Top Ten List for 2014, installment 1, maybe.

New Years Eve is almost here.  2014 is almost over and 2015 is coming fast.  It is always exciting to start something new, but, there is a a sense of melancholy involved in saying good bye to something that has been around for a whole year.  2014 provided a lot of entertainment, and some very notable accomplishments, and it is time we look at our top ten.*

10.  The movie "Frozen."  We didn't see it, true, but so many people enjoyed the Disney offering that it had to be good, and we hate to be left out of conversations.  Today we are going to buy the Cliff Notes "Frozen," and brush up on this enchanting movie, and all of the wonderful songs, and the gripping story, and characters.  So, if you want to talk about what a great movie it was, we are ready, or will be by this evening.

9.  Pharrell Williams, singer, song writer, and seemingly all around decent guy.  While it is true we don't actually own any of his music, that song "Happy" is delightful.  Ok, we have never heard the whole thing, but what we have heard has made us... well... Happy.  In fact one of our new years resolution is to listen to the whole song, perhaps even buying it, and we are sure it costs $1.29 and we have vowed never to spend more than $0.99, we may make an exception.  But, don't get your hopes too high, Pharrell.  Another plus during an interview we saw, he seems to possess an extraordinary temperament, and be genuinely a nice person.  Our hats are off to you, Mr. Williams, by the way, we are a little envious of your expansive assortment of hats.

8.  Apple vs. Google. vs. Microsoft.  We are not technical enough to have a favorite, but the constant need to one up each other has given us most of the cool things of the 21st century.  We love cool things.

7.  American politics.  Sure, it is an odious, despicable spectacle, and it seems to destroy any semblance of humanity in anybody foolish enough to be elected it makes for the best kind of comedy.  Tragedy.  So, thank you, please, don't give up.

6.  The European Space Agency, who landed a refrigerator sized object on a comet, or meteor, we are not sure which.  Now, if they can land a big screen television sized object, a couch sized thing, and a microwave sized apparatus we will have all the makings of a Super Bowl Party sized organism forming spontaneously.  Now, that is science.

* Some of these things may have been from before 2014.  If there are any chronological errors, please let us know in the comments section, and we will use a time machine to correct reality.  We hate being wrong.

Plants, and Animals, and the future, kind of.

Studies indicate that incorporating nature into the design of office spaces increases productivity.  Further, the study conducted by the Journal of Experimental Psychology Applied, and reported here by Associationsnow.com suggests that it also improves moral,and provides an improved sense of well being, and happiness.

We, here at Life Explained (#lifeexplained) believe in promoting a happy, healthy, and productive work environment.  Of course we really like the bit about "productive" and everybody wants an "environment."  we tried saving a little cash by going environment free for a while, but that did not work at all, associates floating off into space, taking pens, keyboards, and pads of post it notes, trying frantically to grab onto anything to keep from drifting into the vacuum.  We lost two copiers and an espresso machine.  We really liked that espresso machine, too.  Plus, everybody complained about the lack of oxygen.

Pre-Plant Office (not to scale).

Adding plants is pretty easy, and really affordable.  Plants are everywhere.  Doctor Dawg's neighbor had three of them on his patio, and two of them on the front porch.  All waiting for a quick ride to our office.   And, after we took those, he was nice enough to buy us three more, leaving two on his deck and one on his front porch.  What a guy.

It works, too, while the moral around the office improved, Dr. Dawg's neighbor became increasingly depressed, and started to exhibit symptoms of paranoia, walking aimlessly around his patio, staring at the empty space.  It got so bad he quit buying plants for the office.  What a jerk.

Plants, first run. (nice, huh?).

Productivity took off, people were staying after hours to get things done.  Profits began to climb, and things were improving, measurably.

People were smiling, contented, actually engaging in conversations that didn't involve swearing, or threats.  We actually went tow weeks without having to call the emergency personnel.  And, when we did call them it was an accident, no really, an accident, not an "accident."  Even the medic told us how nice it was to not have a puncture wound, or gunshot.  He smiled when he left and said "for a change it is nice to see you guys.

It only stood to reason that if a few plants worked so well, imagine what a few more would do.  We began to smell the profits, and the potential explosion of IPO dollars.  It was intoxicating.

Plants = Profits (thank you, science).

We rented a delivery van, and drove through the wealthiest neighborhoods, grabbing potted plants, digging up flower gardens, even going so far as pulling up the sod from the country club.  We knew it would do no good, but we were mad with the sheer pleasure of the enterprise.

When people got to work the next morning it was like a jungle.  There were plants everywhere.  It was impossible to waitlk from the copier to the fax machine without brushing up against a brush, or two.

People loved it.  They had never been happier.  It was like a miracle.  People were beginning to love their job, and their co-workers.  Research and development was under budget, and ahead of schedule, salespeople were selling, the air almost sparkled with pleasantness, and cooperation.  It seemed too good to be true.

At our Monday morning planning meeting, Bob, from accounting, offered to run to the kitchen to refill the carafes.  Coffee tastes so much richer and more satisfying when served by a friend.

So long, Bob, (we are still waiting
for our coffee).

Shortly after walking out of the conference room, Bob shrieked, a blood curdling scream.  In that scream there was horror, a fear that was beyond reason, beyond measure.  And he never came back.

Our little office not only looked like a jungle, it had become a jungle.  All of those plants were the perfect habitat for large, hungry predators.  And, they were everywhere.  Soon, we were losing associates at an alarming rate.  It was terrible for morale.  Productivity really suffered, and we had rampant turnover.

We were force to remove all to the plants, and animals, and go back to the pre plant, unproductive office of the past.

We are going to be more careful about the studies we follow.  Sometimes these things don't work out so well.

Pre-breakfast television, not a good idea.

Since I am "working from home" (also known as not working) I had time to research an idea for a new blog post (yes, I do "research," somethings, sometimes).  Most of this research involved watching a show on The History Channel that dealt with doomsday prophesies.  According to this show, there have been a surprising number of people have predicted that world would end, horrifically.  Moreover, again, according to the show, most of those people felt it would be right about now.

Well, historically speaking right about now, about now being sometime in the next several years.
Don't worry, you should have time to finish your coffee.

In "preparation" for this several people have decided to join a society called "Doomsday Preppers."  Feeling that the end is near, these people have taken the initiative to plan for the worst.  They stockpile food, and supplies, often in remote locations.  Occasionally, they have purchased land and began constructing what they call "Bug Out Shelters."   When the whole place melts down they will rush to these places and hide away. Taking their families and whatever possessions they have time to grab.

