Facebook, Moderator Extraordinaire.

Recently, Facebook admitted to "psychological testing" on certain user's news feeds in an effort to understand how people would react to seeing their friends doing interesting, exciting things.  Of course, it caused jealousy, and bitter resentment.  Particularly when all of your friends were together having a good time, doing something extremely fun, something that you had always wanted to do, and all of your ingrate friends knew it was a life long dream of yours and they all got together to do it, without you, and there they were scattering hundreds of pictures of joyous, gleeful, ecstasy, laughing together, while you sit home, scrolling through their pictures, wishing that just one of the bastards had been thoughtful enough to invite you, stupid Facebook, anyway...  Wait, where was I?  Oh yes, "social media" and societal responsibility; should Facebook, and other websites designed to bring people closer together be accountable for potential depression?

In essence, should "moderators" be employed to "moderate" the amount of fun people are allowed to share on their account?   Yes, they should.  And I would like to apply for the job!  Mr. Zuckerberg, please contact me through this blog and we will discuss a few of my ideas to help bring this deplorable situation under control, and my salary, and car, and driver, and vacation requirements (which will be way too much fun to share on Facebook, by the way).

Mr. Zuckerberg, (do you mind if I call you Mr. Zuckerberg) here is an example of what  I can bring to the table.  Obviously, these people are at a fantastically entertaining gala of some sort, an event that would actively, rigorously exclude many people, including many poor souls who use your fine site.   A handful of lucky attendees would post their fun filled pictures of dancing and partying, and carrying on in an obscenely fun manner, causing all sorts of emotional distress.  Until, they (the losers who did not get invited) stumble upon a few of these bad boys, and think "oh my, they got smashed by a giant monster, I am so glad I wasn't there."

Soon, people will start logging on to see what terrible fate befell their poor, pitiful, popular friends, and traffic on your wonderful site will boom, and you and I will be rich!!!  Well, you will be even richer, and I will be rich, and this would be nice.

I look forward to hearing from you, and see a bright future for both of us.

Sincerely,

Tim

Fish, Explained.

Today we are going to examine some of the unique creatures that live in the oceans, lakes, ponds, rivers and streams of our world.  There is a certain peace in watching these delightful animals sail silently, seemingly without effort.  It is a wonderful group of diverse, well adapted animals who have evolved with the singular purpose of surviving underwater.  That fact alone makes them interesting, and unique.  Beyond that, though, there are so many traits that make them noteworthy, and worthy of their own blog post.

We will start with Electric Eel.  A totally unique fish, that can produce an electrical current, that is kind of cool, a little floating battery.  NPR said "a six foot electric eel was like a 6 inch fish attached to 5 1/2 foot cattle prod."  Maybe that isn't so cool.  Some estimates claim that this apex predator can generate up to 500 volts, which is used to stun prey, for self defense, and sometimes just to be a jerk.  Obviously, this animal will not make a good pet, and if you see one while swimming across a South American river you should swim a little faster, and pretend you are not edible, or interesting.

Let's move on to Sting Rays, shall we.  They look like huge dinner plates swimming, gliding peacefully.  It is a beautiful animal, majestic, serene, and gentle.  Wait a minute, what's this about a venomous spine.  Apparently this noble creature, sailing politely through the placid waters has "an arrow like barb, that pierces the venom sac, along with the skin of the victim and introduces a venomous slime!!! into the wound."  A venomous slime, that is a truly loathsome, despicable act.  What kind of animal would do that?!?!?!  Why would anybody even consider getting in a river with an animal capable of that atrocity?

And don't even ask about jellyfish, sharks or squid.

For your own well being it would be best to stay out of any body of water bigger than a swimming pool, and look carefully in the pool before you risk that.  It seems that everything that swims is lethal, whether it involves toxins, or razor sharp teeth, or long, uncountable tentacles, and is just waiting for a shot at some poor, unsuspecting human, willing to send them into the great unknown, and maybe have a little snack as well. When Coleridge wrote;

"He prayeth best who loveth best
All things both great and small;
For the dear God who loveth us
He made and loveth all.

he was not talking about fish!
                                                                                                                                                           
That concludes today's episode, don't forget to tune in tomorrow when will discuss spiders that eat fish.  Yes, fish eating spiders, turns out you are not safe anywhere.  (Don't forget to donate generously to Life Explained colonizes Mars, for a fish, and spider free future, it is our only hope.)                

