Better Luck Next Month.

It is a short trip, in the scheme of things, Mars is only a day trip compared to some places, and it behooves us, here at Life Explained, to make the trip. We have the space shuttle, thanks in large part to a short trip to Tennessee, and a shaky chain of command, and a peculiarly open Purchase Order system. It is kind of complicated, and has never been fully explained. Kind of like life.

But, as the leading applied technology company in the known universe we feel a crushing responsibility to our stakeholders, to the public at large and to the future generations who depend on us to make sure science is advanced at the proper pace, and there is still a safe place to live.

So, we reverse engineered the space shuttle, (named Space Shuttle Future Profits, we have strong faith in the theory of self fulfilling prophecies) built some larger transport ships to carry building supplies, food, drinks, video equipment, extra clothing, and various stuff that may be needed. Nobody really knows much about establishing a colony on Mars, we want to be prepared. As an interesting side note we did manage to stow three cases of wine, one Merlot, one Sauvignon Blanc, and one Strawberry Farms Grape Explosion. Everybody should be covered until we can start producing our own.

Everything was loaded, and the twenty four hour countdown was proceeding nicely. Go, no go, was all go. Until somebody put a bumper sticker, "Hillary for Pres." And then somebody covered it with a "Trump the man with the Plan." Then somebody covered that with a "Trump is an idiot." which was soon covered with "Hillary should be in jail, orange is her new black," covered with "Trump should be in a Zoo, locked in a cage and fed with a stick."

Pretty soon all three shuttles were covered with the most awful insults, slanderous accusations of questionable intelligence and moral bankruptcy. Since this is a family friendly blog we won't go into details. Every surface was covered, windows, delicate electric components, instructional signs all buried under the most atrocious, vile charges of corruption and ineptitude imaginable.

Naturally, we had to scrap the mission until after the election. We will bail for the scientists, engineers and gaffers out of jail, by then we should have the transports cleaned, and ready to go. I just hope we can still get at the wine.

Who won the debate, It was me.

Everybody knows I am not very politically involved. I know people who are and they are always pretty bitter. From what I have seen the choice of elected officials is almost wholly unrelated to the life of the average person. Probably to those above average, or even those who fall below the "average" mark.

Politicians are almost universally repugnant, and in my opinion, are the standard bearers for "the below average crowd." I don't think they are evil, or ignorant, but they have something, some genetic defect, some mental aberration causing them to seek the spotlight, and take abuse and criticism all while knowing they are powerless to change anything. Moreover, they are willing to say almost anything to for the privilege.

Obviously, I don't often watch the debates. Last night I made the mistake of changing to the program. It was a "town hall" style debate  where the "moderators" could pretend that people had asked questions, and the candidates are given two minutes to answer. It is addictive, once you tune in you cannot look away.

After watching for a while I was struck by one overriding, powerful concern. How can two minutes last that long? It took forever! Bob Dylan's famous line came to mind, "the next sixty seconds could be like an eternity."

"Madam Secretary, we have a question from a D. Trump. He would like to know how you intend to email ISIS out of existence?"

"Good question, I would like to get to the bottom of this once and for ever..." and forty five minutes later she is still talking about Putin, hackers, and presidential demeanor.

"Mr. Trump, we have a question from a B. Clinton, and he would like to know about your tax returns for the past 10 years?"

"I would bomb ISIS, and anybody else, anywhere, Let me tell you something, something big, something important about ISIS, it was Obama, and Al Gore who created the Climate Change Myth, so they could invest in China, who created ISIS to buy Chinese goods..." and it went on and on.

Two questions later, my coffee maker (set for 4:45 AM) started brewing the life giving elixir. My wife got up and said, "so, what did you learn?"

"I don't know, but I have a great idea for sci-fi movie. It just came to me, about 3:00 this morning." It is getting kind of fuzzy now, I probably should have written it down. No worries, there is another debate coming.

A Journey, A Discovery

Last night was the presidential debate. I didn't watch it. Having spent the better part of the day driving back from the glorious Smoky Mountains in Eastern Tennessee the thought of watching these two candidates try to claim they could be president was more than I could handle.

Our drive was painless, quick and uneventful. Mostly thanks to the Interstate Highway System that slices across our country.  During a business management class in college an instructor claimed that it was the "defense grid." Designed mostly to rush troops and material to the coasts. A theory that makes sense looking at the times. Though it matters very little why they were initially built. They are wonderful ways to travel.

It was such an amazing accomplishment, such a marvel of engineering, and determination. When you view this feat and think of the state of our nation today you can't help be saddened by the loss. Driving under rusting, crumbling overpasses, through neglected stretches of buckling, failing highways it is impossible not to feel some shame. We have lost our ability to achieve. We elect the people most accomplished at pointing fingers and placing blame.

Little regard is given to lofty ideals, and dreams. In fact, candidates are loathe to make any declarations of intended achievements. There are too many people who are willing to say it will never work.

I am a liberal, mostly because the lies they tell while campaigning more closely match the way I feel governments should behave. But to drive a country this far into despair this quickly takes both parties. It takes two party inertia, and an ability to neglect any sense of responsibility to the people served to fall this far this quickly.

So, skipping the debate, and watching reruns made more sense. I may do the same for the election.

The Future is Here.

Undecided Voter, We Can Help, Decide to Stay Home

There has been a lot of talk lately about this years presidential campaign. Many people are taking sides based on what little they know about a candidate. Most times, if they know something about either of these candidates they quickly choose the other. Unfortunately, once our intrepid voter is safely settled in the camp of the chosen candidate glaring truths come to light, and the once undecided voter, who chose a candidate, becoming a decided voter, is once again adrift in indecision and doubt.

