See, These are Things to Worry About.

Texas increases exports to Great Britian.

Britain's first infestation of the deadly Black Widow spider has been discovered in a machinery plant in East Norfolk.

Engineers at the plant discovered the notoriously vicious spider and, after a Google search to identify it, called in pest control. Factory workers and office assistants were evacuated by pest control officers as the spider was sealed in an air tight container.

A nest of eggs was later discovered in the same crate where the spider was originally found after more than 100 baby Black Widows hatched from a small sack the size of a pea.

'You could tell it was a Black Widow because of the hourglass pattern on the thorax and the aggressive stance the spider was taken once trapped in our containers,' said Ian Parkinson, a service manager at Abate Pest Control, who dealt with the request.

''We cordoned off the area in the yard where the spider was discovered and created a ring of insecticide around it. We then used electric and petrol based foggers on the rest of the site.

'After the factory was closed last night we then sprayed the office areas with a water-based insecticide as well.

'We are now satisfied that the premises is safe.'

It is believed that the spiders had come into the country from a delivery of imported machinery goods from Texas.

All products are fumigated before being exported but it remains a mystery as to how the spiders survived.

Mr Parkinson believes that Black Widows can survive up to some weeks after only one large meal so it is not unlikely that they would survive during transit.

Black Widow spiders are considered the most venomous spiders in North America.


The southern Black Widow has the shiny, black, globular abdomen with the distinctive red hourglass on the underside.

There was much skepticism about the potential problems caused by Aggressive Intercontinental Spiders jumping on jets and traveling the globe when first reported in "Another Thing to be Worried About." Experts ridiculed the idea saying "spiders will never be able to get through the rigorous TSA screening process."  Now who is laughing?

TSA head John Pistole refused to comment until reporters had emptied their pockets and taken off their shoes.  We hope to have a full report as soon they get through the metal detectors.

It is getting increasingly difficult to find safety in this world, but until then this site will bring you the difficult truth, because we care.

Flying, Science and Magic, Working Together.

Next week we are going to climb into an airplane and travel. We have a destination, but, it is not that simple. We need to fly to another city, change planes and then we can go where we want.  Still, stopping somewhere while flying is not so bad, as long as they planned to stop, unplanned stops while flying is one of the worst ideas of all time. Really it is not the waiting, or the “intermediate destinations” that are so troubling, it is flying. To reassure myself I looked into the science behind flying.

Flying seems like a huge leap of faith, Maybe understanding the dynamics and forces involved will help. This is what I found.

When an airfoil (or a wing) is moving relative to the air it generates an aerodynamic force, in a rearward direction at an angle with the direction of relative motion. This aerodynamic force is commonly resolved into two components:

• Drag: is the force component parallel to the direction of relative motion,
• Lift: is the force component perpendicular to the direction of relative motion.
•  

That seems a little fuzzy, maybe there is a clearer description somewhere else. Here is something that might make a little more sense.

Apparently, it has something to do with magic. But, I finally understand what the old timers meant when they used to say “if God wanted man to fly he would have given him an improved drag coefficient, and increased lift capabilities.”  Sometimes old sayings are still the best.

Anyway, if we make it safely to our “final destination” I will let you know, right away, after the tears of joy subside.  If not, say nice things about me, even if you have to lie.

Now you know.

This just in, Last Friday, during an early spring snowstorm, Eden resident Peggy Gervase was looking at the pond near her home when she noticed an unusual pattern in the snow covering the water's surface: large circles that resembled giant polka dots.

"I've never seen this before in our pond," Gervase told local TV station WGRZ. "It's eerie in a way, but cool in a way."

After Gervase posted a photograph of the pond circles to the station's Facebook page, respondents offered a number of explanations for the strange circles, including elephant footprints, fish flatulence and aliens.

Though aliens sometimes get the blame for crop circles and other unusual phenomenon, with no real evidence, Gervase isn't buying it, "I'm not that far gone yet," she told WGRZ.

There are more rational explanations: Natural springs often feed ponds with slightly warmer water than the water freezing at the pond's surface during cold weather. As the warmer spring water rises, it would melt the snow and ice on the pond's surface.

