last season is leaving the American Athletic Conference after this season, and joining the Atlantic Coast Conference, and that will make for interesting matchups, where they will meet, once again, the Syracuse Orange, and some other teams from that left the Big East, but that bit of knowledge escapes me for the moment.  And, I need to apologize, in advance, to Christy Barongan who writes a very powerful and compelling blog http://normalintraining.blogspot.com/ (a blog I read faithfully, it is well written, insightful, and enlightening, you should check it out) and is a Virginia Cavalier fan.  So, please accept my apologies, and go Cards.

I intend to write one more post predicting the winner of Monday nights Championship game, but am so busy it will probably have to wait until Tuesday.