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

Hey, You Should Stop By, Tell Them Hello.

As many of you may know our vacation was over about two weeks ago.  It was a good time, and we had a lot of fun, ate a little too much, exercised a little too little, and enjoyed a cold beer or two, well maybe more.  Of course we put on a little weight.  But, we tried new places and new things and found some things we will try, or enjoy again, on our next trip to the Smoky Mountains.

As is normally the case, while looking for something we took a wrong turn, or missed a turn, or drove past what we seeking, or did not go far enough, anyway, for some reason we did not reach our original goal.  As is so often the case we found something unusual, wonderful, and fun.

Along a road that runs out of Pigeon Forge (I am not sure what direction, left if you are heading for Gatlinburg, how about that?) is a little treasure, beside a small prize, hidden behind a privacy fence.  It looks a little odd as you drive past, and it seems a little exclusive as you walk in.  But, don't be discouraged, it is a jewel.

If you are traveling on Wears Valley Road, and want a cold beer, a snack, and a fantastic experience, you should stop into "Friendly Falls, Food and Stuff."  It is a tiny place and almost impossible to resist if you have any sense of adventure.

There is little in the way of seating, and what is there faces scenery that really makes you believe you are in a magical place.  the Falls part is provided by nature, and it is gorgeous.  The water runs over the rock and almost dances with delight at being in such a wonderful place.  It is beautiful, peaceful, and relaxing.

You need to go inside and order for yourself, but even that is part of the fun, it is filled with little trinkets and treasures, and stuff.  The beer selection is plentiful, and served cold, plus they loan you a can insulating "cozy" so it stays that way.  The food is delicious, and unique.  We had the loaded fries, and they were wonderful, and "loaded" and worth the price.  We also had chicken wings, but my companions made sure I did not get the opportunity to try those.

They have live music, and it would be an ideal place to listen to an acoustic act, but we did not find this until we were almost ready to leave town, and did not get the opportunity.  Next year, I hope to tell you how delightful that was.

The Friendly part is provided by the help, the counter person, who is probably the owner, had a charming sense of humor, and a keen memory for names, and the charisma of a television evangelist.  She could sparkle and insult, and laugh, and tell stories, and make you believe she was interested in what you had to say.  I would probably vote for her if she ran for office.

If you get the chance stop in for a snack, a drink and a moment, you will enjoy all three.

And now for something remarkably similar.

My cousin, Mike, we call him Handsome Mike in our family, has agreed to help me get a little project I have been noodling with for some time off the (caution, dangerous use of metaphor ahead) ground, up in the air, flying along, until it realizes that flight is technically impossible, like we all do sooner or later, and crashes into the swamps of unfulfilled promise.

It is a sight where we review things, and have a little fun with it.

Here is the sight, Wow, that is cool!!!

If you have any requests, let me know, and I will do my best to ignore them, or delete them, or pass them on to Mike, we call him Young Mike, in our family.

Now, We Have Proof!

I have a niece who lives in Texas, she is educated, intelligent, and successful, also, she asked I not include the city in which she lives, she doesn't want you guys dropping by for lunch, after all.  At some point she became a "camper."  Oddly enough, and this really has nothing to do with this story, she is one of two nieces that have become campers.  What really makes this odd is; when they were younger it always seemed like you would need a pry bar and a couple of strong men to separate either of them from their blow dryers, curling irons, and hair spray, now they head off to the wild with nothing more than a camping stove, a tent, a couple of flashlights, an air mattress, a battery operated microwave, a refrigerator that plugs into the lighter outlet on the car, just kidding, I don't really know what they take camping, but I am sure they go without a microwave.

