Are We Left With No Sense Of Decency

The other night someone in the house was flipping madly through the channels chasing something decent to watch. It is a common practice, if we had to pedal a stationary bike or run on a treadmill to change channels we might live forever. Or, we might learn to watch what was on, no matter how dull.  That is the real problem, there is not much on, not much that is different anyway. But, they stopped briefly on a show starring the comedian Tim Allen. Apparently he has a new comedy show. He made an insulting reference to Jimmy Carter. I'm not sure why, and it was not so insulting to be offensive, but, it did make think back to Jimmy Carter.

He had to be one of the most educated presidents. And certainly the most civil, humane, kind person to ever occupy the office. Look at his tireless efforts since retiring, look at the things he has sacrificed, look at the things he has done. Which, I understand, does not always make for a good president, but it should exempt you from the acerbic insults of a stand up comedian thirty five years later. But, show business is a mean sport, and ratings are king.

I remember an interview Carter gave to a well known magazine, I don't really remember which, and it doesn't really matter. He talked about how he had lusted after other women in his heart. People went crazy. They were outraged. Now, we, at least I, would be happy if they kept it in their hearts. Hell, I would settle for keeping it in their pants.

I look around and think we are worse than animals, we prey on each other for pleasure, because we can, we enjoy the subjugation of the others. As a species we have proven that we are not able to control our basest, most foul instincts. Women are weaker, they must be chattel, ours to treat how we please.

When I read, almost everyday, the newest serial groper it is another indictment against men. There is no excuse for the behavior, there is nothing to justify the crude, crass, vile demeaning treatment of another human being. There is nothing to say, no way to make it sound like anything besides sinful, criminal, obscene.

I had always hoped I would live to see the day the world lived in peace. A world of one race, humanity, the family of man. This really makes me question that dream. I miss Jimmy Carter.

Traffic Patterns Through History.

If you know me you know I love people. If you don't know me, well, I love people. I don't understand them, any of them, individually, or in groups, they are inaccessible and exotic. I watch, and admire, and try to learn but the lessons are difficult, and the methods are madness.

Last week, sometime, I was sitting at a stoplight, something I seem to spend a lot of time doing. But, I have gotten fairly proficient at sitting for traffic lights. I probably do it as well as anybody. I could give lessons. Waiting in a traffic jam is another practice I have almost perfected. Really, they both spring from the same well. You need a highly developed sense of apathy, and a willingness to spend time with yourself.  I fascinate me. I am a person, after all.

Anyway, I was sitting at the stoplight watching the traffic, enjoying life's rich drama unfold. It was a large intersection with several stages of allowable traffic, left turn only, right turn only and several combinations from all four directions. Sometimes even that amazes me, the coordination, the complex planning, the timing and layout, it really is a marvel of human engineering, I am always impressed.

Anyway, again, I was sitting at the light, waiting my turn, the glorious green that would send me cruising home, a smile on my face, and a song in my heart. The light had turned green for the people who were on my right and wanted to turn left. The man in front, the first car, it was actually an older sport utility vehicle, maybe an Isuzu Rodeo, maybe not, I don't know anything about cars and am just taking a wild guess, it was red, though. Right behind it was a newer car, it was, I am sure, silver.

Anyway, one more time, I was sitting at the light. The light changed for the red car, and the silver car, and all the cars behind them, to turn left. The red car driver was not paying attention, so the driver in the silver car honked the horn. A hostile act infuriating the driver in the red car. Who drove all the way around the left turn leaned over, looking into the side mirror on the drivers door screaming at the car behind him.

No driver worth his liability insurance is going to tolerate that, so the driver in the silver car was hollering for all he was worth all the way around the corner. Perhaps all the way into eternity. A modern day Norse myth, the sun chasing the moon in screaming obscene anger. It seems to be a perfect circle, a never ending pattern.

It plays out on every road I travel, every place there is traffic. Hurry, rush, curse, repeat. There is a comfort in knowing the reaction never changes. People are always angry, nobody knows how to enjoy waiting at the light. 

A gentle change of the season.

Christmas has come and gone. Our Christmases are pretty tame, our kids are older, and we don't do much. As a family we don't stand too awfully convicted to tradition, we had lasagna for Christmas dinner.

But, we watched some basketball on television, a little football, but mostly hoops, baby, hoops. Which is important, it is a season of transition.

Screaming at basketball refs requires a shift in vocabulary. Sure, there are phrases that will work for either sport. "Hey, stripes you're missing a good game." "This is taking the Americans With Disabilities Act too far." But, far and large it requires a retooling of insults.