It is a good plan.  Built, though it is from desperation, and fear.  These people take these precautions very seriously.  Spending a great deal of time, and money.  Sacrificing greatly for the eventual survival of their loved ones.  It is noble, and I admire their determination in the face of such a dire future.

This show offered a very graphic depiction of what these long dead prophets foresaw.  And, anybody who has ever lost a minute of sleep needlessly worrying about pointless things can tell you about "the end of days." Most predictions seemed, according to the show, some variation of this.   Rivers of blood, the unleashing of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse, sores, fire scorpion like locusts, and it gets worse.  It would be very bad.

What we have here is the typical cycle of irresistible force meeting immovable object. People holding out against an end so terrible nobody can survive.  On one side we have people are preparing for the eventual collapse of society (which many people felt happened with the arrival of humanity some few years ago).   On the other we have predictions of Armageddon, and the apocalypse.  An inescapable cataclysm, from which there is no escape.

Armed with this sort of knowledge my decision was simple, I think I will have raisin toast for breakfast and change the channel.  I hope the Ninja Turtles are on, they are so cool.

Another Post About Us.

2014 is almost over, which means it is time for a year in review post.  It was quite a year.  Highlights were numerous, extravagant, and highlighted.  There was so much good.  Since we have too busy to pay attention to you guys, and your accomplishments, we decided to talk about ours.  We hope that is ok.

Doctor Dawg combined a color copier, a hot glue gun (loaded with a large box of crayons), the reactor from a nuclear submarine and a microwave to invent the worlds first three dimensional copier.  Don't ask how he got the reactor from a nuclear sub, it is a long story of bartering, bickering, bullying and larceny, and he will go on and on, until you wonder if a talking, scientist dog with several advanced degrees is such a good idea. Be comfortable with the knowledge that Eastern Europe is Craig's List for unusual shopping needs.

Of course, the fact that he invented it just to save on pizza costs for company parties doesn't really detract from the accomplishment.  Copied pizzas are pretty tasty, if a little waxy, but the problem is not really the taste, it is the scale.  When he pressed copy it not only reproduced the pizza it also copied the guy grabbing a soft drink from the refrigerator.

Having two Bobs from building maintenance is alright, but not really in the budget, and his wife and children are a little upset.  On the plus side, despite the obvious difference in the pizza, the Bobs are identical, and even his mom can't tell the difference.

Thank goodness we are so close to the years end, and we can add another Bob to payroll.  It will be a little tight, but Doctor Dawg has a plan to cut back on the drink budget, using a fire extinguisher, an aerosol can, a garden hose, and an almost new (mostly clean) cement mixer.

Of course, that was not the best thing that happened last year, but it was noteworthy.  At least for Bob.  And his family.  And our budget.  Don't worry, though, there are still some days left in this fading year, and we will have other accomplishments to share, boastfully, maybe.

Christmas, the Gamble.

Christmas is here and the Jolly old Elf has come and gone.  So far, we here at Life Explained, (#lifeexplained) are still tallying the results.  So far, though,  it seems that all of our extraordinarily good behavior may not have paid off.  It is very a very complex formula, shown here with pictures to make you more comfortable.  But, as we look back on the effort we have spent it is clear it did not make economic sense to behave so well.

We are afraid that spells big trouble for the world next year.  It was not easy saving the world.  And we did it constantly.  There were alien invasions, ancient armies traveling to our time, robot monsters, vampires, werewolves, all bent on the complete destruction of mankind.   Who stopped them?  That's right, we did.  You're welcome.

Plus, we have perfected the intergalactic radio transponder, to signal alien civilizations.  We have the worlds only functional time travel machine.  Our robot factory is running almost non-stop, and our occult research department is making great strides...  Never mind all that, though.

Straight from Dr. Dawg

Just rest assured there is still time to make amends, Santa, if you turn your little sleigh and eight tiny reindeer around and come up with some new iPads, and maybe a new television, and an Xbox one, with some cool games, we might be convinced to try one more year.  It's up to you.

Once more, with feeling

It is time for action, we are headed out for a few last gifts.  Need to hydrate, carboload.  Coffee, and donuts, anyone.  Just kidding, we are having coffee, and cinnamon raisin toast.  It is vital to stay a little hungry.  Don't get weighed down.  Sure, bacon is great, but the few milliseconds it shaves off your reflexes could be the difference between coming home with the perfect gift, and coming home with a cast.  OK, if you are out shopping you are not looking for the perfect gift, you are just hoping to find something halfway decent.

Perhaps you are a thrill seeker.  Nothing like shopping on Christmas Eve to let you know you are alive.  Crowds, violence, vicious bargain grabbers, armed with the desperation provided by the need to get one more thing.  It is invigorating.

It could be procrastination.  Wait until the last minute.  Don't worry, oh ye delayers of the inevitable.  Walgreen's is open midnight.  Everybody on your list needs AAA batteries, decongestants, a pack of bandaids, or acid reflux medicine.  Practical, efficient, gifts, everybody loves them.

Either way, finish your shopping today.  Few stores are open tomorrow.  And they are proud of it,  Closed on Christmas, so our associates can spend the day with their families."  Oh, the caring, the giving.  They really understand.   

Well, off to gird up my loins, whatever that means, and face the world of Pre Christmas Retail.  It reminds me of the line from Heat Treatment, by Graham Parker;

"Out in the jungle there's a war going down,

You wind up eating all the new friends you found." 

Christmas music, at it's finest. 

I will post an update when I get home.  If I don't make it, know that I adore all of you, and I was out shopping for your gift, and it was fantastic.

Twas the night before the night before Christmas.

Look, we all know it is almost Christmas, and anybody who knows me, or has read my blog knows I am not a big fan of the "Christmas Spirit" embodied in these troubling times.  Too little is made of too much.  As fun as it can be to watch, it grows tiring.  Still, I hope everybody can stop their headlong descent into the madness of the season long enough to have a Merry Christmas.  Or Happy Holidays.  It makes no difference to me.  Live and let celebrate, that's my motto.

There are a couple of things I would like to say.

It makes me sad to think the world no longer has Joe Cocker.  "If you believe in forever, then life is just a one night stand, and if there's a rock and roll heaven," they just picked up a blues singer extraordinaire.   His voice was magic, and his persona was enormous.  He was classic rock, in so many ways.

