One Small Step For Mankind.

Humanity is a remarkable organism, we have the frightening ability to ignore reality and convince ourselves that somehow what we are doing is important.  Even though a glance in the newspaper, (if you can find one) or the evening news will offer ample proof that the world is on the brink of self immolation, and everyday we don't try to apply some resistance, and slow the process, it gains momentum.

Americans are more divided than at any time I can remember, and I grew up during the Vietnam war, and the Watergate scandal.  We are mired in the mud, and sinking lower by the day.  All while the world is spinning toward inferno and nobody seems to notice.

Everyday we slide closer and closer to the end, and we blithely, joyfully ignore the impending doom.  Somehow we have convinced ourselves that we are just carrying on in the tradition of our ancestors, and maybe we are.  But, we are not our ancestors, we are well adapted citizens of the 21st century with technology that would mystify previous generations.

This technology is here to stay, we can not put that genie back in the bottle (and nobody wants to), but we could use it to slow our descent, to reverse the prejudices and hate, to call attention to our similarities and our shared traits.  No matter what you believe, no matter your theological bent, no matter your views on evolution, Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, we all seem to accept that the event, or being that gave us life, did the same for everybody, and we all share common origins.  Since the beginning we have been drifting apart.

As we celebrate our anger over our distance, and dissimilarities, there is one man, a blogger, video maker, father, family man, who has an idea, a first step in bringing the Earth's inhabitants a little closer.  +Mike Raven , architect of The Traveling Book Project has decided, almost by himself, to start people travelling the road to understanding.

He is going to assemble a number of notebooks, and write something personal, about himself and his life, in each, including a few photos, and send them on a mission of healing and understanding.  He hopes that people will fill in a few pages about themselves and their lives, and forward them to others.  Until they find their way back to him.  He will scan them and make all of the information available online.

Is this going to solve all of the problems we have managed to create, or end bigotry and hatred?  Probably not.  But, imagine, for a minute, if the "leaders" of the world, and the governments that inform and influence their countries would take a step like this, make a small effort to understand, and appreciate each other, imagine what could happen.  Imagine if we could step back from the stereotypes, and appreciate the beauty that surrounds us, all of us.  It is almost frightening, isn't it?

Can we change the inevitable?  Can we be the generation that begins the healing?  I hope so, I have kids, and want to leave them something.  One thing is almost certain, we can not leave it to the people in charge, we need to rely on individuals who are willing, and able to try something different.  People like Mike Raven.

Thank you, Mike, it is a wonderful thing you are doing.

The Second "New" Beginning of the Week.

As reported earlier I recently added a Microsoft Surface Pro 3 to the assortment of tools used in daily life, and the manufacture and distribution of this and several other blogs, social media accounts, and idea creation and storage enterprises.  It takes a lot of hardware, an iPhone, and iPad, a desktop computer, and a new tablet, laptop combination called the Surface Pro 3.  But, all of this circuitry, plastic, aluminum, glass, and all of the alchemy involved in turning electronic impulses into profound, unique ideas requires an enormous amount of software to support the magic.

However, these software packages do not recognize me as the owner of all these wonderful ideas stored in various "clouds" scattered around the skies and across the horizon along the information superhighway.  So, after loading all of the idea creation, sentence generating, picture distorting, and page storage programs on my new tablet / laptop wonder machine it was time to start logging in to all of the various services.  

AARRGGHHHHH!!!  Who can possibly remember which email account was used for these packages, let alone the passwords associated with each one.  Once you are logged in on your iPhone, or iPad, or computer, it is done,, you just stay logged in unless something odd happened.  Now, I had to trudge the endless, inescapable quagmire of safety, and security.  

I am all for intellectual property ownership, if you have any intellect, and anybody who has been reading my blog knows that I have no real concerns.  Even worse, though, than figuring which email was used, and resetting the password, many times, these sites would make me enter some barely discernible sequence of numbers and letters in a little box before letting me view and edit my ideas (if that is the right word).  I think it is all set now, though.

I'm afraid that spells big trouble for my foe +Mike Raven from The Blog of Thog, a Man, a Camera, a Legend.  I have storyboarded my next video in our furious battle for video production supremacy.

Stage Two, The Mind Games of Getting Ahead.

Now that you have made it to Tuesday, it seems to be a good time to consolidate the gains made, at the expense of all of the slovenly, weekend loving, coffee shop supporting slackers, yesterday.  There is no better time to use your new found power, and prestige to smash your enemies co-workers than when they are feeling low, and unappreciated.

It is time to enter the psychological warfare portion of the multi pronged campaign to increase your standing in the company.  When you see an associate getting water, coffee, a snack, from the kitchen drop a casual hint about their diminishing chances of maintaining employment.  Something casual, friendly, and innocuous, for example, "oh, Bob, I saw the VP of sales, and he wanted to see everybody who is anyway important, or even significant, in conference room A, at 1:00, so can you watch the phones?  Thanks, you're the best."  Here, it is best to leave before Bob has a chance to say anything, it is just cruel to let him think you care what he has to say.

An easy, yet often overlooked ploy, requires a little investment of time and cash, but can reap real benefits.  Stop on your way to work, and buy a donut or two, or three, asking specifically for one of the boxes that normally contain a dozen.  Eat the donuts on the way to work, (who doesn't love donuts, (besides my doctor?)) and leave the empty box in the kitchen.  Hurry back to your computer, and send a message that there are donuts in the breakroom.  When your biggest rival rushes wildly toward the free donuts, trying to smash his way past all of the other contestants, bouncing off walls and elbowing violently to get there before all of the tasty, delicious, cream filled treasures are gone, walk casually over to his computer, and send an email to the head custodian, including the entire company in the blind copy field, saying "I long for your tender, cleansing caress, and yearn for your antiseptic, slightly ammonia, aroma."

Nothing makes for a more fulfilling day than sabotage, and donuts.  It might be time for a little nap, and dreams of conquest, as the people around you stew in the juices of your victories, ah the sweet smell of success.  Don't forget to tune in tomorrow when we will discuss the best ways to decorate using momentos stolen from the cubicles of vanquished co-workers, and making an entertaining, and marginally humiliating montage from other peoples abandoned vacation photos.

Monday, Your Big Chance?

We, here at Life Explained, are going to start a new movement.  Starting now, next week at the latest, Monday is no longer going to be viewed as a curse, a despicable, reviled demonic visitor from the pits.  It is going to be welcomed as the gracious day that ushers in a beginning, a refreshing chance to start something beautiful.