Anyway, to make a long story short, if that is still possible, my niece, the camper, who lives in Texas, not the other one, the camper, who doesn't live in Texas, decided they were going camping in New Mexico and asked her many Facebook friends, fans, family, followers, and hanger-ons for suggestions.  Of course, being the inquisitive, curious type I immediately suggested Roswell.  For one thing I am working on exposing the great cover up that our government has been foisting upon society since... well, for a long time anyway.

This was a perfect opportunity for a fact finding, information gathering mission, led by an educated, intelligent, successful person, who was not going to charge any money.  We are running on the narrowest of margins here.

It was with great anticipation we waited for the camping trip and the treasure chest of evidence it would provide.  Imagine our delight when she replied, "No thanks, Tim, we are afraid of the aliens."

At long last proof positive provided by an educated, intelligent, successful person who maintains friends, followers and fans on Facebook!  She would hardly be afraid of something that did not exist.  That would just be silly.

Remember you heard it here first, unless you subscribe to my nieces Facebook page that is

Summer Time, Magic in the Making!

Yesterday was the summer solstice.  This carries very little importance these days, but it used to be momentous, spiritual, and celebrated.  Now it passes with little notice, and no real celebration.  Summer solstice marks the new season in all of it's warmth, light, growth, and the promise of life, potential.  The joy of yard work, and the smell of fresh cut grass, gardens and the aroma of flowers, the thrill of watching the vegetables, planted by hand,

bear crop.  It is the longest day of the year, and it brings a sure sign of summer, back to school sales.

That's right, folks, time to start getting ready for fall, pencils, pens, notebooks, and expensive caculators so complicated nobody can possibly understand or use them.  All on sale at such ridiculously low prices they will never see equal.  Until the next advertisement, that is.

Also, you might want to stock up on long sleeved shirts, pants, jackets and thermal underwear.  Don't forget to schedule an appointment to winterize your car.  Oh, and stocking hats and gloves, you need to make sure you have those.

While we are at it, don't forget to start buying some candy for Halloween, and now is the time to get a deal on Thanksgiving items (we recommend putting off buying the turkey until the Fourth of July Christmas Sale Extravaganza!).  

Summer, the season of outdoor life, grills, picnics, baseball, and preparation.  

This message was bought to you by the International Association of Stores.  Please buy a bunch,

Flying, or Getting From Here to There With a Busload of Strangers.

Flying, a method of transportation that dates back farther than anyone can remember, for thousands of years it has been the preferred method of travel for birds, some insects, certain types of squirrels, bats (and balls).  There was even a dinosaur that grew wings and flew. It is worth noting that many, many, very, very knowledgeable scientists (well, maybe not that many) believe this may led to the extinction of this once proud, noble, ground moving species.

Imagine the first few tentative feet.  Clumsy, awkward, and uncertain, the lumbering beast manages to stay in the air long enough to experience the thrill of flight.  In a very short time it is circling gracefully, majestically, climbing, banking, sailing through the air, charging $7.00 for a Bud Light!!!  That's just robbery!!!  Pretty soon the whole dinosaur kingdom was up in arms, revolting against long lines, brutal security checks, rude attendants....  Oops, sorry, we will cover this in much more detail in our upcoming smash hit blog series "The History of Flight, or Why Do Think They Invented Parachutes, Anyway?

What we are here to discuss today is a particular airline.  Southwest Airlines.  Regular readers, friends, strangers in airports who happened to be unfortunate enough to be near me in airports understand my feeling about flying, I am not a fan.  But, Southwest Airlines carried my blind friend all the way from Omaha, NE to Columbus, OH and back again, and didn't lose him, even for a few seconds, and considering his predilection for wondering off in the blink of an eye, even when told "you wait right here, and don't move," (turning back around you find that somehow he has wandered into the alligator exhibit) that is quite an accomplishment.

Plus, they treated him with kindness, and made him feel comfortable, and got him from gate to gate with the care of a family member.  While we were waiting for him to board this morning the man from the counter came over and asked him about his transfer in Chicago, and whether he wanted to ride in a wheel chair or to walk.

Everything was handled with dignity, and care, and I hope this makes it into the hands of someone at Southwest who has some authority.  My whole family thanks you.