I work for a small company.  I love my job (but, hate the alarm clock).  These are by far the most generous people for whom I have ever worked.  I have had a lot of jobs, too many, and every year at Christmas I am shocked by their generosity.  Each year I kind of wait for the economic foot to fall.  "We're cutting back, Tim."  But, so far so good.  Kind of makes me doubt all of my doubts.  You have to hold on to something, though.

Today is my wife's birthday.  She is young, and vibrant, and wonderful.  And I am so lucky.  "I loved her not for the way she danced with my angels, but for the way the sound of her name quieted my demons."*  And, that is not always easy, my demons are pretty noisy.  Being my wife is not easy, but she does it with grace. If you see her, wish her a happy birthday, and tell her I said thanks.

If you perform an image search for Santa Claus you will find that he is very heavy.  It might be time for him to cut back on the cookies and milk.  Perhaps, we should leave some humus, and carrots, this year.  A bottle of water would be ideal.  He will need to stay hydrated.  Traveling the world delivering presents would be hard, thirsty work.  Don't skimp, Santa deserves the good stuff.  We are leaving Dasani this year, it was on sale and Santa appreciates a bargain.

That should take care of today.  At least this morning.  I have big plans for this afternoon, stay tuned.  Don't expect too much, though.


*Christopher Poindexter.

Shopping Trauma.

Monday, back at work, safely hidden behind the solid red brick walls of the 100 year old building.  In here things are hectic, time is skewed by the dual reality of the products, and the need to finish everything before the artificial deadline imposed by the holiday.  But, out there, beyond the rock solid, impenetrable walls of this sanctuary, things are mad.  Christmas has taken hold of people.  It has twisted minds.  People are so intent on spreading good cheer they will kill.

We were out there yesterday.  My wife and I went to finish up some shopping.  A few small details to be finished.  Traffic was awful.  Parking was awful.  Cars were circling, bird of prey like, around the lot.  Waiting for someone to leave.  Three or four cars would follow anybody foolish enough to carry shopping bags to their car.  In some cases the people would put the bags in the car, hydrate briefly and head back inside, willing to fight on.  Anger would fog the windows and you could hear the cursing.  Some cars would bulge a little at the doors as the rage tried to escape.

In the stores the conditions were no better.  Macy's was packed.  It was a scene from "Day of the Dead."  Madness ruled the consumer.  People were grabbing bargains, regardless of usefulness.  It was better to get a good deal on something that had no value to you personally than let someone else have it.  Act quickly or leave with nothing, those were the choices.

Most of the day I hid behind my wife.  She is fearless in the fray.  But, there were a few tense moments when we became separated by the flow.  I would rush to catch up, and fall in step behind her.  One horrible time I stopped to look at something, something pointless, something that had no relevance, but the price was so good, maybe we should get a couple, maybe someone we know would like one, maybe we could give it to...  Oh no, the disease was after me now!!!

Looking frantically around I spotted my wife, a couple of aisles over, looking at shirts for our sons.  I rushed to her, she was a rock, and island in the ocean of insane, holidayness.  Unfortunately, I cut the corner a little too sharply, it was a mad dash.  After bumping a young, well dressed young man, I stopped, and turned to face him to apologize for brushing against him.  It was only a mistake in trajectory, and he should know I had no malice.  Imagine my terror when I discovered he was headless.  I panicked, looking around for the head I had knocked off this poor, very nattily dressed young man.

I was so relieved to discover it was only a mannequin!  But, then I wondered what happened to the mannequins head.  I looked around at the shoppers in their garish, gaudy, festive holiday gear.  Who had ripped the head off this mannequin.  What kind of person?  Why?  Had someone used it as a bludgeon.  In a mad dash for the last muffler mitten set anything is fair.  Looking around, I had no doubt most of these holiday shoppers would use a mannequins head to beat a person into submission over a pair of appropriately priced pajamas.

When I reached my wife I said "stay close to me, I will protect you."  She laughed a little and said "OK."

Nobody wins with the war on Christmas.

Christmas can be very stressful.  Stores are filled with people, traffic is thick, and slow.  There are gifts to buy, and parties to attend.  Charities scream for attention.  It can be overwhelming.

Grocery shopping becomes a nerve wracking, lethal exercise of hazard avoidance in a mine field of venomous shoppers.  Christmas predators, hunting.  With waves of Christmas music hammering senses, and deadening what little compassion remains, until an apologetic "excuse me" to a kindly looking, old gentleman in the canned food sections elicits a shrieked "kiss my ass" as he drops his cane and oxygen tank, and lobs a can of cranberry sauce at your head.

Television shows take a decidedly holiday turn.  Grisly murders are investigated by well dressed police detectives working out of a precinct adorned with all sorts of bright, happy decorations.  Snowmen, elves, reindeer, Santa, everywhere you turn.  There is no refuge.

Kids are out of school, but you are stuck at work.  A year end evaluation is looming.  Rain clouds on the horizon.  But, you don't have time to think about that.  You are too busy.  In part because no one is doing anything.  Christmas is beginning to drive people mad.  Everywhere you look people are wearing garish, gaudy sweaters, bright, ridiculous creations too awful for a golfer.  With their hands wrapped around Santa mugs, filled with with warm cider. Smiling, joking, laughing, not working, it just makes you sick.  You hope they don't start caroling.

If there is a war on Christmas, Christmas fired the first shot.  And has been on the offensive ever since. Santa and his jackbooted minions are rolling across the country, unimpeded.  Smashing, grabbing, sturming and dranging, all over the place.  Succumb, or perish, those are your choices.

I'm only kidding, Santa.  Don't forget, I have been pretty good this year.  I emailed my list last week, would you like me to fax a copy, FedEx?  Whatever is best, big guy.

Methane, oh my that is nice.

NASA reports that the Mars Rover Curiosity discovered a methane source on Mars.  It was very exciting news, though I am not sure why.  Here is the article, describing in great detail, the important discovery.  Methane, WOW.  They feel it is a very important discovery.

We, here at Life Explained (#lifeexplained) offer our most sincere congratulations.  While it is true that we have long held a festering, seething, bitter, rancorous animosity towards the space exploration giant we are so glad they have managed to land a drone on the surface of an alien planet.

Of course, it took a fat wad of cash, enough money to provide us, at Life Explained (#costeffectivespaceexploration) with the means to travel through space, and time, and possibly a couple of dimensions as well.  We are still working out the math on interdimensional time/space travel, so we are not completely certain how much that will cost.  We are certain it will cost a lot less than NASA would charge, though.