Life does not often present mortals with opportunities for greatness, and Monday is the perfect chance to leave your co-workers, subordinates, and superiors in the vocational dust.  As they are holding their heads, praying for a quick end to a new day, you can embrace the challenge.  Charge into the midst of the chaos, powering through the doldrums, shining like a beacon of hope for all the company to follow.

Book 1 in the "Who needs 'em" series

Grab the biggest problem you can, wrestle it the floor, and make it plead for mercy, right in the entryway, so everybody can watch.  If sales are stagnant grab the phone, get some people on the hook, and sell some stuff, if production is flagging, grab some tools, some raw materials, and make something.  Rising transportation costs cutting into the bottom line, chewing up profits and spitting out mountains of rising debt, load some stuff up in your car, and make some deliveries. Remember, every little problem you solve is a chance to make an associate look incompetent, slow and foolish.

Use the first day of the week to rise several standard deviations above the mean.  As fellow employees trickle in, tales of two days of independence dripping from their paper coffee cups, look down your nose at them, turn your back and storm off, a trail of efficient, professional scorn settling slowly on their bewildered faces.  

Look, we just want to see you get ahead, that's all.  If the people who work with you can't see your potential that is their problem.  Don't forget our companion book, "Step all over the people your coworkers, it won't get you anywhere, but you will save a bundle on birthday gifts."

New Computer, New Tablet, Surface Pro 3 Does It All.

We here, Life Explained, have stepped into the future.  We needed a new computer, as our youngest son is getting ready to go back to school, and our old computer was ancient, it is probably seven or eight years old.  In computer age that is too old to believe, too old to use, even too old to donate.  It was so clogged with files, music, strata, upon layer, tier, years of our family life, piled onto an spinning disk.

In a way it would be fun to look back at the things we have filled the storage with, a scrapbook of family times, and memories.  But, it takes forever to start, and loading a file is like a dental visit painful, lengthy, and remarkably unsatisfying.  

We bought the New Microsoft Surface Pro 3, it is a remarkable machine, lightning quick, with 256 GB of storage, an Intel Core i5 Processor, which means almost nothing to me, but man this thing is pretty cool, I will post pictures soon.  I will post pictures of everybody in the family holding the new computer.  But, I will wait until everybody has been awake for a while.

People might be thinking, "you are an Apple user, Tim, why Microsoft?"  Great question, people.  I am an Apple user, but there was a time I thought an Apple product would never darken the sunny day of my narrow minded life.  I even had two Zunes, and really liked them, but when they gave up the line and my son bought his first iPod it was clear Apple had taken the lead in the "small, hand held, gaming, music listening, picture taking and manipulation devices."  

And from my first iPod, to my iPad, and on to my iPhone I have been happy with each.  They have been computational troopers beyond compare, and I still have, use and love them all, well not so much the iPod, I still have and love it, but it doesn't get that much use.  I am trying to convince my wife to use it as a camera, a facebook device, and to assist in her shopping wars, it is a slow process.

When it was time to replace the computer, we needed something that ran Microsoft Office, and something that was still at least a little cool, and this baby is it.  It is a robust, full fledged computer, that acts like a robust, full fledged tablet.  With a great deal of flexibility in both.  Also, it is a good looking little machine, sleek lines, and a brushed aluminum shell, that looks great with the keyboard, sold separately, of course.  Another ingenious device, the detachable key board is powered by the computer.  One less thing to charge

The Microsoft Store is filled with intriguing apps, and it seems that app shoppers are much fussy through Microsoft, than Apple, I downloaded "Imagecut" it had an average of three stars, and it is the easiest photo cutting app I have ever used.  I see big things for my friends, trips to Europe, and possibly Europa, keep your eyes open.

Having had this wonderful device less than 24 hours I can tell you it is going to be a valuable member of the family for quite a while.  If you are thinking about getting a new PC, and want something that is fun, fast, flexible, and just cool, think about the Surface Pro, I am happy, admittedly not a power user, but an apprentice geek, and that should count for something.

How to write a successful blog.

Many people have come to me, (actually nobody has, but I have to write an introduction and this works the best) asking what does it take to be a successful blogger, and I give them all the same answer.  How should I know, but if I ever meet one I will find out (though, the first thing I would ask is "how do you measure success as a blogger).  I probably won't share it, though,  that might allow others to cut in on my future success as a blogger.

But, here are the steps I follow to write a blog post;

1.  Clean your glasses, how do they even get this dirty?  It looks like somebody dumped a teaspoon full of mud on my glasses and it has dried into a little desert scene.  I swear, if my eyes were not so bad I could see little plants beginning to grow on the lenses.  It is amazing that I could see at all.  Clean glasses are the key to a happy life, and a decent blog post.

Coffee,  It is a friend. 

2. Have some coffee, coffee is a gift from the gods.  It provides the ability to link seemingly unrelated things and make connections that might, to a non coffee drinker, seem a little unusual.  But, that is what this blog thrives on, random, contrived connections between diverse, unrelated ideas.  We here, at Life Explained take pride in our ability to forge ad hoc, rickety connections, and enjoy coffee.   The sign at the right is courtesy of "First Watch" a restaurant that serves breakfast and lunch, and does both remarkably well.  And, their coffee is exceptional, and exceptionally generous in supply as well.  If I spent more time at "First Watch" I would be one heck of a blogger.

3. Start with a title, sentence, or picture, and just type like a demon.  Don't worry too much about content, it is probably in there somewhere, you might have to go back and dig it out, and refine it, and support it, and polish it up a bit, but it is probably in there.  If it isn't start a new one and let the draft marinate.  You probably have several drafts, and they are going to be posts someday, they are just waiting for the hidden treasure to come to the surface.

All in all, I think, in all honesty, if you have fun writing your posts, (and, I do) and a few people look at them, (and, I hope they do), and it provides a release for your anxiety, fears, and hysteria (and, it does) then you are a very successful blogger, and I raise my coffee cup and toast you all.  Cheers.

Ok, this is not new.

It is Friday, and my the results of my blood tests are back from the doctor's office, and there was, and I quote, "good improvement" on my serum cholesterol level, and my ALT (whatever that is).  Amazing what wonders can be had by a change of diet and taking your medicine.  So, that made me happy.