This years crop of undecided voters is bountiful. A record setting number of people who think "Why bother?" This election has people thinking "I wouldn't vote for either of these buffoons with your ballot." People are disgusted, the lies, the accusations, the innuendo, the boastful, vain, sophomoric behavior. Even some lobbyists are taking their money and investing in Powerball, considering it the only sane option.

What do all of these people, these poor lost souls, wandering around the election cycle, scared, confused, unsure what to do with their vote have in common? They all need my help.

That's right, folks, I have not voted in so many elections I am a role model for the disenfranchised.  I am uniquely qualified to help people with the process of election apathy. In 1980 I didn't help Reagan become president. Nor was I any use to him in 1984. Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama, I am beholden to none of them.* None of them was my choice. If you hate any of them, well don't come crying to me.

I will teach people how to react when confronted with the "if you don't vote, you can't complain" argument, as well as the "what if everybody felt that way?" puzzler. I can teach them how to deal with acolytes armed with pamphlets, pushy door to door canvassers. and how to shake hands and agree with representatives of either party with equal fervor.

Remember, here at the Life Explained School of Voter Disinterest our motto is "hey don't blame us, you voted for the moron. Even if your moron didn't win." Enroll now, while there are still seats available, the first debate is liable to swamp the facility.

* I did vote in a few of those elections, and am still racked with guilt, even when my candidate lost.

Friday the 13th,. Enjoy your lunch, while you can.

Today is Friday the 13th, and I am a little superstitious, maybe a lot. So this day is always a little troubling for me. Many people think the origin of the the Friday the 13th is steeped in religion, and I suppose there may be something to that, others think it might be tied to the Knights Templar and the accusation of heresy by King Philip IX (4 or 6, or 9 or 11 or ix, I'm not sure). Which might have some truth. I think the scientific evidence is overwhelming. 

Here is a little known fact. Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders were all born on Friday the 13th. Oh sure they had their birth certificates doctored to hide the fact. Why did they do that? Because of this little fact no person born on Friday the 13th has ever been elected president, of anything, anywhere. How is that for a "Coincidence"?

The Alien Invasion of 2011 started on Friday the 13th...  Wait, I wasn't supposed to tell you about that. Just strike this paragraph from memory please.

The manufacturing facility that made Twinkies closed its doors on Friday the 13th. I don't need to say anymore about that.

The Roman Empire collapsed on a Friday the 13th. They ran out of money, and sent everybody home. Oh sure, revisionist historians who want to sell books will tell you big, fancy stories about a slow, painful implosion due to atrophy, lethargy, and the gradual decline of discipline. But, it was just an accounting decision, pure and simple, and it happened on the thirteenth. Odd, huh.

I could go on and on, I'm not proud, or tired. But, I am hungry, and I want to get upstairs and eat my lunch before somebody steals it. Most lunch related larceny happens on a Friday the 13th. I have a pie chart to prove it.

Politics, as usual.

In the interest of self preservation I embarked on a spiritual journey through recent political history.  Today there are so many vicious accusations, so much heated debate, so many dire, catastrophic predictions, that there seemed little choice.  Surely, things are not that bad.

Since things have changed so much so quickly it didn't make since to travel too far in time.  The 1970's is so distant, and different that it only made sense to start after that.  Reagan's presidency made an ideal place to begin.  There are so many people lionizing the man as the paragon of the modern republican it might offer a little insight into today's political dilemma.

Reagan was a very good president, not because he was a republican, but because he was a brutal pragmatist.  He saw unemeployment rocket to 10% and the deficit roared out of control, so he passed a tax bill that raised revenue, mostly on the backs of the middle class.  At the time of signing it was the largest peacetime tax increase in history.  And, the country recovered, and people were happy and that was his real job.

George Bush, Sr., say what you want about the man, but he was not going to let a little campaign promise get in the way of making the economy stronger, and the country better.  But, he wasn't going to forget his promises to huge companies that spent so much to get him elected.  But, who can blame a guy for that.

Along comes Bill Clinton.  A southern centrist Democrat.  He managed to balance the budget, and was widely believed to be tough on corporate taxes, but (among other things) he did lower the capital gains tax rate from 28% to 20%, he did this because he felt it would aid the country.  That was his main responsibility.

Of course, no body would ever try to accuse the second George Bush as being tough on corporate America.  He thought that was the best course of action in his role as captain of the economy.

A dangerous pattern begins to emerge.  Politicians seem more concerned with people of wealth, large, cash rich corporations, anybody who can throw a little money their way.

I was very sad, my opinion seemed to mean nothing, and my vote was wasted.

All of that changed one warm, fall day last year.  On my doorstep appeared a delightful young man, a member of the local city council.  He had been elected to the school board at 18, and the city council at 23.  He was running for state senate, and smiling brightly asked what I felt was important.  He said the concerns of the common man, the middle class, were his concerns.

I was delighted, thrilled, adrenaline coursed through my veins, and I got a little dizzy.  Here was a politician who wanted to help me.  Thank you, gods of election.

I couldn't decide what to ask for, so I thought quickly about my job, and how the company I was working for was so good to my whole family, in fact the families of every employee.

"I would like to see the NAFTA accord include China, it would help my employers (a locally owned, privately held, small business) so much."

He said that he understood, and felt small business was the catalyst of the whole economy.  "I will do everything in my power to help small business, and my constituents, if elected.”  He promised.

He was elected, and today I checked the progress on adding China to NAFTA.  There was none!

Another political heartbreak.  Bastards.