Additionally, decaying vegetation on the bottom of the pond could release gases that slowly rise to the surface, creating the polka-dot effect.

Intriguing circular formations are known to occur throughout the natural world during seasonal freeze and thaw cycles.

In areas of permafrost (like the northern Canadian tundra), the expansion of ice beneath the soil surface — a process called frost heaving — creates raised landforms called lithalsas. Lithalsas often form circular or ring-shaped patterns on the surface.

Frost heaving also creates a related landform called a pingo. Over many years, pingos can grow into small, circular hills: The tallest known pingo is the Kadleroshilik Pingo in Alaska, which reaches 178 feet (54 meters) in height.

Naturally formed, perfectly round, frozen pond circles, this seemed a little suspicious. Maybe another cover up, another example of government generated, press fueled, misinformation. But, it turns out to be one more example of "life imitating art." A quick internet search for "bizarre, yet completely normal, and adequately explained natural phenomenon" provided several more examples.

For example, this oddly shaped storm damage caused by hail, wind, and driving rain in a wheat field right outside Garden City, Kansas. 

Or, the unusual erosion pattern that has formed this breathtaking vista in the Black Hills of South Dakota.

There is no cause for alarm, these things are easily explained.  Just relax and enjoy life.

You Are Here, Please Go Over There.

Following is an item from The Hindu, an English Language Indian Newspaper with a large circulation base in Southern India, founded in 1878.

"Apple has bought the indoor GPS mapping firm wifiSLAM for 20 million dollars, The Wall Street Journal reported on Monday, in a move seen as a challenge to Google’s dominance of mobile mapping software.

WifSLAM’s technology could allow Apple to pinpoint the location of users inside buildings to within 2.5 metres — an asset that could be valuable to advertisers wishing to target mall shoppers.

Google already has an extensive catalogue of public floor plans which it used to map the interior of public buildings for users of its Google Maps service.

Apple tried to challenge the dominance of Google Maps when it released its own mapping software with the launch of the iPhone 5 and iOS 6 last year. However the software was widely criticized for being inaccurate and confusing and Apple was forced to issue an apology to users and recommend using third-party products."

There are many who see this as a creepy, big brother style invasion of privacy, while others see it as a blatant intrusion of direct and immediate marketing. More likely, this is the final piece of the puzzle. A technological implement that will transform the iPhone from a toy with a few useful applications for real life into the all encompassing, shining beacon of hope that everyone has dreamed about for so long.

Imagine, a trip to the mall, and a stop in the bathroom that lasts a little too long. A kind voice, nestled warmly in pocket or purse, says "Probiotic yogurt is on sale this week at Piggly Wiggly, five for $7.00." Thank you, Siri.

It is impossible to calculate the times a person has gone out, in public, wearing something that was not appropriate for their age, or size, or the occasion. Now, when they are shopping a stern voice will warn, "buying that shirt will be the biggest waste of money, and quite possibly cause the most embarrassment since your Junior year, maybe you should go look at the XXL Polo shirts."

Imagine the ease of saving money when one knows that Siri is going to say, sarcastically, "Are you sure you should be buying that, considering the amount you owe on your Visa Card?" the minute you get to front of the long line, filled with judgmental, smug, gainfully employed jerks.

People who are carrying around a few extra pounds will finally have the help they need to shed that extra weight, imagine the power of Siri shrieking "PUSH YOURSELF AWAY FROM THE TABLE, YOU FAT BASTARD."  Healthy, happy living through electronics.

Of course, it would be impolite to report what the iPhones say to each other, and would probably hurt a lot of people's feelings. But, this is one more step toward the complete reliance on technology and machinery for which mankind has been longing.

A small favor, please.

In what can only be viewed as a very pleasant surprise, many people who have looked at this important and historically significant blog are from the wonderfully progressive and delightfully joyful Country of Germany.  By what can only be viewed as one of the most fortuitous coincidences of all time 2 very good friends of mine are traveling to your scenic, beautiful, historically significant, and fiscally responsible Nation.  I would be very grateful if you could meet them at the airport, and buy them a nice meal.  Maybe bring them a cake, here is one idea, feel free to use your own.