Christmas signals the changing of the seasons. A melding of two televised sports. An ideal time to
refine and hone the needed instructions for a different set of novice, oddly dressed, children.

So, stop fuming about the thugs committing pass interference on your poor, hardworking, abused receiver, and start being indignant about the muggers climbing right up the back of your honest, put upon rebounder.  And the corrupt, dastardly officials turning a well paid, blind eye to the crazed, cheating convicts that inhabit the bench of the other team.

Don't put away your indignation, just shift the focus of your rage. Remember the world of televised sports fans everywhere need your help.

Monday, and the week begins, but it could have ended.

Monday is not normally a very good day here, at Life Explained. Everybody is either cranky and irritable about being back at work, or euphoric about the wonderful weekend they just experienced. A toxic, volatile combination.

Since it so difficult to make people who are so angry feel happy again, we tried, we decided it would be much simpler to make everybody angry.

Step number one, we transferred the weekend janitorial staff to Monday security. They are drunk with power and harass everybody. Plus the offices are a mess, and trash is everywhere.

It worked pretty well, too. Unfortunately, it made the already mad people even madder. So we now had an army of homicidal workers bent on retribution versus an force of people who felt pretty good, and had the rug pulled out from under them. Believe it or not they were more dangerous.  Feelings of betrayal drive a very a passionate response.

We were stuck in the Executive Kitchen, and at the east door, were a group of furious employees, banging and pounding and screaming for blood. On the west side a contingent of outraged, uncontrollably violent associates who screaming for revenge.

It was a terrifying situation. Splintering doors, and smashed barricades, pushing closer and closer to the center of the room. It looked bleak, and we were making ready to initiate the "final protocol."



If it hadn't been for bell signaling the morning break we may have had to destroy the planet. After morning coffee and some sweet rolls everybody was ready for the work week. Smiling, whistling and ready to sav2e the world, in their own manner.

Action, Louder

When I young the US government seemed a terrifying, monstrous thing. Filled with unscrupulous, shady characters making backroom deals. Hammering away, night and day. A constant, inexorable, boundless shadow, casting a pall over the country. Caring little for the lives of individuals, sacrificing constituency for personal gain, and occasionally progress. Now, though, it seems less Kafka, and more Keystone Kops.

It is, somewhat, a delightful relief.  Imagine being certain your every move was being analyzed, and recorded. Motives dissected, examined, and quantified, every action a point on a line chart, imposed over the backdrop of expectations, who wants that kind of scrutiny.  Then, picture discovering the organization that you assumed was able to watch your every move is a giant clown mini van, filled with tired, bickering, U7 soccer players after a long day baking under the summer sun.  Tired, cranky, demanding children who have no desire or motive save misbehaving.

Recently, I read of a freshman senator penning a letter to the Ayatollah Khamenei. In this letter he told the leader of this country that he and his fellow senators would not ratify any treaty signed and approved by the President, the Leader of Iran, and the allies and other negotiating parties, and at the very least were going to modify the agreement. Saying, in effect, the International Community who has worked to come to an agreement should have talked to them first.

Certainly, this is not questioning the sincerity, or authenticity of concern. There are many questions that need answered, and everybody who has a stake in seeing the world become a safer place has the right to know. But, it does seem a little demanding, petulant, cranky.

It does raise a very good question, too. Why not get the houses of congress involved, they have done such a remarkable job improving the conditions in America, after all.  They are so good at compromise, and deal making.  If you have any doubts just look at their recent record, stellar, they should be involved in everything.

We are coming after you.

Why stop there, though?  We should all have a say in these things.  We are officially announcing the Life Explained World Improvement Initiative (LEWII, we are the Kingsmen when you need them?).  We are banding together and starting a letter writing campaign to the heads of foreign governments, large corporations, television officials, movie producers, game designers, actors, anybody, anywhere, that grates on our nerves, putting them on notice that their behavior will no longer be tolerated.  We don't (collectively) like the cut of their jib (cumulatively).

We are also thinking of starting a Facebook page, a Twitter page, a Tumblr, a blog, and a YouTube channel (mostly because we have to find a use for that $6.00 or $7.00 app (we can not remember for sure) before someones wife finds out how much it cost).*

If lines are not toed, t's are not crossed, i's are not dotted, in a way of which we approve, we will retaliate in awesome, terrible ways.  The world will feel our wrath, and tremble before our might, we will have our say. And maybe somebody elses say, as well, we have a lot of rage, and very little to be too angry about, so if you have a complaint, let us handle it for you.  Just email us at tweettweetjohn@yahoo.com, and somebody will be sorry, the first one is free.

*We are still working on Life Explained, the Movie.  It is a big production, and it will take some time. Don't despair, at least until you watch it.