That is really the issue we have with NASA, all of the money, while we are selling asteroid chunks, and moon rocks just to scrape by, they have expansive, sumptuous offices in Houston, a huge, technologically advanced launch facility at Cape Canaveral, facilities in California, Tennessee, Louisiana, Delaware, New York, and Maryland, and these are just the ones they admit to.

You can call us stupid, and you can call us paranoid, but don't call us and tell us that the National Space and Aeronautics Administration doesn't have a whole crew of scientists and engineers working on the space ships in Roswell.  Area 51, sure we all know about that one, but what we would like to know is what about Area 1, all the way through Area 50, what about those.  They act like Area 51 is a big secret, and keep us all talking about what is hidden in the cavernous, underground laboratories, and research facilities just to keep us from asking about the first fifty...  Oops, sorry about that.

It wasn't cool like Methane, but we found this on Mars.

Anyway, we would like to congratulate our brothers on the frontier of scientific achievement.  This is an important first step in the exploration of space, a great beginning.  Oh, and by the way if you run across any of our friends on Mars, tell them we will stop and say hello, on our way back to Earth.  Tell them we will bring the pizza.

Retirement, LIghts, Camera, Action.

Work has been going well, it has been busy, and occasionally a little hectic, but we have been keeping up quite well.  In fact, most days we manage to get ahead, and perform some of the work scheduled for the next day.  It is like altering time, where Tuesday (at least a part of Tuesday) happens on Monday.

With a little help from Customer Service we can actually, on occasion, do some of Wednesday, or even Thursday on Monday.  This frees up Tuesday to finish the rest of Thursday, and Friday.  On Wednesday we have Saturday, which has really started to irritate the owners of the company who don't like it when we fire up the grill, throw some bratwurst and burgers over the smoldering, red hot briquets, and pop open a few frosty ones.  Also, this makes Friday a real drag, because we are having Monday, or Tuesday, and wondering what to do on Saturday.  Time travel is tricky stuff.

But, that is not the point of this story.  This story is about the kind, gentle spirit of the older generation.

We have been doing so well at work I thought bringing in a dozen donuts for the people at work would be a kind gesture.  So, I did.  Tim Hortons is right on the way to work, so I just stopped there.  In the parking lot was a big passenger van with "St. John's Church of the Holy Eucharist" emblazoned on the side. I parked a couple of spaces away, I hate parking next to other cars.

People get out of their car as if it were on fire, particularly when there are donuts involved, throwing open the doors, leaping out to rush into whatever building they happen to be visiting.  My poor, innocent car will be sitting there, minding its own business, peacefully waiting for me, when one of these half crazed shop-a-holics, with the appearance of  a monstrous, post apocalyptic, lunatic from Mad Max will slam their door into my car, like a caveman, leaving a big gouge, some awful, gaudy paint, and an emotional scar that will never heal, right there on the side of my car, it is the act of a criminally insane, heartless...  Oops.  Sorry, that is not what this story is about, either.

Anyway, I went in to the donut shop, and was waiting in line, trying to decide what donuts would make the people at work the happiest.  Donuts are such an individual, thing.  Some like Boston cream, some go for the the white cream, some like cake, others glazed, others still, crullers, chocolate dip, honey dip, vanilla dip, maple frosting or apple fritters, sprinkles, or plain, these are the decisions that accompany a good deed. These are the trials of the kind.

Fortunately, there were several people ahead of me in line, giving me considerable time to decide.  While thinking I looked around the dining area.  In the center, having pushed several tables together were a group of elderly people.  Wearing dresses and suits, looking neat and proper, and talking quietly amongst themselves, it was almost certain they were the occupants of the church van.  A younger man was sitting with them, reading a pamphlet for the Columbus Museum of History."  It was a field trip, and it made me smile, and feel a little better about things.

Looking back to study the menu, it seemed like nothing could go wrong, this had been the right decision, and any donuts picked would be appreciated, and enjoyed in the spirit with which they were given.  It was going to be a good day.

"That was my sour cream plain donut, you tramp."  I heard, a shrill, grating shriek,  it was the voice of uncontrollable rage.

Turning to look, just in time to see a woman on the right hand side, stand up, slowly, grabbing a cup of coffee, she tried to throw the hot liquid in the face of the woman on the other side of the table.  Fortunately, she was old, and moving slow, and the lid was secure, and most of the coffee landed, harmlessly on the table, and dripped to the floor.

The tramp who had taken the plain donut was not waiting to see what happened next, she reached
into her purse, moving aside several bottles of medicine, an address book, and a mini purse sachet, lavender, I think, and grabbed a letter opener that gleamed with a wicked reflection in the fluorescent light.  Being a little older, she dropped it on the floor, and had to pick it up.  As we age, it becomes increasingly difficult to get all the way to the floor, and back upright again, trust me on this, sometimes I take a nap between tying my shoes.  But, this gave the coffee thrower the opportunity to make her move, she climbed up on the table, I think she was coming over to deliver a little justice to the donut thief in the form of a good beating.

Soon, the whole table was up and swinging, coffee, tea, donuts going everywhere.  The air echoed with curses and swearing, grunts, groans, and insults.

It took about 5 minutes, but the younger man, with the pamphlet, finally got them settled down, back into their chairs.  Wiping up the table, bandaging cuts, and tending to fallen walkers, and oxygen tanks, with a quiet, calm efficiency that suggested experience.

As I was leaving, donuts in hand, I heard the lady who threw the first coffee, ask "we should stop at the Cracker Barrel for lunch."

"Oh, that is such a good idea," the other lady replied as she put away the letter opener.

I smiled, and thought "I can't wait to retire."

Happy New Year, well, that is up to you.

We, here at Life Explained (#lifeexplained) are working around the clock to bring you the New Year (#haveagreatnewyear), on time and under budget.  It has been a very busy year, many great things, many less than great things, and a few really bad things, have happened around here this year.  But, you deserve a New Year (#haveahappynewyear), and it shouldn't cost a cent more than the agreed upon price.

Of course, the cost of raw materials has increased dramatically.  Many people feel that the increase is caused by several third world countries deciding to have a Happy New Year, so there is more competition for the resources required.  And moving those raw materials from place to place is hideously expensive, too.  But, we are willing to bear the increased expense to bring you the best New Year (#newyear) money can buy, don't worry that most of it will be our money.