 

 

Since one of my friends is from Ohio she may, at random times, shout the letter O, and then quickly follow that by shouting the letter H.  It is considered good manners to respond by shouting the letter I and then the letter O.  This will make her feel right at home, it is very similar to the way wildlife uses unique sounds to signal safety.  My other friend is from Scotland, and may be playing Angry Birds on her iPad, so feel free to move around her if you are waiting in line, people from the UK are used to long lines, so she may not even notice, particularly if you say something nice about her Angry Bird tossing ability, or her shoes.

Thank you, in advance for the kindness, if I can ever do anything for you please let me know.

Another Thing to be Worried About

Just when you thought you were pretty safe from Ravenous Arachnids (which might make a good name for a movie, if there are any producers thinking this might make a good show), unless you are a bat, that is, this was reported by MSN today (not today, but when this was originally posted, and I have never let little things like facts stand in my way).

 

Giant asbestos-infected tarantula loose in Wales

Head for one of your many hills, Wales. Tis no spider, tis a remorseless asbestos-contaminated tarantula on the loose. The existence of the arachnid was revealed after its recently-shed skin was recovered by asbestos-removal workers in an abandoned old house in the Welsh capital of Cardiff. Experts think the Chilean rose tarantula, which is INFECTED WITH ASBESTOS, could be twice as large after shedding it skin. One of the workers spotted a giant spider leg after lifting up a floorboard, and like any rational person, screamed and fled the house, as did a number of others. Some brave and foolhardy souls stayed and recovered the skin, which tests later confirmed was the skin from an ASBESTOS-INFECTED TARANTULA. That is still at large. Shiver.

Giant, Asbestos Infected, United Kingdom Tarantulas.  If you are thinking, "well, this is in Wales, and I couldn't find Wales on a globe, if you spotted me the continent."  (The previous sentence applies only to Americans who are terribly naive about geography) In a world where jet planes carry people from one continent to another with ease and speed at such a relatively small price, Wales is right next door.  That's right, Giant, Asbestos Infected, Welsh Tarantulas are living right next door to you!

The Moon is looking better all of the time.

Another Budget Saving Idea

On the radio this morning they said the White House is going to give operational and tactical control of the drone program to the military. It makes sense for the Executive Branch of the Federal Government to distance itself from the day to day running of such a time consuming division of the United States Military Conglomerate (suggested motto, "Look At Our Stuff, It Is So Cool").

In light of the current budget impasse and the inability of the elected officials to agree on anything that might offer any kind of solution, at all, it might make more sense to allow a commercial enterprise take over.

They could sell the rights to drone strikes to the highest bidder, "Pizza Hut, the home of the $10.00 pizza deal, and a proud sponsor of predator drone stikes in the mountains of Afghanistan, north of Charikar, and south of Fayzabad." They could even name food items after key components of the weapon systems. "Don't forget to order your Spicy Hot Hellfire Wings, to go with your pizza today."

It has worked so well for the NCAA Bowl system, and trust me college football programs know a little about budget excess, why not let the Feds get a piece of the pie, or pizza, as the case may be.

Good news, maybe.

Here is something that is very difficult to catalog.  Should this be filed under "Good News," or "Bad News."  It is a little like finding out the Monster Under the Bed ate the Monster From the Closet, while it is true that there is one less monster in the room, now there is a monster under the bed that is able to eat other monsters.  

According to one highly placed source in the shipping department, (who requested anonymity, as he thinks this blog is a huge waste of time) "this is not good news, because I never have any bats bothering me, but, there are always a bunch of spiders creeping around."

It might be time to seriously consider colonizing space.

Unless you're in Antarctica, you may have seen none other than a bat-eating spider. (Yes, that's right folks!) A new study released on March 13 that surveyed scientific journals, blogs and even Flickr accounts for them showed that they're a growing phenomenon across every continent, except for the aforementioned, Antarctica. Fifty-two incidents, to be exact, were found of spiders munching on bats-an animal with few other natural enemies, and researchers are concluding that spiders consume bats more frequently than previously thought.