On the way to work this morning, Siri was particularly cooperative, playing a variety of wonderful selections, ending with "I Ain't Got You," by the Yardbirds, timing it perfectly, it ended as I backed into the parking space, and it was a superb job of backing in, if I do say so myself, straight, and just far enough, really an amazing show of parking prowess.  

"I got a tavern, and a liquor store,
I play the numbers, yeah four forty four,
I got a mojo, yeah don't you know,
I'm all dressed up with no place to go."

Plus, my cousin  +Michael McNeil , Mike the Attractive is what he is called in local lore, in a spasm of familial generosity has invited me to participate in his Fantasy football league.  So, things are looking good, and in the spirit of giving I have decided to share my old Fantasy Football post again, if you hated it then wait until you read it now.  Besides this will give me an opportunity to work on my video production skills, there is much riding on the "Video Production DeathMatch" between +Mike Raven and me, well not really all that much, but it matters little, winning is winning, right?

So, here you go, enjoy, or I will post another dog video.

My younger cousin Mike, who has some sort of milk shake obsession, (a complex, yet treatable, affliction: we need to act, Life Explained fans, to end this horrible disease, we are accepting donations now, please give generously to this noble cause) asked me to join his Fantasy Football league.  It was an act of kindness and generosity so noble and pure as to make a grown man weep.   But, there is no time for that, we are talking fantasy football here.

Acting quickly, as is my norm, I assembled one of the finest teams to ever take the field.  I filled both lines with Trolls and Orcs, man those guys are big, and mean, plus they are not above taking a cheap shot in the scrum that develops on running plays up the middle.

At fullback we had a dwarf, tough, resilient, unafraid to get his nose out of joint in dive plays, and short yardage situations.  Also, the ax is a real bonus when pass blocking.

Tailbacks, receivers and defensive backs were all elves, tall, lithe, athletic and fast.  Elves have great hands, can change direction quickly, and can make "magic" catches.  They are hard to beat.

Our linebackers were all vampires, fast, agile, aggressive and hostile.  They scared the bejesus out of opponents, and teammates, and coaches, and fans, vendors, office staff, grounds crew.  They were really frightening, but nobody wanted to be the one to tell them they were being traded.

Here was the real genius, though, we put a Wizard at quarterback!  Not just any wizard either, a powerful, steely eyed, resolute mage, unshakable, unflappable, almost un-sackable, a quick learner, able to control the huddle and make the right audibles at the line.  Kind of a father figure to the whole team, and able to conjure up a cooler full of beer on a whim.

It was a solid team, and we could go far, if we took it one game at a time, and gave 110 % and didn't overlook anybody, and all of those other things that a team needs to do to have a successful season.

Man, we cruised, too.  Running right over the top of the Lions, and the Bears, and the Panthers, and the Broncos, (we even made an unscheduled stop to stomp on the Tigers, even though they are a baseball team, we hate animals) destroying the Cowboys, and the Redskins, and the Vikings.  The Eagles, and their high flying antics gave us a few problems, at first, but as soon as we scattered fish all over the field it was over, stupid birds.

Nobody could handle our mix of speed, strength, and horrifying undead awfulness.  We were a team of destiny.

Then we had to face the Giants in the Championship game.  They crushed us.  Still, it was a good season, next year we might try to draft a little more size.

Thanks for the invitation, Mike.

I have a problem.

I have become addicted to the "#App of the Week" @theappstore, on Twitter.  Particularly when apps to assist in the making of movies are involved.  If it ends with "matic" (Cinamatic, Kinomatic) it ends up on my phone.  Though, it doesn't really need to end with that suffix, it just seems to be a recent convention, and it adds an appeal, almost like putting "Spielberg," "Welles," or "Coppola" in the title.  It is a little frightening to think how quickly I will download the app with "Oscar Winner" in the title.

Honestly, though, to date the one I have used the most is called "Splice" and it is great.  It is very flexible, and easy to use.  "Splice" offers several ways to add a little flair to your "artwork" and is just a fun app to play with.  The biggest problem with "Splice" is the end, it lacks in ways to share your creation.  But, it was one of the first apps I got, so it is ancient in technology years. Still, it has been a good friend, and a man my age should not abandon things because they are a little older.

Anyway, it is with great anticipation that we enter the next stage of our "creative process."  Movie making here we come.

Here is the downside, for you, loyal members of the Life Explained Universe, there are going to be a lot more video posts on this blog.  It will start out a little rough, and then probably go downhill, rapidly gaining speed, careering off boulders, trees, railings, and pedestrians, crashing in an inglorious, anonymous pile of barely recognizable garbage at the bottom of a cliff.  But, those who have read this blog for a while know that won't stop me.  Onward through the smoke filled rubbish, that is my motto.

If you get irritated at this latest turn of events you can blame +Mike Raven who writes the hilarious and entertaining Blog Of Thog.  He has a YouTube channel, and is a very talented videographer, (plus, he has a remarkable idea for a "travelling book" that might might help all of us understand we are not so different, maybe he should pitch the idea at the UN, if they could stop bickering long enough to listen) and I have decided to compete with him in a Death Match of Video Production.  Please feel free to visit his blog, and leave a few snarky comments, I have heard, and I don't know if this is true, that he drives on the wrong side of the road.  I would post a link to his YouTube channel, but I can't find it at the moment, stupid technology, anyway.

So, to start my new career, here is the Introductory Video, Dr. Dawg For President.

Pretending to be FEARLESS.

Gun

Yesterday, as I was driving home, on the freeway, I approached an overpass, and there were several teenagers, young men, walking across.  One of them stopped, turned toward the highway, made a gun with his finger and pretended to fire on the line of cars.  Being a real, true, red blooded American that was more than I should be asked to endure.

Bigger Gun

I pretended to pull over to the side of the road, grabbed my pretend tripod mounted, belt fed fully automatic HK21E large caliber high capacity machine gun, set it on the hood of my car (after pretending to put down a blanket, no point is scratching the paint, right?), and pretended to return fire.  Sensing he was badly pretend outgunned, the youth dove behind the concrete wall of the overpass and pretended to launch a pretend M67 fragmentation grenade over the wire barricade.

Fortunately, my imaginary friend pretended to throw himself on the fictitious grenade, saving my life, and making for a touching, emotional, yet still masculine, moment, between real men.

Really Big Gun

His pretend, selfless act of bravery inspired me so, I pretended to grab a Light Anti Tank weapon, and blew up the barrier the young man was hiding behind.  In desperation, he pretended to call in a pretend artillery barrage, something heavy, maybe a 155 mm battery.  The pretend explosions were deafening, and everywhere.