We are not even going to raise the subject of labor costs...  Oops, I guess we already raised the subject.  Well, since we are talking about it anyway, it takes a lot of man hours and woman hours, (it takes absolutely no children hours, so anybody from the National Labor Relations Board, or the United State Department of Labor who happen to be looking, look elsewhere) to construct a decent New Year (#newyearyeahright).  But, we have your backs, and will pay the wages, compensation, bonuses, payroll taxes, insurance premiums, and other costs associated with the project.

It is vital to craft the New Year (#newyearwhocares) skillfully, and with quality components.  We only have to look back on 1988, that year was built with inferior,second hand supplies, by temporary employees working out of a condemned building on the Great Malting Peninsula in Pocatello, Idaho.  We all remember what a disaster that was.  1989 (which was no picnic) looked good just because it wasn't 1988.  People were dancing in the streets, singing "Gonna party like it's 1989," which later became a very popular song for an artist who was known as Prince, then was known as an artist formerly known as Prince, but is now an artist who is known as Prince, or possibly an artist who was formerly known as an artist formerly known... Anyway, he took a good idea and made it better, and harmonious, and musical, and profitable.

There is no need to worry, though, we here at Life Explained, (#priceexplained) are committed to making 2015 a good year, no matter how much it costs, within reason, of course.  We will spare no expense, for the most part, to bring you the best available year.  We are willing to go as far as we have to, as long as it is not too far, to produce a year that will not be forgotten.  Not "not forgotten" like 1988, either.  

But, if you want to help, (and who doesn't?) we are accepting donations, anything will help.  New Year, it is a precious resource, too valuable to be wasted, too important to ignore, and too expensive to be cheap about, so give generously.

Thank you,

Life Explained.

New Spending Bill,

Things are starting to break loose in the houses of Congress.  Years of gridlock have taken a toll on the American public, and the attitude toward the nations capitol was turning sour.  Mistrust, and disbelief were becoming the norm.

It was a helpless, feeling of dreadful impotence watching the elected officials who were supposed to be guiding the country through stormy, dangerous times.  With an economy that was languishing in the early stages of recovery, and the world slowly slowly setting itself on fire, America watched with hopeless despair as Washington bickered from one congressional recess to the next.

Now, there seems to be some movement, a slow fracture appearing in the stonewall that had been built over the last several years.

A spending bill has been written and approved.  The nation rejoices, a spending bill, a government shutdown has been averted, and the noose seems to be loosening slightly.  Oh, sure, there is a lot of work to be done, but progress is progress.

Included in the spending bill are provisions to reduce funding for the IRS to punish them for indiscretions involving tax exempt political organizations.  Previously, the IRS was free to indulge in inquisition style audits, and that was alright, private citizens are not really that important.

Wall Street got an early Christmas present, in the form of reduced regulation.  This will make it so much easier to turn a tidy profit trading risky, marginal derivatives.  Derivative is defined as "not original, secondary."  In banking this seems to mean investing money in things generate profit from a secondary source.  Similar to buying a wallet, hoping it is filled with money, that would be nice.  Buried deep inside the spending bill is a provision to bring back Lehman Brothers, and they are hiring Dr. Frankenstein to perform the resurrection.  Just kidding, about Dr. Frankenstein.

But, the real winners are members of Congress, themselves, who somehow managed to sneak a bit of campaign reform past congress.  It was a masterful bit of maneuvering by wily politicians using the pressure of a looming government shutdown to allow politicians to take huge donations from individual donors.  How congress ever got that past congress is a mystery that will take years to unravel.

Here is a graphic representation of the new landscape of American Politics.  It is a brave new world.

Louisville, Last Weekend. It was great.

In the end, when all of the cards have been played and the "old man with the telescope cuts the final strand" last Friday is going to be counted among my best.   Traveling is not something I relish, but a three and a half hour drive is not really traveling, more of a commute., even I can handle commuting.

There is something special about taking a quick trip, a miniature vacation, a short jaunt, that doesn't require all of the preparations.  Packing is minimal, preparations are simple, just throw a couple of bags in the car, a case of bottled water, some Diet Coke (my wife has a Dr. Jekyll \ Mr. Wife thing that happens when she doesn't get her Diet Coke) and maybe a couple of beers for the motel.  Snacks, drinks, and personal hygiene items, and you are on the road.  No fuss, no bother, and no drama.  Louisville here we come.

Our drive was uneventful, and even had some magical moments.  There is a deep, wide valley that runs east and west just north of Cincinnati, I am not sure what river carved this beautiful feature, but the view is genuinely striking.  On Friday, rain storms had filled the valley with a dense, smoky fog that added a surreal, almost supernatural appearance. It was fun to imagine what monsters lay hidden, but you don't want to go to far down that path.

Three and a half hours later we are in the KFC Yum Center. It was a fantastic place to to build an arena, a stroke of convenience genius, access made in action.  It is adjacent to to three freeways, in and out quickly.  We drove straight down Interstate 71 took the exit, 10 minutes later we were parked, and walking to the game.  

Whoever designed the Yum Center deserves some sort of award.  It was built around basketball.  True, it is a multi-purpose facility, but, it is a basketball shrine.  Walking the halls of this wonderful building you can sense the pride, feel the history, and steep in the glory of Cardinal basketball.  In Kentucky basketball is King.  

We have been to quite a few sporting events. hockey games, men's and women's basketball, and the atmosphere at a Louisville basketball game is different.  It is more like a really big party, with people you don't really know, but who are happy to be there.  Cardinal fandom seems to be a brotherhood, or sisterhood, and everybody is enjoying the atmosphere.  Even the vendors are fans, and "Go Cards" rings constantly.

Our tickets this year were phenomenal. three rows up, (my wife still amazes me sometimes, these were the best seats I have ever had at a sporting event) right across the entrance from the band, so close you could see how tall the basketball players really are.  From that close the game takes on a new significance, you can see just how physical college basketball really is, how much they fight, and struggle for position.  You can hear the rim rattle on dunks.

Louisville is a fun team to watch play.  They are relentless, and keep pressuring, and trapping and harassing, and pressing, it is a 40 minute defensive fight, and that is how I think basketball should be played.  It is a game of movement, and motion, and sweat.

It was a great trip, capped by a big win, and followed by a great, free breakfast, I love the Embassy Suites, and their cooked to order omelettes.  It will be hard to match last weekend.  

A change of plans, and possibly destination.

Great News!!!  Gasoline prices have plummeted, they are insanely cheap.  Stopping to fill up on the way to work this morning, the price, after our grocery discount, was almost ridiculous.  Not that we are complaining.