Your Post Vacation Health, Explained, Sort Of.

Generally speaking it is a very bad idea to schedule a doctors appointment after vacation.  Generally speaking you will probably spend too much time setting, not enough time moving, and too much time eating.  Moreover, the things you eat will not, speaking in general terms, be of the most healthy variety.  Doctors don't, most of the time, approve of the "All You Can Possibly Eat" breakfast buffet challenge, speaking in broad, unspecific terms.

It is impossible to predict what your doctor would say if you stepped on the scale in his office and it screamed in agony, and begged for mercy (it was widely predicted those talking scales were going to be a problem).  Likely, though, he would not be too pleased.

And, if that made your doctor a little anxious imagine the chagrin when the doctor asks, "so, what have you been up to?"  and you reply that you ate your way across three states, and spent four days "cruising the parkway, stopping for a cold beer, and an order of chili cheese fries, or a pitcher of margarita, and loaded nachos, or a bloody mary and cheesy breadsticks,or an extra large Coke and a palm sized slab of fudge."  Spoiler alert, your doctor will not be happy.

And when you say "I haven't been taking my cholesterol lowering, or blood pressure reduction medicine because I have been too full, absolutely stuffed!" you might want to be moving, discretely for the door.

Obviously, it is best to give yourself a few weeks between vacation, and a visit to the doctor.  That should be plenty of time to lower your serum cholesterol, and blood pressure, take off a few pounds, as dedicated as we are, it will be plenty, and maybe we can sneak in a nap or two.

Help Wanted.

We, here at Life Explained, are hiring a tertiary dog.  Yesterday our Fail Safe Redundant Dog retired, and moved to Washington.  She plans on opening a small bakery, specializing in animal crackers, and dog biscuits.  Bella performed the role of Fail Safe Dog admirably for her entire career, keeping us safe from our coworkers, tradesmen, delivery people, and anybody who happened to walk across our parking lot as she climbed out of the car.

So Long, Bella, it was nice
to work with you,

There was always a feeling of safety, and security when you heard Bella barking at one of the office workers on their way to get a cup of coffee.  You could almost hear "if you take the last cup and are too lazy to make another pot at least shut the darned thing off so it doesn't burn and stink up the whole stupid office, why I ought to," in her eloquent, refined yapping.

It will be hard to replace Bella, she was perfectly suited for the position, and performed at a remarkable level.  Her grace, charm, and wit will be sorely missed.

But, if you think you have what it takes to be the Redundant, Tertiary Dog, here at Life Explained, please send your resume to tweettweetjohn@yahoo.com.  Your main responsibilities will be; Barking randomly at people you know, getting scratched behind the ears, leaving about a half a dogs worth of hair everywhere you go, snacking and napping.  Pays based on experience, two weeks vacation, medical, dental, and time travel insurance included.

An equal opportunity employer.

Another step toward tomorrow.

Last week the company decided to begin using the new accounting software.  As explained in a previous post the former accounting system was actually used by one of the early Chinese Dynasties, I believe it was the Song Dynasty and at the time they felt it "cumbersome, antiquated, with an unfriendly, difficult interface."  They hired a consultant from the Mongol Steppes, named Genghis Khan to help them learn the architecture and abilities of the system.  He became so frustrated he conquered all of the world, or at least the parts he could reach on horse back.

Anyway, it was clearly time for a change, and our software, and accounting people researched many different systems, exploring all of the possibilities, and carefully comparing the benefits, and features, and then decided to purchase the least expensive package, the "1,2,C Platform" from Bob's House o' Good Accounting Software.  Motto, "If price is your only concern, buy from Bob."

They spent weeks installing the new software on the computers, and training the staff in the use of the many features, and functions.  Finally it was time.  Last week "the balloon went up." 

It is an inspirational sight to see a group of people facing a difficult situation, struggling against common odds, and a mutual enemy, and turning on each other like a pack of rabid wolverines.  

There is no mistake so bad that it cannot be ameliorated, somewhat, by blaming someone else, venomously, hatefully, with threats of violence.