I had no choice, it was time to call in a pretend airstrike.  Soon, the sky was filled with pretend aircraft pretending to carpet bomb the area. They pretended to destroy a good portion of the freeway, the overpass and a significant share of Easton Town Center, including P.F. Changs, Abuelos, and the Foot Locker.

But, a pretend ambassador from the pretend United Nations called and made us stop.  Good thing too, because I was about to go pretend nuclear.  That kid will think twice before pretending to shoot at me.

Breaking News,

Gene Simmons, bass player for Kiss, has rushed to the defense of the wealthy.  Claiming inclusion into the long persecuted minority, Gene Simmons has taken a stand.  No longer will people malign and mistreat those who are unfortunate enough to be ridiculously wealthy.

Mr. Simmons claims that "50% of the US population pays no taxes at all."  A remarkable feat, given the breadth of taxes assessed by various branches of government.  In Ohio, for example, to better distribute the tax burden among the citizenry our Governor is working to reduce the state income tax, and increased the sales tax, and imposing the tax on services, which were previously exempt.  Try to get out of that tax, you filthy 50%, we have your number.  And it is 5.75%, on almost everything, including haircuts, and legal advice.

However, Mr. Simmons would like it known that the much maligned, and terribly put upon 1%, of which he claims to be a member in good standing, "provides all of the jobs for everybody else," and we should "try being nice to a rich person."  Indeed, Mr. Simmons.  Next time a rich person is unfortunate enough to find himself in line next to me at Taco Bell, I will buy him a Crunch Wrap Gordito, even if it is not happy hour, I will pay full price.  I hope it is Gene Simmons, imagine tacos with a wealthy bass player.  Facebook, here we come.

I would be willing to settle for Bill Gates, or Warren Buffett, but will pass on Donald Trump, his hair looks even worse than mine, and that might be more than a poor, Taco Bell worker, who owes so much to Gene Simmons, should have to endure.

If you see a wealthy person, give them a hug, and thank them, we owe them so much.

Dr. Dawg Is Running For President.

Today, It sure ain't yesterday,

Today we are starting a movement to hire the Polar Vortex as a salaried, seasonal employee.  Beginning in June each year we would like him\her (for the sake of this post we will call the Polar
Vortex Her) to move to the Midwest, and manage our weather for us.   

She has proven herself to be a powerful, effective supervisory asset, and we think that kind of authority should be rewarded.  We are willing to offer you a generous salary, we will discuss the final numbers with your agent, but, rest assured it will be much more than any weather pattern has ever been offered.

There is a gernorous retirement plan, fully funded, stock options and medical insurance.  Also, we will throw in a health club membership, not that she needs that, she looks very fit, and healthy, but just in case she wants to work out. 

Also, and this is important, we are willing to give her the winter off, and she is  free to spend it anywhere you want.  We do ask that it not be Central Ohio, though.

Polar Vortex, if you are reading this, please let us know, and we will process the paper work, quickly, efficiently, and in speedy denial of all reality.

Building, and the Chance for Exploitation.

They are "tearing down" the parking lot next to us and constructing a building.  It is a fascinating process to watch.  They assembled a temporary fence around the parking lot, then bought in a huge excavator, and tore up the asphalt.  One worker was operating the machine, clawing up the pavement, and the other watching.  That is one getting over job, standing there watching somebody maneuver a tractor, but it would get very dull very quickly, plus, in direct opposition to well established stereotype, he did not even have a shovel handle to lean on.  Maybe it is part of a fitness initiative, "leave the shovel in the truck, tone up, trim down, live longer."

In an effort to reduce the risks associated with construction jobs workers are now required to wear bright neon shirts, or vests, and hard hats.  So these men, surrounded by chain link fence, tearing up a parking lot, with nothing above them but sky are safe.  From what?  There is a shirt that said "if I were a bird I know who I would poop on."  That makes me laugh every time I think about it.  Honestly, I would need to give it some thought, before I picked the target, if I were a bird, but it would not be one the poor man standing there watching his "co-worker" rip apart the parking lot with a tractor, he has enough problems.  Besides, his head is protected, he has a hard hat.

Once in a while men show up in shiny blue jeans, and button down shirts, normally they have the cuffs rolled up, and they look pretty official, it is obvious they are not there to tear anything up.  They point randomly around the destruction that used to be a parking lot, sweeping motions that might embrace the whole block, I worry for our parking lot.  Suddenly, they realize there is a tree across the street, and they scurry over to stand under the leafy branches, and it is not clear if it is for shade or protection, since they are not wearing hard hats, it would muss their stylishly combed hair.

Anyway, I have decided to take advantage of the opportunity provided by fate, and Verizon wireless.  I am going to take a picture at random times during the day, sometimes once, sometimes more, and at some point I am going to assemble these photos in an animation app I have on my iPad, and put the whole thing to music, and then post it on here.  Aren't you lucky?

If you have a preference for the song, or type of music, let me know, and if I can come up with nothing better I will use your suggestion.  And as an added bonus, I will give you credit for the choice in the opening and closing scenes of the video.  Aren't you lucky.

Finally, some summer fun.

"In the desert in the dry,

Before the breaking of the rain,

The temperature in the shade

Had reached 110 again."

"Is it Hot in here or is it just me?"

Since we are enjoying a break from the ruinous heat and humidity of summer, thank you Polar Vortex, long have we loved, and yearned for you, it seems like a good time to warn you about the dangers of over exposure to the harmful rays of the sun.  With such pleasant temperatures, it is easy to think I will get outdoors and do some stuff, lots of stuff, more stuff than wise, more stuff than anybody would think possible.

Whether you are going to do yard work, enjoy a little time in the pool, throw something on the grill, walk through park, or any number of things, make sure you are adequately protected, by using plenty of sunscreen.  It is not possible to stress the importance of this strongly enough.  It is so vital they stopped calling it suntan lotion.  No longer will we laud the attractiveness of a bronzed, summer sun worshipper.  Now we admire the pale, pasty complexion resembling potato soup.

"It follows me wherever I go!"

No, it is time to start lathering up with a balm that is waterproof, sweatproof, and keeps the damaging awful rays of the sun from your delicate, dainty skin.  Most doctors recommend a SPF (Sun Prohibiting Function) of at least 190 or 200.  This is the equivalent of staying indoors.