With prices this low it was decided that it was time to move our Space Exploration Initiative schedule ahead a little bit.

We are very excited by this, we have been planning this for months, and sometimes, with the people around here, and all of the annoying, petty, attention to detail ("make sure the rockets are bolted tightly to the side or it could explode," "check the coolant, or it could explode") it has seemed like centuries.  Engineers are really irritating sometimes.

 At first we were going to take off to Mars, it is close, and it gets all of the press.  Who doesn't want to meet a Martian, after all?  But, it has been looked at quite a bit lately.  And you know, if we land there now, NASA will get all whiny, and if Curiosity ever breaks down they will blame us, no matter when it happens.  Man, did they get mad when we took this picture of Professor Dawg.  You can't blame them, really, it would be so difficult to depend on the federal government for your continued existence.  Imagine going before the Houses of Congress, asking for a few bucks, and watching everybody start screaming childishly at each other and then shut down the government.  It would be kind of tough.

Keeping NASA, and all of their problems in mind, and considering how ludicrously, ridiculously inexpensive gas is, we have decided to visit Jupiter instead.

Of course, space travel is incredibly complicated, imagine driving to the store to grab some cervezas and a couple of frozen pizzas (the good kind, maybe Red Stripe, and DiGiornos, as long as you are imagining it might as well be the good stuff, it doesn't cost anymore to imagine big, right?), but the store is moving, so you have to adjust your speed, and direction accordingly.  Now imagine that you were just planning on visiting your neighbor, and all of your formulas and calculations were designed around a trip to the end of the block, and all of the sudden, because you saved so much on gas you decided to take a longer trip to the store, and you have to go quickly before greed, and indifference toward consumers, causes the price of gas to "skyrocket" (a little space exploration humor).  If you just imagined all of that you can see our potential problems.

Considering this, we might be visiting Saturn.  Which would be kind of cool, there are all of those rings, and stuff.  Not to worry, though, we have taken extra snacks, clean clothes, and a few extra cases of bottled water.  It might be difficult to find a convenience store once you get past Mars.

Ideas wanted, can you spare a few?

Wow, December 10th already.  That really sneaked up, it was just fall and now, bang it is the 10th of December.  Of course, it has been very busy, here at Life Explained #lifeexplained) and we are completely unprepared.  As embarrassing as it is to admit, we have not even started our "Highlights of 2014" year end postapalooza.  So, we are going to have to come up with some ideas for the list.  Anybody have any ideas?  No idea is a bad idea, we'd like to hear them, really.  And if you come up with the ideas that will save us all of the trouble, and that would be nice.

I am leaving soon to go home, if you come up with something good go ahead and leave a message in the comments.  If you can't wait that long, just write it out on a sign, and when you see my car on the freeway hold it up, and I will take a picture.  If you can't wait that long, and you don't have a sign now is the time to fix that little problem.

Order your "Idea Sign" now!  Only $19.99, plus shipping and handling.  That's right folks, you get this beautiful, handcrafted "Idea Sign" with a brown craft finish, and three inch high gloss divider tape for only $19.99 plus shipping and handling.  Guaranteed to hold your ideas, no matter how fast you drive.  And, if you act now we will throw in a second "Idea Sign" (because we know you have too many good ideas for one little sign) for free!  All you pay is the shipping and handling.  Don't hesitate, order your "Idea Sign" today.*

While you are waiting for delivery check out this insightful, thoughtful piece Life Explains Music.  You won't regret it, at least not very much.  Tell them you want more from this promising new talent.

*Sign does not include ideas.

The war on Christmas takes a difficult turn.

Yesterday the war on Christmas erupted, spilling onto the parking lots, and streets surrounding the Easton Town Center in Central Ohio.  In, what many consider, the most violent, intense battle of the campaign a rolling front line forced many shoppers to seek asylum in California Pizza Kitchen, or Max and Erma's.  Shoppers were sat in stunned silence, their Buffalo Chicken Burger lay half eaten, and their Yule Tide Ale turning warm on the table in front of them.

Santa was standing at the north entrance to Macy's.  His ringing bell, and cheerful, tradition laden ho ho hos could be heard for miles in the crisp, central Ohio air.  Clanging change was muffled by folded bills in the tripod suspended, red bucket standing next to the Jolly Old Elf.  It was a scene that had been repeated for years, but Santa looked wary, and kept glancing at the tree line about 1500 meters away, as though he sensed something.

Soon he started taking sniper fire, and mortar rounds were walking across the parking lot toward his exposed position.  That's right, Santa was pinned down by a hidden enemy from an elevated position.

This was not Santa's first rodeo, however.  He dove behind a Kia Sedona, the SX luxury model, with twin DVD players, multiple screens and dual power sliding doors.  On the front screen the children were watching "A Charley Brown Christmas," until they spied Santa poking his head above the solid part of the door.   They screamed with delight "look, it's Santa, peeking through my window."

Acting quickly, Santa called in air support.  Soon the skies were filled with miniature sleighs, being pulled by tiny reindeer.  Piloted by Santa's little helpers, the sleighs began strafing the tree line.

Soon, Santa's radio crackled, and a voice said "keep your head down, Kris, we are beginning a bombing run, it's going to be a big one."  From out of the east a larger, slower sleigh appeared, it almost looked as though it had flown right out of the sun, and after a slight adjustment, began to drop red and green bombs down the length of the tree line. The trees burst into flames, and the air was filled with the aroma of peppermint, and yule logs.

A very large sleigh lumbered in, landing in the street in front of the north parking lot.  A noisy, loud bell started clanging out "Have a holly, jolly christmas," as the rear door opened and heavily armed elves, dressed in traditional Holiday camouflage, poured out and began sweeping the field in front of the burning tree line.

In the end the day was saved by air superiority and a numerical advantage in ground forces.  Santa had acted quickly, and decisively to counter a frontal assault against an exposed position from forces of unknown numbers and composition.  Next time you see Santa make sure to throw in a few extra dollars, ammunition, and duplex communication are expensive, after all.

Fantasy Football, A Dream Season.

My cousin, Mike, (in our family we call him Handsome Mike) sent me a poster with the Nebraska basketball schedule, it was a very nice gesture.  In a way, he kind of owed me.  He sent one to me earlier, but, in typical fashion for my family (we think we are so funny) he addressed it to my wife, who kept it.  She is a big fan of the team, and the coach, and, in typical fashion for my wife, likes to do things that will irritate me (she thinks she is so funny).  But, now I have my own, and can look up the next game with impunity.  "Oh, did you notice, we play the Hoosiers next Tuesday?"  I can ask.  I say we, to signal solidarity, my wife, the team, and me.  I am sure they say the same thing.