According to UPI.com, while most incidents involved web-building spiders in the tropics and warmer climates, the scientists also reported an "attempt by a large fishing spider Dolomedes triton (Pisauridae) to kill a bat pup...below a bridge in Indiana."

In other incidences, orb-weaving spiders have been known to block the entrances to bat caves in southeast Asia and the tropics.

Huntsmans and tarantulas -- spiders that hunt for their prey rather than waiting for them to fly into a web -- have been spotted eating small bats that have fallen to the ground.

Spiders (order Araneae) are air-breathing arthropods that have eight legs and chelicerae with fangs that inject venom. They are the largest order of arachnids and rank seventh in total species diversity among all other groups of organisms.^[1] Spiders are found worldwide on every continent except for Antarctica, and have become established in nearly every habitat with the exception of air and sea colonization.

Hey, he's only a dawg

An Historic Day

Amazing new app

Don't forget to download the newest app "Angry Birds Cardinals at the Conclave."  See those really mad birds take on the oldest Christian Institution in a challenging game of choice and responsibility.  It is the greatest Angry Birds app since "The Cardinals Tackle Birth Control."  You won't want to miss it.

Dear Elected Officials,

If you are done making a point, we would like our country, and our government back.

Thank you,

We the people.

A quick word of thanks

Hello, I am not sure who is looking at my petty, pointless musings. I check the stats, which is kind of fun, (if you have your own blog you might want to do that occasionally), to see if anybody has looked, and there are normally a few kind souls who stop in and take a look.

I just want to say thank you for looking.  If you have your own blog email me and let me take a look, I love seeing what people are thinking about.  If you are just passing through, stop by again, and if you have some ideas let me know, I would love to plagiarize them. 

Anyway, thanks again, I appreciate you taking the time to take a look.

Your biggest fan,

Tim

Buyer Beware, the language of coffee.

Last night my wife gave me a Starbucks gift card.  This made me very happy, because there is a delightful little game we play at Starbucks when I stop in to buy coffee. 

“I would like a medium coffee, black, please.”   I say with a touch of a smile lighting my face.

“You want a Grande, Bold, no room for cream.”  They offer, a little anger pretending to foam from their mouth.

I look thoughtfully at the counter person, and pretend to think about their offer, earnestly, sincerely.  And say, “that sounds great, but this morning, I will just stick with a medium coffee, black.  Thank you, though.”

At this point the person at the cash register feigns disgust, and says “that is what a Grande, Bold is” and acts a little angry.

“Great, thank you so much.”  I say politely, with all of the gratitude only Friday can give.

This morning was even better, because I had an old gift card with a balance, and Starbucks hates to share the balance with the owner of the card, it is their little secret.  And there was only 10¢ on the card.  She really pretended to be upset by this.  “There is only TEN CENTS on this card, you still OWE ME!!!!” 

“I have this one, and it is brand new.”   I tried to remove it from the cardboard display, and she was not going to wait around for that sort of nonsense.

"I can do it with that still on."  She pretended to whisper "damn you."  I pretended not to hear.

She finishes the transaction and says “here is your coffee, have a nice day, jerk.”

I love Friday at Starbucks.  It feels like home.  But I have teenagers living there.

Thank you, From Washington.

Since people are do not seem to be suffering enough with the Sequester Budget Cuts, congress has passed an emergency measure requiring people to turn their clocks ahead 2 hours.

Thank you,

Your Elected Officials

Superman Grounded by Gay Rights Debate

This just in.

No longer content with causing vitriol and stalemate in congress, the debate over same sex marriage is now grounding Superman himself.

Chris Sprouse, the illustrator slated to work with author Orson Scott Card on an upcoming issue of DC Comics' "Adventures of Superman," has dropped out of the project because of controversy over Card's views on gay marriage. Card has said in the past that homosexuality is "deviant behavior" and that same-sex marriage could lead to the end of civilization. In a statement, Sprouse said, "The media surrounding this story reached the point where it took away from the actual work, and that's something I wasn't comfortable with." The project will be put on hold.

When will the madness end?