Of course most doctors recommend at least three servings of vegetables, and fruit with every meal, and snack.  Oh, and they also recommend that you put down the giant soda, you worthless slug!  And they would be happy if you would exercise a little more, and eat less fried food, and lay off the processed food, and would it kill you to take the stairs once in a while.  In fact, most doctors would like nothing better than to suck all of the fun out of your life, leaving you with nothing but a long, dull, tasteless life, filled with monotony and boredom, and exercise, and medicine.  And don't even get me started on dentists, they are a whole different form of cruel, and awful, and...  Oops, that is another post.

Anyway, enjoy yourself outdoors, try to be careful, don't forget your sunscreen, stay hydrated, and don't forget to take some Del Lords music with you, it makes everything seem a little better.

Blood Work, the Bane of Modern Existence.

This is the pager used by the lab where I get my blood drawn. You register at the information desk, where they take your information, insurance, drivers license, and verify all of the things on file are correct, phone, address, date of birth, and they send you to the lab window.

When you get to the lab window, you put your name, doctor’s name and date of birth on a little yellow (goldenrod, for those of you in the stationary business) sheet of paper. After that they give you a pager.

Obviously, they are very thorough and cautious. It makes me wonder why they never seem to have the proper authorization to do my blood work. Why do I have to work so hard to disappoint my doctor?

via https://dayone.me/uLhzK

Safety, it is in the eye of the beholder.

According to Lifehacker.com there are two things you can do to ensure your next flight is healthy.

Wash your hands and use the overhead fan as a screen to keep airborne pathogens away from you.

Generally, I am just happy if they land safely.

Climate Change and our Fine Furry Friends

Walmart, Combat Shopping

Walmart, ground zero in the Greater Columbus Retail Conflict.  A true test for the experienced grocery shopping warrior. 

Lesser stores will provide irritable help, snarling cashiers, aggressive, hostile department clerks, or apathetic counter people who can spend minutes furiously typing into a terminal, while doing absolutely nothing to help.

Stores without such vast resources will confront you with pushy, self important customers, constantly cutting in front of each other, parking their carts in the middle of the aisle, reaching, clawing, scratching, elbowing, fighting for every can, box, bag, or bottle.

Walmart can bring to bear all of these things.  Walmart cashiers have, somehow, mastered the ability to be angry and apathetic at the same time.  A trip to Walmart is a demanding test of endurance, patience and fortitude.  

Don't attempt an expedition until you have completed a few invasions of Kroger, Safeway, or Piggly Wiggly, and a reconnaissance in force of Target, or Meijer's. 

And, we made it all the way from groceries to electronics, to school supplies.  It took standing in line at two different check out lanes, and weathering the icy glare of the cashier at lane eight, but we walked out of there unscarred.

As we were leaving there was a sign hanging above a long line of tired looking people that said "Customer Service" that always makes laugh.

Turkeys and Me, a short history.

This was a turkey that was by our cabin outside of Gatlinburg, TN.  This picture was taken from our car, we had stopped just to take the picture.

Once I was driving by a park in Columbus and a turkey flew into my driver side mirror, and broke it loose.  When it smashed into the mirror it sounded like an explosion.  It was hanging half in my car, I had the window open, and had to be physically ejected, while I was driving 35 miles an hour.  There were feathers in my car for months afterward, and the guys at the Toyota dealership had a good laugh when they replaced my mirror.

That is why the picture was taken from inside the car.  I know better than to give a turkey another shot.

Based On A True Story.

Last night "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" was released in select cities.  Since "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" was such a well liked movie here, at Life Explained, we thought we should look into the phenomenon.  Kind of Life Explains, explains movies.  It is a unique idea, apes with an increased intelligence, in a desperate war of extinction against the apex predator of the planet, humans.  It is only more intriguing when one remembers that human experimentation provided the advanced abilities of the apes.  It is such a compelling story we needed to find out more.

Imagine our shock when we found out it was based on a true story!  The proof was right there.  In classified documents, that we spent a great deal of effort sneaking out of the "Classified Documents" building, sparing no risk and investing a pretty good chunk of our own change.  We found out that some wacko in California (go figure) had invented a drug that would make people smarter.  He was worried about the potential side affects of having a bunch of smart people around, (who wouldn't be?) and decided to test it on apes.  Obviously he hadn't taken any himself, or he would have seen how dumb that idea was.

Soon, they were tying his shoelaces together, gluing his phone to the base, changing his screen saver to a picture of David Hasselhoff, ordering Chinese food, and pizza, throwing parties, and just livin' the heck out of life.  But, when they changed his ring tone to Justin Bieber that was too much, and he kicked them out.

Soon, California was overrun with intelligent apes. Several of them actually ran for office, since it was politics, no one noticed.  They had trouble with campaign financing, because the math makes no sense.  It baffled them how people would vote for someone who was so vague, and inaccurate that it was almost indecipherable. They were pretty smart, after all.  They gave up trying to take control that way, and chose a more aggressive approach.

They started to spread east.  Deserts, mountains, armies, traffic jams, nothing could stop them.  They were like an amoeba, everywhere.  Nothing slowed their inexorable march to the east.  They were like an amoeba, everywhere, all at once.  And nothing could slow them.

Until they got to Washington.  Our nations capitol is where many good plans go to die.  Apes careened down Constitution Avenue Northwest, storming through Stanton Park, crashing through, Ebenezers Coffee, only stopping long enough to have a espresso and a biscotti, they had heard such good things from politicians in California, they could not resist.

Then, things came to a crashing halt.  They were stuck in session, and riders were attached and voted down  There was bickering, back stabbing, name calling, childish accusations, and awful, terrible behavior (maybe that guy should have tried his intelligence drug on the houses of congress).  Being intelligent beings, they knew Washington was no place for them and they got on a boat, and left as quickly as they could.

One unnamed source (there are thousands of unnamed sources in Washington, it is the largest supplier of unnamed sources (and quotes from unnamed sources) in the world, maybe the whole universe) said he overheard "I don't care where we end up, as long as it isn't here."  They are pretty smart.

A New Experiment.

As previously proven, pretty much beyond a doubt now, I have become a "Nerd In Training," or an "Apprentice Geek," if you prefer.  However, to remove all doubt here is a little secret.  When my Starbucks App messages that they are giving away a free app, or the App Store offers a Free App of the Week they are on my phone, almost immediately.  It is easy enough to delete them if they are not serving any real purpose, but they are always accessible to them, if the need arises.  Today, however, there was a Free App of the Week that is going to revolutionize my life.