"Hey, Jill, I think you entered that product code incorrectly.  The name should always have a space before the lot number, and the edition size should go in user definable field 3."

Grasping a cheap retractable pen in a "modified saber, knife fighting grip" Jill steps closer, while rasping "that's the way Geoff told me to enter all of the products that are being made available in the fall line, that rat ba$tard, @!#$$ of a @$#@#@$, he can ki$$ my a$$, and so can you!"  

"OK, that's good." you scream, while moving quickly to the men's room, hoping she is not angry enough to follow you in there.

Shortly after any change as difficult and important as a major software update waves of nostalgia will sweep through the office.  People will begin to dress in black, and wipe away tears while discussing the many, almost uncountable, advantages of the old way, while leaving hateful, anonymous post it notes everywhere.  "Next time you fall asleep at your desk I will cut your throat." or "Do you know where your cat is?" maybe "I ate your lunch, sorry about that, but it was delicious."  Ok, that last one happens all the time around here, and has forced many of us to bring crappy lunches.

It is the Life Explained Office Update 2 Part grieving process, untrammeled anger, grief and untrammeled anger.

Soon this will pass, and everybody will be back to their normal, lunch stealing selves.  Progress, in all of its jackbooted glory, marches on, and if you are lucky it will not trample you.

Back, and a little worse for the wear.

Vacation is over, and I am afraid that spells big trouble for all of you hoping some terrible calamity had befallen me and you would be saved from this blog forever.  Life Explained has risen from it's shallow grave and is haunting the internet again, sorry.

We went to the Smoky Mountains, beautiful, scenic, and peaceful.  I like to vacation in the mountains, the seclusion is powerful, and the silence is
overwhelming.  But, I like to vacation in the mountains close to a town like Gatlinburg, or Estes Park (depending on the mountains) because I also like crowds, chaos, and commotion.  The mountains offer the best of both worlds.

I have not spent too much time in the mountains, anywhere, really just the Rockies, and the Smokys.  So, if you want expertise you are in the wrong place, as usual.  But, there are some noticeable differences, the Rockies are severe, forbidding, magnificent, stark, and beautiful, the Smoky Mountains are tree covered, friendly, wrapping you in a canopy of vegetation like a Mother's embrace.  It almost feels like you could just walk right up the side of the mountain, a casual stroll to the tree covered summit.  This is an illusion, of course, quickly shattered by hiking twenty yards or so down the road from the cabin, turning around and struggling back up.  After reaching the front door you sound like Darth Vader after a vigorous run on a treadmill.

"Luke, do you have some oxygen?"

There are many more posts to follow, but there was a tragic accident at work involving the drawer where my important stuff is stored, and I need to gripe and complain.

Before leaving, I would like to tell you about a touching moment shared with my oldest son on Father's Day, he told me "dad, you have always been like a Father to me."  It still brings a tear to my eye.  Last year, my son's gave me a coffee mug, some of them say "World's #1 Dad," this one had my actual ranking, "World's # 7,335,663,792 (the numbers wrapped around the mug several times) Dad."

Destination, Gatlinburg.

Monday, and we have been pretty much on the move since Friday morning.  Up with the sun, kind of, the sun gets up very early this time of year, so let's just say the sun had finished breakfast and was starting to wonder what was taking us so long.  But, we got the whole parade (Mother, Father, Blind Friend, and Youngest Son, the oldest son did not come along, it still kills me a little) moving.  Slowly, unsteadily, inconsistently, but going forward, for the most part.

Vacations should be lived erratically, with no real sense of purpose.  We have had vacations hurrying from place to place, rushing frantically, driven and intense, and no thank you.  I like strolling casually, weaving in and out of pedestrian traffic, touring shops, little museums, and restaraunts.

Today is the first day in the Smokey Mountains, and we have been moving in place, breakfast, coffee, and a shower, and then a Coke, and shave, brushing of the teeth, and life can begin.  If we had food we might not even leave the cabin.  But, we did not plan that well, and we did not move quickly enough so we need to get something to eat.