Earlier this year, my cousin, Adorable Mike, asked me if I wanted to participate in a fantasy football league, I said sure, sign me up. This is not my first rodeo, or at least not my first attempt at fantasy football, anyway, I've never been in a rodeo.  Oh, don't get me wrong, I know one end of a horse from another, but would just as soon stay away from both ends, the one that kicks, and the end that bites.  Plus, there are all those flies hanging around stables, and where there are flies there are spiders.
All in all, it is just a good idea to stay away from farm animals, dangerous things.  And don't even get me started on the smell...  oops.

Anyway, I agreed to join Mike's league, thinking this time it would be different, I would pour my heart and soul into studying the choices, and draft a good team.  Every week would be an opportunity to prove myself, my ability to locate talent overlooked by others, my unique eye for the undiscovered.  I picked a cool name, the Demons, and went on a scouting trip, time to find some talent.

Then, it hit me, I don't know anything about the NFL, its players, or the teams.  So, I started looking into things.  At some point the league had changed, almost radically.  Now there is a North and South division in each conference and the central divisions are gone.  When did that happen?  Why wasn't I informed?

Plus, fantasy football is a real task.  I am not sure how it works, but it seems that the performance of the players on your team are graded against expectations, and a numerical value is assigned according to degree of success.  Then all of these scores are added together and that is how each game is scored.  I think.  Every week is the arduous, time consuming, painstaking task of looking at how each player is predicted to perform, and trading for those whose odds of overachieving are the greatest.  I think.  That does sound like fun!!!

My cousin, Mike the Striking told me that the Demons are in the playoffs.  I suppose it is time to get serious about finding the right balance for the long haul to the championship.  Unfortunately, I don't remember my user name or password.

Don't forget to tune in next week to find out how we did.  Bring your own confetti, I think there will be a big party.

Presidential Campaign Preseason, Where Winners Are Made.

Today, in the Columbus Dispatch it was reported that Senator Rob Portman has announced that he would not run as a candidate for President.  He chose, instead, to seek reelection to the Senate.  According to the article Senator Portman claimed he was not interested in being Vice President either.  He feels, apparently, that he has a lot of work to do in the Senate.  Admirable, to be sure.  Senator Portman does seem to be a decent person, moderate, and reasonable, characteristics that are in short supply in the Capitol.

But, none of that matters, too much, because we, here at the Life Explained (#lifeexplained) Political Campaign Headquarters (#politicalcampaignheadquarters) are not at all interested in people who are not running for office, and people who are not even willing to campaign for Vice President are particularly uninteresting.  We want to know who is running.

Since Ohio is a battleground state (we like to think of ourselves as Kingmakers (#kingmakers)) we get to spend a lot of time being catered to, and wooed by candidates.  And, they spend a lot of time and money briefing us on the shortcomings of other candidates. Information desperately needed to choose the least awful candidate, the person least likely to completely ruin everything.  We really get to see the seamy, despicable side of candidates, thanks to other candidates.  We, here at the Life Explained (#lifeexplained) Presidential Campaign Headquarters, (#presidentialcampaignheadquarters) are very grateful.  Imagine the time Ohioans would have to waste looking up all of the terrible things about prospective presidents themselves, it would destroy the state economy.

Right now there are potential presidential candidates assembling armies on the frontiers of Ohio, massing volunteers, raising funds, building war chests, getting ready to invade the state.  All of them just waiting for the right   It is always a calculated risk to be the first one to announce.  Sure you get the best seats in Iowa caucuses, an important early feast for candidates, but you open yourself to numerous attacks from other presidential would be's.  All roads to Ottumwa start in Ohio.  And you know what state is between Iowa and New Hampshire, you guessed it, Ohio.

Obviously, there are a great many benefits to Presidential campaigns, here in Ohio.  Monetary rewards for sure, but more important, a sense of importance, and fulfillment.  Ohio is still recovering from the collapse of the steel industry, and was hit hard by the problems of the auto industry, and we can't forget the Drive in 1987, when John Elway cut the heart out of Ohio, or the Shot, in 1989, when Micheal Jordan stomped all over that heart.  Clearly, we need a little something to make us feel good.

There is no better cure for a poor self image than hearing about the awful shortcomings, and terrible habits of another.  If that person is a famous politician, with a ridiculous amount of money, powerful backers, a Super PAC, a tour bus, a manager, and possibly a political Juggernaut to call his own, then so much the better.

In the interest of our fine state, the slowly recovering economy, and the sluggish job outlook we, here at the Life Explained (#lifeexplained) State Recovery Ministry (#staterecoveryministry) would like to recommend a more robust Presidential Campaign Season, something along the lines of the NBA, or the NHL, or MLB, or for that matter the NFL, or thinking reasonably, it that is still a possibility, any professional sport.  One that seems to never end, with a championship leading right to preseason, right into the regular season.  It is growth industry, and the country needs some good news.

Big Trip, Big Time, Go Cards.

Today is the day.  This afternoon, shortly after 2:00 we will reach escape velocity, and break free of the gravitational pull of the work week, rocketing into the weekend.  We plan on using the black hole of the outlet mall at Jeffersonville to propel us, slingshot fashion, past Jungle Jim's in Cincinnati (actually Fairfield, the original, not the new, pale imitation in Eastgate (actually, the Eastgate store it is still a cool place, but I am old enough now that I find new things inferior, "old way is better," after all)).  It is a dangerous maneuver, though we have little choice, both of these locations can grab us, pulling us in, draining precious time, and that is something we can not afford.  We are headed for Basketball (Go Cards!) in Bourbon Country.  Two of my favorite things.

I am, understandably, excited.  I have been a Louisville fan since the days of Scooter (Rodney) McCray, Doctor Dunkenstein, in the late 70s and early 80s, Darrell Griffith is a legend in college basketball.  An incredibly fast, athletic demon who could sky, and slam, and ignite a crowd.  Man, those guys were something.