Day One is a Journal App that no blogger, or probably writer, (though I am no writer, so will leave that to someone else) should do without.  It is flexible, convenient and easy to use.  Inspiration is a fickle, difficult friend who shows up at odd times and strange places.  You may never be able to control the muse, but this app will make it a more welcome guest.

It is an easy way to jot down an idea, save it and let it grow a bit, decide on a course, and then run completely crazy.  Which is what I like to do.

It does not post to blogger, yet, but maybe someday.  It will post to Tumblr, Twitter, and Facebook.   And I have no objection copying a tumblr post my blog.  Hey, one lame post deserves another, right?

I have a dentist appointment today.  Normally, I dread those, today, it will be a great experiment.  Keep your eyes open for news and pictures of the conflict.  Unless, the dentist starts to gain control, then I will be too busy running, like a thief in the night, out of there, to document too much.

Soccer, oh ok Football Explained.

Today we are going to discuss the World Cup, Life Explained, Explains Soccer, or Futbol, or Football, it doesn't really matter, it is all the same game.  Soccer (I am just going to call it soccer, if that is alright with everyone) is a game played on a big field, called a pitch.  Which is kind of nice, because it is a term that makes most Americans comfortable.  "Pitch, you say, well I remember when Dwight Gooden, (Good ol' Dr. K) would mow down batters, on his way to Rookie of the Year.  Sigh"  So, you see we are more comfortable already.

While it does seem odd to most Americans that soccer players are not allowed to use their hands most of the time, it does not bother the rest of the world at all, in fact they love it.  Sometimes, violently so.  Soccer is played, talked about and watched almost everywhere.

Of course, it does raise the interesting question, why?  Why did someone dream up a game where you were not allowed to use your hands?  And the question, who.  Who thought that was a good idea to play a game and not use your hands.  And the question, where.  Where did the person who thought is was a good idea to play a game that last 90 minutes without being allowed to use your hands live?  And, as long as we made it this far, what.  What, in the name of God, was he thinking?


Let's be real for a minute here.  Pretend you are on a team, playing in the baking heat and humidity.  And, you are running around a "pitch" the size of New Hampshire.  Chasing this tiny ball, trying to kick it into a relatively small goal, past what appears to be hundreds of hostile opponents, one of whom is going to grab the ball with his hands when you begin to close in, and boot that thing about a mile and half down the grassy continent you have just dribbled across, avoiding collisions, and theft attempts, and angry enemy combatants, armed only with your shin pads, and sweat soaked clothing.  Soon you look up and it is at the 88 minute mark (the two minute warning, for you football fans, the football played using your hands, that is) and the score is tied zero to zero.  You are almost out time, what do you do?  You pick up the damned ball and run it into the goal, that's what you do!


Then you spike the ball into the grass, and bust a few dance moves right there in the goal, and you go play defense.  That is how American Sports are played.

But, we are learning to love this game, football, and its odd beauty, and raw athleticism.  There is something magic in a sport that has not changed to add more scoring, something powerful in the way the game reveres its past as much as embraces the present. Americans might be able to love this game, but we will need to learn some new phrases, instead of "wait 'til next year," we should say, "wait until 4 years from now!"

Overt Ops, on the Information Super Highway.

We, here at Life Explained, circle the globe (sort of) flying by the seats of our pants, (whatever that means) facing any risk (at least any risk that comes with browsing the internet) looking for an explanation, a definition, an answer, any small clue that would provide a glimpse, no matter how vague, into the meaning of life.  So far we have had no luck, people seem reluctant to put that kind of powerful information on the world wide web, go figure.  But, sometimes we do find some cool stuff, and we like to share that with you, our loyal, articulate, informed public.

"Welcome to the CIA, and Twitter,
don't make any sudden moves."

On June 6th something fantastic happened (at least we think it was fantastic).  The CIA started tweeting!  That's right, the our International House of Espionage, the serious, tight lipped community of covert agents, and keepers of secrets has started spilling its guts in 140 characters or less, with pictures, and links, of course.   It was a tremendously gutsy decision, and all appropriately adapted citizens of the electronic world should stand and applaud.



Their first tweet is captured below.

So, the CIA has a sense of humor.  Take that 007, shaken, and not stirred.  Though James Bond could be pretty funny at times, too.  One time he was sent to this spa by the director who was lecturing him on the damaging effects of free radicals in the blood stream.  The director was informing him that these free radicals could come from alcohol consumption, exotic foods, white bread.  And he said "I don't really eat that much white bread, sir."  We all found that very amusing, and less than 140 characters, though without context it would probably fall pretty flat.

Anyway, we were so happy to find out about our chance to "watch the watchers" for a change that we started following them, right away.    We will let you know what they are up to, "Getting ready to topple a foreign government." "Planting incriminating evidence on a hostile diplomat." and then we will have to kill you.  Just kidding, we will only exile you, not really.

Well, that was not too bad, we hope.

Last week I got this new app, it is a photo manipulation app, and it is pretty cool.  The excitement was almost overpowering, and the potential seemed limitless, as i dove in.  Co-workers, family members, strangers in line at the grocery store photographed surreptiously, they were all fair game.  However, it fell just a little short, it needed something, but for $2.00 it was a powerful little time killer.   Inspiration, a bolt from the heavens,  "you know, what would be great, if I could take them and make them move around a little."  Nothing elaborate, or complicated, just from one place to another.  Back to the App Store.

There was an animation app that looked pretty fun, easy, and robust, for the price, so I grabbed it.  And it was great.  Taking pictures with my phone, manipulating friends, and family, or strangers into awkward, or humorous situations.  Then saving them to the photo albums to import them into an animation app, and set the whole thing in motion.  Man, this was so cool!  But, then something said "you know what would be really fun, some music, maybe something from a song in the library, right there on the phone.  Man, that would be great."

Here is where it gets really good.  I already have an app that will let me make videos with text, banners, titles, and several transitional effects, and it allows for the addition of a background track using one of the songs in the music collection.  

"WOW, this is fantastic, I can take pictures with my phone, alter them in many ways, using this photo manipulation app, putting my friend or family member on the business end of a bad situation, then using my animation app, rocket them through terrible, and trying circumstances, while being chased by an army of uncomfortable, and unfortunate, situations, only to and add some inspirational music in my video compilation app!  This is great!"