So we will need to head to town and get something to eat.  Of course, in Gatlinburg there are two restaurants that advertise the "best Bloody Mary in Gatlinburg," and that has been consuming me since my last trip.  Unfortunately, we did not have time to solve that riddle, we were only reconnoitering for the invasion.   This trip I plan on declaring a winner.   Stay tuned!  I hope there are still only two.

I will leave you with the view from the cabin.  Until later,

Life Explained, explains vacations,

The key to having a relaxing, fun filled vacation is preparation, planning, and careful, meticulous attention to detail.  It is no fun to get to ski slopes and find that you had packed cargo shorts, tank tops, a swimsuit and sunscreen.  Of course it would save a lot of pain, and potential injury, possible death, but it might force you to move the television into the bathroom so you can put on your swimsuit and set in the tub, pretending to be on a tropical resort island.  However, by the time you get your wife and three kids, and your in-laws crammed in there it might get a little tense.  A situation best avoided, considering how the in-laws feel about your already.  So, just pack correctly.

Packing correctly for a week long trip to the Smoky Mountains, for me, involves laying out enough clothes for about a month and a half, so my wife can go through and say things like "you are not taking that."  "What shirt did you plan to wear with these?" and a personal favorite, "where did you unearth this ancient thing?" And then she will grab all of the clothes, in her dainty, delicate, lovely arms, carry them out to the dumpster, hop in her car, and forty five minutes later will come back with a brand new suitcase filled with brand new clothes, a tank full of gas, and some ribs to throw on the grill.  And I am packed and ready to go.  This approach is not for everyone, and please remember results may vary, but it works for me.

Make sure you have plenty of drinks on ice, cola, bottled water, and tea are good choices.  A supply of snacks is a good idea as well, maybe some chips, and pretzels, peanuts, and beef jerky are wonderful, and tasty.  You will need to know where all of the rest areas are you will need them.  Here is a good place to find them, Wow, you can "rest" almost everywhere.

Get a good nights sleep, eat a good breakfast, and jump in the car, don't worry that you left the iron, and almost every light in the house, on, and the water running in the bathroom, and your lawn will grow faster than it ever has before, and the camera is sitting right beside your glasses, wallet, and the only key you have to get back into your house just go, have a good time, you deserve a vacation.

Vacation, oh sweet, lovely vacation.

One day, and then vacation, those sweet days off where you get paid for not going to work.  It is a really good system, and I am not sure who thought it up, but they deserve a couple of extra votes.  I will donate mine.

This year is going to be fun, we are going to Louisville, KY, and Gatlinburg, TN and living the high life, and eating too much, probably, and not drinking quite enough, as we are now old, and tired, and will probably be pretty full.  But, my barber, the inestimable, undeniably intelligent, and very nice Ted told me about this place in Gatlinburg where you can sample several different flavors of moonshine.  

Honestly, I had never thought too much about the flavors of moonshine, thinking it was all just clear, really strong, burn the hair out of your nostrils strong, but depending on what they use for the sugar it can be quite different, according to Ted, whose opinion I hold in very high regard.  So, there is one fun activity.

Then, there is the donut place, the "Donut Friar" in Gatlinburg, it is a place where they take sheets of some sort of dough, spread it thin, using a rolling pin made from magic wood harvested in the Great Tasty Forest of Heaven, and produce what Dante would gladly call the "circles of Heaven."  When I was younger, and kind of dumb, no let's face it, really dumb, I would have driven down there, eight hours just for a mixed dozen, and that would have been pretty smart.

Of course, we are bringing our friend, my oldest and best friend, who is now completely blind, so I should offer my apologies to Kentucky and Tennessee, he is very able, and very careful, but he still runs into a lot of things, so we are sorry.

In retrospect, we wouldn't really need to take him all the way to Tennessee, we could just go to Yellow Springs (I've heard that is one cool place) and tell him we were in Gatlinburg, he wouldn't know.  But, I have started a facebook page for him, (if anyone is interested in keeping track let me know and I will add the link) so someone might notice and rat me out, and then there would be some explaining to do.  Probably not a good idea, after all.