Plus, I have been a Rick Pitino fan since his days at Providence.  His tenure at Kentucky was the only time I could root for the Wildcats.  His swarming, harassing, relentless defense is my kind of basketball.  His teams never quit, and no matter the score at halftime you know they might still win.  They once trailed Marquette 65 - 47 with 5:44 in the game, and won 71 to 70.  But, the most amazing comeback had to be against Syracuse in the last, real Big East Championship game.  Trailing by 16 at halftime Louisville came back and won by 18.  Trapping, fighting, and crashing, they grabbed hold of the baseline against a zone defense, grabbing rebounds, and slamming them down ferociously.  It was a performance seared in my mind.  And, I loved it, my sons, and I were celebrating with each stop, and steal, and trap.

My wife, my sweet, wonderful wife, knew how much we liked the Cardinals, and went out her way to get tickets last year.  We watched them raise the Championship banner.  It might become a yearly trip to the Yum Center, and that would be ok with me.

I will have pictures, and a glowing account tomorrow, maybe tonight.  Go Cards.  L1C4, baby!!!

Storm Trooper Charity, It Is A Lot Of Work

Sometimes, somebody does something so amazing that I have to stop and think, "wow, that guy is cool."  And sometimes somebody does something so amazing and does it with such flair, and style, and in such a unique way I have to stop and think, "wow, that guy is really cool, and I have to tell as many people as possible about this."

Scott Loxeley is one of those guys.  And the kind people at Find.com let me tell a lot of people about things I think that need told.  So, without any more in the way of reasonable introduction let me share this with you.

Storm Trooper Charity, Wow, This Guy Is Cool.

Thank you, Find,com, and thank you, Scott Loxely, you are a hero.

A brief update, for what it's worth.

We are at T-minus four.  T being our Trip this coming Friday to Louisville to watch the Cardinals play, (L1C4), and four is the number of times we have to haul ourselves out of bed at the screaming, incessant urging of the alarm clock, and drag ourselves to work.  You know, I really like my job, and actually enjoy going to work, but damn, I hate the alarm clock.  I can't be the only one who detests the intrusive, blaring, jarring assault of the alarm clock.  Science should really look into this, it might be a national problem.  But, we are here to talk about happier things, like loading into the car driving three hours, or so, down Interstate 71 and watching Louisville win a basketball game.

It is going to be kind of a quick trip, down on Friday, back on Saturday, my oldest son has to work on Saturday evening, and he is very responsible, it must come from his Mother, but there will still be time for a side trip to Jungle Jim's in Cincinnati, and I have decided to look for a "I'd rather be drinking Bourbon" coffee mug,  So, if you know where I can find one on Friday evening leave a comment and let me know.

I am thinking of emailing coach Rick Pitino to let him know I will be at the game this Friday.  He was happy to hear that we were going to the game last year, he even emailed me, from his iPhone.  Of course, I emailed him first, but I think he was happy to hear from me.  I am a blogger, after all, you know.  And I have tens of followers, and that carries some weight.

In a bit of a news flash, Nebraska won against Florida State in basketball, in Tallahassee.  It may not be all that impressive, but it makes me happy.  I might have to email Coach Miles my congratulations, he will be so happy.  He emailed me last year, in case I didn't mention that.

Anyway, it is late, I am tired, and starting to ramble, more than normal.  Go Cards, Go Big Red, and enjoy the week, it is the last one for a while.

More Great News, and good news is in short supply.

OK, nobody likes a show-off, or maybe that would not be completely accurate, some people like a show off, depending on relationships, and length of acquaintance, even geographic proximity could have a profound effect on a person's opinion of a show off.

There are certain times people have a right to show off a little bit, and, generally people will tolerate a bit of showy, pretentious posturing.  Everybody, well almost everybody, has some good in them.  Don't be too quick to judge, it is not very polite.  It is probably safe to say that most people don't like too many overt displays of...  The real lesson here is, wait, hold on.

What I wanted to say was the geniuses over at RobotButt.com have agreed, probably as part of a charity tax write off ploy, or a sudden, uncontrollable, bout of holiday good will to publish my stinging diatribe against the lazy associates here, where I work.

Please, check out the link here.  Wow, I am so grateful!!!  And while you are there read the other articles, because it is a seriously funny site, and we all need a good laugh now and again.  I love their Black Friday stuff, and so will you.

An End, And A Beginning.

December 1st, the end of the season, and a head coach gets fired, and the hatred and blame start in earnest.  It is too bad, but the man has a very nice severance package and will have ample resources to provide for his family.  He did an admirable job at Nebraska, but, his rate of pay probably should indicate that admirable would only carry a coach so far.  There were times when people would expect extraordinary.

Wisconsin, probably was enough to make the decision.  Another lopsided, humiliating defeat at the hands of a team that was really not significantly better than Nebraska.  To be fair no one should really say the Badgers were fantastically superior to NU, but on that day they ran all over the Husker defense, Melvin Gordon ripping off long runs, 40 or 60 yards, (it looked like miles) untouched jaunts into the end zone, and it seemed like the only real threat was one of his teammates knocking him to the ground.  He should thank Nebraska in his post season award acceptance speeches.  Thank you Badger coach for sitting him down in the 4th quarter.  Nebraska's offense could not hold onto the ball long enough to help either.   The storm was approaching.

If that game was an omen the Minnesota game the following week was the tolling bell.  Senior day, and after a decent start, a complete collapse.  Minnesota's quarterback, a very good player, to be sure, starts to look like Melvin Gordon.  Running around the end for 12 or 14 yards a play.  Thank goodness he ran out of bounds.

Bo Pelini did a good job, and I will always be a fan.  It got a little old watching them collapse once or twice a year, though.  Earlier in the season I thought the Cornhuskers were getting very little respect, they were undefeated, had a Heisman candidate running the ball, a defense that looked like it might be living up to standards, and a relatively easy division, in a conference that was having an off year.  But, it seems like voters knew better.  Why bother putting them higher, the inevitable meltdown was coming, with terrifying regularity.

As far as the arguments that say Nebraska has no right to expect better,  I respectfully say, speaking only for myself, I think an occasional conference championship is not asking for too much.  Not being humiliated once or twice a year on television is not too demanding.  Maybe this is wrong, but it sounds reasonable.  To answer the question of who would accept a job at a school that fires a coach with nine wins.  It seems the coaching world is filled with giant egos, and there is no shortage of people willing to take a paycheck that size.

But, the future starts today, and it is being written right now, so I accept the bad with the good, knowing that there will be wins and losses in the years ahead.  But, honestly this is probably the only decision that could have been made.  I raise my coffee cup and toast the future, good luck Bo, I know you will do well, and good luck Shawn Eichorst, it is a difficult road you travel, and I hope you find a great coach, and last Go Big Red, I will always be a fan.