I was so excited, anticipation almost killed me.  And then it hit me, "I have become such a geek."  Without all of the potential profit, of course, or the technical prowess.  But, there is little to be done about it now, and since all of the apps have been paid for, installed, and are screaming for attention, here is my newest movie.  I hope it doesn't make anybody ill.

Doo Dah, Parade, and Display.

Yesterday, for the first time, we attended the Doo Dah parade. It was kind of a spur of the moment, on a whim decision, and we are ok with that, in fact some of those work out so well, that it makes the poor choices worth the trouble. How often do you get to see a woman in a elephant mask slap boxing a woman wearing a Hillary Clinton mask? We saw that. Of course, it was an act, as the picture above proves, they were having a bottle of water again together, before the next round. But, after a cold drink, they were back at it, swinging, bobbing, weaving, ducking, dodging, and trying to hold their masks in place.


There was a lot of color, and craziness, and it was fun. In most cases the people were center of attention, floats were scarce, and sparse, and the entertainers carried the weight of the parade, all along the parade route, which was long enough that the they earned my admiration. Particularly a group of dancers who busted a move to an enthusiastic swing dance around the entire route, and seemed to smile the whole time. Unfortunately, I did not get a picture of the whirling, spinning, calorie burning athletes.


Another feat that should be recognized is people like this person who carried this huge mask for at least a mile, and by the time you factor in the weaving from side to side across the street, waving and "smiling" and shaking hands with unsuspecting, startled blogger. Don't worry though, with the crowd on either side shrieking "SHAKE HIS HAND" I recovered admirably, shook his hand, and I lived to tell the tale.



These brave people were riding bikes that were normally only one bike long, but they were often a bike and a half, or two bikes high. It would seem that riding these tall, unusual, home fabricated bikes looked challenging, and treacherous, but they glided gracefully, drawing huge circles in the street. However they begged the question; how do they get started, and how do they stop, but, watching them climb on and off the bikes was worth the trip downtown. it was a sort of glide, climb, step over and pedal dance between machine and human.

Watching the parade was fun, and there were many parts that were delightful, and many parts that were entertaing, and some parts that played on the issues of the day. Though, some of the displays were a little ribald, and seemed to be outrageous with no real message. As Garland Jeffries, so aptly, said, "all due respect to art for art's sake," and maybe there was a message in the lingerie, and exposed flesh, sometimes a lot of exposed flesh, but it was not immediately accessible.

Doo-Dah is fun, and worth attending, it is more event than parade, and more exhibition than statement, but it is a great time, and if you are not too offended by the glorious diversity of humanity you will enjoy the spectacle.

Location:Dateline, sort of; Short North, Columbus, OH!

Facebook, Social Media, Or An Excuse For International Incident.

There has been widespread criticism of Facebook for using their platform to perform cryptic psychological experiments on users.  Though, it is unsure what they were doing or why.  A more sinister aspect of this giant, monstrous social conglomerate is the complete control they are beginning to exercise over most of the free world.   To that end, we here at Life Explained hqve teamed with The Blog of Thog (who still has great hair) to discuss, and display the many facets of Facebook, and their quest for world domination.

Facebook has become a pandemic, people of all ages use the service to share recipes, one person we know, here at Life Explained is an avid 87 year old Facebook user.  She shares pictures, recipes, jokes, and her life in a small midwest town.  She is funny, spry and technically savvy, and she is not alone.  We think she is wonderful, and her posts are some or our favorites.  

Almost every one we, here at Life Explained, know, and every one you know uses Facebook and often they all share the same cartoons.   It is not unusual to see the same little joke picture (meme for power users) repeated by dozens of people so your newsfeed looks like a copier gone awry.  We don't really mind psychological experiments but we wish Facebook would limit the number of times we have to see the same picture, please, for the love of all that is holy. make it stop.

Obviously, Facebook will not be happy until it has taken over the whole world,  until we are all sharing all of the detials of our life, no matter how mundane.  It is a creeping, inexorable menace.

We, here at Life Explained have provided visual evidence of the Facebook Phenomenon, and for this we owe an apology to Mike, (the Thog, from The Blog of Thog) for the amazing lack of talent displayed in this attachment.  But, it is a learning process, and a brand new app.  But, it shows startling proof of the peril we all face.  

 And, for further proof, please join me in a trans Atlantic journey to the The Fantastic Blog of Thog and prepare yourself, for the coming Facebook Occupation, oh, and check out his advice for wearing a basket, it might come in handy.

Benefits of Employment.

Obviously, vacation is important, we all need time to relax, escape the rigors of responsibility, the demands of employment.  Occasionally, the strict requirements of occupation are oppressive, suffocating, demanding, inescapable, hounding your every footstep, hammering you with emails, voice mails, and once in a rare while real mail.   However, having a job can be a very pleasant experience, if you follow a few simple steps.

First, hire the best people you can afford, and make sure they understand you want them to succeed.  You are more than a superior, you are a mentor.  If they realize that success for you, and success for them is so interwoven, so inseparable, they will almost become indentured servants.   Make sure they understand if you fail, it will reflect poorly on them, and you are vindictive enough to drag them all the way to bottom of the pit with you.  Also, make sure they know how you like your coffee, and your life  will be much happier.

Second, use email to your advantage.  Add everybody in the company to every email you send, most companies have a distribution list that has several methods to include the whole organization, in a few brief keystrokes.  Don't worry, most people will just ignore anything from you, but a few will begin to think you actually have a little power, and in this world perception is reality.  

Also. most email clients have a delayed send feature.  You can type all sorts of mundane memos that will take on increased importance if it looks like you sent them at 2:00 AM.  Even something so trivial as "working on some stuff, going to get some coffee, anybody want anything?"  Not only does it look like you were "working on some stuff" at two in the morning, but it also implies that you are such a nice person that you would get your coworkers anything they wanted, without the risk of spending any of your hard earned coin on the ingrates.

Working can be difficult, but it can be rewarding, with just a few simple steps.  And getting a paycheck is always a plus.  Remember without a job, you can't have a decent vacation.

Independence,and Living in the Promised Land.

Tomorrow is the 4th of July, the day we celebrate casting off the yoke of British tyranny.  Basically, we said, "Hey Britain, you can have your yoke of tyranny, because we are casting it off!"  Britain said "well, bloody hell, at least we still have India."   We were so delighted with our independence we fired up the barbecue grills, popped open some frosty beers and blew up some fireworks.