For all of those who are interested I will turn this into a travel blog for a week or so, detailing the best things to do in the places I am at the moment.  For those of you who aren't interested, you probably quit reading a long time ago, maybe two years or so, and have continued to not read, so I won't worry too much about it.

Remember, in the words of the great Bob Dylan;

"Everybody get ready, lift up their glasses and sing
Everybody get ready to lift up their glasses and sing,
I'm standing on the table proposing a toast to the king"

No, it probably doesn't fit too well with this post, but man I can groove to that song, that whole album rocks.

A very funny man, who made a small mistake.

I feel kind of bad about doing this, but +Mike Raven, in what can only be considered a terrible lack of judgement, possibly caused by pre-vacation pressure, has agreed to let me write a guest post for his blog, THE BLOG OF THOG.  It was, until today a very well written blog, about life, and family, and technology, and really the whole experience of living, today it took a step backward, a little stumble on the evolutionary ladder, if you will.  But, Mike will bounce back, strong, and sharp, and ready to blog, after vacation.

But, don't blame Mike, he is still very funny, and has a blog I read and recommend, as do 4 out 5 dentists, many of the top people in almost every industry imaginable and Doctor Dawg, our resident genius.

Here is my post, Don't blame Mike, he was just being polite.

More Trials.

Here is the problem with letting a friend with a handicap travel by himself.  It is like being held hostage (more accurately, it is like your handicapped friend being held hostage.  Your friend is at the mercy of whatever carrier you choose to transport him from point a to point b while waiting him make wait for a while at point c.  Or maybe it from point a to point c and he will have to wait for a while at point b.  I am not sure, and will conduct some thorough research.

Anyway, my friend, who is handicapped, was dropped off by my sister, who is my favorite sister (at least right now) at the airport.  She sent me a text message saying he was with an attendant and that was the last I heard.  Is he jetting, carefree, toward point b, or point c, right now, or is he lost, and afraid in the terminal at the airport in Omaha?

I will let you know, as soon as I know.

The Trials of Friendship

Five days from today we will be having breakfast here.  Not just any breakfast, either, free, made to order breakfast.  Omelettes so tasty and delicious they are worth the price of the motel, and  they are free.  Normally I have the jalapeno, sausage (sometimes bacon, sometimes both), cheddar, and spinach, (spinach is so healthy).   They are all good though, and I will document my choices and share theme with you, you can hardly wait I am sure.

Five days from right now minus fourteen hours we will be having drinks right here.  Not just any drinks either, free drinks, Kentucky bourbon on the rocks is my choice, "if it isn't from Kentucky it's just whiskey."  Sometimes I will have a beer, frosty cold, refreshing and delightful.  Don't worry, I will photograph my choices and share them with you, I hope the anticipation does not kill you.

Free breakfast and free bourbon in Louisville, the Asgard of college basketball.  I need to apologize to Tim Miles, Tony Bennett and +christy barongan here, all of whom have a different opinion regarding the college basketball heavens.  And, I respect that. 

After our little pilgrimage to the Yum Center, where the Louisville Cardinals play their home games, we are off to the mountains of Tennessee, specifically Gatlinburg.  We have rented a cabin outside of town, and are planning a relaxing, fun filled trip.

What makes this trip so unique is the inclusion of our blind friend, who is right now being picked up in a small town in Nebraska by my sister (who is now my favorite sister, thank you, Candy) and whisked to Eppley Airfield in Omaha, to hop on a plane, and fly to Saint Louis, where he will hop off of that plane, set around in the airport until he can hop on another plane and fly here.  I have never flown often, and hate to fly so I avoid it like a spider covered canoe, (I hate being on boats, and spiders too) but, it seems unless you are going to Las Vegas you can never fly anywhere without flying somewhere else, first.  It is a nice way to see the inside of airports, and buy an expensive beer and sandwich though.

We are hoping Southwest Airlines takes good care of him, but, don't worry I will let you know tomorrow if he makes it unscathed.  You might want to do a little good luck dance, and throw some salt over your shoulder, and wish upon a star, and touch the horseshoe over the door, and whatever good luck ritual you can muster.