Of course, that was a long time ago, now we are good friends with Great Britain.  Such good friends, in fact,  we are even thinking about allowing the import of haggis, which is a sausage like casing filled with... well, you probably don't want to know what it is filled with, and after a few moments of research I know way more than I ever wanted to know about haggis.  Anyway, if we are considering allowing the UK to sell us that you know we have a very good relationship.  There is still plenty to celebrate, though.

Freedom begs for feasting, beer, and fireworks, and we are free.  No longer do we answer to a distant government with little regard for our well being, completely indifferent to the struggles we face daily, focused only on their own continued control, wretched, foreign and hostile to the lives of the citizens of this great nation.  Ok, so maybe not that much has changed, we still seem to have very little real representation. But, at least we are being ignored by our own, and that is a start, or maybe the end, and the problems in the nations capitol seem to grow in a geometric progression.  Who are we to let that ruin our fun?

It is not just a celebration of freedom, it is the day we honor the birth of our nation.  And while there are many things we could and should improve, and things may be getting worse, by the minute, and often it seems like nobody is even paying attention, certainly nobody is in any hurry to reconcile the vast differences dividing so much of the population, as long as it is such an easily exploitable resource, that is no reason to mope.  Sure, things may look hopeless, in fact we may have moved past the point of no return, in so many ways, and everybody who could help is too busy scheming, plotting and planning for the next election cycle.  We still love a good party.

So, America, pop open a cold one, fire up the charcoal, and throw some burgers, hotdogs, steaks, and ribs on the grill, even though those items have reached a price that most of us can no longer afford.  For one day we can all be proud of our country.  It is so easy to forget our problems on the 4th of July.  After all, the houses of congress are not in session.
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World Cup Forgiveness, or The Search for A Decent Snack.

The World Cup is probably the most widely anticipated sporting event in the world.  According to FIFA at least 1 billion people tuned in for part of the 2010 World Cup, (and since I didn't watch any of that tournament they can safely estimate at least 1 billion and 1 for this year).  It is discussed, and dissected, and argued about from Algeria to Zaire, from Australia to Yugoslavia, it is truly a world event.

America is kind of late the scene, we are still learning, and words like match, and pitch, and mark are still being translated from the original American English to the new Futbol Friendly American English.  But, the progress is undeniable.  And the fact that America made it to the round of 16 (we would like to call it the "Sweet 16," if the rest of the world does not mind, it is dear to our hearts) is ample evidence that we are starting to take "the beautiful game" a little more seriously.

We lost to Belgium, and that is unfortunate, losing is never fun.  Nationalistic fervor can have unfortunate ramifications, though.  We would, as a sports loving nation, be wise to consider the consequences of any rash, irresponsible behavior.

First, Belgian ale is like the nectar of the gods.  It is so smooth and delightful, crisp, refreshing, and delicious.  Even the American brewed varieties are fantastic.  But, they pale in comparison to those imported from Belgium.  Pour a Belgian ale in a frosted glass, and top it with an orange slice, and you will find a moment of bliss too powerful to be endured, friends.

Further, a loyal reader and friend of Life Explained reports that Belgium is where French Fries were invented, and that some hungry American just stumbled upon them one day and since the server was speaking French he assumed it was France, thus the misnomer.  She is well traveled, and educated, and talks a lot about food, so we find no reason to doubt her.  Plus, she assures us that Belgian French Fries are "the most amazing fries you could ever hope to eat."  Those must be exceptional fries, indeed.

Most importantly, everybody loves Belgian waffles, topped with strawberries, whipped cream, and confectioners sugar, or blueberries, whipped cream, and confectioners sugar, or real butter, and maple syrup, or ice cream, and chocolate syrup with some caramel drizzled over the whole thing.  They are the food version of a Swiss Army Knife, everything to everybody.  Good for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and desert, all in one golden brown, fluffy package.  It is very difficult to be angry over a little soccer game with a country that has given us such a versatile delicacy.

So, enjoy your victory, Belgium, and move on the heights of Futbol glory, knowing that we here at Life Explained are hoping, sincerely, you take home the Cup.  You have given so much, and asked for so little.

The Results Are In.

Today, I have good news and bad news.  the good news is, the results of the Facebook Psychological Tests are in and according to the reports I am completely normal, well adjusted, and average in almost every way.

The bad news is, you may have a few problems.  I don't want to go into any details, but according to Facebook you might be full goose bozo, and they would like me to ask if you are still taking your medication.

According to preliminary reports, and these are still being collated, and analyzed, you are not dangerous, at least not too dangerous, but if you could give a responsible person all of your knives, letter openers, scissors, and your shoelaces, and the drawstrings from your sweatpants that might be a good idea.

Also, they wanted you to know that a haircut might not be a bad idea, and maybe a new shirt or two.  Plus, you might be a little too old to be eating Cap'n Crunch for dinner, and lunch, and a snack.

Facebook does want you to know they do love you, and are only telling you these things to help, feeling it is so much better to hear it from an old friend than some new kid, like Pinterest, or Yelp, who may not care about your feelings.

Facebook would like me to tell you, together we can get through this, stronger, better, and a lot less crazy, if you are willing to put forth just a little effort.  They did their part, right?

A Little Experiment of Our Own.

In light of recent discoveries, and at the request of our shareholders here at Life Explained, have decided to come clean, and let you in on a little secret.  We have been conducting our own psychological experiments, on you, our loyal readers.

We would never think about trying something so controversial if it did not benefit all of mankind.  Each test was designed by our team of highly trained, well paid doctors who have been given a great amount of latitude in the implementation and control.  Also, they were given a generous retirement package, five weeks of paid vacation, stock options, a car, a driver, and a whole team of assistants, and free meals, not that we are bitter, but we can smell the acrid fumes of resentment, disappointment, and bias floating through the air.  Well, maybe we are a little bitter, or maybe somebody cooked their popcorn too long in the microwave again.  Hey can somebody get a can of air freshener, please?

So, if after reading one of the posts on here and you found it dull, boring, insufferably long, tedious, or mind numbingly rambling and pointless, that was our intent!  Oh sure, we could write witty entertaining articles with the best of them, and you would enjoy them immensely but that would nothing for the good of man.

So, if you find one of our posts exceedingly stupid, share it with all of your friends, the world needs your sacrifice.  You can start with this one.